Waking Up
by PlantMurderer
Summary: New Moon Au, An older, wiser, Isabella tells the story of how she woke up, and became the person that she is today, a strong, confident, smart woman who lives on life her own terms. Bella/OC mild but honest criticism of Edward *spoilers through NM
1. Waking

Waking up, a twilight fanfic

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I woke up on January 1, 2006. That's it. That's your answer. You asked me how I got here, how my life turned out the way it did, and I've answered you. I don't owe you anymore than that. So, if I choose to tell you more, you should know that I'm doing so only because I want you to know. If I want you to know, it's only because in the end only one side of the story will remain.

He and his side of the story will live, cold, glittering and false like iron pyrite. I will pass away from this earth and with me my story, but in telling you I can make my story be felt more in its limited time than his will be in all its centuries. I don't have to tell you anything, but you did ask, and that's important. So here goes nothing. Here goes everything.

You know how the story started. I was a girl moving, stumbling, through life. I was empty and vague, like a room in an abandoned house, shaped by the life lived before and marked by the absence of the things that make a room like home. I had my responsibilities and I had my hobbies; I was decidedly unremarkable. Then I moved to Forks, went to the parent who might still have use for me now that Renée had Phil to take care of her.

I saw Edward, beautiful and confusing with his instant hatred for me, but fascinating as he gave in to his desire know me. I was the quiet spot in his world of constant thought, his eternity of sound and static. He was drawn to me and I… well, I lost my mind utterly. No, it's fine, watch me sleep when I don't know that you're there. Climb through my window at night. Tell me that you want my heart, that you'll love me always, then tell me that my blood tempts enough that you may someday forget that vow. Drag me to places against my will because _you_ can't bear to let me miss out. Do it because _you _know best._ You, _who tell me so often that you are a monster, and that you are not alive,_ you_ know better than I do what my life needs to be full and complete.

I loved him before I knew him and filled myself up so much by loving him, his world, and his family, that everything of me became secondary. Mind you, part of me will always love his family, and I do still speak with several of the Cullens often, but loving them now and loving them then are two entirely different concepts. I wanted to be one of them, wanted to be beautiful and perfect. I'd recognized, I think, some of my own emptiness and seeing Alice and Esme so full of life and personality made me desire the change that could make me as whole as they were. I clung to Edward, and to the life that loving him could bring me, with all that I had. I stretched my heart and mind and soul like ropes and chains around his form. So is it any wonder that I nearly died when he broke away?

It seemed so easy. He took all that I was, my love for him which had defined me for those months that had felt like a lifetime, and called it a grain of sand - a temporary thing so small as to slip through the sieve that he called my memories. We were nothing, and over. I was nothing and I was over. _It will be as though I'd never existed_, he said. He was right. For the rest of that year there was nothing of him left to prove he'd been any more than a dream. He had existed though, and because I was defined by him, when he ceased to exist in my life, so did I.

For three months I was nothing. Then on New Year's Eve I wandered downstairs. It was late, and Charlie had fallen asleep on the couch, leaving the TV on. He'd leaned over onto the remote and channels were flickering erratically on the screen as he shifted in his sleep. I walked over and pulled the remote out from under him and the screen rested on one of those late night talk shows.

"Oh My God," the shrill scandalized voice of a young woman met her ears, "she's been an absolute wreck for like ever! A whole month, she's cried over that fool! I mean like good lord! Get some ice-cream and a copy of Casablanca and mope for a night then get the heck up and get on with your life. God! What is her damage! So what if they were engaged! He wasn't her whole life!"

_Wait_, I thought, _doesn't she have the right to feel bad? It hurts. It hurts like Hell. He left me._

"Well, what I think…Do you want to know what I think? Of course you do. You're on my show. I think that she should be angry. Telling her that she was too young to know what love is; how dare he!"

_Wait. angry? Why angry? If she was too young to know love, wasn't that his call? Wait. Why was it his judgment? Shouldn't she know her own heart? Shouldn't I know mine? _

I flicked off the TV and ran upstairs to look at myself in the mirror. I looked dead. I was more pale than usual there were dark circles under my eyes. I took a deep breath and held it till I could feel my heart beat. As I exhaled I felt the stirrings of anger. _Shouldn't I know my heart? Shouldn't I know what was good for me? What have I been doing? _ I had a thousand questions and one answer. As the clock struck midnight and kept ticking in ignorance of the new year, I spoke that answer.

"Yes," I said. There would be no more of what I'd been these past months, maybe no more of who I'd been before that. Hidden behind each of the questions I'd asked before was the only question that really mattered. _ Am I ready to start living? _

"Yes," I whispered like a prayer, " I'm ready now."

It was the first day of the first month of the year 2006. I'd woken up and now, I'd have to take what was left of my life after those months of pain and less-than-living, and I would have to make it into something good. Edward was still gone, my heart was a void, and now I had my budding anger to deal with, too. The sun was rising in my heart though, after the longest and coldest night it had ever known, and slowly I was beginning to see the truth. Edward had done something wrong by leaving me. I could hardly believe that. Perfect and beautiful Edward had been wrong.

I went to bed. When I woke, the world would be different. For the first time in a long while, I had hope.

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Hey guys, this is the first chapter of my AU of the series after the beginning of New Moon. Props go to my suitemate for inspiring me to write this. I appreciate reviews and do a mildly embarrassing happy dance when I get them so please tell me what you think or if you'd like tell me what you think is going to or should happen next, because that would be interesting to know. See you soon! P_M


	2. Stretching

I could say that the sun was shining brightly and that birds were singing when I woke up the next morning. I could say that everything was perfect and that the bridges burned during my long months of mental absence were repaired. I could say quite a few things, but I'd be lying.

The truth is this. When I woke up on the morning of January 1, 2006, I was confused. I was feeling things, annoyance and a sense of purpose, and it took me several long moments to recall why. I rested under the covers, holding tightly to the uncomplicated warmth of sleep. Eventually I sat up, and after a quick shower, I ventured downstairs to make breakfast. It was a Monday, so Charlie had left for work hours ago but school wouldn't resume until Wednesday.

I made chocolate chip pancakes. This was going to be the first meal I'd actually tasted in a long while, so I intended to enjoy it. As I ate, I started to think about the night before. I'd made a vow to start living, but what did that mean? A life is a big thing, and the building of one seemed like an incredible task. _Well, I know what not to do, _I thought wryly. _So let's decide. Who do I want to be? _ A flash of irritation sent me reeling for a moment. _Not Edward's puppy, or his fan-girl, not that to anyone; never that again. I gave him everything and he lied to me. He,_ I paused as my emotions shifted mid-thought. _He left. I thought we had forever. We should have had forever. I love him. Why do I love him? _

I clutched reflexively at my stomach. I was coming apart at the seams. It was too soon. Later, it would be time to think about that but, for that moment, I couldn't stand it. I washed my dishes and then went upstairs.

I hadn't spoken to my mom in weeks, and out our last conversation had been more of soliloquy on her part than a real discussion, so I called her to see how she'd been.

The phone rang five times before she answered; quickly rushing into an explanation about how the phone had been missing for several days and offering a multitude of thanks for helping her find it. I smiled listening to her. _That's my mom. _

"Hey mom, you sound great. How are you and Phil?"

"Bella? Is that you? "

"There's someone else calling you Mom?"

" Bella! You sound wonderful, better than you've been in months! Did that boy come back?"

My heart froze for a moment, and before I could stop myself I blurted out the first response that came to mind.

"Why should it take his coming back to make me feel better? He's not the center of my world! Not anymore. "

"I didn't say that he was, Bella. I only meant that I've missed hearing from you. You've been so far away these past months, since he left, that I had to wonder. I know you're still hurting."

"Mom…"

"Look , my little middle-aged child, you've never been a teenager. Why should you expect yourself to grieve like one? Just give it time and give your heart the freedom to find what you've lost in someone who deserves it. Who knows? As soon as tomorrow you could meet that person. Just make sure that you're ready when you do."

"Mom, I'm not even ready to think about that yet."

"Just make sure that you are when the time is right. So, you asked about Phil. He's…"

We talked for a bit longer, and she filled me in on the things I'd missed in the past months. As we talked, I thought about what she'd said. The idea of someone taking Edward's place in my heart was a strange one. On the one hand, he'd left me. He'd gone off to enjoy his distractions. Didn't I deserve some distractions of my own? At the same time, moving on and letting him go would prove him right. I was angry enough to resent the idea of giving him what he wanted. Still another part of me knew that love on my own terms was going to have to be a part of the life that I was trying to create. What use would a faithful heart be if my love was unwanted and unreturned? Didn't he win either way? To hold on to my love for him would give him leverage over me that he didn't deserve.

_Why does it matter? I love him. I know that. How can she expect me to just stop feeling this? He did, but that doesn't mean that I have to. _

The rest of the day went by slowly, as I tried to make sense of the pain and the anger and the love that hurt to acknowledge. I was going to spend some hours working at Newton's the next day, so I'd have to be relatively stable by then.

Before I went to bed, I remembered the woman from the talk show the night before. Mom's implied definition of moving on might have been too much for me, but ice-cream and a good movie sounded nice. On a whim, I sent Angela an e-mail inviting her to join me and claiming the need for a girl's night. I'd been alone for long enough.

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Hey everyone, thanks to the person who put an alert on this story, you are awesome. I am also convinced that there is a special place on heaven for reviewers.

This was mainly a transition chapter. Bella had to deal with her conflicting emotions, and I liked the idea of Renée having a maternal moment earlier on than she did in the books.

Next chapter: Bella goes out into the world, or better phrased, out of her inner world. New people, new experiences, and a shift of the focus away from Bella's inner turmoil (with the exception of the occasional snipe at Edward) all to come in the next chapter of Waking up.


	3. Opening Eyes

On Tuesday morning I woke up early, and took a quick shower, before checking my email to see if Angela had accepted my invitation. She had, though I could nearly hear her surprise at receiving it in the first place. She was coming over around seven, after her family ate dinner. I replied to her email, asking her to bring over some good "girl power" movies and letting her know that I'd make sure we had popcorn and junk food.

Charlie was sitting at the table eating cereal when I came down the stairs. Seeing him reminded me that I hadn't asked before planning my movie night or inviting Angela over.

"Good morning Dad," I said, sitting down at the table and taking an orange from the bowl on the counter.

"Morning, Bella"

"Hey Dad? Mind if I take over the TV tonight? I invited Angela over for a movie night. I'm sorry for not asking first."

Charlie looked up from his cereal bowl for the first time since I'd entered the room. His eyes traced the features of my face and his face showed caution but, after a moment, he smiled.

"Don't worry about it. It'll be good for you to have a little fun. I'll go watch a game with Billy, and we'll order pizza so you won't have to make dinner."

"No, please! I'll make you something before you go."

"You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to. I know I've worried you a bit these past months. I owe you."

Charlie nodded, and then went back to his cereal. He wasn't going to refuse a home cooked meal twice. I ate my orange and some toast and then walked out the door.

As I got into the driver's seat of my gloriously indestructible red truck, I remembered Edward and his annoyance with it. He'd thought it too old and slow… yet another thing that he'd been wrong about. _If I ever love again, _I thought jokingly, _he'll have to love this truck. _ I could see the gaping wound where I'd pried out the stereo that Rosalie, Emmet, and Jasper had given me for my birthday. I could barely remember doing that.

The drive to Newton's was uneventful, but interesting. All around me, as I drove, were bits and pieces left over from a holiday I'd barely noticed. Lights being removed from store windows, Christmas trees set out by the road, and trash cans full of old wrapping paper were all that was left of my first white Christmas. I'd missed it all. I could feel conviction rising in me, _never again. _

When I arrived at Newton's, I greeted Mike with a small smile. We talked a bit, about the weather, which was still wet, and school, which was unfortunately still there. Then we went about our business, taking inventory and stocking the shelves.

It was around noon when the door opened, and a guy walked in. He was blond, with green eyes, and he looked around average height. Mike was in the back eating lunch, so I walked over to see if I could help him find anything.

"Hey, Welcome to Newton's. Looking for something specific?"

"No, I'm just in here out of morbid curiosity. I'm new in town. The name's Jack, Jack Stevens. "

"I'm Isabella Swan, but I prefer Bella."

"Nice to meet you, Izzy."

"Izzy?"

"Do you mind? "

"Well… not really, but why?"

"Well, I took Italian as a foreign language at my old school. Your nickname is Italian for sweetheart, and as I've only just met you, that would be a bit forward. Don't you think?"

"Good point," I smiled, blushing a bit, "so, morbid curiosity?"

"Yes. I've never been inside one of these places before. My brother is far more the type to enjoy it. Do you actually use any of the things you sell here?"

"No, I'm a bit too clumsy for it. The woods around here a beautiful for a nice walk though."

Mike's voice interrupted his reply, "Bella, your shift is over."

"I guess I'd better go then. It was nice to meet you, Jack."

"Hey, you go to Forks High, right?"

"Of course, you're starting there tomorrow?"

"Exactly, and I could use some help finding my way around. Think you could meet me there early and help me out?"

"Now why would I do a thing like that?"

"Because I'm stunningly handsome?"

"Try again."

"Because deep down, in the pit of your soul you know how much it sucks to be the new person, and because a girl who is nicknamed "sweetheart" couldn't possibly be so cold as to deny me the pleasure of her company for a morning. Plus, I'll bring you a cookie."

"I'll meet you in the parking lot half an hour before first bell."

"Perfect."

Mike interrupted again, this time walking over to make sure that I could hear him.

"Bella, your shift is over. I'll finish helping the customer. You don't have to stay."

Jack spoke up, " No, it's fine. We were just finishing up. She was very helpful…, " he looked at Mike's name tag, " Mike. So I'll just be going. See you tomorrow, Izzy."

He waved then walked out of the store. When he was gone mike turned to me, and asked about the new nickname. I told him that I had to go and grabbed my bag from behind the counter.

I went to the grocery store and bought food for the movie night, and then I went home, ate lunch and tidied up around the house. While I went about my business, I thought about Jack.

I'd flirted with him. I'd agreed to meet him again, albeit at school, but still… that was different. Talking with him felt good, he was funny and charming and I, with at least half of my heart still firmly in Edward's hands and the other half still broken by his rejection, even I could see that he was handsome. Mind you, he was handsome, not perfect. His face was slightly asymmetrical and his eyes were a bit big. He didn't dazzle me. I liked that. He could be a good friend, and at the moment good friends were all that I needed or could stand.

I made dinner for me and Charlie around five, and by six thirty he was getting into his car and heading off to La Push.

Angela arrived as I was setting out the popcorn, chips, and soda.

"Hey Angela, thanks for coming over," I said, letting her in and leading her to the living room.

"No problem. I'm glad that you're getting better. Want to talk about it?"

"Not really, I can't. What movie did you bring?"

"Well, I hope you have a pretty decent sense of humor."

"…Why?"

"I brought "Charlie's Angels", the newer one with Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu."

I laughed at that for a few moments then we sat down on the couch and started watching the movie. It was the most fun I'd had in months. For a while, I forgot about Edward and the pain he'd caused, and lived completely in the moment. Angela, in her near infinite understanding, just let loose and enjoyed it with me.

The most hilarious part of the night came when Charlie walked in as the ending credits rolled.

"Hey girls," he said, completely unaware of what he was doing.

Angela and I shared a glance before simultaneously saying, "Hello, Charlie."

We laughed so hard that we both fell off of the couch.

It had been a great day. I had been happy, but as I fell asleep that night my thoughts turned to Edward and my heart clenched in my chest. He was gone. The thought still brought tears to my eyes, but I had been happy. I was capable of that much. The wound he'd left was still there, but the thought that it had no power to cripple me as it had before made me feel strong. I still loved him, but I was starting to learn that I could love him and love living too. He was gone. He couldn't be my life anymore, but the life I had instead was more than I'd ever known.

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Hey guys, hope you like this chapter, I had fun writing it. Thanks go as always to all the people who favorite / story alert/ review this fic, may angels lead you to great fanfiction and protect you from badfics!!!

Next chapter: More Jack, (do you like him?) and Bella returns to school.


	4. Seeing

The parking lot in front of Forks High School was nearly empty when I arrived. I was around ten or fifteen minutes earlier than I'd planned to be to show Jack around and I was a bit nervous. I had no way of knowing how the students of Forks High would react to me now. I'd been a ghost amongst them for quite a while. They'd seen me at my absolute worst and I knew that it would take time and effort to form a new place for myself amongst them. I'd almost started to wonder if maybe a new school wouldn't be an easier route, when the low rattling of a very old and very small car distracted me as it pulled up a few spaces over from me in the parking lot. It was Jack.

I got out of my truck and walked over to greet him. He smiled at me and then looked over my shoulder at my truck.

"That's yours?"

"The red truck that I just got out of? No, I stole it."

"I can see why you would. It's a beauty. I brought us some hot chocolate and that cookie I promised you. Can we sit on the back while we eat?"

"That depends."

"I didn't know what kind you'd prefer. I have chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, and oatmeal chocolate chip. If none of those appeal to you, then I reserve the right to postpone the tour and take you to the nearest bakery before class. "

I laughed for a moment.

"Can I have one of each?"

"Absolutely."

"You've got a deal. Come on."

We ate on the bed of my truck sitting on a blanket that Jack had pulled out of his trunk. While we ate, I asked him where he'd moved from.

"Tucson, Arizona. It's about a hundred miles south of Phoenix."

"Missing the sun yet?"

"It's real? I'd begun to convince myself that it something from a dream I'd had once."

"I know how you feel; I used to live in Phoenix before I moved here."

"Small world," he said smiling a bit, "I've only been here for a few weeks and it's already hard to imagine the heat, and the dry air, and the sky. Cacti and distant mountains are like things from another world. Do you remember them at all?"

"Sometimes I do, when I think about my mom. She's always been a bit scatterbrained, in the best possible way of course. She'd get lost looking at the sky sometimes or looking off towards the mountains or the stars. It's too cold or too cloudy to stargaze here, most nights. Why did your family decide to move here?"

"Dad's an anthropologist and he wants to write a book about La Push. It helped that my mom wanted to be closer to my brother Jamie. He's over in Seattle, studying at Washington State. As for me, I Knew that we were meant to be together and I heard that you'd moved here. I figured that I should help fate out by following you rather than waiting for our paths to cross once we were older and married to other people. Affairs are far too dramatic for me."

I laughed for a moment before replying, " Oh certainly, all that sneaking around and paranoia; who needs it? Hold on… Calling me Sweetheart in a language that I don't speak is forward, but claiming to have followed me across three or four states before we'd ever actually met and implying that we are soul-mates isn't?"

"Izzy, I would very much like to continue our acquaintance and it would help me ever so much in that endeavor if you would…"

"Shut up?"

"I was going to be more polite about it."

"And I thank you for that, and breakfast. It was very sweet of you. Now, do you still want that tour?"

We shook the cookie crumbs off of his blanket then, after putting it back into his trunk, we went to the office so that he could pick up his schedule. He would be joining my English and Biology II classes. I showed him where everything was and then we walked to English.

The seat next to me was full, so he took a seat near the back and I tried, with little overall success, to listen to Mr. Berty's lecture on _Animal Farm_. When class ended Jack walked over to me.

" Am I going to have to bribe you into eating lunch with me, or will my charming manner suffice this time?"

"I think the chance of seeing this charm in action is a bribe in and of itself, because it really does seem to be rare with you."

"That hurts. You really shouldn't talk to people the way you do; a forked tongue in Forks is far too clichéd. May I assume that there was a "yes" hidden in your cheap shot at me?"

"You may, now we'd better leave or we'll both be late."

"You are cruel, but you are wise. I'll be waiting by the doors at lunchtime."

I was smiling on my way to calculus. Jack was certainly something else, and as I sat inattentively though Mr. Varner's lecture, my thoughts turned to him. It occurred to me how easy it was to let go with him. When I talked to Jack, I was a different person. I was confident and witty and he could match me step for step, no awkward pauses or clarification needed. Renée's voice floated through my mind. _Give your heart the freedom to find what you've lost in someone who deserves it. _

Jack was a good person, and I felt like I'd known him for far longer than I actually had, but the fact remained that it had only been just short of twenty-four hours since we'd met. Even if I were ready to move on, I had no way of knowing yet whether or not he deserved my heart. I was still hurting from my last whirlwind romance. This time, if anything happened it would happen only once I was sure and ready.

I met Jack by the cafeteria doors and we ate lunch with Ben and Angela. I sat back and watched the way he interacted with them. He was different. He was still charming, still funny and smart, and still arrogant, but it was toned down slightly from our usual interactions. I took an odd sort of pleasure in knowing that he felt comfortable enough around me to speak more freely than he typically did with new acquaintances. _That's a good sign,_ I thought_. Friends should be comfortable with each other, right? _

"Izzy? Earth to Isabella, we need you to return from Mars now ," Jack said, interrupting my thoughts but seeming to apologize by lightly touching the back of my left hand, which was resting on the table.

"We'd better go if we want to make it to biology on time," he said. Looking around as I got up, I realized that the cafeteria was nearly empty. I grabbed my bag and we hurried to biology. I tried harder than usual to pay attention to Mr. Banner's lecture, taking irreproachably good notes as though paying attention in biology could make up for spacing out in Calculus and at lunch.

After school, Jack was waiting by my truck.

"Izzy, are you ok?"

"Sure, Jack, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you just seemed really quiet at lunch and the Biology lecture wasn't half so interesting as to demand such attentiveness. You don't have to tell me anything, and forgive me if I'm prying."

"I was just thinking during lunch, and then I was trying not to think in Biology. It's a bit confusing to be honest. I'm fine though. You seemed to get along well with Angela and Ben."

"They're easy to like, thank you for introducing me."

We stood there for a long moment before I broke the silence.

"Breakfast today was nice but, since I only asked for one cookie and you brought me three, I owe you, don't I?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On what it is that you think you owe me."

"My soul. Would you like it now or when I'm done with it? It's that or breakfast, my treat, before school tomorrow morning."

"But then I'll owe you."

"I suppose we'll just have to meet for breakfast every day then, because we can't have that kind of debt left hanging over our heads. We aren't even college students yet."

"I like the way you think. May I have your phone number so that can call if I'm running late?"

We exchanged numbers and then I climbed into my truck and left. When I got home, I went upstairs and did some homework. I studied my Calculus book for a while, hoping to make up for the lecture I'd ignored. When I got tired of studying, I made dinner for me and Charlie.

Over dinner we exchanged small talk. Charlie told me about a noise complaint he'd been called to investigate and I mentioned sitting with Angela at lunch. After dinner I cleaned up, and went upstairs to check my e-mail. I replied to messages from my mother and Angela. All things considered, it was a fairly normal and productive evening, so it really startled me when my dreams that night were as far from normal as possible.

To understand this next part you have to realize that since the night after Edward left, I'd had the same nightmare every night. In that nightmare, I'd been searching through the woods, looking for Edward as I had when he'd left. I'd woken up screaming upon realizing that he wasn't there, and that he was gone forever. It happened every night, though the horror of it had started to fade in recent days.

When I fell asleep that night, I noticed immediately that the dream had changed.

_I was in the meadow. It was just as I remembered it, but different somehow. Something was wrong. I looked around. The meadow was the same size and shape as it had always been. The same sounds filtered in from the surrounding forest. This place was timeless and unchanging except, I noticed suddenly, for the flowers. There was something strange about the flowers. I bent down to look closer and then I realized why. Hundreds of small patches of rainbow colored light were being cast onto them. I turned around so quickly that I nearly fell. Laurent and a row of other unfamiliar vampires stood glittering in a wide patch of sunlight. Their eyes, predatory and red, made my heart pause in fear. _

_Then a girl appeared at my side, so suddenly that I couldn't see where she'd come from. Her stance was defiant and she looked as if she intended to try and fight them. Laurent moved towards me and the other vampires seemed to focus their attention on her. As the vampires broke into a run towards us, I glanced up. Just as I was about to see her face…_

I sprung up in my bed looking around for a moment before laying back down, covering myself with my comforter and going back to sleep.

Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Thanks go to everyone who has reviewed or alerted this in some way since the last chapter. In particular thanks go to my suitemates in their infinite patience and helpfulness. Review please if you haven't or if you think that something is moving too quickly ( Bella's recovery or other things…) because I'm impatient and I might get ahead of myself.

Oh! And Bella's nightmare, the one she's had every night before this new one, is Canon. I summarized it but the full description was written by Stephenie Meyer and starts on page 122 of the hard cover edition of New Moon if you want look it up.

Thanks again for reading this, and "see" you next chapter! (or later today in the case of my suitemates)


	5. Daydreaming

The rest of the short school week passed without incident. Jack and I had breakfast on the back of my truck each morning. On Thursday, I brought bread, fruit and thermoses of coffee, and we talked more about our lives before moving here. I carefully steered conversation away from my time in Forks and Jack graciously refused to pry. We ate lunch by ourselves, exchanging our usual witty banter and talking about books. He loved Shakespeare in the way that some people love siblings, with a sort of annoyed fondness and familiarity. His mother had read the plays to him since before he'd been born. After school, He tried to draw me into a conversation about tennis or basketball, both of which he'd won awards for, but I didn't know much about either.

On Friday, Jack brought a book of his favorite poetry to "feed our souls" because he'd slept in and couldn't bring breakfast. I blushed while he read Pablo Neruda's words. He read as though he felt the words in his soul and that made me feel the power of them in mine. Friends could be amazed at the talent of their friends. Friends could lean in a little and make eye contact over the top of the book.

When I did, I noticed something odd about his eyes. One seemed different from the other. I brushed it off as a trick of the light though, and didn't ask about it. His eyes were still green. He ate, and even slept, as I'd observe later that day in biology. There was nothing inhuman about Jack Stevens, so I put the one oddity to the back of my mind and continued to get to know him.

We met by my truck after school. Jack had beaten me there, as he usually did, and I stood off to the side watching him for a moment. He was taller than me and wearing jeans and black button-up shirt. He was looking at the truck with the same sort of reverence that he always did. Seeming to feel my gaze he looked up and I walked the rest of the way over to him.

"Isabella, my angel of infinite mercy and wisdom, would it be possible for you in all of your boundless generosity to grace me with-"

"Yes, you can copy my Bio notes. Are you feeling well? Sleeping in class doesn't seem like something you do regularly."

"It's not. I was rereading _King Lear_ last night because my mother suggested it, and I got so wrapped up in it that I didn't get to sleep until late."

"Does your mother often assign you reading?"

"Only once every now and then, and it usually happens to prove useful. Mom's good at knowing what people need for things."

"She sounds nice."

"She is, more so than I give her credit for sometimes. She wants to meet you. Would you like to come over to my house this Sunday? We could study, or watch a movie, and you could stay for dinner."

"A movie would be nice, but I couldn't leave Charlie to fend for himself. Call me with a time and directions. Your mom wants to meet me?"

"I know it's odd, but I mentioned you when I was talking about school and she said that I should invite you over some time soon. Your charm must truly be legendary to have ensnared the attentions of a woman you haven't met yet. "

"And you must truly be desperate for those notes be so enthusiastic with your flattery today."

"Oh my heart! Once again she stabs it with her forked tongue! All flattery aside, any other plans this weekend?"

"Sleeping, Studying, the usual I suppose. You?"

"My brother, Jamie, is visiting this weekend. I don't know if he'll still be here when you stop by. If not you won't have missed much. I admit to casting a rather large and deep shadow."

"I'm sure that you do. He's the Newton's type right?"

"Exactly that, but he's cool. He's got insane tastes in hobbies, but he's cool."

"Just not as cool as you?"

"How good of you to notice."

"I'll see you on Sunday, Jack."

"I look forward to it, Izzy."

I drove home and went upstairs to do homework and to plan out my weekend. I was scheduled to work for a few hours on Saturday, but excluding that I had no plans. I tried to remember what I'd done on weekends in Phoenix, but the still painful memories of Edward and the Cullens stopped me like a wall.

I missed them all, though before I'd only been able to focus on the loss of Edward. Emmet, Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle had been warm presences in my life. _He stole my goodbyes,_ I thought as anger pooled in the pit of my stomach_. He took my chance to see them again. They were my friends. Alice was my best-friend and he took away my chance to say goodbye to her. Were they so dangerous that I couldn't even call or e-mail them? Was I so horrible that you couldn't bear the thought of them associating with me? Are your distractions any better? I...I…_I couldn't know. I had no idea what his distractions were like, or if the Cullens ever thought about me, or anything else about at any of them. They were gone. I was going to have to let them go.

I needed to be able to think about them and not cry. I needed to be able to remember life before them in more than a vague and intellectual sense.

I also needed to try some new things. I've told you that my life was like a room in a house abandoned. It was time to start filling it. I knew what I needed, but I had no idea where to start. Jack was nice, and my growing friendship with him made me feel normal somehow. He was a help to me in the moment, but I would not make him my world. No matter how sweet he was, no matter how kind, or passionate, or clever; he could not be my life. I'd been down that road, and I felt as though the blood from my wounds there would stain all the paths that I chose to walk for the rest of my life. Jack was not Edward, not by any means, but something inside of me knew that he could cut me just as deeply and I wondered if I could even hope to survive that.

I'd made my vow to start living a week before and done precious little towards that goal. I looked to the window. It was approaching twilight. It was time.

Charlie was sitting on the couch when I went downstairs.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry? Is something wrong?"

"No Dad. Just something I need to do. Do you mind ordering pizza? I might be a bit late."

"Where are you going?"

"Not far, I'll probably miss dinner I'll call if I'm going to be out much later than that."

"Bella…"

"I just need to take care of something. It's Important but I'd rather not talk about it. I promise I'm not doing anything crazy."

"Alright then, I'll order a pizza. Let me know when you get back."

"Okay Dad."

I checked my pockets for my keys and my phone. Then I walked out the door and to my truck. It was twilight; the safest time, I'd once been told.

I found the road with relative ease, and drove slowly and carefully down the small path that led to the Cullen's former home.

It was as though they'd never left.

The cedar trees still provided shade right up to the front porch and the shadows beneath them looked almost eerie. I got out of my truck and walked past them up to the front door. It hurt, but I needed to see. I tried the doorknob, but it was locked, so I followed the curve of the wraparound porch to back of the house.

I could see everything. The place just inside the front door where I'd first been introduced to the majority of the family, the living room with its entertainment systems and the piano, the unused kitchen, it was all there and just as I remembered it. Leaning back and looking up, I could see the edges of bedrooms on the next floor and I could catch a glimpse of Edward's room on the top floor. Everything was there.

For a long moment I stood there looking and remembering. I thought about each of them in turn, picking and choosing the parts of them that I would hold on to. Alice's exuberance and her charm, her spark and endless love for her family, Rosalie's strength and her fierceness, Esme's heart and the way she'd loved me, the love of a different sort of mother than the one I'd known; I took them into my heart and stowed them away like a box of hidden treasures. In too went Carlisle's faith and certainty, Emmett's playfulness and the brotherly affection he'd introduced me to, Jasper's contented peace and distant but friendly presence. I would keep them all. I would remember them like a dream of how the world should be. I'd loved them, and though I'd loved them because they were part of him, it was real and it was true and they were family.

I walked to my truck and pulled out a sheet of paper, barely noting the hot tears that ran down my face. I wrote them a letter. I told them about the last few months, and my plans for the future. I thanked them for their kindness to me and told them that my only regrets about the birthday party incident were that it forced them to leave. I said goodbye to them, to all of them except Edward. Edward owed me an explanation and could find me when they got this letter, if I was still alive.

I didn't have an envelope so I just folded it and slid it under the door. They would find it someday.

As twilight turned to night, I sat on their front porch and waited. I knew that they would not come that night but it felt right to wait up for them, just one last time. Maybe Alice had seen me leave the note, or maybe they'd come back for something they'd left, maybe I realized that once I left, the grieving would have to stop and the idea of really living chilled my blood and bones. I'd finally said my goodbye. I'd made my grand gesture. Now it was time to make the thousand small ones that would make my life.

I sat there and thought about the thousands of things that I wanted to try, and too experience. There was one particularly crazy one, one that I'd have some real trouble convincing Charlie to allow. It was about as far from the person I'd been all my life as I could get. I didn't even know if it would be possible, but if I could just get a good helmet and a better teacher…. I felt the smile stretch across my face, I'd handled my past as best I could and even there, in the last remains of a life that was over for me, I could tell that the future was going to be one hell of a ride.

* * *

Hey guys, another chapter! Bella got to actually acknowledge missing someone besides Edward. Not to mention the slight weirdness with Jack… Thanks to reviewers, both past and future, and as always my love and gratitude to people with alerts out on the story. Look forward to several more chapters next week, spring break for me means rapid updates for you.

Next chapter: More Charlie, because that's always a good thing, and maybe if I decide that it's time, Jacob. (please note that I am not one of the evil authors who would demand reviews in exchange for deciding that it's time, I just need to spend a little more time with twilight lexicon and their awesome timelines to make up my mind)

There may also be a Jack point of view in the foreseeable future unless I get a lot of you saying that that would be horrible and that you'd hate the story if I did it.

Ps. Thanks again to the grammar Nazi suitemate!!!


	6. Pushing Back the blankets

The next morning started with a bang.

"No," Charlie yelled as he banged his fist on the table and made the breakfast plates jump as though they were startled, "No daughter of mine is going to get on one of those death traps! Do you know how many motorcycle accidents I've seen? They have to scrape them off of the pavement!"

"I'm not going to get into an accident. If I need to go anywhere far off or, I'll drive my truck. I just think that it would be fun. Is it really so wrong that I want to have a little fun?"

"And you can't think of any safer way to have fun?"

"None that would be as exciting, and besides, it would be a good reason to go see Jacob. He could help me fix one up and make sure that it was safe. I bet he'd even know someone who could teach me."

Charlie had to think about this for a minute. I had a point. This would be a way to get me hanging out with a friend, a way for me to be happy. I'd only been really aware of living again for a week, and this would be a way to make sure that it stuck.

"You could even find me a teacher that you approved of and get me licensed and everything."

"Well…. Fine, but I'm getting someone from work to teach you, and you can't ride until they've said that you and the motorcycle are ready. "

"Deal, but if I can find a tutor at La Push to ride with when your teacher can't make it, I'll need to be able to ride."

"That's fine; I'll ask Deputy Steve today."

"And I'll go find a motorcycle."

Charlie told me about the motorcycles that the Markses were trying to sell and gave me directions to the Blacks'. They gave me the bikes for free, and helped me load them on to the truck, so I was heading to La Push when my cell phone rang at around noon. It was Jack.

"Hello, is this the charming and lovely Ms. Isabella Swan? For if it is not I fear my own demise by way of extreme disappointment."

"This is she, though reports of my charm and loveliness have been greatly exaggerated. I wonder by whom?"

"Oh tis true tragedy! It seems that the lady does not know her worth. How goes your weekend?"

"Very nicely, if in a rather strange way. I am going to learn to ride a motorcycle."

"Really?"

"No, I just picked up the bikes because the rust on them looks nice with color of my truck."

"That sounds dangerous, are you taking precautions?"

"Yes, Quite a few of them. I'll be very safe."

"In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I think that motorcycles are death traps, but if you say that you're going to be safe then I won't try to dissuade you. I might pick on you, though."

"I think I can handle you… it… I mean, I think I can handle it."

"Does the change in wording mean that you don't think you can handle me? If that's the case I don't mind waiting until you can."

"But for how long?"

"For you? Perhaps a lifetime."

"You're dangerously close to being forward," I said, grateful for his inability to see my blush at this turn in our conversation.

"And you, I think, are dangerously close to liking it."

"Jack," I murmured pleadingly.

"Right. Is tomorrow at 2 okay? That would let you sleep in and still leave time for you to meet everyone and hang out."

"That sounds great. I have to go but if you e-mail me the directions, I'll be there."

"I wait with breath abated."

"I'm going to need for you not to die from lack of oxygen."

"A fork-tongued literal thinker; tell me Izzy, Why do I hang out with you again?"

"Because you said that you'd wait a lifetime for me."

"Because you asked. That's important. Till tomorrow, Bella."

I was smiling as I hung up the phone. He'd called me sweetheart.

* * *

It was with a vague sense of trepidation that I pulled up in front of the black's house. Jacob had no reason to help me, aside from a crush that he'd had nearly a year ago. All the same, I had to try. Jacob had glanced out the window at the sound of my truck. He'd seen me. _Too late to turn back, now. _

I got out of my truck and met him at the front door.

"Jacob, wow! You grew again!"

"Yeah, I'm six five."

"Try and stop it before you reach orbit."

"Will do, Bella. Come on in, Dad will be glad to see you."

Billy was reading when we walked in, but he looked up and rolled forward when he saw me.

"Hey Bella, It's nice to have you here. Charlie ok?"

"Yeah, I just realized it had been forever since I'd seen Jacob and thought come visit, plus I have a bit of a project that I though Jake might be able to help me with."

Jacob was smiling, excited at the idea that I'd thought of him. Billy looked happy as well. He invited me to stay for dinner, but I declined citing my desire to make dinner for Charlie.

"So what's the project," Jacob asked after a while.

"Come out to my truck with me and I'll show you."

"Ok then, let's go."

We walked out the door, and around to the back of my truck. His eyes widened almost comically when he saw the bikes.

"Know anything about motorcycles?"

"I've worked with my friend Quil on his dirt bike."

"Think you could fix one of these for me?"

"I could try. What are you going to do with the other one?"

"You can have it if you can fix it. Take the one that's worth more as payment. It'd be cool to have someone to ride with."

"Awesome! We'll have to save for parts though."

"Don't worry about it. I've got some money saved up from Christmas and I could probably get my mom or Charlie to help out too, if it comes to that."

"Great! Let's get these to my shed and I'll see what needs doing on them."

We wheeled the bikes into Jacob's shed and I sat in the passenger's seat of the car he was fixing up. He got me up to speed on how his life had gone since I'd last seen him, telling me about his sophomore year and his friends. I listened for the most part, occasionally making comments about my own sophomore year back in Phoenix and smiling at the memory of the last year I'd had Renée all to myself. I think that Jacob must have thought that I was smiling at him, because he seemed to grow more confident.

"So then Quil," he said, telling me a story about his friends, "Quil walks up to the teacher and-"

"Jake, Are you in there?!?"

A voice from outside interrupted him.

"Speak of the devil; I'll go see what they want."

He went outside for a few moments then came back with two boys his age.

The two introduced themselves as Quil Ateara and Embry Call. Jacob told them about the project and they crowded around the bikes speaking in the strange and impenetrable code of the mechanically inclined. I sat back and smiled. It was nice to see him so completely in his element. Embry and Quil were cool and I hoped that I'd have the chance to get to know them. Eventually, I looked down at my watch and realized that it was getting late.

"Hey Jacob, I'd better go. I have to make dinner for Charlie."

"When do you want to work on the bikes again? Tomorrow?"

"I can't tomorrow; I'm visiting a friend. Maybe Friday or Saturday?"

"A friend?"

"Friday or Saturday?"

"Saturday. Call me?"

"Sure. See you later then. Quil, Embry, it was nice to meet you."

They returned the sentiment and I walked out to the sound of them teasing Jacob about his eagerness to see me. I personally thought that his eagerness was more towards the bikes.

As I drove home, I let my mind wander. What was I going to wear to meet Jack's family? Why did his mom want to meet me? Should I bring anything? Things with Jack felt so complicated when compared with my friendship with Jacob. On the other hand, complicated didn't appear to be bad where he was concerned. I was looking forward to seeing him.

At dinner I told Charlie about my progress with the bikes and about hanging out Jacob. I also mentioned Jack. Charlie had met the family when they moved in and he'd had a generally positive impression of them, though he didn't know them well. I told him about my plans to visit them the next day and he was fine with it, even telling me that if I liked I could stay for dinner.

That night I read a bit, bits and pieces of different books mostly, and some poetry. I also listened to some music. I hadn't done that in a while. I still couldn't handle love songs, but it was nice and I drifted off to sleep easily to the sound of an old cd playing on low volume.

That night I had another strange dream.

_I was in the meadow again. This time flowers looked normal, no rainbows, so for a moment I felt safe. Then I heard something. _

_"Bella, look at me."_

_I turned around to see who'd called me. I nearly screamed. It was a wolf, an enormous one. There were others lined up behind it. _

_"Bella, look."_

_The voice was coming from the wolf in front but its mouth wasn't moving. I did as asked and looked carefully at him. He was russet brown and something in his eyes seemed very familiar. I knew. _

_"Jacob, what are you?" _

_"You know. Remember."_

_"No, I don't know. That's why I'm asking."_

_"When the time is right, you will remember."_

_"No, don't give me that cryptic crap and expect me to deal with it."_

_"When the time is right, you will remember."_

_The wolf's form began to change. The last thing I saw before I woke up was Jacob's face, begging me to remember something; I had no idea what. _

Look, I know that you asked me to tell the story, but this next part might be better if told by someone else. He knows me and my story almost as well as I do, and this next part has more to do with him anyway. To be frank about it, I'm not giving you a choice. I don' have to tell you anything. You know that so, if I think that my story is best served by a new narrator, that's how it will be.

Let's take a break and I' go get him. When we get back, it's Jacks turn.

* * *

Hey guys, hope you liked this chapter. Thanks to all my new alerts/ favorites. Thanks also to my reviewers if I could give you all cookies I really would.

Anything at all that looks like it's from the books is. I paraphrased a lot but sometimes direct quotes were needed.

Next chaper: Jack's point of view on the visit to his house.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and review. The next chapter should be up in a couple of days.

Please review, it's really nice to know what you think as the story progresses.


	7. Enter Jack

I don't have to tell you anything… well actually I do. I told Izzy that I'd tell this part and because it is never a good idea to annoy her, here I am.

You are skeptical about me. You are curious but you are wary. I know that. I also know that you are curious about my mom and about Izzy's visit to my house, so I'll try to get to that in as timely a manner as I can. Before I can start though, there is something you should know. Well actually there are quite a few somethings that you should know by now. I mean really, look at yourself. By your age you should know how to tie shoes and count and how to tell the color red from the color aquamarine.

You should also know this.

There was something strange about Isabella Swan. What, you ask? Aside from the fact that she allowed and encouraged all and sundry to refer to her as "sweetheart" in Italian, there was this. The moment I met her I became an intelligent human being. Seriously. Before that first conversation with Izzy, I'd suffered from chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome in regards to the fairer sex. Ask Anne Garcia from Tucson. She'll tell you about the time I asked her for her social security number instead of her phone number. Don't even ask about Rita Clark. That story involves a black eye and confusion between the words "phat" and "fat". Neither term should ever be used in the presence of a woman who studies martial arts regularly. Trust me.

When I met Izzy I'd been in town for a little more than a week and much of that had been spent up to various orifices in boxes, packing tape and crumple newspaper. Even so, I'd heard the rumors. The poor chief's daughter had been hurt bad. The daughter of the flake who'd left town and broken that nice man's heart had gotten her heart broken. _An eye for an eye_, the bitter old women at the grocery store stage whispered, _too bad it had to be the daughter's though._

I went home that night and asked Mom if she knew anything about the situation, but when I couldn't tell her why I cared she just smiled at me in the oddest way and told me to be patient. That's my mom for you. I let it go like I usually did; because mom had a way of giving advice that only made sense after you'd used it. I went to my Dad's study, closed my eyes and picked a random book off of the shelf, _The Complete Works of William Shakespeare._ The actual book didn't matter for once, because I wasn't going to be reading it, just using it as a prop while I waited for Dad to start reading aloud from the anthropological text he was absorbed in.

Joshua Stevens, my dad, is nothing if not a calming personality. He'd made a habit early in my life of reading aloud when I entered his study. When he'd started it was to help me sleep and he'd read everything from the Dr. Seuss to Macbeth. Even now his voice relaxed me and made it easier to take my mother's cryptic statements in stride. Dad was mine. If no one else had time to listen, he did. If everyone else teased and confused, he soothed and clarified. Though I know that he was probably the same for my brother Jamie, Jamie had needed him less for that sort of thing. So for books or for words, he was mine.

As I sat back and listened to my dad read, something about the local Indian reservation, I decided that my curiosity about Chief Swan's daughter was probably just due to her being the last new arrival before me. At the time it probably was.

The next day I decided that it was time to see something other than the grocery store and my house. As I dressed I realized that this was going to be the first place I'd ever really lived away from my brother. Jamie was a sophomore in college then, but he'd lived at home and gone to a local school for his first year. Jamie…well he cast a fairly wide shadow. Tall, dark, and a track star, he's the kind of guy that other guys like me love to hate. That said, he's the coolest guy I know; if for no other reason than that he's responsible for most of the first editions in my library and he lets me win when we play racing games. For once people might get to know me first. Here, he could be "Jack's brother" and I might get the chance to just be Jack.

God, could I sound more clichéd? Ignore that last bit. Anyway, that morning I drove into town and walked around Forks's main street. The sky was overcast and there was really nothing too remarkable. A restaurant and a couple of small shops and oh my god that truck is awesome! I saw an amazing red truck parked in front of Newtons and I walked over to get a closer look. Then I looked into the store window and decided to go in. Jamie and I had always seemed to find places like this when we hung out and explored shops together, but I'd always opted to stay outside with a book and leave him to his element. I wondered if this would be at all like the ones in Tucson. From what I could see this place might be just as bizarre as I imagined the ones back home to be; packed with thirty different kinds of socks and shoe laces and tents that were more complex than some mobile homes.

I walked into the store and I met her. She came and introduced herself and for the first time in my life I knew what to say. It was easy with her. She was …May I say "such sweet sorrow" and retain my "y" chromosome? She was understatedly beautiful with sad eyes and a smile that spoke of effort. I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to know why her eyes were so sad and why the women nattered about her in the grocery store. I wanted to know if she knew the owner of that truck.

Don't get me wrong, she wasn't my world, but I was interested.

What's-his-face Newton interrupted and I realized that I was pushing my luck by lingering. Jack + pretty girl = trouble. So I asked her to meet me before school. Then I left to go home and regroup.

When I got home, I stumbled over the boxes of books and cds that still needed to be alphabetized and shelved according to genre. Deciding that missing my tour with Izzy due to a broken neck would be bad, I emptied the boxes of books on the floor in front of my shelf and got started. Shakespearian sonnets were separated from Langston Hughes and his dreams deferred, and Kate Chopin was put far away from my old copies of The Hardy Boys Books. Slowly my second world came into order. Favorites of mine like the Mortal Instruments and Pellinor series took positions of honor; not high up on the shelf, but at eye level where they could be found easily.

Did Izzy like to read?

That night I sat at the counter watching my parents cook. They moved like planets, constantly shifting themselves around one another as though bound by gravity. When mom moved too much, dancing to some tune in her head or puttering around the kitchen with a cloth and polishing or dusting, dad would walk over, touch her shoulder, and give her a look that said _I'm too tired to keep up with you_. Then they'd fade back into the odd sort of dance they did around each other. It was nice to watch.

During dinner Mom told me no less than four times that I should leave earlier in the morning than I'd planned. I hadn't told her about meeting Izzy or our plans yet, and her omniscience was getting on my nerves. Thankfully dad interrupted her try for a fifth reminder

"Dear, if I were you-"

"Mary, dear, I do believe that he heard you the first three times. Now please stop badgering the boy or he may leave later to spite you."

"Somehow I doubt that, but fine."

"Showoff."

I couldn't tell precisely how my mother was showing off, but dad had been calling her one whenever she got into one of her especially cryptic moods since before I was born. They gave each other significant looks across the table which made me wonder if it wasn't code for something. Eventually though, I let it go and wrote it off as just another one of my parents' odd quirks. This really was after all nothing different from the way they moved with each other or the way my mom claimed to work in "the family business" whenever people asked. To understand how odd that is, you should know that yes, the emphasis is on business and no she's not being clever and saying that she's a housewife. I have yet to figure out what this business is, though apparently I'll "learn when I'm older". If this weren't my mom that we're discussing, I'd think that the woman was doing something unseemly.

Later that night I got a call from Jamie.

"Hey Bro, alienated all the girls in town yet?"

"Hey Jamie, recovered from the effort it took you to find that word in dictionary yet?"

"Funny. So really, how'd the move go?"

"Good, all the stuff made it safe and mom unpacked your room first hoping that you'd come visit. "

"That was nice of her. Did you put away that box of things I left with you?"

"Yes Jamie, don't worry mom didn't see your quote unquote magazine collection or the home edition of your black book."

"You're a good man Jack."

"You gave me a signed copy of _City of Bone_s, for Christmas. I owe you my first born child, this was nothing."

"So, has mom told you about the family business yet? "

"No, will you?"

"No, just wondering. I'm going to visit soon and I like knowing what I'd get into trouble for mentioning."

"You …Abortive rooting hog."

"No, loving brother mine, that's Richard the third. I gotta go, expect me sometime Saturday."

"Fine."

I told my parents that Jamie was coming, and then went to bed.

The next morning I got up early and left twenty minutes before I'd planned to. The bakery was out of the cookies I wanted, so went to the grocery store and got three different kinds then stopped back by house to freshen them up a bit (by brushing them with water and running them in the oven briefly). I made it to school with a moment to spare. Then I saw it. The amazing red truck was parked in the lot a few spaces over. I got out of the car and was about to walk over to see it up close again when Izzy got out if it and began walking toward me. She owned the red truck.

She was sad. Well, I mean she was funny and could match me quip for quip. We bonded over our mutual exile from sun and sky and distant mountains. She told me about her mom. I flirted with her and I told her about Dad's project. We were more easy with each other than we should have been, too familiar seeming to be strangers. Underneath it all though, her pain was real and tangible; I knew it. I was more aware of her than I typically was of people. I knew that she was sad, if that makes sense. Knew it like I knew that the sky was blue and that Jamie would see Hell if Mom ever found out about those magazines he'd had me hide for him. I rationalized it away. _It's those rumors getting into my head._

She gave me the tour of the school and later we had lunch together with Ben and Angela. They were nice to me if a little wary. Ben was nice and he looked me in the eyes when he talked to me. I'd always been fairly good at judging people and Ben seemed to be one of the good ones. Angela was sweet and attentive, saving me from sports talk and guiding the conversation towards school in general when my eyes glazed over at a description of some hockey game. Izzy was quiet though and seemed oddly distracted. By contrast, she was extremely focused in Biology.

After school I waited by her truck. When I asked her if she was ok, she gave a vague answer which I for gave as she asked to make our breakfast meet-up a regular thing. I got her number.

That night I watched my mom make dinner, this time without Dad as he was working on getting ready for his first trip to La Push.

"So Jack, how was school today."

"Pretty good. I got there earlier and this girl I met yesterday, Izzy, gave me a tour of the place."

Mom got an odd look on her face, half way between insouciance and utter elation, before fixing her features and asking about Izzy.

"Well she's horrible really, Mom, the sort of girl who gives tours to strangers can't be any good at all. I honestly think shells up to something."

"Jack," she said in a long suffering tone.

"She's nice. She's funny and she has an awesome truck. She's easy to talk to. You know how bad I can get when talking to a girl I've never met but, I catch myself getting it right with her. does that make sense?"

"Only to a mother, Dear. She sounds interesting. You should invite her over soon."

"Why?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Well …I'll invite her but if she says no, remember I've known her less than a week."

"Noted, Nimble."

"You know, I swear you only named me Jack so that you could pick on me."

"Oh but of course Mr. Frost, or is it Mr. Sprat?"

I left the room rolling my eyes. _Mothers. _

The rest of the week went by fairly quickly.

On Thursday, she brought breakfast, and we talked about books and life before Forks. I'd wondered about her time in Forks but she expressed reluctance to talk about it, so I tried not to pry. On Friday I brought poetry because I'd slept in and couldn't get breakfast for us. I loved Pablo Neruda and it was nice to share the poems with her. That afternoon I invited her over to hang out on Sunday and she in her grace and mercy deigned to accept my invitation.

* * *

Hey guys! Sorry this is late and it doesn't cover her visit to his house, so you get two chapters worth of Jack's point of view instead of the one that I had planned.

Thanks as always to my awesome suitemates and to my readers and reviewers. You guys are made of awesome.

I will give a personal shout out in the author's note for the next chapter for whomever tells me where the frost, sprat and nimble references came from. Frost is sort of easy but the other two might not be. Review or send me a message through my profile to get in on that.

Ps: If you wanna tell me what you think of Jack's point of view while you're at it, that would be good too. We've got a whole other chapter of it so let me know if I can make it better.


	8. Jack Remains

Special author's note at the beginning!! All hail Gabby the Great! Praise Myth in her infinite wisdom.

Jack be nimble, Jack sprat skip the fat, but even Jack Frost can't be cool like that. You got the allusions, you were not confused, so now you stand proudly over all those bemused. You win the day, and that we know so this is your shout out Now on with the show!!!!

(Insert uproarious applause here)

* * *

On Saturday morning I woke up late, and found that Jamie had arrived an hour or two earlier. A jock to the core, he'd risen his usual un-godly hour and run a bit before starting the three and a half hour drive to forks from Seattle. Walking into the kitchen in search of sustenance, I overheard him and my parents talking about something.

"I think she may be it, Jamie," mom said. Her voice was excited, hushed, as though she were telling a secret.

"No, it's too soon," Jamie replied.

"You know just as well as I do that it's never too soon."

"Jamie," my father said gently, "you need to accept the possibility that she is. He'll need you to help him."

"What help can I be to him? Alexandra is dead. I never even knew… it doesn't matter. He'll get his help from you."

"Jamie, I know it hurts," Mom said tentatively.

"You can't know. You didn't feel…. Ask me later, when you're sure…maybe before you tell them. Damned if I know, just, not now."

Jamie was pacing now. What were they talking about? And what did it have to do with Alexandra? My questions would have to wait. The tension pouring from the room was killing.

"So, bright and wonderful morning, isn't it? The birds are green and the grass is singing," I blurted out walking into the room. Then I smacked my forehead. Apparently Izzy hadn't cured all of my foot-in-mouth syndrome.

The tension broke and though shards of it lingered scratching and poking in the backs our minds, we had a pleasant meal. After the dishes had been washed and put away, Jamie asked me to come outside with him. I, of course, refused.

"Jamie, for the last time, hiking is not ever going to be my sport. In fact, I am terminally sport-less. No sports for Jack and don't even make the stupid comment about how I'd be great at jumping hurdles as long as they stuck candles under them."

"I'm not going to make you hike, you poor, pale, little bookworm."

"Then why are we going outside?"

"I just want you to try something, a meditation technique mom taught me when I was your age."

"Why did you need to learn meditation?"

"Because I did. Lord in Heaven, are you always this distrustful of family? Signed _City of Bones_, remember. "

"Not distrustful, just curious. O.K let's go so you can get whatever this is out of your system."

We walked out the back door and he had me sit still on the grass.

"Take a deep breath and let your mind lose focus. Let your awareness drift outward."

"Jamie, this is stupid. "

"Is the Ripper afraid of a little meditation? "

"I'll do it, but I still think that this is foolish."

I did as he asked and tried to let my awareness expand. I listened to things I usually ignored and felt everything from the clothes on my back to the balance of my body on the ground.

"Does something feel out of place? Is something missing?"

I concentrated more on my surroundings for a moment. There was something different, not quite missing so much as absent. It wasn't here, but it wasn't gone forever either. It was like a small thin string; barely visible but present. I didn't want to explain that to Jamie. This vague connection wasn't his to judge so, I lied.

"No, nothing's missing. Should something be?"

"No. I just wondered. Do that every so often and if something's ever missing I want you to tell me or Dad."

"Ok."

Jamie smiled now, displacing the worried and pensive expression from earlier with a bright smile of relief. I glanced into his eyes and knew that he'd been testing for something. What was this odd connection and why should Jamie know? Was it something to do with the family business?

"So Jack, tell me about this girl Mom mentioned to me this morning."

"Jamie, I know that I'm brilliant but I'm not by any means psychic."

"The girl that you go to school early to meet. The girl that's funny and has an awesome truck. The girl you "get it right" with."

He raised and lowered his eyebrows and leered while saying the words "Get it right" and my arm moved of its own free will. The next thing either of us knew, Jamie was on the ground holding his nose and swearing loudly and anger was working its way through me. I wanted to hit him again. His implications about Izzy, and about our friendship, were totally inexcusable. I wanted him to leave.

"Christ man! Why did you do that?!"

"Don't talk about her that way."

"I thought you'd just met her, why should you care how I talk about some girl you barely know?"

"I…I don't know. Just don't talk her that way. She's worth more than that... aren't all women? Wasn't Alexandra?"

"Don't you dare compare some girl you just met to Alex. God man, I was just messing with you! I'm going inside."

"She's not just…I mean… go on. Get Mom to take care of your nose. I'm going to hang out here for a bit."

After he left, I sat down in the grass. I knew that he would forgive me. The problem was that I wasn't really all that sorry. I didn't like that I'd hit him, but remorse was slow in coming. Not wanting to get into why that was, I sat back on the ground and thought about the book that mom had assigned me, King Lear. It was a classic Shakespearian tragedy, picking at the foolishness of people and ending with character death in spades. What did Mom think that I would need from this tale of family betrayal? I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was just Mom and her cryptic advice again.

Having the sudden desire for sane conversation, and choosing to call Izzy in spite of that… hey no hitting the guy telling the story Izz . but… come on Izz not in front of the….yes, o.k back to the story.

So I called Izzy.

"Hello, is this the charming and lovely Ms. Isabella Swan? For if it is not I fear my own demise by way of extreme disappointment."

It was strange how easy it was to talk to her sometimes. I said the first thing that came to mind, things that I'd tried to say to other girls before, things that had been stuck behind the foot wedged into my mouth. I laughed a bit as she responded.

"This is she, though reports of my charm and loveliness have been greatly exaggerated. I wonder by whom?"

"Oh tis true tragedy! It seems that the lady does not know her worth. How goes your weekend?"

"Very nicely, if in a rather strange way. I am going to learn to ride a motorcycle."

This was the last thing that I'd expected to hear. I tried to stop my mind from jumping to pictures of her astride a bike with an intense expression.

"Really," I had to ask. This was an odd enough idea that I thought it entirely possible that I might have misheard.

"No, I just picked up the bikes because the rust on them looks nice with color of my truck."

"That sounds dangerous, are you taking precautions?"

"Yes, Quite a few of them. I'll be very safe."

"In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I think that motorcycles are death traps, but if you say that you're going to be safe, I won't try to dissuade you. I might pick on you, though," I said.

I meant it, too. The images of her on a motorbike with a determined face and eyes alight with excitement were dangerous. _She's my friend, and barely that. I won't take it there._

"I think I can handle you… it… I mean, I think I can handle it."

I really wasn't going to take it there. I wasn't. She made me do it. Her slip called to something in me that was too focused on my desire to know her to realize how forward I was being. I spoke the words that were running through my head.

"Does the change in wording mean that you don't think you can handle me? If that's the case I don't mind waiting until you can."

For a moment and a lifetime I waited for her to call me on my arrogance or shoot me down playfully to diffuse the situation. She didn't.

"But for how long?"

"For you? Perhaps a lifetime."

_Where is this coming from? We've barely known each other for a week and now we're declaring ourselves? Why doesn't this feel more strange? _

"You're dangerously close to being forward."

_Ok so perhaps not declaring ourselves ,but certainly expressing interest, laying ground work for something. _

"And you, I think, are dangerously close to liking it," I shot back. Once again my mouth had beat my mind in the race to react to her statement.

"Jack," she murmured. She was nearly begging me to let the moment pass and I wondered if she'd been having similar issues controlling her words.

We made plans for her visit and exchanged our usual playful remarks. After she hung up, I went inside to find Jamie. We didn't need to talk. We didn't work that way. What we needed was to watch Mom and Dad move around each other in that creepy satellite way and for Jamie to beat me at racing games until he liked me enough to let me win again. We needed for me to find a way to talk to him knowing that I'd hit him over a girl and dared to bring Alex into it. I needed to why I didn't regret it.

When I got inside, mom was sitting at the kitchen counter.

"You might want to give him a bit longer, dear. He's been dealing with a lot today and I have a limit for the number of injured children I'll tend to in one day."

"O.K, so what do you suggest I do while I wait?"

"You could fix up your room a bit, or you could get the old chest out from the back of the dusty, damp, and otherwise not very nice attic."

"Room fixing it is. Would you mind giving me a hint as to when Jamie would be safe to hang out with?"

"Sure Son."

The rest of the day passed quietly with an undertone of tension that made it uncomfortable to be a around each other. Eventually Jamie calmed down enough, and after dinner we played a racing game on his x-box. He beat me more times that night than I cared to admit but eventually he did comment that maybe I'd win more next time. That was forgiveness from him.

That night I lay in bed and tried to think about everything. I thought about the family business and about the strange conversation I'd interrupted that morning and about Izzy and her visit the next day. I thought about the sadness of her, and the rumors about how she'd gotten her heart broken. I still wanted to know her. I wanted to know about her Mom and her motorcycle and the way she looked when the sun came out. I wanted her to know me and to want to. I had no idea why that was.

* * *

The next morning I got up early and had cereal before going to my room and reading until lunch at around noon. Izzy was coming and I was looking forward to seeing her. I picked the first X-men movie for us to watch, because I I e-mailed her directions to my house and stayed in parts of the house where I had cell service so that she could call me if I'd been unclear. I'd gotten Mom and Jamie to promise to nice and non-cryptic, then taken a book and read on the front porch while I waited.

She arrived a couple of minutes early.

"Hey Jack. How's it going?"

"Not bad, not half so oddly as it's been for you, Miss aspiring Biker Chick."

"So, we're watching a movie today?"

"Yes, if you like the one I picked out. We could also just hang out and read or talk or listen to music or-"

"Breathe Jack. We have options, I get it."

I felt my face warm a bit but I recovered fairly quickly.

"Come on in, and I'll introduce you to my family, and we can decide what to do from there."

We walked into the house and found my mom in the kitchen.

"Izzy, I'd like you to meet my mother, Mary Stevens. Mom, this is my friend Isabella Swan."

"Jack calls me Izzy, but most people call me Bella. You can call me either, ma'am."

"It's nice to meet you Izzy. I've heard a fair bit about you."

"I'm sorry that I can't say the same."

"Well then, I suppose we'll have to get to know each other a bit. Feel free to stop in here and see me, I like knowing who my boy is hanging out with."

While they talked, I stood somewhat awkwardly watching them and trying to see both the reason why Mom had wanted to meet Izzy and how they related to each other. They were all smiles, and that was a good sign even if Mom's smile did seem to be hiding something. After a few beats of a relatively comfortable silence, Mom directed us to Dad's study so that I could introduce Izzy to him before we went to my room to hang out.

I introduced Dad in the same way that had my mother and Izzy let him chose between her nick names as Mom did.

"Jack tells me that you're writing about the reservation at La Push."

"He's right, though I haven't made it over there just yet."

"My Dad and I are friends with a family who live there, though I can't say that I know tons about the culture. The beach on the reservation is nice."

"Is that so? I'll have to check it out, perhaps if there's a nice sunny day. Those do happen here, right?"

"Rarely, but they do. When they happen it's hard to believe that it's real."

"Ah, but why ruin a good day with reality?"

Izzy laughed a little before shooting back, "why devalue something so rare and precious by allowing it to be thought insubstantial?"

"The lady makes a point," I said lightly. I caught my dad's eye and I could tell that she'd made an impression.

"And a good one at that," he conceded. Then, we went to my room. Once there, we sat on my bed to decide what we were going to do.

"I got the first X-men movie out for us to watch or we could do something else."

"You like X-men?"

"No, of course not. Who could dare like a series with complex and awesome characters, cool superpowers, and incredible fight scenes "

"I've never seen it, I'd heard about it but Mom wasn't in a rush to see it so I didn't get a chance to."

"Then what are we waiting for? Milady must make haste for such wonders as you have never known await you!"

She laughed and sat down on a small couch that I'd placed in front of the T.V.

"My lord should recall that for the lady to see these wonders he must at least put the DVD into the player."

I started the DVD and by the time we finished watching the movie it was around four in the afternoon and Wolverine had a new fan-girl.

"You know Izzy-"

"-not very well we just met a few days ago, I'm rather well acquainted with Bella though."

"Ha ha ha, I was saying that I kinda figured you'd be more of a Rouge fan."

"Rouge is awesome but … well…Wolverine. That says it all. His greatness needs no explanation."

"Oh dear, now I've turned you into a fan-girl. How will I live with myself?"

"You didn't turn me into anything," she said, her voice gaining a slight edge, "you couldn't if you wanted to. Wolverine's total awesomeness earned him my notice."

"I like living so I'm going to agree with you and not point out that you'd have never been aware of that awesomeness if we hadn't watched the movie."

We continued to bicker about the movie for a few minutes, shifting into a debate about Magneto and whether trying to kill or alter all the normal people lessened his cool factor. Izzy seemed to have a have a particular distaste for him that made me wonder. At around 4:30, there was a knock on the door. It was Jamie.

"Hey Nimble, we need to talk."

"Can it wait? I have a guest and it would be rude of me to leave her unattended."

"It's equally rude not to introduce that guest or to speak as though she's left the room. Isn't it Izzy?"

Izzy looked surprised for a moment before replying, "It certainly is, Jamie, and it's nice to meet you."

"It's redundant now, but Jamie Stevens meet Isabella Swan."

"It's nice to meet you too, Izzy. May I ask why you hang out with this pale slow thing."

"Beats hanging out with some jerk," she shot quickly, then seeming embarrasses added "you get to meet a fair few of them in high school."

Jamie, having caught the insult, replied, " I'd like to say it's been a pleasure. Jack come on, we need to talk."

"If the lady will excuse me?"

"Go on, I don't mind."

"Then, I shall endeavor to make my absence brief."

As Jamie and I walked down the hall towards his room Mom passed us heading towards mine with a plate of cookies. _Crap! Why did I leave an opening like this? I hope she doesn't say anything too odd. _

Once in Jamie's room, we stood there for a long moment. That feeling of wanting him gone was coming back.

"Well, what is it?"

"I just wanted to remind you to meditate like I showed you and to talk about the family business."

That threw me for a loop. I wanted to know. He was offering me the answer to questions that I'd had for almost longer than I remembered. Then I thought about Dad.

My father is good. I have always had faith in him. Mom will tell me what I need to do. If I should take three steps to the left because Jamie is going to run over me by accident, Mom will tell me. That's a good thing but, what's better is Dad. Dad will tell me what I need to know and when. He's never so freakishly omniscient about it as she is, but he's honest. He told me what it meant that Grandmother was dead, or that words didn't always work, no matter how much I loved them. Dad had told me when I was younger that one day he was going to tell me about the family business.

"Thanks for the reminder Jamie, but I don't want to hear anything about the family business."

"You know that you do. Why shouldn't you want to know that-"

"No! Dad will tell me when it's right. When I need to know, I'll know."

"Why are you suddenly so afraid to get what you want?"

"Why do you presume to tell me what I want? I'm going back to my room."

"Going back to Izzy," he sneered.

"Going to see my guest, just like you are going to see your roommate. I'd like to say it's been a pleasure. I'll talk to you later."

When we were younger my mom used tell us that we were the perfect brothers because my anger was just as cold as his was hot. She seemed to think that we'd cancel each other out. She was wrong, because in this moment fire had met ice and resulting steam threatened to form a barrier between us that I didn't feel like tearing down.

I returned to my room to find Izzy smiling with my mother over a half eaten tray of cookies. She stood when she saw me.

"Jack, I should go, I need to fix dinner for my dad."

"Let me walk you to the door?"

"Gladly," she turned toward my mother, "it was nice talking to you Ms. Stevens."

My mom returned the sentiment and we walked outside.

As she got into her truck, she turned and looked at me.

"Jack, are you sure that you and your brother are related?"

I shot her a strained smile.

"Only distantly, I assure you. He's usually so much nicer, don't hold it against him."

"If you say so. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, even if you are a Wolverine fan-girl."

"Hit the road, Jack."

"You first."

The sound of her truck starting drowned out her laughter. I'd had fun with her, and I looked forward to seeing her the next day, but not even her company could erase the memory of the tense moments with my brother. Why did he want to tell me about the family business now? More importantly, was I ever going to win at a racing game again?

Maybe I'll tell you someday, but I can't now because Izzy is giving me the "time to go" look. So I'm going let her figure out how to continue from here. So with the most elegant transition ever, I return you to Izzy's capable hands.

* * *

Thanks for reading this. It's long like woah and damn but hopefully you like the story and don't mind the long chapter.

Did you like the shout out at the beginning? You too can have one if you get at least two of the Jack references mentioned in this chapter. (repeats are possible)

Next chapter: Bella/ Izzy's point of view!!!

Thanks again to all my reviewers and readers and people with alerts out on this. You are all made of win.


	9. Déjà Vu

All hail PVG, and the most honorable Myth for getting the Jack references in the last chapter!!!!! PVG and Myth FTW!!!!! (yes I know the thing about excessive punctuation Myth.)

* * *

I don't have to tell you anything, but because Jack was nice enough to tell his part, it's the least I can do to continue it.

I'll start by saying that when I woke up early that morning I stayed in bed for a while. I remembered having a dream but couldn't remember what it was about. I didn't have to be awake yet, so I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I could feel the warmth of my sheets and the softness of my pajamas. If I tried hard enough, I could imagine that I was back in Phoenix with the warm sun on my skin. Then I shifted, and cold air touched my back like a hand. My fantasy shifted without conscious direction. He was there. He'd never left. I imagined his voice whispering to me. I imagined that he loved me; that I hadn't been just a distraction. I shifted again, exposing more of my face to the cold. I imagined his kiss, thinking about how amazing it was that my body had known so far in advance that he was going to hurt me. I tried to summon the anger that would let this hurt less. He'd lied to me. He'd been condescending. He hadn't liked the truck. He'd taken them away. He'd broken my heart. He was my heart, regardless of what he did or how much he hurt me. Edward was my heart. He was gone, never to return, and though my time with friends like Jack and Angela had made it easy to ignore the pain of his absence, it was there and it hurt more than it had any right to.

I thought about the letter that I'd left at the Cullen's and I tried to imagine Edward's face when he realized that I hadn't said goodbye to him. Would he care? Would I be alive when they came back to Forks? Would he even care if I moved; if I died? I imagined him stopping at my grave and thinking about the pathetic girl who'd honestly believed that she was loved. He wouldn't know if I learned to ride a motorcycle or if I were brave. He wouldn't know that I was angry at him or that I loved him. He was gone. I tried to tell myself that his absence made him irrelevant, because whether I drowned in my own tears or moved to a convent and worshiped his memory or developed whatever Jack and I had hinted at in that conversation the day before, he would never know any of it beyond the records and certificates and stones.

I bundled up tighter in my blanket and tried to let the heat sooth away the ache inside of me. I closed my eyes and tried to make myself go back to sleep; I tried to stop myself from asking why I cared what Edward Cullen knew or thought. Then my phone rang. It was Renée.

"Hey, Bella, it is you right? I haven't dialed a wrong number again?"

"Yes Mom, it's me."

"Oh dear, What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, well, nothing new. It's just a rough morning," I said. Then I remembered that I was visiting Jack later and the thought made me smile a little.

"Any plans for the day?"

"Yes, actually, I'm going to visit a friend."

"A friend? Is it that girl Angela?"

"No, it's this guy I met last week, Jack."

"A boy."

"A friend, Mom."

"Of course, I heard you."

"I'm not fond of that tone in your voice."

"I'm your mother, you don't have to be."

The conversation went on from there. I asked about Phil and she asked about Charlie. She told me about her latest minor catastrophe and I listened, remembering how much I loved her and trying to calculate the time in my mind until summer, when I might be able to visit her. I made a mental note to ask Edward why he'd taken the plane tickets that I'd gotten for my birthday, if I ever saw him again. The frustration that I'd reached for earlier started to rear its head. He'd left the stereo, but it was supposed to be like he'd never existed? What else had he left behind? Were there other bits of him hidden in plain sight? Did I care?

"Bella, are you still there?"

"Oh! Yes Mom. I was just thinking about some things."

"Some things and not someone?"

"I admit it. I was thinking about someone."

"Who?"

"I was thinking about… that woman in Georgia who committed matricide because of her mother's annoying insinuations."

"I'm only suggesting…"

"Mom!"

"Alright! I'll stop. I should go anyway. Phil's got a game later today and I want to make a new poster to show support."

"Have fun, Mom."

"You too!"

I showered, dressed, and then went downstairs to make breakfast for Charlie.

He came down while I was cooking and he watched quietly while I puttered around stirring and cleaning things. Eventually he spoke.

"Still want to learn to ride?"

"Yes, did you ask the Deputy?"

"He said he's fine with it. He'll even let you use his bike while yours is getting fixed up. Bells, I just want to know, why the sudden interest?"

"I just think that it could be exciting. It's different from what you'd expect, maybe but…I've been thinking it's time for a change anyway. I promise I'll be safe."

"I know you'll be safe. Steve's a good man and he knows what he's doing. He's busy next weekend, but he told me to have you get started learning what the bike parts are and what they do. If you know them well enough he says he might let you sit on the bike."

"Awesome, tell him I said thanks. You could give him my cell number if you don't want to have to pass messages."

"I'll do that. How's school going?"

We talked for a bit, not much but more than usual, then I went upstairs and studied for a while.

At around one I turned on my slow computer and checked my email. Jack had sent me the directions, and I had emails from Renée and Angela. Mom had emailed me to check to make sure that she had the right phone number because she wanted to call me, and Angela wanted to know how my weekend was going and ask if I wanted to do another movie night or something similar on Friday because Ben was going be watching sports with his friends. I replied that that would be fun, and volunteered to pick the movie. At around 1:30 I printed out the directions, ran a brush through my hair and glanced in the mirror. I was wearing a white fitted shirt with buttons down the front and a nicer pair of jeans. I looked washed out and a more pale than I'd have liked but I was otherwise fine, so I got into the truck and carefully followed the directions to Jack's house.

I arrived about five minutes early. Jack was reading on the front porch when I drove up. He stood, and I walked over to him.

"Hey Jack. How's it going?"

He responded, teasing me about my plans to learn to ride. When I asked him about our plans for the afternoon he babbled a bit. It was reassuring, in a way. It was one more thing separating him from Edward, and besides, the flushed face looked nice on him. He invited me inside then led me towards the kitchen to meet his mother.

Mary Stevens reminded me of Alice in a way. Bright, welcoming and clever seeming, she was easy to talk to and somewhat intriguing. She was slightly taller than me, with Jack's eyes and a ready smile. We talked for a few minutes. She asked me how I liked Forks because she'd heard around town that I was the most recent new arrival. I told her that I liked it fine, that the town had grown on me in the months since I'd moved there. She expressed hope that Forks would grow on her as well and the conversation fell flat for a moment.

"Jack, why don't you go introduce her to your father so that I can get something things done in here," she said pulling him back from whatever world he'd journeyed to while his mother and I spoke.

Jack's father, Joshua, reminded me quite a bit of Carlisle. Calm, charming, and intelligent, I could see a bit of Jack in him. He seemed, somehow, to be sizing me up though. He let me direct the conversation a bit more than Mary had and gave me more of a sense that I should consider my responses. That said, it was a pleasant experience, and as Jack led me toward his room I found myself hoping that I'd get to see more his family in the future.

Jack's room was nice. There was a bed on one wall, with a small sofa on the adjacent wall that had a book shelf on either side of it. A TV and DVD player were positioned on the wall across from the sofa. I sat down, trying hard not to be nosy and see what sort of books he owned. We exchanged some light quips before he started the movie and sad down next to me.

We watched the first X-men movie. Wolverine earned my utter and absolute admiration. After the movie we talked.

"You know Izzy-"

"-not very well we just met a few days ago, I'm rather well acquainted with Bella though," I interrupted, only half jokingly.

"Ha ha ha, I was saying that I kinda figured you'd be more of a Rouge fan."

I wondered why that was. Rouge had spent quite a bit of that movie running, either from herself, her home, or her powers. She'd also been rescued a few times. I liked Rouge, and there were moments when she'd shown something of the type of person that I was working to become, but it bothered me that he'd seen something of me in her, beyond the fact of our similar eyes and natural hair coloring. I brushed it off and responded.

"Rouge is awesome but … well…Wolverine. That says it all. His greatness needs no explanation."

"Oh dear, now I've turned you into a fan-girl. How will I live with myself?"

"You didn't turn me into anything," I said, letting my annoyance leak into my tone. I wasn't going to let the implication of control slide, not even in this light and joking tone. "You couldn't if you wanted to. Wolverine's total awesomeness earned him my notice."

"I like living, so I'm going to agree with you and not point out that you'd have never been aware of that awesomeness if we hadn't watched the movie."

We continued to talk about the movie for a few minutes, shifting into a debate about Magneto and whether trying to kill or alter all the normal people lessened his cool factor. I really hated Magneto. As sensitive as I still was to the idea of someone enforcing their will on another person, I don't think that I could have seen it from his point of view if I tried. I was wholly unsympathetic towards him, though I did think that his power was incredible.

At around 4:30, there was a knock on the door. It was a young man, tall, with dyed black hair and eyes like Jack's. I guessed that this was his brother Jamie.

"Hey Nimble, we need to talk."

I held back a laugh at the nickname, catching the reference fairly quickly. Then I noticed the odd tension in the air between them. Jack responded coolly.

"Can it wait? I have a guest and it would be rude of me to leave her unattended."

"It's equally rude not to introduce that guest or to speak as though she's left the room. Isn't it Izzy?"

I was surprised that he knew my name, but appreciated his bringing me into the conversation.

"It certainly is, Jamie, and it's nice to meet you."

"It's redundant now, but Jamie Stevens meet Isabella Swan."

"It's nice to meet you too, Izzy. May I ask why you hang out with this pale slow thing."

"Beats hanging out with some jerk," I snapped. How dare he blatantly insult his brother on front of his guest? I was more annoyed than I had any right to be, so I softened it feeling my warm, "you get to meet a fair few of them in high school."

Jamie replied somewhat coldly, " I'd like to say it's been a pleasure. Jack come on, we need to talk."

"If the lady will excuse me?"

I told him that I didn't mind and he responded that he'd try to return quickly. After he left I stood, intending to look his book collection. I was smiling at the sight of some of my favorites when his mother walked in holding a plate of oatmeal-raisin cookies.

"Hello Izzy, I saw my boys wandering off to argue and thought that perhaps you could do with some company while you wait."

"They're arguing? Should someone stop them?"

"No, I think they'll be fine. Here, have one of these. It's an old family recipe, from Josh's side of the family. His kin have dabbled in baking for years. My own family have had far different pursuits. Has Jack told you much of me?"

"Not really, we've known each other for barely a week though, so please don't be insulted."

"Relax, I promise you that I'm not insulted at all. I am, however, getting ahead of myself. Jack mentioned that you declined the invitation to eat with us so that you could feed your father. Do you like to cook?"

"I like it a bit, I've never really learned the artistry of it, but I'll never go hungry."

"Perhaps I could teach you a trick or two in the future. I was studying to be a chef before I decided to join the family business."

"The family business?"

"Yes, that. Eat a cookie, would you? They're better while their warm and soft. May I ask what career you have in mind?"

"Nothing specific. These cookies are amazing. Is that ginger?"

We talked lightly for a while about food mostly and about taking care of "our boys", as she called her family and Charlie. We bonded in the ways women had for eons, and it nice. I realized that I was losing out on some of that by not trying to spend more time with Angela and by being so far from my mother.

Jack startled me when he reentered the room and I disguised my jump by continuing the motion and standing. I realized that it was getting late and said as much to Jack and his mother.

Jack walked me out to my truck and I drove away laughing at my own silliness. Jack's family was…well they certainly made their impressions. I liked his parents a lot, and it made me wonder if Jamie had been adopted or switched at birth.

When I got home I made dinner for Charlie and, after washing the dishes, I went upstairs and slept. I was happy and safe, and not just a little excited for the day to come. I was going to spend time with friends, and start learning about motorcycles, and maybe even start to plan for a future beyond high school, beyond Forks. I slept peacefully and dreamlessly that night, secure in the knowledge that the dreams of my waking hours were comfort enough for me.

* * *

At last, a new chapter! You'll have to forgive me for being late, Finals are approaching and school gets in the way of life sometimes.

So, Izzy is back this chapter and will remain that way for the next few.

Thanks bunches to my new story alert people and much love to my reviewers. You all rule the universe ( well not really but wouldn't it be cool if you did?). It may be a week or two before the next chapter. (unless you'd prefer shorter chapters)

As always, reviews are appreciated. Tell me what you think. See you next chapter!


	10. Life goes on

I was late for breakfast with Jack the next morning. It wasn't really my fault though. How could I have known that the mechanics involved in creating a motorcycle would be so interesting, or that my internet could be so slow? I grabbed a bag of grapes from the refrigerator before rushing to my truck and … obeying the letter rather than the spirit of some extremely subjective traffic laws.

He was waiting beside his teaspoon full of rust when I arrived.

"Oh, How I have missed you! Isabella, it has been too long."

"So…Am I to understand that you are hungry, Mr. Stevens?"

"The lady…I'm sorry. Insert something witty and tell me that you have food."

I threw the bag of grapes to him and watched with a vague mix of amusement and horror as he fell upon them ravenously. When the feeding frenzy had died down a bit, he pulled the old blanket out and we sat on the bed of my truck. After a few moments spent looking at each other and enjoying the morning, he suddenly sat up a bit straighter and said one of the oddest things I'd ever heard.

"I want to guess your life story."

"What?"

"I want to guess your life story. I want to know more about you and I think that this could be an interesting way to do that. I could say something, like that you were afraid of the tooth fairy when you were four, and you could confirm or deny it."

"Is there an option to do neither, like a pass?"

"There could be."

"Would I get to guess yours?"

"Would you want to?"

"It's rude to answer a question with a question."

"You invite perfect strangers to call you sweetheart, Milady; I doubt that a touch of rudeness will wound you."

"Yes," I said abruptly. The conversation was moving into some very odd and very annoying territory so I had to knock it back into place before I felt the need to knock something else.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I'm willing to give this whole guessing life stories bit a try if you can deal with a couple of ground rules."

"What dost the lady require?"

"Your secrecy, anything private learned in this strange game of yours must be kept in the greatest confidence. Failure to comply may result in your abrupt banishment from my most elite company."

"You have it, and the option to "pass" is yours as well. Since you called this a game, we'll make it a competition. The person who gets the most right in their guessing wins and the loser buys the winner a meal; one other than breakfast for obvious reasons."

"Then the games are afoot. We begin on the morrow at dawn."

"Dawn?"

"Are you my lord or my jester? You know what I meant. We'll start at breakfast tomorrow. Now, friendly fool, we must make haste to our lessons."

We were late for class because the truck of Jack's car wouldn't close properly at first. Mr. Berty gave us disapproving looks but we were otherwise unharmed. The lecture was boring but I tried to focus rather than plan my guesses about Jack's childhood. I succeeded through English but failed in Calculus.

My apologies to Mr. Varner, but the image of a little blond child, with stunning eyes and a face that hid mischief, was far more interesting than anything he could have been lecturing on. I tried to imagine what that little blond boy liked to do, what he loved, how he acted. It occurred to me that I truly wanted to know. Jack was such a character then that the question of what he'd been like in the years before I'd met him was intriguing.

I'll admit to wanting him to know me too. I was drawn to him. Something about him made me want to tell him things that weren't secrets, but that didn't usually come up, like the thousand little things that Edward had had never known about me. I'd taken and failed at piano lessons, and won the second grade spelling bee, and blown a bubble the size of my head with as much gum as I could chew. I'd loved to dance when I was younger, holding Renée's hands and spinning wildly to the latest pop tunes on the radio. I wanted Jack to know those things, wanted to know why thinking about him knowing those things made want to dance and blow bubbles again.

Though still smiling over the mental image of Jack as a toddler, I somehow managed to pay attention in Spanish, until about halfway through class when I noticed that Jessica was shooting looks at me that ranged from curiosity to hostility.

I hadn't really thought much about Jessica in a long while. I briefly considered sitting with her at lunch and trying to catch up on what I'd missed but I decided against that. I wasn't all that fond of Jessica and, with all that I was trying to accomplish, I didn't need the drama of having the entire school knowing and pushing their opinions on me. The way she was looking at me was somewhat worrying. I'd have to keep an eye on her, and maybe ask Angela if something was up.

Jack was waiting patiently by the cafeteria doors when I got to lunch. We stood in line and then took our trays and sat at what was becoming our usual table with Angela and Ben.

"Hey Bella, are you looking forward to our movie night this Friday?"

"Absolutely, have you ever read _The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants_?"

"I love those books! So are we…"

"Watching the movie on Friday? That's what I was considering."

"We could head over to my house right after school and do makeovers or personalize some old jeans while we watch."

"How about we do both and watch both movies?"

"Sounds great, you could spend the night and we'll make a sleepover of it."

"Glad to see you won't be bored," Ben interjected, " by the way, Jack are you busy on Friday?"

"Sorry if I've led you on Ben, but I'm-"

"Ha ha, look, I know it's not really your thing, but some guys I know are getting together on Friday, to watch some old games and maybe play some video games. You want to join us?"

" You're certainly right about it not being my thing but since the ladies are sampling sorority a bit of brotherhood might be good for me."

Angela winked at me before turning to Jack and saying, " You know, 'yes' works just as well and it's shorter."

"Izzy, please refrain from corrupting your friends. Angela, really, you were such a sweet girl. It's sad to see such an angel fall."

We laughed and as the laughter died down I looked up and saw Jessica looking at us with disdain. I remembered that I'd planned to ask about her.

"So Ange, what's up with Jessica? She seems annoyed with me, but I can't think of why."

"I don't know. Maybe she's just having a bad day. She's been hanging out with Lauren more, and you know how she is. If she has a problem with you, it's probably nothing you did."

"Who's Jessica," Jack asked, reminding me suddenly that he was new to Forks High.

Ben and Angela pointed her out at the table with Mike and skirted around a description of her personality for a few moments before deciding to go on to class. Jack and I walked to Biology together and alternated between taking notes and passing them, nearly getting caught several times.

Afterschool, we met by my truck.

"How was Gym class today," he asked.

"I'm still standing."

"Yes, but were you during Gym?"

"Sometimes. Since when are you obsessed with me being horizontal?"

"Since when is it at all lady-like to attempt to throw me off with innuendo?"

I blushed.

"Since it became gentlemanly to pick at my short-comings."

"Accept my sincerest apology, but I truly meant no offence."

"Don't worry about it. I have to go. I'm doing a lot this weekend, and I need to work if I don't want to get behind."

" Understandable, I'll see you tomorrow. "

When I got home, I closed my eyes and lay back on my bed. I let my mind empty and my awareness expand and enjoyed the silence that I would never really have with other people around. There was no shifting or footsteps or sighing. I closed my eyes and the walls disappeared. Something was absent. It was not missing but it wasn't there. I'd meditated before, on one of Renée's whims, but it had never felt like that. It was sort of comforting in an odd way. If something has left, it can return. An absence is not death.

I studied for a while then went downstairs and made dinner. After dinner I went upstairs and read more about motorcycles online. I thought about my plans with Angela on Friday. I wondered what it would be like to have a normal human makeover. The closest I'd come before had involved being swept up in hurricane Alice. While that hadn't been all together horrible, she'd always aimed at creating a look that Edward would like or that was expensive and eye catching. I'd never really had much involvement in the final product.

I thought about how I'd like to look. I pictured myself with shorter hair or different clothes. If I was going to live differently then shouldn't I look it?

Was there something else that I could do? Another part of my life that could do with a change? I wanted to be stronger and to have better coordination. Could I take a self-defense class? Was there a gym that I could join? There was quite a bit research to do in the morning and lots to consider, and I refused to be late meeting Jack for the second morning in a row, so I went to bed.

That night I had the dream about the meadow again, but it was different. Where before the brave and defiant girl and I had faced a coven, now there was only Laurent; though to say that is somewhat like saying that your enemy has a hand gun instead of a rocket launcher. Either way it looked like we were going to die. In the past I'd walked towards death, a martyr in my own right. This time, in that dream, I was no one's martyr. The absence I'd felt earlier was a weight binding me to life. I tried to look at my defender; the girl that I was about to die beside, but all I could do was stare as Laurent approached. His eyes were red and he was as beautiful to me as the flames must be to a woman being burned at the stake, or the gleaming edge of a knife before it strikes the heart.

I woke up screaming with Charlie leaning over me. I sat up breathing heavily and leaned forward. I touched my forehead to his, whispering oaths and swearing that it was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare; I wasn't going back into a catatonic state. I was going to be fine. Charlie sat down at the foot of my bed and watched me drift back to sleep.

As I drifted into sleep, I had the irrational thought that I was must have been the safest person in the entire world. Charlie looked as though he could protect me from anything, could banish Laurent from the state with a look because he was my dad, and we lived in the universe where dads never died, never lost, and daughters never wept or knew harm. I slept peacefully. And I lay still, feigning sleep when he poked his head in early the next morning to check on me before leaving for work.

* * *

Hey all, so sorry about the delay in getting this out. All I can say is that now that it's summer, I should be able to do a bit better in regards to the length and frequency. Guys I'm going to need some reviews please, how'm I doing here? I need at the least a "you don't suck" so I know if I should change something.

So… thanks as always to my reviewers and alert people, loving you all.

Next chapter: Izzy makes some decisions, and some guesses, Lauren makes an appearance, and I try to make with the Jack references so that some of you can earn shout outs.

Peace, love and happy mother's day (even if I focused more on fathers at the end of the chapter).

PS, it occurs to me that I might need a beta for this fic, any volunteers?


	11. Taking Steps

"You were born in a big hospital in Phoenix, on a high up floor, where your mother could lay in her bed by the window and look out over the city, and daydream about the special parts of your life. She daydreamed about your first steps, your first bike, and your first inhaler – because with the amount of pollution in the Valley…"

"Wrong on the first guess. I suppose there's at least one trade that you missed out on, hmm?"

"Correct me or make a guess, Izzy."

"I was born here, in Forks, so it was a relatively small hospital, and there aren't really high up floors. There are only 5. I was born healthy and my mother had one of those freakishly easy experiences in labor, so we were out of there early the next morning. There wasn't a lot of time to stare and daydream."

"I thought…no, I knew … Your mother left after you were born and took you to Phoenix, so that the both of you could grow like flowers."

"In the presence of sunlight, yes. You're still a bit off. We lived in California before Arizona. When did you hear the rumors?"

"What rumors?"

"The ones that you heard. Don't be coy. I'm not mad."

"In the line at the grocery store. Make a guess."

"Alright. You were a blue-eyed baby. You were born at home because you were apparently too good to be born the normal way, or too odd, which is what I'm betting on. You put the finishing touch on your parents' picket fence fantasy by existing. Your mom actually did daydream about your future and, lest we forget that Tucson was not that far from Phoenix, some of those dreams probably featured inhalers also. "

"Right about the first part, I had blue eyes until I was older and I was born at home, as for the rest…I pass. Now we'd better get to class before we fail."

I'd arrived earlier than usual to find him waiting for me, as eager as I was to start our game. He'd brought cookies again and we'd alternated between eating them and talking, sitting, as per usual, on the back of my truck.

As we sat in Mr. Berty's classroom, I wondered why Jack had passed rather than addressing the topic of his family. His parents seemed like good people, why shouldn't he have grown up in the perfect 1950's daydream? Since he'd passed, there was a strong possibility that I'd never know.

I felt a flash of irritation at the gossiping old biddies who'd whispered about me around him. I wasn't ashamed of anything. It wasn't a secret. The secrets I kept weren't the kind that old women whispered in grocery stores. I just hated the thought of what Jack might hear, might know, without asking me. I wanted him to know me, but I also wanted him to know from me.

How dare they do this? How dare they paint impressions of me for anyone who happened to stumble into town to see? How long would it be until he heard about Edward? Had he already? Would every person that I met while living in Forks come to me knowing about him and how much he'd hurt me?

Calculus passed uneventfully, as did Spanish with the exception a second day's worth of less than friendly looks from Jessica. All things considered the day went fairly normally until lunch.

I was sitting with Ben and Angela while Jack was getting another soda. Angela and I had been deciding who was responsible for which supplies for Friday and Ben had been making insane and joking suggestions for our makeovers.

"Bella, I bet you would look so cool with short hair, you could dye it green and spike it too. It could be great."

"Short, maybe; green spikes, never."

"Why not? Afraid they'd make you look weirder?" Lauren sneered. She'd been walking by our table when Ben had made his suggestion.

"It's rude to eavesdrop, Lauren."

"And now you're Ms. Manners? Jessica's right, you are a snob."

"And the rest of school is right about you....You are vapid and insecure and …less than a lady, but because I am more than a gentleman, I will kindly ask you to leave," Jack said as he sat down, placed his soda on the table and looked to her with a threat in his eyes.

"Oh, how sweet. Little Bella needs her boy to protect her. That worked so well with the last boy, didn't it? How long has he been gone anyway? Does it hurt, Bella?"

I felt Jack tense behind me. I felt the near electric charge moving down my arm. I wanted to slap her, but it would've made a scene and I felt no need to start up any more rumors. This odd little confrontation needed to end before I decided to end her instead.

I looked her in the eyes and said, "I am so sorry. I'm sorry if you're jealous. I'm sorry if you're having a bad day and just needed an easy target. I'm sorry that I won't be that easy target. Jack asked you to leave. I suggest you do that."

She stormed off and I turned back towards the table.

"Thanks Jack, that was really nice of you."

"For you, a thousand times over."

"You've read that book too? "

"Loved it, Amir was such a…"

We spent the rest of lunch talking about the book and then went to Biology. After Biology grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him to the side to tell him that I'd be a bit late getting to my truck after school. I'd decided while getting dressed that morning that if anyone would know about how to get in shape in Forks it would be my gym teacher. I'd resolved to try my hardest in class, to convince her that I was serious, and to ask after class.

She started the class off running laps around the gym. Usually when I tripped during laps I wrote it off as my natural clumsiness. This time was different. This time I tried to focus on the way I was moving and how my center of gravity was positioned. I focused on my surroundings. I managed to stay upright through the rest of the laps.

Using the same strategy when we played volleyball, I managed to actually help my teammates rather than injure them. I fell a few times but I concentrated on getting up. I'd never done that before. I fell. I hurt. I convinced myself of the inevitability of it all, but getting up and doing so gracefully and without excuse or apology was new and it was nice. My team won, which was nice too.

After class the gym coach called me over.

"Good work today Swan, best I've seen from you all year."

"Thank you ma'am. If you have time, could I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"I was wondering if there were any sort of self-defense courses that meet in the area."

"Why?"

I thought about it for a minute before deciding to tell her the truth.

"Because my ex-boyfriend was really over protective, and I want a change, and I think that learning self-defense could help me get a sense of what I can do, and of my own power."

"Well Swan, there's a women's self defense class that meets here on Thursday evenings at six. Our first session of the year is this Thursday. Can you make it?"

"Yes ma'am, I think I can."

"Great, wear sweatpants and come ready to move."

"Yes ma'am. I'll see you in class tomorrow."

I was excited as I changed in the locker room and ran out to meet Jack. I was all set to take another step towards the person that I wanted to become. I'd told off Lauren Mallory, guessed the way Jack had been born, and I'd done well in what had been my least favorite class.

Jack was waiting by my truck, smiling at me as I fought the urge to dance with joy.

"You know, milady, if you want to break into the happy dance that you're half doing already, I won't think any less of you."

The way his eyes looked when he smiled and the laughter in his voice might have bothered me if I hadn't been so full of my own success, but as it was, they just felt like the shooting stars that turn good evenings into magic.

"Would you dance with me?"

He looked startled but recovered and replied, "Though it wounds me to refuse you, I must tell you plainly. I don't dance."

"Too frivolous for the young lord?"

"No, not at all, this lord merely lacks the skill."

"True tragedy, though I must admit I share that particular deficiency."

"Then, as we are good people and cannot allow a deficiency to exist without trying to remedy it, we'll have to make a point of practicing soon."

Thoughts of dancing with Jack brought memories of dancing with Edward. _Does it hurt Bella?_ Yes, even when I'm Izzy, when I'm with my friends, it hurts. I had to leave.

"Or perhaps not so soon," Jack said hesitantly.

"Someday, I promise. In the meantime if an inability to dance is the greatest of my faults, I will count myself as virtuous as any saint, and you just as noble."

"Well said."

"I...I'm going to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"And hear me too, I suspect."

On the way home I fought the memories and feelings that would make it hard for me to focus on the road. Once there, I had no more incentive to hold them back. My arms moved of their own accord, holding myself together. I'd felt beautiful and graceful as I stood on his feet and he swept around the room like every little girl's fantasy made real. I'd felt his love for me like a tangible force. I'd felt safe. How stupid had I been? Had any part of that been real? Looking back on the night at the prom was hard because I knew that if he'd lied about big thing like love, who could say for sure that anything he'd said had been true? He'd been the first boy to call me beautiful. He'd said and done some of the sweetest things, and it was all a lie. So what did that make me?

I was working towards becoming this person who was everything that I hadn't given myself the chance to be, and confidence needed to be a part of that. I got out of my truck and went inside and up to my room. I needed my mom. I used the speed dial on my cell phone and a moment later Mom was greeting me with every bit of her usual enthusiasm.

"Hey Mom, I was wondering if you could help me with something."

"What is it?"

"Angela and I are doing makeovers on Friday afternoon and I want to change my look for more than one day. I think that it would help me gain some confidence. Do you have any suggestions?"

We talked for a while and Mom suggested some colors that might look good on me, and told me that she'd gotten me a couple of new outfits for Christmas that were probably somewhere in Charlie's house. She also said that she'd put some money in my account so that I could go shopping.

"Promise that you'll take before and after pictures! It's so nice to hear that you're acting your age for once. You never seem to have enough fun in your life."

"With you around, I've always had more than enough fun. I'll definitely take before and after pictures. Thank you so much for this."

The rest of the evening went smoothly. At dinner, I talked to Charlie about the self-defense group, and he thought that it was great idea. I also asked about the outfits that Mom had sent me and he told me that he'd put the box in my closet.

I went upstairs and looked through the box. There were three new shirts, a pair of dark jeans, and some brightly colored accessories. They were perfect. Everything fit, despite the weight I'd lost over the past months. The shirts were warmer tones, different from the dark blues and winter tones I'd favored recently. There was a white fitted shirt with quarter length sleeves and a red sash beneath bust that tied into a bow on the back, a simple green button up shirt, and a short-sleeved black message t-shirt with a red heart on it. The words "Daddy's Girl" were printed in white cursive at the bottom. The short-sleeved shirt was big enough to wear a long sleeved shirt under it.

I was off to an early start on my makeover and it felt amazing. Trying on my new outfits helped to make the idea of the person that I was going to feel real and attainable. I spent the rest of the evening going back and forth between studying and going through my closet; making decisions about what I liked and what I didn't, and trying to think about what the sort of girl I was trying to become would want to wear. It was tiring and I only really enjoyed it because it was such an important part of my mission, but there was no denying the odd sense of power I felt as I did it.

* * *

Hey guys! I'd like to take the opportunity to announce and to thank the new Beta for this fic (drum roll please) Myth !!! She volunteered because I suck at editing and because she rules the known universe.

There's a Jack reference and a reference to a book in this one. If you tell me either the jack reference or which non-twilight book is referenced in this chapter, you will get a special shout out at the beginning of the next chapter. (Hint: For you a thousand times over)

Thanks to all readers, reviewers, and alert people. Stay cool, and I'll try to update again by the end of the week.


	12. Getting Closer

Bow down before the champions of last chapter: LookOnTheBrightSide and Myth!!!! Both of them got the reference to the non-twilight book in chapter 11. It was _The Kite Runner_ by Khaled Hosseini. Last but not least PVG for the Jack reference.

Myth gets a second round of applause for coming up with an unintentional Jack reference (Jack Lemmon an actor from the 1950s). The intentional one was a "Jack of all trades" ( Izzy/Bella jokes that he's missed at least one near the beginning of the chapter). PVG, our third champion got that one.

Please feel free to bask in the glow of champions of chapter 11 for a moment before continuing and reading the chapter. :)

* * *

I brought bagels and fruit for breakfast that morning. Jack and I were sitting on the back of my truck and eating while he tried to figure out how to phrase his next guess.

"You were a good baby and your mother was a free spirit. She held you in one arm so that she could pick things up and introduce the world to you, one flower and pretty stone at a time. Your father didn't do that. He held you and watched your mother's features move in new ways on your little face and tried to find traces of himself beside those features. It's part of the reason why it took you so long to love this place. Here, you had to find the pretty things on your own."

I had to think about it for a moment. These were things that I couldn't remember so I had to say yes or no based on what I knew of myself and my parents. I pictured them doing what he'd said and my heart nearly broke for Charlie. Imagining him sitting there looking for proof of his and my mother's whirlwind romance in my face was painful. It made me slightly grateful for the fact that a child with both Edward's and my features was more than impossible.

"That sounds right. You were a happy little baby boy. Your brother, mischievous enough without the excuse of the terrible twos, took your toys and messed with you. You father made up for it, letting you crawl around his study. You had a front row seat in a high chair while your mom made dinner every night. They read to you, poetry mostly, because your attention span wouldn't allow for much more at first."

"You're partly right. My brother wasn't half as bad as you think he was. My father didn't have a study at home until I was older. He worked a lot when I was an infant, going overseas to observe different cultures. My maternal grandparents lived with us at the time and let me crawl around the guest room. My mother had more work with the family business then too, so my grandparents did more of the cooking dinner and reading. You never met your grandparents."

"How could you know that?"

He froze for a moment before recovering.

"I guessed, how else? So what are you doing after school today?"

"A shift at Newtons, then some studying. Why?"

"Just wondering. I was going to invite you over to study for the Biology quiz next week."

"I could call you after my shift and we could go try it over the phone."

"That sounds good."

We cleaned up the remains of breakfast and went to class. My mind wandered to Jack's family. Thinking of his childhood, I'd never entertained the idea that his parents had been anything but doting and over involved. His grandparents sounded nice enough, but why would his father volunteer to be so far from home with two young sons to take care of? His mother and her family business were also rather intriguing. Even if a father could stand to leave his young sons for work, shouldn't a mother want to be closer? Mine had.

Then again, who was I to judge? People worked when they needed to, whether or not it was convenient. I couldn't make assumptions about his family based on the fact that they'd worked more when he was younger. What was this family business though? All I knew so far was that it was probably not a restaurant. I also knew that it was either tiring or time consuming, because his grandparents had had to look after them. I resolved to ask Jack at lunch, then the bell rang and I went to Calculus.

Spanish started the same way it had for the first two days of the week, with Jessica Stanley practicing her glare on me. I remembered my encounter with Lauren the day before. I remembered my plans to start learning to ride a motorcycle and to take that self-defense class. Girls who talk back to witches like Lauren, and ride bikes, and kick butts, don't typically just sit there and deal with the annoying little something or others who glare at them in Spanish class for no apparent reason. I'd heard the saying, "be the change you want to see in the world" but I decided that it was time to be the change I wanted to see in myself. I waited until the exact moment when the bell rang to turn to Jessica and promptly ask...

"What is your problem with me?"

"What?"

"You've been glaring at me on and off for two days. Lauren said you called me a snob. I haven't spoken to you in months so I don't see how you could be mad at me."

"You don't see? You must be blind Bella."

She tried to storm out dramatically but I followed her.

"I'm not blind but you might be crazy. Look, I'll apologize if I've offended you but I genuinely can't see how I have."

"You've ignored me and Mike, and nearly everyone else here for months and now you just decide to wake up again and suddenly Angela and Ben don't hang out with us anymore and Tyler keeps shooting longing glances at your table. It's all about you all the time and I am sick of it."

"I don't control anyone but myself. I'm sorry I ignored you, I was in pain. My boyfriend left me and it hurt like hell. Don't you know how that feels?"

"Yeah, I get that but-"

"But nothing. If you really understand, from one woman to another, then that should be it. No jealousy or petty little girl stuff. Now do you want to sit with us at lunch? There's plenty of room."

She looked at me for a long moment with surprise and something like respect in her eyes before answering.

"Rain check?"

"Anytime. Now let's go, we're a little more than fashionably late."

We walked to lunch together and chatted amiably as we got our trays before separating and going to our own tables.

"Izzy, we've missed you."

"Is that so? Guys, what does he need?"

" Nothing, absolutely nothing. Why should he need anything?" Ben asked, trying and failing at showing loyalty to a fellow man.

"The study guide from Mr. Berty's class," Angela answered with a smile. I pulled it out of my backpack and handed it to him with a smile.

"So, you and Jessica are civil again," Angela pointed out.

"We are. It was stupid really. We just needed to talk."

"Good. Have you decided whether or not to get your hair cut for the makeover? I was thinking that if you were going to do it you should probably get it done before Friday so that we could play with different styles."

"Good thinking. I'm just not quite sure that I want to. Jack what do you think?"

"I really don't think that you're capable of looking unattractive. It might make you feel the change a bit more if you do though. Do what you what you want, Izzy. If you're going to be a noblewoman, you must play the part."

"I look down to no one," I replied, catching the reference and shooting him a warm smile.

"So what will it be?"

"I guess you'll see soon."

"How soon," Angela asked, drawing my attention away from Jack, "because I was thinking about getting mine trimmed and we could go together."

"Tomorrow, afterschool for the hair. I was also thinking about going to Port Angeles on Sunday to finish the style portion of my makeover. Do you want come with me, or will you be too sick of me by then?"

"Yes! I mean to the hair and the shopping. It's nice hanging out with you."

We bantered and planned our way through the rest of lunch then parted ways and went to class. Biology was actually almost interesting that day, because we were doing a lab, and I could have really gotten into it but for the odd way that Jack was looking at me. He seemed to be almost looking through me, and I wondered if he was trying to imagine me after my makeover. I remembered his comment from lunch. He'd said, essentially, that I looked attractive.

Compliments from Jack weren't at all rare, but this one felt different. This one had been straightforward and in front of our friends. This one felt real. It was nice and sort of healing to be complimented on the "before" image. It made it hurt less that Edward might have lied about how attractive he found me.

After Biology I turned to make my way towards the gym when Jack called me back.

"What is it?"

"Just…Izzy I won't tell you not to change, because you have every right to be whoever you'd like to be. I just want to ask that you to… don't throw out any of the good parts, if that makes sense."

"It makes perfect sense; the best kind possible."

I could have kissed him, at that exact moment, there in the hallway for all and sundry to see and comment on. As it was, I just told him that I had to go and asked him to meet me by my truck after school.

I had another wonderful day in Gym. After my win the day before, people actually encouraged their team captains to pick me. I was so excited about being picked that I let myself have fun. I still had to watch the way I moved, but being more relaxed helped a lot. I was looking forward to the women's self-defense class more now that I knew that my balance was under relative control.

After Gym, I ran to meet Jack by my truck. He looked exactly the way he had when I'd left him in the hallway and I hugged him before I could make myself stop and think. He responded instantly and, unlike the spark of touching Edward for the first few times, I felt warm. It was like the sun had taken up residence in my heart.

"What was that for?" Jack asked after I released him.

"What you said in cafeteria and in the hallway earlier. Truly you must be the kindest of lords, and I, the most fortunate of ladies."

"My thanks. I was raised well."

"I forgot to ask earlier, you're mom mentioned a family business, may I ask what it is?"

"You may ask."

"But will you answer?"

"I would if I could, but I don't know. It's sort of a rite of passage in my family. We learn what it is "when it's time" or so my mother says. My brother tried to tell me on Sunday, but I wouldn't let him."

"When did he find out?"

"Mom told him a couple of years ago, after he met Alexandra, his first serious girlfriend. If you're going to work today, we should probably part ways. I'd hate to talk you out of a paycheck."

"Good point."

I got into my car and drove to Newtons. It was a good evening at work. Mike asked how I'd been and I could reply honestly that I'd been great. I was reminded of how generally nice a guy he was, and it wasn't bad working with him when he refrained from making random comments about "that new guy" as he consistently referred to Jack.

After work I went home and made dinner for Charlie, making too much on purpose just in case I was too busy with getting my hair done and taking the self-defense course to cook dinner the next day.

I called Jack and we studied for a while before the activity of the day finally caught up with me and it was time to go to bed. As I went to sleep, I remembered Jack and my conversation with him earlier. I remembered Alexandra.

I had an odd dream that night. I was in the dance studio in Phoenix. It looked exactly as it had before the fight with James, nothing broken or burned. the lights were off and the moonlight reflecting on the mirrors made the room seem haunting and endless. Strange bits of newspaper were covering the floor and fragments of scenes from a life other than my own flickered occasionally in the reflections of the archways dividing the mirrors. It was as silent as a grave. I reached down and picked up the only full page that I could find. It wasn't a cover page, but the girl in the picture beside the article was so pretty, with her dark hair and delicate features, that I wondered why it wasn't. Then I read the first sentences of the article.

"_Alexandra Abdima, aged 17, died today in an alcohol related automobile accident at around ten yesterday accident occurred while…" _

I woke up gasping for breath and feeling beginnings of sympathy for one Jamie Stevens.

* * *

Hey guys, it's late but it's here! No jack references, but there is a reference to a movie. (Hint: if you're going to be a noble woman, you must play the part). If you name the movie or tell me why Alexandra has the last name that she does (hint: it's Aramaic for ____) you will get a special shout out in the next update.

Thanks to all my readers and alert people, and the people who added this to their favorites lists. You guys are great. As for you lovely individuals

Thanks again to Myth, for making this story Beta (bad pun, deal with it)

Next chapter: Cutting, Beating, Guessing and more


	13. Shaping up

We only have the one Champion for last chaper: Myth! Myth got the movie reference: Ever After. Gustav says that line to Danielle early in the movie. Alexandra's last name "Abdima" is Aramaic for "Loss or destruction". That was a tricky one, sorry about that. So… Cheers for the Champion and on with the show.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I did was look up the news story from Alexandra's accident online. The dream had been accurate, even quoting the news story verbatim. She'd been a seventeen year old high school senior, and she'd been visiting a cousin in Phoenix. They'd gone out clubbing and had been coming home early when the drunk driver had hit them. She'd been the designated driver and had been killed instantly. The article went on to form some argument about some law that someone wanted to pass but the color picture of the girl on the online article, with perfect blue eyes and the dark brown hair and the tan speaking of days spent in the sun, who could care about a law? And who could care about a moment's rudeness, when it came from the boy who'd lost her?

Awash in an odd sort of horror that I couldn't explain feeling, I sat down on my bed and tried to meditate so that I could pay attention to the game of guessing life stories when I went to meet Jack. Taking deep breaths, I let my awareness pulse outward with my heart beat. The walls disappeared and once again I felt that strange something that was absent. I focused on it, trying to find the shape of it, wondering why I'd never felt an absence before. For my trouble, all I felt was a vague pull towards it like thin string at the edge of my consciousness. I kept focus on it, but stopped questioning it and it helped me let go of some of the surplus emotion.

I got dressed and went to the mirror before grabbing my camera and using the timer function to take the before picture for my makeover. Since it was Jack's day to bring breakfast, I just grabbed my keys and my bag and left.

* * *

It was raining that morning so, much to Jack's delight, we ate breakfast in the cab of my truck. He looked at the wound where the stereo had been but he didn't ask. I was thankful for that.

"This truck at this school is a god among insects! It shames me truly that we've such common fare to feast upon within it."

" If brownies and hot chocolate are common, then I refuse to be thought a lady and you milord have no business in my humble home. Out into the rain with you!"

"Then they are delicacies and I am ashamed for thinking them otherwise."

"Make your guess or shut your mouth, young lord, your shame exhausts me. "

"And that fact shames me further. You were in Forks when you took your first steps. You were outside, sitting on the ground while your father was talking to a friend. There was a patch of sun a few feet away from you and you got up and walked to stand in it like you'd done it a thousand times before."

"Have you been talking to my parents behind my back?"

"No, I've always been a pretty good guesser. Besides, you said that I was right yesterday about the fact that your mother introduced the world to you, right?"

"Yes."

"So, as long as she was around, you never needed to walk because she was doing it for you. It makes sense that you took your first steps in her absence. Now, guess."

"By the time you started walking, your parents had managed to schedule things so that they could be at home more. You ran first, I think, probably zipping after your brother one day when his little adventures got enough of your attention to make you want to go with him. You were a vegetable kid. You liked peas better than grapes for a long time, then you discovered sugar and that particular love affair continues to this day."

"I didn't run first. I learned to walk like most people did, but I did follow my brother with my first steps. Didn't stop following him for quite a while. You're guessing things under the assumption that I'm weird."

"Am I right?"

"Yes, I did like vegetables more than fruit as an infant."

"So either you are a different sort of lord or I am simply quite lucky."

"I suppose that after today you will be a different sort of lady."

"I'll have you know, young lord, that I already am," I said looking into his eyes and smirking before returning to my brownie.

"You didn't have many friends growing up, at least not many here. Your visits must have decreased as you got older. Before you ask, if that wasn't true then you wouldn't be the last new person in town before me, and the people here wouldn't find you so interesting."

"You didn't have many friends growing up period; probably just classroom acquaintances, and your brother, possibly a few guys from afterschool clubs. Before you ask, your mother's reaction to your bringing a friend home, the fact that you ask to do things like guess life stories, and lack of disapproval in your tone when you said that I didn't, are all signs that point to you having very few close friends growing up."

"Were you lonely?"

"Sometimes, I guess, not often. I had my mom, and Jane Austen. That's more than enough company outside of school. Were you?"

"Between my brother and Shakespeare, and the rest of my family for that matter, I never wanted for much. It's nice though, being social and making long-term connections, hanging out like this? It's different but it's good."

I nodded, taking a deep sip of my hot chocolate and enjoying the moment. The rain had picked up and the water washing down the windows blurred the world outside. It was very intimate seeming and I blushed lightly realizing how much closer everything seemed. I suggested going on to class, even though we had a few minutes before we actually needed to leave. He got out of the truck and ran around to open my door and hold an umbrella over my head. I pulled out my own umbrella, needing the space.

We got to class early, so Jack took the seat next to me. It was hard but I managed to focus on what Mr. Berty was saying for once. The morning seemed to creep by slowly, as if to spite me for my anticipation of my plans that evening. I'd thought that I was going to go absolutely insane when finally the bell rang, releasing us to go to lunch.

When I reached the cafeteria, I noticed that Jack and Ben weren't at our usual table. I got my tray and sat down asking Angela where they were.

"Ben is introducing Jack to some of the guys they'll be hanging out with tomorrow. He figures that it'll be less awkward if everyone at least knows who he is."

"That makes sense. So it's just us today?"

"Yeah, so, have you started applying to colleges yet?"

"Not really, I'm a bit behind. I'll probably get started on it this weekend."

We talked about the future and I tried not to think about why I hadn't applied to college already. Near the end of lunch we made plans to meet at the hair salon about twenty minutes after school. Since it was a ten minute drive to the salon from school, I'd still have time to talk to Jack.

There was a distinct lack of note passing during Biology. We just exchanged smiles at the beginning and after class he asked if he could still meet me by my truck or if I'd be too busy . I told him that, yes, he could meet me, and then I went on to Gym.

It was fun. I was picked as a captain for one of the teams and I admit to nearly asking the teacher if she was sure when she called me up to pick my team members. We lost, but it was a close match and everyone involved went back to the locker rooms gushing about some of the more spectacular spikes and saves from the game, one or two of which were mine.

"Jack! It's been so long. Did you have a nice time on that cruise with Rose? I heard that it was a bit of a fail, something about someone having issues breaking the ice but rumors these days-"

"So unreliable, I know. I heard that you were a red headed computer enthusiast from an old anime show but that can't be right either."

"How long have you been waiting to use that?"

"Since yesterday when my mother suggested that I might find a few youtube clips interesting."

We stood looking at each other, standing under our separate umbrellas and maintaining extremely straight faces. I'm proud to say that he cracked first. People on the other side of the parking lot gave us funny looks as we nearly fell over laughing at our own dumb jokes.

"So, how'd it go meeting the other guys today?"

"It was acceptable. Mike Newton seems to dislike me for some reason, but he was civil. Tyler and some of the other guys are rather more to my liking."

"So Angela and I won't have to schedule a rescue mission between movies?"

"No, Milady, though I would appreciate it if you'd keep your cell phone on so that I can text you if it's boring or if Mike Newton starts approaching me with an evil gleam in his eyes."

Evil Mike Newton; that mental image had me laughing all the way to the hair salon. When I arrived, Angela was waiting so we went inside. I told the stylist what I wanted, my hair cut to just longer than shoulder length in a style that I could experiment with, and since Angela only wanted her hair trimmed, the stylist did hers first. She waited while I got my hair washed and dried, and we talked while the actual hair cut was in process.

"I almost wanted to save this discussion for tomorrow but since the makeovers are starting today…you and Jack seem to be getting along well."

"We are. He's a nice guy, a good friend."

"A good friend who flirts with you regularly."

"Yes, and it's fun. It makes me feel…good, wanted, feminine; you know? Does Ben make you feel like that? How are things with him?"

"You know I've never really thought about it, but Ben does sort of make me feel like that. He makes me laugh and he's such a sweet guy. I suppose it's an unfair comparison though. After all, Jack's just your friend, right?"

"Angela," I said, half joking and half warning, before the stylist interrupted to say that we were done. She handed me a mirror. It was shorter than I'd asked for but I liked it. I shook my hair and tried to imagine how the wind would feel rushing through it. I thought about how it would look as I rode my motorbike, barely disturbed or maybe like a thousand small hands waving goodbye to the road behind me. Long hair would have danced on the wind, reaching out in slender waves like arms grabbing at the past. He'd loved my long hair and toyed with it as we'd lain in the meadow or on my bed.

The part of me that was angry with him rejoiced that one more part of the girl he'd hurt was gone. The part of me that was determined still to love him didn't care. _He doesn't love me. He said that I wasn't good for him. Nothing can change that, how could a hair cut make it worse? _ I blocked that part of myself out and joined Angela in marveling at how much more certain aspects of my face stood out with short hair. My eyes stood out more now, as did my bone structure. There were a few styles that I wanted to try already, plenty of room to experiment. Angela took a picture with her phone so that we could document the process, and then we paid the woman for her excellent work and sat down in the waiting area in the hopes that the rain might lighten up.

In the waiting area, Angela turned to me and apologized for prying.

"Bella, I know it hurts and maybe it's too soon to say but he's good for you. You smile more since you've been hanging out with him and … I just think that maybe it's time for you to get to feel the way he said he makes you feel. Don't you?"

"Maybe it is but…I…."

"We'll talk tomorrow. Don't forget to bring stuff for makeovers and the jeans that you want to personalize. "

"And a camera for "after" pictures, and food, and … this is my first sleepover, so if you think of anything else I might need to bring please call me."

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow."

I went home and threw together a quick dinner for Charlie. We had dinner early.

"Hey Bells," he said as he sat down to eat, " everything at school going well?"

"Yes, Dad, I'm doing well in my classes. I was talking to Angela about applying to college at lunch today."

"You got your hair cut today. It looks good."

"Thanks."

We ate at a reasonable pace in our usual brand of contented silence. I watched him across the table thinking about the man that Jack had described, the one who'd held me looking for her in my face. I thought about him comforting me after my nightmare and the snow chains and a thousand other ways he'd shown me love. I recognized the parts of that love that were grounded in his continued feelings for my mother, the way he looked at me sometimes and his fear that I would reject him and his world. Eventually, the time came to go to the self defense class, so I got up and put the dishes in the sink. Before I left I hugged Charlie and gave him the best smile I could manage. It was the very least that I could do.

* * *

The gym seemed different and slightly intimidating as I approached in the fading light of evening. When I walked in I saw some of the women that I'd seen in the grocery store or in town before standing around some unrolled cheerleading mats. A tough looking woman in sweatpants and a tank top was standing in the middle of the crowd and talking to my gym coach.

Eventually she got everyone's attention and class started with a speech.

"Hello everyone, my name is Evie Adams and after hearing my name do any of you wonder why I felt the need to learn to fight? No? Good. Call me Eve. Now I've worked with most of you before, but since we have a new student amongst us, let's take a moment to remember the important things. The most important thing that you will learn here is that woman = strong. You have my personal permission to play into gender stereotypes outside of this room, but here you are an Amazon. There is no "can't". There is no "weak". Equally important is that doing this means making a sort of pact with all of the women in the world. You have to agree to see their strength as you discover your own. Be their sister, protect them when they need it, keep their secrets, and respect them. Isabella Swan, as our newest recruit, can you do that?"

Already, I felt full of my own power and it was easy to see that this was the right place for me to be.

"Yes, I really think that I can."

"Perfect. Ok everyone, break into groups and practice what you remember from the last round while I work with Isabella Swan. First though, Isabella Swan please introduce yourself so that we won't have to walk around calling you Isabella Swan."

Immediately it occurred to me that I hadn't really counted on making an introduction, and that I didn't really know what I wanted to be called. In the end I just opened my mouth and said what felt right. It will sound cheesy and slightly melodramatic when I say so, but this introduction set the tone for every other one right up until the present. There was only one introduction that would ever mean more…well maybe a few but this was still rather important.

"Well as you know my name is Isabella Swan, but I'd like for you to call me Izzy."

"Alright then Izzy, let's start by making sure that you can make a good fist and throw a decent punch."

In that hour and a half of self-defense class I learned to punch and kick and how to get out of one or two of the various holds that a person might put me into when trying to incapacitate me. I tried to focus on the fact that my attacker would probably be human, so I might have a chance. I also learned that the words "welcome sister" never got old or lost meaning.

That night I went to bed, smiling at how tired I felt and at my memories of the day. I squirmed in bed, unused to sleeping with my new haircut but in time I settled down to one of the best nights of sleep I'd ever had.

* * *

Hey guys! Thanks for reading this, thanks to reviewers and to story alert people and people who have favorite-d this story. You guys are so beyond incredible.

There are three references in this chapter: A movie, A jack reference, and an Izzy reference. Give me any of the three and a special shout out is yours.

Guys if you have comments or suggestions or even guesses about the family business I'd love to hear them, review and I might give you a warmer or colder rating for your guess.

Next chapter: (Drum roll please)The Sleepover, more guessing, and more

Ps. this chapter is un-beta'd cause i'm impatient and didn't want to take the time to send it to Myth ( no insult or implication to her) so any mistakes are my own.


	14. Hanging out

The intended references from last chapter were: X2 –X-men United ( a god among insects –magneto), Jack from Titanic, and Izzy From Digimon. PVG and Myth are the unsinkable champions who got the Jack reference. We also had an unintended reference from the fabulous Fire Spirit. Ed from Coyboy Bebop also fits the description (the one about the redhead with a computer) and since Fire Spirit had a guess about the story too, praise our newest champion!!! ****warning this chapter may contain spoilers for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants**

* * *

I woke up early, packed an overnight bag before getting dressed, and pulled my hair into a short ponytail before grabbing my bag for school and rushing out the door. I stopped by the grocery store on the way to school and grabbed fresh fruit and hot cider before hurrying to school to hang out with Jack. I arrived before him for once, so I got of my truck and practiced self defense moves on an invisible attacker.

After a few kick drills I turned around to see Jack standing there watching me. I paused awkwardly, blushing and looking at my feet for a moment. Just when I was about to mutter something like an apology and run from the situation, I thought about the defense class from the night before. _Woman equals strong._ I lifted my head and smiled at him.

"Hey Jack, ready for breakfast?"

"Always, I spread the blanket out while you were…"

"Practicing, I went to a women's self-defense thing last night."

"Should I be afraid?"

"Perhaps. Let's sit; we'd better drink that cider before it gets cold."

We sat on the back of my truck enjoying the warmth from our drinks.

"One of these days you are going to have to let me ride in this," Jack said after a while, "even if it's just around the parking lot. "

"If milord wishes it, how can I refuse? I could give you a ride to school on Monday."

"That would be awesome. The Biology quiz is on Tuesday, do you want to hang out and study afterschool, when you drop me off?"

"That sounds lovely."

"Speaking of things that are lovely, shorter hair suites you, even when you have it hidden in that…"

"Don't give me reasons to practice on you."

"…That truly inspired and stunning hairstyle."

"Thank you. Do we have time for a couple of quick guesses?"

"I think so. Growing up, your favorite place in Forks was First Beach. Your father watched you play in the waves there. You sat alone and built the sandcastles that your mother had told you about in bedtime stories."

"I wasn't alone all the time. My dad's friend at the reservation has twin daughters, Rachel and Rebecca, and a son, Jacob. The twins and I spent time together there while our fathers were fishing. You are right about the sandcastles and bedtime stories though. "

We went to class and before I could make another guess. The morning went by very slowly though the occasional smile or nod from someone who'd been at the self-defense class the night before helped to ease my impatience. After the self-defense class, and the practice that morning, school seemed like something foreign, some tired relic from a life before. I wanted to correct people who called me "Bella". I had less patience for the way that Jessica that gossiped in hallways, or the distasteful looks that Lauren gave girls who were more attractive or received more attention than her. The open friendliness of the women from the class had made me forget that in the world outside of it not every woman could look to the rest of us as sisters. It made me feel that much more ready for the sleepover with Angela.

The boys were back at our table for lunch. I got my tray and sat down next to Jack who was talking to Angela about some photographer that he thought she should look up. He touched my hand lightly in greeting without pausing in his endorsement.

"Really, her work is remarkable. The attention to light and shape… You'd have to see it. I'll bring you a book with some of her work in it."

"I look forward to it," she said before turning to me. "Hey Bella! Ready for the best sleepover of all time?"

"Absolutely! Jack, you know I won't be able to hang out this afternoon, right?"

"I supposed that that would be the case. I will miss you dearly."

"You mean you'll miss the truck."

"Milady, I am wounded! How dare you think that-"

"She knows. Just fess it up and get it over with," Ben said, interrupting Jack's dramatics.

"Buzz kill."

"It's OK Jack, I understand that I've offended you beyond what words can express."

"I'm glad that you understand the gravity of the situation. OK, you two go ahead and laugh before you die of suffocation."

Ben and Angela had been holding back laughter, but let it spill forth. I joined them and eventually Jack did as well. Then Jack returned to his discussion of photography with Angela, and Ben and I started a conversation about mechanics. It was more lesson than conversation to be honest, but it was nice. He was about as knowledgeable as most guys but a better teacher than some. He told me about a book that he had that might help me if I wanted to learn more about mechanics in general. I asked to borrow it, and he told me that he'd bring it on Monday.

After lunch Jack and I walked to Biology and we passed notes through a lot of it. We didn't get into anything serious, just bantered back and forth and wasted time joking and making up for the time we'd both miss later. After class he walked me to Gym, stopping a few feet in front of the locker rooms.

I felt slightly bereft. This was going to be the longest time we'd been apart since we'd met and though it had been less than two weeks and it was crazy for me to be feeling anything, I looked into his eyes and saw the same emotion.

"Two days, not forever," I said quietly, trying to convince us both at the same time, while wondering why I felt the need to do this, and calculating the average time it takes most people to form connections so strong that things like this were necessary and was I some sort of clingy freak?

"No," he responded and for a moment I thought that he'd read my mind, "two days is not forever."

So when had it begun to feel like it? I turned and walked into the locker rooms, changing into my Gym clothes to the sound of my thoughts trying to rationalize that moment with the fact that he was my friend. I gave up as I entered the gym and started my laps.

Angela had moved her car into the parking space next to mine and was waiting when I got out of class. Usually Ben drove her to school, and she lived close enough to walk anyway, but she had her car because she'd also made a grocery run that morning. I followed her to her house and parked by the street. She helped me get my things out of the truck and the sleepover began.

* * *

"So we've got the house to ourselves because my parents are visiting friends in Seattle and my brothers are sleeping over at a friend's house."

"Great so…I've never done this before. How do we start?"

"Well… that depends. Who's your favorite sister?"

"I like Tibby, but I think I have more in common with Lena. It's hard to choose."

"Lena is my favorite. So let's grab the jeans and supplies and watch the first movie while we personalize them. You can cry over Bailey, I'll cry over Kostos, and we'll both remember to think of Carmen and Bee."

I laughed at that and then we set up blankets and pillows in front of the TV in her living room, got some snacks and started watching the movie. It was interesting. The last time I'd seen The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants had been years ago. I'd had no relationship experience then. I tried to concentrate on the parts of the movie that didn't revolve around romantic love, but the more I focused on Bailey and on Carmen, the more I saw Bridget in all her misguided attempts to snare Eric. I watched as Lena and Kostos got closer and I tried to think back to time when my relationship with Edward had felt light and fun like theirs was. I turned to Angela.

"Were Edward and I ever like that? Like Lena and Kostos, or even like Bridget and Eric?"

"I don't know. If you were, I didn't see it. You spent a lot of time with his family. Why?"

`"Because I don't remember us being like that, and I don't know if it's because we never were or if I'm forgetting."

"Go with what hurts the least," she said wrapping an arm around my shoulder, "That's a really pretty design you've started on those jeans. Focus on it during the hard parts. It's ok."

We watched the rest of the movie and I let myself get lost in the joy of the Sisterhood and in their feelings as their worlds shifted forever. I cried with Tibby and mourned Bailey's loss and the loss of Bridget's innocence. I celebrated with Lena as she stood up for love and for herself. Mostly I laughed and giggled with Angela over how cute the actor who played Kostos was.

After the movie ended, we sat for a moment and put the finishing touches on our jeans. In the end mine, which had begun as a pair of plain dark jeans, had parts of my life stitched and bleached on the legs like battle scars and tattoos. Little pairs of fangs, rain clouds, small flowers, and suns were etched in bleach pen down the fronts of the legs. On the back were wings, and eyes, and a motorcycle that looked like a bicycle. All of the white shapes were edged with red from a permanent marker and across the front pockets I put my names, "Izzy" on one pocket and "Bella" on the other.

"Bella, those are awesome!"

"Yours are pretty incredible too!"

She'd done a mix of snowflakes and different sorts of flowers, then filled in bleach pen on dark jeans and used different colors of permanent markers to fill in the flower petals. We set them aside to dry and moved seamlessly into doing makeovers, deciding that by the time we got finished playing with our hair the jeans should be ready to wear and we could dress up for after pictures.

We stood in front of the mirror in Angela's bathroom, alternating between styling, pulling silly faces and poses, and laughing. After trying a few styles, we sat down and painted our fingernails with one of Angela's CDs playing in the background.

"So what do we do now?"

"Well, we could continue our conversation from the hair salon…"

"I guess we could. You were saying that it was time for me to move on and suggesting Jack."

"He likes you, and you said that he makes you feel good. You guys get along so well and he's so sweet to you."

"Do you know what Edward said to me when he left? He said that I would forget him. That time would heal all wounds. He said that I would move on; that it would be like he never existed. I love him, Angela. He doesn't want me, and he's never coming back, but I love him. I hate so many things about what he did and how we were. I hate that no matter what I do he wins, or he's right. I hate that so much but I love him."

"You can't spend forever trying to prove him wrong and you might miss something wonderful if you insist on waiting until you feel ready. Life doesn't always work on your schedule. Let's get dressed up for the after pictures. I think your nails are dry."

They were. I'd painted them a brilliant red that looked like blood against my skin. For the after picture I put on the personalized jeans and a plain but close fitting long sleeved black t-shirt. I borrowed an old pair of black high heeled sandals from Angela and wore my hair down. Later, I though, I might experiment with hair dye and color contacts. It might give Alice a scare if she glanced into my future to see me with red eyes …

When we met in the hallway before going to the living room to take photos Angela and I discovered that we looked like opposites. She'd put on a white button up shirt to go with her jeans and the overall effect was very sweet and very Angela. We took the after pictures then used the timer on the camera to take silly ones standing back to back. Then we changed into out pajamas and started watching the second movie.

This time I just let myself watch the movie, laughing and crying and keeping up my end of a running commentary on how Lena got all the hot guys. We were both annoyed at how they'd patched together Bridget's story line. I cried buckets but it was healing in a way. It was good to be able to watch a romance again with the support of someone I liked. We stayed up late talking about every little thought that crossed our minds and speculating over whether the boys were having half as much fun. As I fell asleep in the early hours of Saturday morning, I found myself thinking about what Angela had said, and what my mother had said before her. The situation with Jack was progressing, whether I wanted it to or not, and that never seemed to be a problem when I was with him. Why did it feel like betrayal now? There were cultures that I'd read about once where those who'd suffered unrequited love had been declared martyrs upon death, but stopping the processes of moving on and letting go when every sensible person I knew was telling me to do otherwise seemed more foolish than noble.

Besides, after that night, I had my life back. I could read and watch romance now. I could listen to music and wear things that I liked. I'd introduced myself as "Izzy" to the women at the self defense class and in taking on a new name and a new look I was getting further from anything I'd ever been or done before. Was I still someone who loved him? Time would tell.

* * *

Hey guys, back again with some lovely angst on Bella's part, but also a tougher wardrobe and a bit more freedom too. Thanks to all my readers and Reviewers you guys rule, as do those with alerts and favorites on this story. Sorry no intended references, but if you see one that I didn't catch please let me know for a shout out. Thanks to my Beta Myth !!! (applause)

Next chapter: The weekend. Side note on Updates: I'm going to try and do two chapters a week ( about ten pages a week total) thanks for the people who've asked me to update soon in reviews because you keep me from slacking :) .


	15. The Weekend

I woke up early the next morning, silently cursing the internal clock that wouldn't allow me to sleep in regardless of when I went to bed. Angela was sleeping nearby and I didn't want to wake her, so I pulled out a book and read in the light from the t.v, which neither of us had taken the time to turn off. After a while, Angela woke up and we ate poptarts for breakfast before I left.

I made a quick stop at home to drop off my things and change into some clothes that I wouldn't mind getting dirty. After the emotional rollercoaster of the night before, I was looking forward to a relatively uncomplicated day of working on the motorcycles with Jacob. This time I planned to ask a few more questions while he worked, and I printed out some notes about the various parts of a bike and what they did so that I could study. I also grabbed some of the college applications that I'd gotten from the counselors office so that I could start working on them if I had a moment. When I was nearly ready I called Charlie to let him know where I'd be, then I called Jacob to see what time I should come over.

"Come on over. I've been waiting to show you the work I've done on the bikes."

"You haven't been ignoring your school work for this."

"I haven't had much homework. Don't worry about it."

"Alright, I'll see you in a bit."

I got into my truck and started the drive to La Push. I rolled the windows down and let the wind sweep thoughts from my head. I tried to imagine how it would feel to be riding a motorcycle and the thought of the speed and power involved made me think abstractly about vampires and rollercoaster rides and how fast my foot flew through the air as I practiced kicks.

Nearly before I knew it, I arrived at Jacob's to find him sitting on the front porch waiting for me.

"Hey Bella! Wow! You look different."

"A haircut will do that."

He laughed, " I guess so. It's really nice."

"I'm glad that you approve. How's it going?"

"It's been good. My car is coming along nicely and I've been hanging out with Quill and Embry. They enjoyed meeting you last week."

"It was nice to meet them. "

"Maybe you could come over afterschool one of these days and hang out with us."

"Maybe, I've been busy though, so it might be a while before I can get away during the week."

I sounded cold, and I knew it, but I couldn't quite help it. Something was nudging at my memory and my inability to figure out what it was frustrated me.

"What have you been up to?"

We sat down on the porch and talked for a while. He was warm. He smiled a lot and was easy to talk to, which made it easy relax and let go of the frustration I felt. After about half an hour we made our way to his shed and he opened the door of his car, expecting me to sit down and observe quietly like last week.

"Hey Jacob, so this is the frame? And that's the telescopic fork? Where are the breaks?"

"You've been doing some research."

"Yeah, I wanted to be able to help. If you think I'd be in the way, I don't have to…"

"No, you wouldn't be in the way. Do you want some work gloves? I might have you screw something …in, I mean. I might have you screw something in. I…"

"Quit while you're behind, Jake. I don't think I'll need work gloves. I'm not known for my steady hands and they might make it worse."

"Fine, here's a screw driver. Tighten that one and don't hurt yourself or Charlie might arrest me," he said, pointing to indicate where the screw that I was going to tighten.

"Dad's not that bad. He likes Billy. He'd make the bail cheap."

He laughed at that until my silence made him wonder whether or not I'd been joking. I had a laugh of my own at the look on his face when I moved to the other bike and asked him to talk me through it. . It was strangely therapeutic, working on the bike. It was also just… strange. A makeover one night and mechanics the next; I felt like Rosalie. It was nice to feel my strength again after the vulnerability of the night before.

Jake and I spent the day hanging out and working on the bikes. It went well with one exception. After lunch I came to a point in working on the bike that made it necessary to tilt the frame of the bike differently. I wouldn't have had to lift it, just maneuver it into a new position. Before I continue I must say that I generally approve of chivalry. I'm not old enough to have been raised to expect it, but I do appreciate it. It remains though that when a woman is doing a typically male focused activity, chivalrous acts may be interpreted as blatant refusal to acknowledge the woman's ability.

"Ok, Bella, step back and I'll turn the bike onto its side so that you can continue. "

"No, I think I can do it. "

"It's a little heavy and I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"I won't, just let me try."

"Fine, but you're wasting time."

"We'll see," I said.

The bike was heavy, and I could feel the "I told you so" in Jacob's waiting silence. I planted my feet and stretched my arms a little and then pulled the bike onto its side, taking care not to let it slam onto the work table. Then I turned to Jacob and smiled before asking him what the next step was. He messed my hair with his hand, grease and all, and we laughed; returning to the light and fun mood that characterized most of my time with him.

At the end of the day we agreed to work on the bikes again at the same time during the next week. I also promised to call more often during the week so that we could talk. I drove home after having a snack with Jacob and Billy.

* * *

The next day Angela and I met early to go shopping. I drove the truck to her house and then we got into her car and drove up to Port Angelus. The day went wonderfully. We wore the outfits from our after pictures and spent the day leisurely wandering through shops. I bought a lot of accessories and a few more tops that I liked. By the end of the day, I felt more ready than ever to embrace the future I'd planned for myself.

We finished the day by having a celebratory dinner at a restaurant down the street from Bella Italia. We asked for our soda to be brought out in wine glasses and we toasted our success, before paying and leaving to find the car.

The night was cool and the streets were busy as we stepped out onto the side walk. Across the street, a bar was opening its doors. It was a warm square of light on an otherwise dark side of the street. It caught my eyes and I kept glancing up at it as I followed Angela to the car. Eventually, a group of men walked up to the door. They were darkly attractive seeming from my position across the street. One man had blond hair that shown bronze in the light of the open door; making me think that if I could only get a little closer I'd see the topaz eyes, the perfect face. For a moment I considered crossing the street.

I could blame the part of me that seemed to be attracted to danger. I could blame the men, who, in all their dark beauty, really might have drawn in any young fool unfortunate enough to see them. I could, and you would believe me, because I'm the only one who would know. I won't blame anyone. Can a moth blame a flame? What good would it do me now, anyway?

I took a step towards them before a sudden tension filled me and I came to my senses. I took a step back.

"Bella?"

Angela placed a hand on my shoulder and I smiled reassuringly before turning and following her to the car. One step forward, so many back. _He's gone. You won't just turn a corner and see him standing somewhere. Don't get yourself killed chasing his memory. _

The ride back to Forks was quiet. Angela tried not to let it show, but I'd scared her. After all of the fun and sorority of the past week, it was a real pity to have it end that way. Then Angela broke the silence.

"Do you Prefer Izzy or Bella?"

"Really? I think I prefer Izzy, but I've been Bella for so long…Call me Bella."

"I get it. You've changed enough for one week. He'd hardly recognize you."

"He can go perform lewd acts on himself. I didn't do it for him."

"All the same, he wouldn't."

"I know, thanks."

I drove home and went to bed after checking in with Charlie. I made myself a mental note about my plans with Jack and wondered about the ethics of looking for clues to use in our guessing game. Then I went to bed, studiously ignoring the less amusing parts of the day and looking eagerly towards the morning to come.

* * *

Hey guys, forgive me. I know this chapter is about as late as it could ever dream of being (and short too), but I kind of have trouble writing chapters with Jacob in them, so they take a while longer. I don't hate him, but I do find it hard to write him.

Thanks to everyone who's taken an active interest in this story, you guys = love.

Next chapter: …time passes .. I'm going to make an effort to move things a little faster so just as a reminder the next chapter starts the 3rd week of January , two weeks have passed (I've been going one day at a time for the most part). So…now you know where we are. (or when) I'm referencing the timeline on twilight lexicon and a calendar from 2006 so…yeah.

See you next chapter :)


	16. A Week in the Life

I woke up early on Monday morning, tired, but excited to be spending time with Jack. There was an element of surprise that my conversations with him had that those with Jacob lacked. Where Jacob was sweet and funny, Jack was charming and intelligent. Where Jacob was easy and likeable, Jack was challenging and engaging. One was nice after the other's intensity, but given a choice there was no true contest.

I showered and dressed, donning a red shirt and jeans with black ballet flats, before reviewing the directions to Jacks house and preparing to leave. I reminded Charlie, who'd gotten a late start that morning, of my plans to meet Jack after school.

"Are you and that boy dating? You should bring him by sometime."

"He's just a friend. I might invite him over though, if you want to meet him."

"You do that. Any boy spending this much time with my daughter bears meeting."

"Dad," I said with a pinch of warning in my voice, before hugging him goodbye and walking out the door to my truck.

I drove to Jack's house and walked to the door once I arrived. I moved to knock, but was stopped by the sound of Ms. Steven's voice on the other side of the door beckoning me in.

"Hello Izzy! It's nice to see you again. Jack will be out in a moment, he's looking for something."

"It's nice to see you too. Did you have a nice week?

"Yes, though not as, shall we say, altering as yours was. You look nice."

"Thank you ma'am, it's kind of you to say. I hear that you're the woman to see for a book recommendation. Any suggestions?"

"Well, and please don't think that I'm pushing when I suggest this, perhaps a classic romance or two might suit you. I love them dearly. Jane Austen shall forever have my esteem."

"The creator of Mr. Darcy deserves none but the highest."

"Indeed. Speaking of esteem winning creations… "

She trailed off, smiling past me. I turned, following her line of sight to see Jack standing nearby.

"Good morning Izzy. I am terribly sorry to have kept you waiting."

"It's no trouble, but we really should get going. Thank you, for both your company and your suggestions."

We walked outside and Jack spent the requisite few moments staring at my truck in awe. He opened the door for me and helped me in before walking around to the passenger's side and getting in. The ride to school was fun. Jack didn't whine about the truck-mandated speed limit. He didn't make annoying comments about how old it was. He just sat enjoying the ride and asked if we could stop by the bakery on the way. We did and he picked up donuts with chocolate frosting and filling. When we arrived at school he spread his jacket out on the truck bed, because he'd left his blanket in the trunk of his car. He pulled two thermoses of coffee from his bag and finally we settled into our morning routine.

"You learned to ride a bicycle when you were five years old. Your mother tried to teach you when you were four but panicked when you, by some incredible misfortune, managed to tip your bike over despite the industrial strength training wheels."

"There was a rock, a big one. Tipping that bike was not my fault."

"If milady declares it so, then I must trust that it is. Guess."

"Your brother taught you to ride a bike when you were four. You did it perfectly and actually stopped, got off, and put you little jacket over a mud puddle so that your mother could cross."

He covered his eyes with his right hand and leaned back, declaring dramatically.

"Oh the lady fair has once again bruised me with her mockery! Mine eyes have looked their last! Surely I must die of such a wound. If any should ask for me tomorrow they shall find me a grave man indeed!"

"Cease in your dramatics! Methinks that the sugar has gone to thy noble head. I should rend it from your shoulders if only such an act would not leave me mourning the mind that it contains."

"So you love me for my mind?"

"Better to say that I like your mind in spite of you."

He closed his eyes and fell backwards before whispering, "tell my kin that I died with honor, and my lady that I died for love."

"…and Mr. Berty that your death made us late?"

We rushed to finish the doughnuts and coffee, before heading on to class.

At lunch, we were joined by Jessica, Mike, and Tyler.

"Wow Bella! You look great," Jessica said, her tone implying that that I should spill about how exactly that came to be.

"Thanks," I said. I wanted to be friendly with her, but I refused to indulge her love of gossiping. I asked her a question about Calculus and we nearly got into a good debate over the teaching methods employed in our Spanish class, but were interrupted by my cell phone. I got up put my jacket on, answering the phone as I walked outside.

"Hello?"

"Bella? This is Deputy Steve. Have you been studying your bike parts?"

"Yes, I even helped the friend who's fixing a bike for me do some work on one yesterday."

"Great. Can you meet for a quiz and a lesson on Saturday morning, around nine?"

"That would be wonderful!"

"Ok. Meet me in the parking lot at the station and we'll get started. Come prepared to work. The sooner you get the basics down, the faster you'll get your hands on that license."

"I understand."

"I'll send you a study guide through Charlie today."

"Thank you sir."

I went back inside and finished my lunch. I didn't tell anyone about the conversation. I just tried to resume my debate with Jessica. Jack saw me smiling though, and shot me questioning looks. I didn't meet his eyes. The joy at moving forward was a sweet warmth in my chest and I elected not to share it.

Gym let out early, so I had some time to practice self-defense in the parking lot while waiting for Jack.

"Excuse me daring warrior but, I was flown to school this morning by an angel. Have you seen her?"

His voice startled me but I finished the kick I was practicing before turning to face him.

"Ah, there she is."

"Must I be one or the other?"

"Not if either displeases you."

"And if I wish to be both?"

"Then you lead the host in battle."

We got into the truck, and I laughed as Jack seemed to thrill at the sound of the engine roaring to life. On the way to his house we played out guessing game. We'd both loved the color blue when we were around four, though Jack thought that I'd have preferred pink.

When we arrived, Jack found a note from his mother saying that she was out doing some work for the family business, and asking him to check in with his father. We walked down the hall to his father's study. Joshua Stevens greeted his son with a warm smile and a squeeze of his hand before turning to me.

"It's good to see you again Izzy. Jack's been behaving himself?"

"He's been very chivalrous; a true gentleman."

"Then I've done something right. Well, I know that you need to study, but feel free to stop in if you'd like. I'm quite the wiz at Biology."

"Thank you for the offer."

"We may take you up on it," Jack said.

Then we went to his room, and pulled out our biology notes. We quizzed each other and studied for an hour before stopping and hanging out. We explored his book shelves, reading favorite bits of much loved books to each other and debating over favorite characters. Before I left I invited him over to my house to work on college applications and to meet Charlie. We decided to do it on Sunday, after lunch. Then I left to make dinner for Charlie.

When I got home, Charlie gave me the study guide that Deputy Steve had made up and I started working my way through it after dinner. That night I had another odd dream. This one was more abstract than others.

I dreamed that I was standing in a dark and endless room and holding a book with a false cover on it. The title on the cover was "Guessing" and I pulled it away to look at the real cover of the book. There was another cover, but this time the title was "Dreaming". I pulled away the false cover several more times, finding the titles "Meditation", "Alexandra", "Connection", "Pull", and "Protective". Each cover shot out a golden thread connecting it with the next cover I threw down until I reached the title "Family Business".

I woke with a start before I could read the next cover, but I knew. It was all connected and all tied to the mysterious family business. There was something unusual about Jack's family. I resolved to find out what I could but as the sleep faded from my thoughts I wondered if it was at all sensible to jump to conclusions based on a dream. Why had "Dreaming" been a title? I'd had some odd ones lately but what could my strange dreams have to do with anything? I'd learned in my dealings with vampires that secrets could be fatal, so I decided to keep an eye out for anything odd but not to actively investigate. Besides, I was a danger magnet. If they were anything that I should worry about, I would know soon enough.

* * *

The days flew by in a haze of school and work. I called Jacob on Tuesday and we talked for a while. I continued to have breakfast with Jack and we made it to likes and dislikes at age six by Thursday of that that week. In self-defense I learned a few more moves and Eve continued to work with me to get me into shape and caught up with the rest of the women. At the start of practice, she warned me that starting next week she was going to have some of the more advanced student practice attacks on me, without contact, so that I could start going through the motions of fending off a real attacker. She referred to it jokingly as "sibling rivalry", because in the gym we were sisters.

On Friday it rained. I got a call from Jack before I could leave for school.

"Izzy, have you seen the weather today?"

"Yeah, looks like we'll be eating in the cab."

"I have another option if you'd consider it."

"Why should I to refuse to hear a suggestion from such a lord as you?"

"For no reason I know of. If you'd like we could have breakfast in my warm dry kitchen."

"Good idea, if it's no trouble. I'll drive us to school afterwards."

"Then I'll see you soon."

We ate companionably, feasting indulgently on muffins and hot chocolate. Because Jack couldn't make peace with the idea of a breakfast that didn't double as a dessert, we spit a bar of dark chocolate also. His mother was still gone on family business and his father was working in his study.

We were late to school, coming into Mr. Berty's class after he'd started the lecture, but he just rolled his eyes and allowed us to take our seats. The rest of the day passed smoothly, particularly Biology, wherein Jack and I discovered that we'd aced the biology quiz that we'd taken on Tuesday. After school I called Renée, and studied for my motorcycle lesson with Deputy Steve the next morning.

My sleep that night was troubled once more by the nightmare where I faced down Laurent in the meadow. I still couldn't tell who the other girl was. I still awoke overwhelmed by the fear of dying defenseless and cowering as my blood dyed his eyes a more sinister shade of red. I hadn't screamed this time though, so I was left to fight my way back to sleep in the absence of Charlie's silent vigil.

Eventually I lulled myself to sleep by reciting motorcycle parts, their functions, and road rules concerning motorcycles. I slept peacefully until my alarm woke me at dawn.

* * *

How's that for an eventful chapter? Wow. So, thanks to all my readers, reviewers, alert people, and …basically anyone else who reads these notes. You are all super fantabulous, epic, wonderful, terrific, divine, splendid, and…good.

Thanks to my beta : Myth, though I'm not sure If I'll wait to send it to you, so thanks if I do and readers may attribute any mistakes to me in the event that I don't.

A note from Myth: She sent it. Any mistakes were missed by moi, and feel free to blame me for it.

Next chapter: Deputy Steve and the art of motorcycle maintenance +…some motorcycle maintenance and some introductions and (possibly) some discoveries

Until now it has been my general plan to stick with the timeline for New Moon, but that would mean a longer wait for the action. **I want to know from you guys:** would it bother you if I moved an event or two forward in the interest of having some action to break up the drama of Bella/Izzy's healing process? I intend to include the major scenes that make up New Moon either way, but would it bother you if something happened out of sequence? **Message or review with an answer**, sooner rather than later because I need to know for the next chapter, and I know you don't want to wait too long for that.


	17. Racing Forward

I dressed in a hurry the next morning, rushing through my routine so that I'd have time to study before heading to meet Deputy Steve for my quiz and first lesson. I knew from my studies that I should wear layers, so I pulled on a black message tee over a long sleeved white shirt and some jeans. I grabbed my keys and some money and ran out the door to my truck.

On the way to the police station, I let my mind drift back to the dream I'd had earlier in the week, the one with the book covers. It was stupid that I even still remembered it, but I couldn't help but wonder about it. I'd already known that Alexandra was connected to Jack's family; she'd been Jamie's girlfriend before she'd died. That didn't explain what she had to do with the family business. I would have continued in my musings, but I was getting close to the station. I recited some of the trickier traffic rules in my head for a last time as I pulled into a parking space.

The deputy was sitting on his motorcycle a few spaces over. He was younger than Charlie and he looked it. He smiled as I approached.

"Hey Bella, glad to see you paid attention. You ready for that quiz?"

"I think so, sir. I studied every day this week."

"Great, here's a helmet. Hop on."

"What," I asked, louder than I'd intended.

"Put on your helmet and get on the bike behind me. We have a field trip before your quiz."

The helmet was smooth, black, and comfortingly heavy as I put it on and pulled down the goggles that had been stretched across its front. I sat down carefully on the smaller seat just behind him. At his request I wrapped my arms around his torso and soon after I felt the bike purr to life beneath me. For a moment I felt a wild desire to shove the deputy from the bike and either ride off into the unknown or turn and run for protection from the speed and power that it represented. In the end I did neither. I just shouted my joy to the wind as the bike surged forward.

It was everything that I'd ever imagined it might be, from that first moment on the Cullens's steps. It was all of the excitement, and the fear, and the pure unadulterated joy, all rolled into one incredible feeling. He drove as fast as the speed limit would allow and took a road with plenty of curves. It was perfect. I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in the moment.

When we slowed to a stop I opened my eyes. We were at the DMV.

"The quiz is…"

"The knowledge test for your learner's license. Are you ready?"

I faltered for a moment, reaching for the joy of the moment before. This was it. I had studied fairly intensely for the two weeks since this had begun, but this test was half of the process I'd need to get my license. It was going to set the tone for lessons. I took a deep breath and pictured myself standing in the gym surrounded by my sisters. Finally, I smiled and responded.

"For anything that they can throw at me."

"Glad to hear it! Your father paid your testing fees, so you can go right on in. I'll be waiting out here and, pass or fail; we'll do a couple of figure eights on the way out."

" I can't wait," I said before turning and walking into the testing site.

It was relatively small room with a couple of computers lined up on the back wall. A blond man in a uniform directed me to one of the computers and I sat down and started. I took my time answering the questions at first, letting the reality of the test fade. In my mind this was just another practice test. Then I realized that I knew the answers. I flew through the last few questions in haze of confidence and relief.

When I finished, the man in uniform told me to come up to the desk. My test had been scored instantly by the computer. I'd passed! He handed me my learner's license, telling me that I could come back in for the riding test when I was ready.

As promised, the deputy was waiting outside for me.

" So, are we celebrating or consoling?"

" We're celebrating! I passed!"

"Really," he sounded a little surprised.

"Yes. Here's the permit."

"I underestimated you, Bella. I honestly wasn't expecting you to pass."

"Why not?"

"You've had less time to study than most…not to mention that it took me three times to get close to passing it. Great job!"

"Why did you have me take it then?"

"To see if you'd do it. It takes guts to ride one of these. I had to see if you would ride one to get here and if you'd be able to handle a surprise challenge. The quiz wasn't passing the exam; it was taking it. Now hop on. "

We turned a few figure eights before riding back to the station. He showed me which brakes to use and let me try starting the bike and surging forward a few feet and stopping. The first time I tried it, I went faster than I intended, but there was nothing in the parking lot that I could really hit.

"Bella, you're a natural," he declared as I was getting off of the bike. The compliment distracted me and drew my focus away from maintaining an upright position and my foot slipped. I threw my hands forward to brace myself but I still managed to scratch my face on the ground. The deputy rushed over helping me up and asking to see the cut on my forehead. He went inside the station to get a bandage because it was bleeding a lot. Once it was taken care of, the deputy I talked about how and when my lessons would progress.

"You should be ready to test for your license in around a month if you keep progressing this quickly. When will your bike be road ready?"

"In just a week or two, sir."

"Good, we'll keep meeting on Saturday mornings. It would be nice for you to get the chance to practice more often but there have been some sightings of strange animals lately, so I don't want to schedule too much."

"Strange animals?"

"Wolves or bears, something big. Charlie will probably tell you later. Just try and stay out of the woods ok?"

"Will do, sir," I said, before turning and walking to my truck.

I started it up, smiling as Deputy Steve jumped at the roar of the engine. I was heading to La Push to work on the bikes with Jacob. I steered with one hand, using the other to look for something to cover up the bandage on my forehead. Eventually I found a black and white head band that would work, and I pulled the truck over to put it on before continuing.

My mind turned towards the creature sightings. I wondered what the people could be seeing. Something itched at the corners of my mind, a dream of wolves. When had I dreamt of wolves? I tried to recall something else about the dreams but nothing was coming.

I smiled as I pulled into the driveway at Jake and Billy's house. He just the person I wanted to share the excitement of my first lesson with. Jack would extol my virtues and claim that I was the wisest and the bravest, and later I might want that. For the moment though, what I wanted was the pure uncomplicated joy, and Jacob had that in spades.

"Jacob, I did it!"

I yelled excitedly to him as he opened the door to greet me. I ran up and hugged him jumping up and down. He hugged back, letting it linger to long after I'd stopped but releasing me.

"Congratulations! What did you do?"

"I got my learners license to ride a motorcycle, and rode with the deputy while he did figure eights, and learned to start and stop while riding! Jacob, it was awesome!!"

"Great job. Was the test hard?"

"Not really, and the deputy let me ride behind him on his motorcycle to get to the DMV."

"Cool. And you even managed to ride a little today? How'd that go?"

"Pretty well. Apparently, I'm a natural. Let's go work on the bikes."

We went to the shed and spent the afternoon working on the bikes. Quil and Embry stopped by and we had a good time. Jacob continued to doubt my ability when it came to tasks requiring physical strength, but he was being proven wrong on a regular basis. Eventually he learned not to do so aloud.

Billy invited Charlie and me over to dinner. It was a nice evening. Charlie and Billy exchanged old stories and laughed over plates of spaghetti, while Jacob and I sat enjoying the mood in the room.

As we were leaving Charlie stopped in the doorway and turned to Billy and Jacob.

"I forgot to mention…you two be careful. There have been some creature sightings in the woods around this area. Giant wolves, some are saying. Be careful, and Jacob, you might want to steer clear of them."

Billy's eyes widened slightly at the mention of giant wolves, but he recovered quickly.

"We'll keep an eye out, but remember that wolves are sacred to our people. Killing one would cause much grief here."

"And one of them killing someone else?"

Billy looked for a moment as though he were going to argue the point but he backed down, raising his hands in surrender.

"I understand. We'll be careful."

"See that you do. Bella, I'll see you at home."

"Yes, Dad. Do you want me to pick anything up on the way?"

"No, Bells, but come on quickly."

"I'll follow you out."

I did.

When I got home that night I went around the house straightening things up and wondering what jack would think of the place. It was smaller and darker than his own, less comforting and warm than he was probably used to. For a moment I felt vaguely annoyed with my mother for leaving Charlie when I was young. She'd never have been the type of mother that Mrs. Stevens was, but she'd have brightened the place up a little and supplied some of the charm that Jack's parents had in spades. I left the school pictures up, though they'd no doubt give jack an advantage in our guessing game. He seemed to have such an aptitude for guessing my history already that they'd likely only confirm suspicions that he already possessed.

I organized my bookshelf a bit better, sighing at how small my collection was in comparison to his. Then I went to bed. As lay there waiting for sleep to come, I closed my eyes and tried to meditate. I needed to clear my thoughts or sleep would never come.

I felt my awareness open in stages. I felt the clothes on my back and my weight on the bed. I heard the house settling, Charlie's snoring, and the wind outside. I felt the absence; the strange sense of something gone and not lost, the thread that seemed to connect me to something or someone beyond my reach. I remembered the dream again. Connection had been one of the book titles, connected to the others through similar strands. What was it tying me to? What could this have to do with Alexandra or the family business or Jack? My questions weren't helping in my efforts to clear my mind, so I asking and just let myself feel. It was strangely comforting because to miss something you have to have had it in the first place.

Looking back, and knowing what I know now, it's almost embarrassing that I didn't guess what was missing then. I'd given myself the best of all possible clues. Who did I know now that I hadn't known before? What had come into my life recently that was never present when I meditated? Perhaps I'd have found out sooner if I'd asked those questions then.

When I finally fell asleep, any comfort I'd found in my meditation was gone quickly. I was dreaming again.

The meadow was as beautiful as always and this time I was holding something. My feet hurt distantly and I felt the edges of a pain that defied logic. I looked around. It was cold, and the high grass was tinged with brown. It was still lovely, still so peaceful. I felt the rightness of whatever action I'd come there to take. I fell to my knees, and was just about to do or say something when a chillingly familiar voice spoke my name.

"Bella," Laurent said, sounding somewhat surprised.

I looked up and watched as his face moved from surprise to hunger. I dropped whatever I'd been holding and stood. I moved into a fighting stance, like the one I'd learned from Eve during self defense. I was going to die. I refused to do so cowering.

He approached me leisurely, with the knowledge that I could neither run nor hide. I was like the sandwich in someone's lunch box, as good as eaten once its owner was ready. I felt his breath on my neck, and I wondered if he would tell anyone that I was dead, if Edward would ever know how I died, and if Alice would be forced to watch. Desperately I sought out and pulled heavily at the connection between me and whatever absent thing I'd been sensing in my meditation. Just as I did, I heard a loud growl and I awoke just as I caught sight of a beast, both large and terrifying, running straight towards me.

* * *

Hey guys, I'm late again I know, but I had to babysit this week and I wasn't feeling my best so …yeah. But on the bright side, this chapter moves us ever closer to the action. That discovery I promised will have to wait till next chapter because this one was getting long.

In Da Future: another Jack p.o,v not next chapter but within the next 3 or 4. Some angst, some old friends and generally more plot movement. Likely more chapters like the last one ( a full week in one, focusing on single days or events) unless you don't like those (speak up if you don't)

No references this chapter but I do want guesses. I've given a few hints in this one and the last one and her dreams are good places to look also, make a guess, the best one will be either be featured at the start of next chapter or receive a shout out if you get too close.

I'll try to get the next chapter out by Wednesday but i have to write it to post it so…yeah.

Thank you all for your awesomeness and your time in reading reviewing and generally being good to me and my story. Love you all bunches! See you soon.

PS. Any mistakes were totally mine because my beta (the ever incredible Myth) has a life (read as: was too busy).


	18. Left behind

I woke up early the next day, but for a long time I just lay there trying to catch my breath. The nightmare about Laurent was really starting to scare me. With each night that passed, it was becoming more and more difficult to brush off these dreams as random. It didn't help matters that the last time I'd had supernatural suspicions they'd been correct. Still, somehow I managed to rationalize the dreams as a product of my subconscious. I'd been doing a lot of seemingly terrifying things lately. From flirting to flying on the back of a motorbike, I'd lived fairly dangerously as of late. Knowing that, was it really a surprise that I was having nightmares? I put it out of my mind.

Sitting up in bed, I took a long look around my room. I'd done a good job the night before, and it looked presentable. I got up, showered, and dressed, before sitting down at my computer to check my e-mail and research colleges. I knew I wanted to go to college nearby; probably in Seattle, but I was applying to schools in Arizona and Florida also. The thought of leaving Forks still made me shudder a bit, but if and when I did, I wanted the freedom to be able to be able to linger or flee as I saw fit. I had applications to five schools, all with great English programs, which was good because I'd chosen for the moment to major in English. I was going to minor in education to keep my options open. While I researched, it occurred to me that I didn't know where Jack was planning to attend. I wasn't going to decide on a school just because he'd be there, but I couldn't deny that having a friend from the start seemed like a comforting concept.

When I checked my e-mail, I saw that I'd gotten one from Renée.

_Bella!_

_You look so great! My middle aged little girl looks like a young lady. I wish I could have gone shopping with you. It's been forever since we've had a chance to hang out. How's it going with that boy of yours? I hope you're having fun and not getting too serious this time. Is everything good with your dad? Oh! I have to go, Phil says that I've misplaced a bill or a check or something, and he sounds a bit worried. Oh my goodness! _

_TTLY my Bell, _

_Mom _

I laughed, loving how much my mother's personality showed through in her writing. I responded telling her that everything was going well and keeping her updated on my life in general. I would try to save up enough money for a visit, but it would have to wait until after my motorcycle was done and I had my license.

I had an e-mail from Angela, mostly just checking in and recommending a book that she was reading. I replied to it, then I went downstairs to do some last minute straightening and make a late breakfast.

While I ate, I glanced through newspaper. Apparently there had been a string of people going missing in the towns around Forks. Many of the people had lived alone or been last sighted walking off into the woods. They'd found what appeared to be impossibly large wolf prints near the body of one of the only missing people to have turned up.

My mind flashed to the creature from my nightmare, and then I felt an odd sense of déjà vu. I knew what the creature was somehow, but I couldn't remember. Why couldn't I remember? It was so close, so very close to the surface of my mind that already the creature seemed less mysterious. Puzzling over it was giving me a headache, so I let the matter drop and went on with my morning.

Charlie woke up around eleven, happy that he'd gotten to sleep in on his day off. I warmed up the leftovers from breakfast. I sat across the table from him, filling out the parts of the college applications that were all the same, like my name and address.

"So that boy's coming by today?"

"Yes Dad, his name is Jack Stevens."

"I remember. What have you two got planned for today?"

"College applications and hanging out, possibly some mocking of my book collection."

Charlie nodded before looking me in the eye.

"No closed doors excluding the bathroom while he's here, and that rule is still in place if I'm called away unexpectedly. Are we clear?"

"One hundred percent. No scare tactics, embarrassing stories, or mention of the Cullens, not even when I'm out of the room. Are we clear?"

Charlie laughed as he nodded and went back to his breakfast. He was no Joshua Stevens, not the calming and charming scholar, but he was honest, and loving, and genuinely cared for people. If anyone other than me could appreciate Charlie for the man that he was it would be someone like Jack.

Jack looked at me and my truck and saw more than a fake smile and an old paint job. I just knew somehow that he'd look at Charlie, and possibly our home, and see more. Charlie, me, our home, my truck, and so much else about our lives were …left behind. Like a yard sale, or a mosaic, we were bits and pieces and leftover things from lives and loves that hadn't gone as planned. Jack seemed to have a knack for seeing the treasure in things thrown away, and that made me feel all the more comfortable with the idea of having him over.

The rest of the morning and lunchtime passed smoothly. I read a bit while waiting for Jack to arrive. I tried to focus on a romance, but I couldn't concentrate. I was reading "The Tell-Tale Heart" when he arrived.

His rust bucket showed signs of recent care. He'd cleaned it up for the ride over. I smiled as he got out of the car and walked towards me.

"I welcome you, young lord. How've you been?"

"I've been well. I've got applications ready to be worked on and I'm looking forward to seeing your father again."

"Then come on in."

Charlie was sitting in the living room waiting, but stood when we came in.

"Chief swan, it's nice to see you again. You introduced yourself when we moved in. I'm Jack Stevens"

"I remember. How do you and your parents like Forks?"

"It's a good town; plenty of good people. We're all still adjusting but I don't think we'll have much difficulty."

"Finding friends o.k.?"

"Yes, your daughter has been a great help in that. She's been very kind to me. It speaks well of the way she was raised."

Charlie smiled ironically and nodded his thanks. Then their conversation turned to sports. Jack had obviously been listening to Ben or doing his research because he managed to have a fairly in-depth conversation about some team or another before Charlie released him, satisfied that he was a decent young man.

We sat down at the kitchen table and he pulled out an application to work. We talked quietly as we worked, drafting essays and trying to recall s.a.t scores.

"You were exactly how I guessed you'd be."

"What?"

"The pictures of you as you were growing up are nice. You were adorable."

The opening was wider than I could resist.

"And now?"

"Now, you are…fishing for compliments."

I blushed and he laughed.

"So how are things at home? Jamie?"

"Things are good. Mom is still off on her business trip. Dad met with some people at La Push and may be headed into Seattle to use the library at Jamie's school. Jamie is…weird. He's frustrated with me and he seems to be grieving for Alexandra again. He's coming to visit soon though, so maybe I'll be able to see what's wrong then."

"I'm sure he's just missing her. I…I was curious, so I looked up the story online. She was really pretty. Would you tell him that I'm sorry for his loss?"

"Sure. I really do think, milady, that you and he might get along spectacularly if given a better opportunity than the one you've had."

For a while we worked in silence. After about an hour and a half in which we'd both made a significant amount of progress on our admissions essays, I recommended that we stop and have some fun before he had to go home. I gave him a tour of the house, walking back through the living room, past a sleeping Charlie, so that he could see the photos again. I pointed out the laundry room and Charlie's room, before walking him down the hall to mine.

I stood in the doorway and let him explore as he wished. He walked around, looking and not touching. His eyes traced over my bed and my dresser, lingering on my window and the book shelves over my desk.

After a long while, he turned to me smiling his approval and sitting at my desk chair to look up at my books.

"You don't have many here," he observed.

"No, just my favorites. I was going to have mother send the rest, but after I moved here…I got distracted and never quite got around to it."

"You favor the classics."

"Only the best for a lady."

"Indeed. Is there one upon this shelf that milady loves above the rest?"

"I could no sooner choose a star in the heavens. I will admit though that Austen and Shakespeare are my favorites."

"You've got good taste. Will you dance with me?"

I moved to thank him before his question registered.

"What?"

"I suppose that was a little random. Remember though, that you did ask me first."

I tried to remember when I'd asked him to dance. It was in the school parking lot, after a good day in gym. I smiled; it made me feel special that he'd remembered.

"Well, since I did ask first…but I really don't have much music."

"I brought a CD to show you. So, if you would?"

He pulled a CD that I hadn't noticed from his back pocket and handed it to me. The band was called "The Hush sound". I put it into my CD player.

"Track nine, please, Wine Red. "

I started the song stood. The song started abruptly. It was an odd song; fast paced at the beginning, slowing and speeding, always moving. We danced like we spoke, flirting if clumsy spins and hip movements intertwined with a fast but classic two step. I laughed as the song ended. My concerns from before had been so off base. Dancing with Jack was so different from dancing with Edward, it was freeing and charged by a strange sort of energy. He walked over and changed the song, whispering the title to me, "We Intertwined", and the dancing resumed. We alternated between silly old fashioned hopes and hand motions from past decades and close moments when my hands found his shoulders and his rested on my hips.

As we danced I thought I heard something rattled in the floor beneath us. A couple of the floor boards seemed to be loose. I put it out of my mind, resolving to deal with it later when I wasn't having the time of my life.

The third song he picked was a slow one, "You Are The Moon". He drew me in closer and we danced a slow and somewhat waltz. The lyrics and the chords pulled at my heart and I pressed my eyes into the juncture between his shoulder and neck. Grief too deep for tears welled in me and I was adrift in an ocean of pain and longing, not for Edward but for what his leaving had cost me. The ease with which I'd handed over my heart before was gone and it hurt. His presence, the way he'd left, his absence, from the very first moment had led me to this place. I was balanced precariously between loyalty to love and to him and the overwhelming desire to give my heart to this person who seemed so worthy of it.

I will be the first to admit that it could have been the music. The power of a love song to play with a heart like mine is legendary. I will also admit that I was the one who leaned down and pressed repeat on that song, because even through the storm of emotions it caused in me, his arms made it easier, and I wasn't ready for the moment to end.

It did though, after the third time through it he pressed the stop button on the CD player. He caught my hand as I stepped back and raised my head. I looked into his eyes. He looked angry and confused.

"Someone hurt you," he said, his voice thick with an emotion that was equal parts _How dare they _ and _How could they. _He said it in a way that made me wonder if he'd been hurt the way that I had, like he really understood. I accepted that he knew without wondering how.

"Someone hurt me. It was before you knew me."

I saw a flash of something in his eyes, like recognition but different. Then we stood there letting the moment fade, and feeling awkward. I said the first thing that came to mind to break the tension.

"Your brother stopped trying to make you play sports when you were seven; possibly because you were stubborn, more likely because you threw a book at his head."

He laughed and sat down at my desk chair.

"Yes, and for the record, it was both. By age seven you had at least one male teacher tell you that you were too pretty to do something."

"I was too pretty to play dodge ball, how did you know?"

"You looked like a porcelain doll, with that pale skin of yours and those eyes. Can you blame him?"

"Yes, now make another guess. "

"Perhaps an observation instead? You dance far better than you think that you do."

"And you flatter far more than you ought to."

"It was an observation. Aren't you listening?"

We bantered back and forth for a while and made plans to meet at school the next morning. It would be my turn to bring breakfast but we might go to his house after school to study.

After he left, I made dinner for Charlie. I ate a little before putting on my pajamas and going to bed. Jack had left the CD he'd brought by accident, and I listened to the slow song as I fell asleep. I slipped into a dream, the first of that night, and almost thought that I'd woken up.

I was standing in my bedroom, which looked exactly as it had before I'd fallen asleep. Gradually, I realized that I was dressed the way I had the day Edward had left. I swept my eyes around the room and as they brushed past the window, I thought I saw something move. The window was open and the curtains flew in the breeze. On impulse, I looked down at the floor. There was a hole in one of the floor boards. I felt myself pulled by some strange force until I was on my knees with my face to the floor looking into the hole.

It was like looking through the eye piece of a video camera. I watched the scenes roll past my eye; Edward handing me the CD, us taking the pictures. _It will be as though I never existed._ That had been a lie. It was a lie. It wasn't all gone, just hidden. I woke up already moving towards my closet to find something to pull up the floorboards with.

_How dare he, _I thought. Who did he think he was to leave traces of himself here? This was **my** place. This was my home. Damn him, because the hidden proof of him in my room, like the beating heart beneath the floor boards in the story I'd read earlier, were signs telling me that I would never be free of him or the scars he'd wrought on my heart. He'd been in my room the whole time. Even when the lack of proof of his existence had made me feel like I was going crazy, he'd been there. Even as I'd slowly begun to become antithesis of the girl he'd known, he'd been there.

I was sobbing as I pulled the things out, one by one, the pictures and the tickets and the CDs. I saw his face, for the first time in all those months, and I froze. I thought about the picture of me, the other half to the one that I was looking at. I thought about the way I'd pictured Jack as young child, and about the pictures of me. I remembered why I was angry at him. I wasn't dazzled anymore. I was somewhat insulted. The smile, the love in his eyes, it had all been false and I had been stupid. It hurt to see his face. I still loved him.

I know it has to be frustrating for you at this point, but I can only tell you how it was. When he left he had my heart and soul. You know that. It was going to take more than a new look and a new friend to get over that. My goal hadn't been to stop loving him; it had been to live in spite of that love.

I gathered the things into a box and saving only the half picture, which I put into the photo album exchanging it for the other half, and one of the plane tickets. I'd held the disk that he'd recorded the lullaby on, and considered listening to it, but l loved it too much to listen to it now and to remember it as just another part of the lie. I put the half of the photo with my picture on it in the box with a note on the back. _ I want all or nothing. Here's the stuff you left. Read the note I left at your house. _ I let my picture stand as my signature. I thought about adding a picture of myself post-makeover, but decided against it. This was about returning what was his, and though he hadn't left a forwarding address, I knew just where I wanted to leave this.

He'd left parts of himself buried in a place that was mine. Where else could I return it but to a place that was his.

I went back to bed. I might have had the nightmare about Laurent again, or maybe I just dreamed that I was in the meadow. I can't really be sure. I just know that I woke the next morning with a feeling of conviction. I was going to find the meadow, say goodbye, try to mean it, and maybe, finally, leave behind the love that was holding me back from something with the potential to be so much greater.

* * *

Hey guys!! It's on time and it's longer than usual. So to clear up confusion, the things he left under the floorboard are as far as I know mentioned on pg 525 of New Moon. I don't have a copy to be sure of that so if it's not there forgive me.

Thank you all for reading this, the songs mentioned are awesome and real and not mine. They are by The Hush Sound from their album Like Vines. I'll probably post a playlist with those three and any other songs I end up mentioning from this point on, Check my profile; I'll post the link before I post the chapter.

Next chapter: Another week goes by, but perhaps from a different perspective… the thing about Da Future...it changes (scrambles to rewrite story planning sheet.)

The Beta for this fic has taken a temporary leave of …screw it. Myth's life has once again prevented her from saving you from my poor editing skills any mistakes are mine.

See you by Sunday at the latest!


	19. Jack Visits

I don't have to tell you anything. Yeah, that line comes up again. Izzy has called upon me to describe some of the events leading up to…that thing that she won't let me mention just yet, so that you'll understand a bit better when it's time for you to know. She's going to continue soon, but felt once again that it would be better if you got this part from me.

In the couple of weeks since I'd met Izzy, particularly since her visit, something of the natural rhythm of my family had been slightly off. My brother was unhappy. He and I were speaking again regularly, but I could feel his annoyance with me in the way he spoke. He asked about Izzy a lot and told me stories about Alexandra. He continued trying to get me to listen to him about the family business. Jamie wasn't really talking to our mother anymore. They exchanged the occasional word or two but where once he'd made a point of calling daily and talking to all of us, we now considered ourselves lucky if he spoke to more than just me. Some days he just reminded me to continue meditating as he'd taught me and asked if I'd seen or felt anything strange before hanging up. Jamie's distance changed the quality of our family in a way that wasn't helped by the fact that my father was busy with research. Things weren't bad, just different. My parents seemed to look at me differently, and though there were times when things seemed normal, when they cooked or relaxed in his study, things seemed to be different between them as well.

When my mom left on a trip for the family business, things got quiet and I started looking more and more to my time with Izzy as a way to relax and ignore the other things that seemed to be going on. The strange connection that I'd found when Jamie had first gotten me to meditate was still present and I couldn't figure out what it was. I was also having a strange run of correct guesses, not just with Izzy and our game, but with anyone I happened to speak to in person. It was little things like knowing for sure that the jerk behind the counter at the grocery was really just a nice guy whose car had gotten a flat on the way to work that morning, but also big things like knowing that my father was lying when he said that he was going to the library in Seattle. It happened often enough to make me curious but I didn't tell anyone about it. It was too loose and random, there was too much that seemed unrelated. I'm getting away from the story.

Looking back, I think that that first visit to Izzy's house rates as one of the top ten events of my life thus far. It contained one of the best and one of the worst moments I could have ever had. Before I tell you about these moments, I need you to realize that they are personal and special. I am only telling you about them because she trusts you, and because you asked. Say it with me now, "that's important". You'll know why eventually.

I won't describe the visit in detail. Izzy covered it pretty well, and there are other things that we need to get to. What I will do is describe the two moments, the best and worst that occurred there. So what'll it be the good news first or the bad news? Good news? Perfect.

That first dance with Izzy was something special. Her hair flew and her eyes lit up and Shakespeare's Romeo found a kindred spirit in me. _Her eyes in heaven would through the airy regions stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not night. _Even Romeo's words fell short. What man or woman seeing her in that moment could have failed to love her? If her eyes had been stars countries would have warred over the rights to what land she shown on.

We were clumsy and awkward but we moved well together, balancing as always on that strange line between flirting and silliness. I found myself having such a good time that, when I chose a slower song, it didn't occur to me that I was dancing with the girl I'd heard whispers and insinuations about. I didn't think about her past, about the guy who'd apparently left her heart broken, or even about the words to the song. I couldn't have known…I don't think that I consciously knew how personal and true the words were, how much like a love song from me to her…. she leaned her head against my shoulder and for a moment I thought that something was about to happen to end the careful dance we'd been doing on the line between friendship and more. Obviously I was wrong. I stopped the music and caught her hand as she stepped back. I looked into her eyes and knew more than I should. She'd given her whole heart and more to someone who'd betrayed her. I knew that it was more than just a break up.

I was infuriated and confused. How could someone hurt Izzy? She looked fragile, and she was a genuinely nice person. I wondered at the monster that could look into her eyes and damage her so deeply. I wanted to hurt him back. I wanted to mark his face with bruises, break his hands, stomp his feet. I wanted to leave injuries, like dozens of scarlet letters, reminding him of what he'd done to her and shaming him before all who saw him. I couldn't think of what to say so I went for stating the obvious.

"Someone hurt you."

"Someone hurt me. It was before you knew me."

I let my mind make the connections; the sadness in her eyes when we'd met, the rumors, the snide comment from the girl in the cafeteria. They were bits and pieces of a narrative that I was starting to understand. She was on the mend after a breakup that had struck her like a nuclear warhead. I mentally added to the list of planned injuries if I ever met the guy.

We bantered back and forth and the mood lightened until I left. I spent the rest of the evening in my father's study, he read me his notes on the history of the reservation at La Push and I tried to let go of the impotent rage I still felt for the boy who'd hurt Izzy.

The next morning went fairly normally, if knowing with a glance that your annoyed English teacher was stood up for a date is normal. Izzy brought a healthy breakfast, fruit and bagels, and we sat on the back of her truck eating. She was slightly distracted seeming, so rather than continue our guessing game, I suggested that we study, reminding her that we could hang out after school.

The day passed and she followed me home in her truck. My mother's car was there when we arrived and she greeted us at the door.

"Nimble, Izzy, you are sights for sore eyes! Come on inside."

I blushed at the use of her pet name for me in front of Izzy, but followed her into the room and sat down at the kitchen counter next to Izzy.

"How've you been?"

"I've been well. How was your trip," Izzy responded. I nodded in agreement, waiting to hear her answer.

"It was nice. I listened to a news report about meditation on the way back. I used to love meditating when I was your age and I taught Jamie a couple of years ago. Have either of you ever tried it?"

"My mother and I took a class when I was younger."

"Jamie taught me when he was here last."

My mother glanced at me sharply for a moment before continuing.

"You should try it after you study together, it might help you retain the information a little better. Now I'm sure that I must be holding you back from something. Jack, check in with your father then you're free to do as you wish "

"Ms. Stevens, I'd actually like to talk for a moment, if you wouldn't mind."

"Of course."

I went on to speak with my father and Izzy and I met in my room after a few minutes. We sat down on the couch back to back and the guessing game started seamlessly.

"You had a party with an aeronautics theme for your eight birthday because someone got you a model plane for Christmas and you were still obsessed," she guessed.

"Classic car theme, but for the same basic reason. I'm guessing that you didn't have a theme. You probably just had a special dinner with your mom. You were dressed as a fairy princess but without the wings because you were a big girl."

"I was dressed as a geisha, my mom had listened to the audiobook for _Memoirs of a Geisha_ and she was a little obsessed. We had vegetable sushi and spring rolls at a Japanese restaurant, and mom sent Charlie a pair of chopsticks with the usual picture. You want to know what I talked to your mother about."

"Right. Will you tell me?"

"No Milord, I am in fact a tease of the highest order."

"Tell me lady, or face a fate worse than death."

"What might that entail?"

"Missing the next X-men movie, which we could watch this Friday after school."

"I wanted to tell her thanks for encouraging me to think about some things and to tell her about the colleges that I'm considering. She sort of implied that I should talk to you about it, which makes some sense as we're friends."

"I suppose that does make sense, I mean we're seniors too and seniors talk about things like that."

"Yes."

"Exactly."

We sat there watching each other awkwardly for a bit. Looking back, I think that we both realized that to think about any future was to acknowledge the possibility of separate ones. At the time I just figured that we were both silly. She suggested that we say our first choice school's name after a three count.

"three."

"two."

"one."

"University of Washington!"

We laughed for a moment before continuing.

"You're going there because of your brother," she asked. The conversation continued, and I discovered that we had the same major as well. Then the conversation turned to books and we talked until it was nearly time for her to go.

About twenty minutes or so before she had to leave, we decided to try meditating together, as my mother had suggested. We turned so that our backs touched on the small couch. I closed my eyes and focused on her breathing, trying to match it. Eventually, we fell into rhythm with each other and the room and the rest of the world began to come into sharper focus. I could hear her sigh as she relaxed into the moment, feel the warmth of her behind me. I let my awareness expand reaching out and I looked for the strange thread, the connection that I'd seen every time since Jamie had first asked me to meditate. It was there, and I felt it reaching in a way, felt that whatever I was connected to was close. Without thinking I reached behind me and found Izzy's hands reaching back. We clasped them together and, for the first time since I'd first meditated in the yard with Jamie, I felt complete. The connection, once a thread tying me, was now a force warming me. _This is what Romeo died for. _I thought._ This is what Shakespeare tried to make an audience feel. _

Izzy pulled away as though she'd been struck by lightning and the feeling faded. I turned to see her staring at me.

"Did you…?"

She was asking me if I'd felt it. I nodded and then I asked her a question of my own.

"What was that?"

"I don't know. I've been feeling this thing when I meditate lately but it wouldn't explain…"

"You too," I asked, surprised.

She looked into my eyes. Something was wrong, and I knew it, but she reacted before I could use that knowledge.

"No," she said coldly as she stood and moved away from me, towards the door. "There is something crazy going on and this time; I'm getting off of the ride while I still can."

"But Bella -"

"I thought that it was 'Izzy'."

"Izzy, wait. Milady, I must confess that I am confused. That…whatever it was felt wonderful. What plagues you?"

" All that glitters is not gold. I'm not doing this again. I can't."

She turned to leave.

"Don't you at least want to know what's causing this? It has to do with more than just meditation, doesn't it? You wouldn't be acting this way if it didn't. "

She paused in the doorway. For a long moment there was nothing to indicate that I would ever see her again. Then she turned around and looked at me, catching my eyes. She looked tired, sad, and resolute, like a woman going to the gallows.

"I want to know what's going on but before I agree to anything I need for you to promise me one thing."

"Anything."

I knew that if she walked out of that door I'd never get another chance.

"When I say I want to stop looking or that I want out, that's it. If this turns out to be something more than I feel that I can handle, then I'm done."

"Deal. I would never try to make you do anything that you didn't want to. Why are you so afraid of this?"

"I'm not afraid."

She was lying, and it was obvious, but I'd gotten her to stay and listen, and she wasn't going to run from me.

"Try to think of all the things that might be related to this and maybe we could do some research soon. I need to go, " she said quietly.

"Are we going to meet tomorrow?"

"Why should I refuse an audience with my lord," she murmured, before turning and walking out of the room.

That night I lounged on the couch in my room and tried to think of what to do. I could have asked my parents. They'd never reacted badly to anything I'd had to say or ask about before. I could have asked my brother. Thinking about asking Jamie made me think about him and Alexandra. There were definite similarities between his relationship with Alexandra and mine with Izzy, could the same thing have been going on there? Jamie had spent a lot of time alone, or sequestered off with her and our parents around then, had he gone to them for help? I decided to hold off on asking for help until I knew more about what we were dealing with.

The next day we met up and things went as they always did. She was more guarded than I'd ever seen her but we fell back into the rhythm we'd perfected and the oddness of the evening before was pushed aside. When we met by her truck after school she suggested that we wait a while before combining our efforts, suggesting that we see what we could find out what could on our own first. When I asked why, she said that she had something to take care of before she could get started.

"I want to know what this is, and we'll find out, just give me a little time."

I didn't have answers, or know for sure whether or not things would get to the point where she'd run from the situation, and the idea that things could continue as they had was appealing.

"Take as long as you need, lady fair; though I beg you, don't need long."

"Two weeks, and only that. You are not alone in your curiosity. There's just something that I need to finish first."

The rest of the week passed without incident. We hung out with Ben and Angela as always and continued on the guessing game getting up to around age ten by Friday. At some point during the week we decided to watch the second movie at her house, and her father watched it with us.

That's all you really needed to know from me, and Izzy is giving me significant looks so at the conclusion of this sentence I'll let her at it.

* * *

I don't have to tell you anything. It seems as though we tell you that at every transition but it bears repeating. I'm telling you because you asked. That's important.

The week that Jack described, the day that we started to figure things out, was one of the hardest I could have told you about. You'll remember that Edward had come back into my life in the form of things he'd left behind, and then the next day I had to deal with a whole other form of strange popping up in my life. The situation was almost too similar. A charming new acquaintance was welcoming me into his world, though where Edward had known about the dangers involved and tried to scare me away, Jack was equally blind in this.

I tried to make this time different. I made Jack promise to let me go if I chose to leave behind whatever we'd discovered. I'd taken what felt like control, but when neither of us knew whether the point of no return had already been crossed, what control can there be? It had felt good; our hands clasped as we tried follow where our minds led. It was love and I was stunned, because I'd never really felt it before. My feelings for Edward were gray and yellow and, like a child who has only seen the crayons and never the metals, the silver and gold of this new feeling was entrancing. I wasn't ready to admit that what I'd felt for Edward hadn't been real, so I'd pulled away and focused on getting out of the situation. As jack mentioned, I was stopped by our curiosity and later agreed to start searching for answers if I could have just two weeks before we got started. I wanted to wrap things up with Edward, and say my goodbyes to him at last, before starting on this new track.

During the week I called Jacob to enlist his help in finding the meadow. He'd been helpful in my other project and he knew more about outdoorsy things in general. I'd given him what I knew about its location and we'd planned to go looking for it on the approaching Sunday. On Saturday we worked on the bikes as per usual. He flirted ineptly and I feigned ignorance.

We rose early that next morning and I picked Jacob up in my truck. He directed me towards a starting point and we wandered for a few miles, keeping to a straight line. There were moments as we walked when a particularly large patch of sunlight broke the gloom and I thought that we'd arrived but we didn't that day. Jacob and I talked in odd spurts as we walked, discussing the merits of one motorcycle company over the next, or exchanging stories about school. It was comfortable, if a little boring at times. We purposely avoided reminding ourselves about the creature sightings.

The forest around me drew my mind continually towards my nightmares, but Jacob's presence and his idle chatter kept me from thinking about them in detail. In a way, that was the worst thing that he could have done. If I'd paid just a bit more attention to them…. but knowing me, I'd still have gone back on my own the next weekend. There's no getting around some things. I'm getting ahead of myself.

When I got home, tired and sweaty, I laid down and let myself slip into a meditative state and as always I felt that part of myself reaching towards the absence that I now knew was Jack. For the first time, as I fell asleep, I felt him reaching back. The emptiness in my heart closed up just a little bit more.

* * *

Go ahead and say it. She's late again. I know it's later than I ever thought that it would be but I did get it out and it's longer for the extra time.

Thank you all for reading and reviewing and alerting, you guys are awesome!

Next chapter: hopefully out by Wednesday or Thursday. That's all you get, but I will say that there won't be a filler chapter for quite a while.

Disclaimer: I don't own Shakespeare's stuff

Not beta-d because I'm impatient and she is currently not online.


	20. All That Glitters

Monday morning found me at my computer looking up mental connections and meditation. Mostly, I found silly websites describing "soul mates". There were cases, the websites claimed, when the meeting of soul mates brings about miraculous occurrences and causes abilities to come to fruition. I laughed a bit as I read. I could believe in vampires, but this? Soul mates? I had yet to see a fairy, or a leprechaun, or a werewolf, or anything else to make me believe that all the other stories were true. That didn't change the fact that it had to be something. Were we both psychic? Was the connection just two gifts seeing their like and alerting their owners? Alice had seen the future before her change, so maybe all bets were off, and maybe it was all real. If it was all real, every superstition and wives tale, then there were thousands of possible answers for the questions raised by the oddness that had once again settled firmly into my life. It seemed as though a long and arduous search awaited Jack and me, though part of me was relieved. If we were going to search together then we'd have time, and maybe… I don't know… maybe it would be ok. Maybe the strangeness would be a total good. Maybe this time I could be happy without the fine print and hidden complications.

I got dressed and grabbed an apple on the way out to the truck. It was Jack's turn to bring breakfast and the sour of the green apple would help balance whatever dessert he brought. Sure enough, when I arrived at school, he was waiting with triple fudge brownies and cappuccinos.

"Too many more breakfasts like this will make us both diabetic, I hope you know that."

"And too many more like yours will have us old and fun deprived."

"If mine will lead us to old age, it's because they'll allow us to live that long."

"If a life lacking sweetness and indulgence is what you have in mind, then I wonder if the increase in quantity will make up for decrease in quality."

"With my lord close by, what quality should I do without?"

"Are you implying, lady, that you would keep me close for life?"

I blushed and there was an awkward pause. Before, I might have brushed it off with a joking insult or a change of subject. Now, I just shook my head before catching his eye and replying, " You've yet to refute my claim that you would be close. Are you implying that you would not wish to leave?"

He blushed and we stood there, suddenly very involved in watching the steam from our cups rise.

"We should sit," I said after a while.

He pulled the old blanket from his trunk and we sat on the bed of my truck.

"Your favorite color was blue when you were ten. You missed it when you were here."

"Right, in a way. I don't really have a favorite color, haven't since I was around seven, but I did miss the color blue when I was here. "

"No favorite color?"

"Well, it would be more accurate to say that it changes a lot. Yours was green, and it still is."

"It was but it isn't anymore. Are you ever going to meditate with me again?"

"Maybe next week."

I'd decided that if I couldn't find the meadow during the upcoming weekend, I'd just leave the box at the Cullen's house before school on Monday. I had a deadline.

"I know you asked for two weeks but…Have you started looking yet?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen much that makes sense. Have you?"

"Started looking or found something?"

"Both."

"I've started looking but I haven't found much either. Do you think that we should ask someone?"

"Who would we ask? We don't know what this is, or if it might be dangerous."

"It doesn't feel dangerous."

"All that glitters is not gold."

"But some things are. I need to know what besides the meditation thing has been weird for you lately. If we trade stories we'll have more search terms."

"Next week."

"After school next Monday, we could talk at my house or yours, or on neutral ground. Your choice."

"My house, we'll be able to talk for a few hours before Charlie gets home. We could also meet here for lunch, instead of in the cafeteria, to get started."

He nodded and we cleaned up before rushing to class. While the teacher droned on about some book or another that 'd read before, I thought about our conversation. Was every conversation we ever had about this going to feel confrontational? I couldn't blame Jack for wanting to ask someone or for wanting to get started. He didn't have my history with pretty things that bite. In our guessing game we'd been getting closer and closer to the present. Soon I was going to have to either lie to him or break faith with the Cullens by telling their secret. I didn't feel as though I could do either.

I forced myself to pay attention in class, mindful of how important my grades were going to be for my future. I sat with Angela at lunch. Jack was off catching up with the guys, so we talked for a bit about whatever random topic crossed our minds. Things were apparently going well with Ben.

"He's so sweet that it makes me wonder if he might be the one. I'm not rushing anything but it's so perfect; sometimes it's like we're soul mates."

"You believe in soul mates?"

"Not really, but I'd like to. It's a lovely idea. Don't you think so?"

"Maybe, when's that quiz in Berty's class again?"

She answered and the conversation continued to the end of lunch, when Jack came over to walk me to class. We sat side by side in Biology and he walked me to Gym class afterwards. He squeezed my hand before letting me go on the locker room. Gym passed well, I still had to watch my balance but I managed in a manner that might have passed for graceful

Jack was waiting by my truck when I got out, holding a bottle of water.

"You are most gracious, young lord."

"Tis no trouble. Did you and Angela have a pleasant lunch today?"

"We found it lacking, though I admit that the chance to discuss you in your absence was a rare treat. "

"No doubt you were marveling at my greatness and composing sonnets to depict my awesome glory and modesty."

"If to think that that is what we said pleases you, then you are welcome to continue in that delusion."

"Your rapier wit has once again torn my heart to shreds, lady fair. Can you spare a few hours to follow me home and fix it?"

"What might that fixing entail?"

"Explaining that Biology lecture which I swear, must have been in Greek, or Latin, or an evil freakish mixture of the two."

"Not an evil freakish mixture! Anything but that!"

"Will you do it or not?"

"Well, I was going to do some laundry, maybe some research, or try to-"

"I'll give you cookies and I won't whine about waiting till next Monday."

"What are you waiting for? We've got studying to do."

"And perhaps we could meditate afterwards to make sure that I internalize the information."

"And perhaps you could discourage me from forcing you to internalize my pencil."

Studying at his house went fairly normally, with the exception of his mother making no less than three pointed sounding comments about asking questions to satisfy curiosity. It gave me a moment's pause, but I reasoned that if she knew that something was going on she would have said something. I got home in time to make dinner for Charlie and the evening passed smoothly. I dreamt of Laurent and the meadow again that night, and woke up gasping.

Later that day, after school, I got a call from Jacob. His friends were feeling neglected and he wanted to invite me to hang out with him and the guys. Apparently some of the older guys had been acting strange and grouping together more, and Jake's presence in their Sunday afternoon revelry would help the boys his age deal with it. I had to turn down his offer. I needed to find the meadow that weekend, and if I had to do that alone, so be it.

On Thursday evening, I went to Eve's self-defense class. it was as fun and exciting as it had always been, more so because now I knew enough that my "sisters" had to work a little to take me down. That made me feel marginally less scared. The Laurent nightmares had been coming nightly all week. That morning I'd woken up screaming and a pervasive feeling that something bad was going to happen had settled itself over my life like a fog ever since. When I got home from class, I practiced for two more hours, trying to make myself too tired for dreams. It didn't work. I was tired when I woke up and Charlie was sitting at the foot of my bed claiming that I'd woken screaming and drifted off again twice before.

Jack let me take a nap instead of our usual round of the guessing game before class on Friday, though he woke me up when he started meditating and I felt an odd pull from his side of the connection. I fussed at him. Why couldn't he just wait three days?

On Saturday Deputy Steve and I continued our motorcycle lessons. I could circle the parking lot on his bike, and it was exciting and though the deputy prevented me from gaining much in the way of speed, I felt beautifully alive as I road. After practice, I worked on the bikes with Jacob for a couple of hours before going home early in the hopes of catching a reasonable amount of sleep. That night was like the others, long and full of tossing and turning, but the nightmare had a subdued quality now. It scared me but I slept on and well.

I woke up on Sunday morning with a feeling of vague dread. I dressed carefully and purposefully, choosing the shirt that Edward had loved to see me in, the shade of blue that had made his eyes linger. I opened the photo album to look at his face. It was a ritual, in a way; the first part of saying goodbye. At his house, a lifetime and several weeks ago, I'd chosen the parts of the Cullens that I would keep in memory. Before that moment, with Edward there had been no choosing. I had tried to keep all of him. That day though, if it went as I planned, was going to be a day of returning things to their rightful owners. I kept the excitement and the absoluteness of his love, however much of it had been false. I kept the way his hands had looked as he played my lullaby, the smile he'd had just for me, and the lightest and darkest shades of his eyes because those were things that I'd perceived about him; they were mine and he'd taken them when he left.

I closed the album whispering, "I have what you took. The things that I can't get back from you are things that I can live without. I don't have to be angry or upset with you anymore."

I took the box of things that he'd left and I sat on my bed. I took the CD out and I listened to his lullaby for one last time. The music was beautiful, written for someone who was loved, it wasn't mine. When the song was over I put it back into the box, and then held the box for a moment before getting up, grabbing a jacket, going outside and getting into my truck. I closed my eyes and tried to lose myself in the memory of that first trip to the meadow. I felt myself start the truck and, when the memory was firmly placed in my heart, I opened my eyes and let the memory of him lead me down the road.

Rain came down in brief and scattered showers as I drove, and I wondered if I'd have to deal with rain as well as the terrain. The rain let up though, as I came to stop, feet away from the place where he'd kissed me that first time.

I took the box into my hands and got out of the truck, leaning against it for support. The woods ahead were those from my nightmares, and that made the first steps toward them some of the hardest. Carefully, I stepped into the forest walking straight ahead and concentrating on moving obstacles as I met them. The rest of the world was like an afterthought, some inconsequential thing that didn't matter in that world of green leaves and dark trees that seemed to hold up the sky. I kept my eyes forward waiting and watching for that point of light that would tell me I was close.

Finally, I saw it; the light flickering in the distance. I walked up to the edges of the meadow. The wildflowers were still sleeping, the sun hadn't come to wake them yet and it was still too cold. I could hear the river somewhere to the east. There were high grasses, half dead from winter, but still beautiful. The faint sounds of birds was relaxing in a way as it filtered in from beyond the perfect circle of the meadow.

I walked to the place at the meadows center where we'd lain so long ago. It hurt. The part of me that loved him was breaking, but this was needed. I let myself fall to my knees, and I placed the box on the ground. I was about to say the words that I thought would his hold on me forever, when a voice all too familiar spoke my name.

"Bella."

He had stepped into the meadow. His pale skin and absolute stillness reminded me instantly of his figure in my nightmares. Moved by an odd mix of training and abject terror, I shifted nearly unconsciously into a fighting stance that I'd learned from Eve, modifying it to look more casual.

"Laurent. You remembered."

My voice was cold. In another life, I might have been almost pleased to see this proof that vampires, and by extension Edward, existed. In this one, however, I knew that the odds were good that I was making small talk with my murderer.

"I'm surprised to see you here," he conversationally, choosing to ignore the ice in my voice.

"You shouldn't be. I do live here, after all, though the same cannot be said of you. I thought you'd gone to Alaska."

He walked a few steps closer. His beauty was apparent but, as I'd told Jack, all that glittered wasn't gold. I kept my head and tried to figure a way to get home to Charlie.

"You're right, I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect…When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on."

"You're not wrong."

I wanted to deny it, but if he'd seen the house, there would be no point.

"I'm surprised they left you behind. Weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?"

"I suppose you could say that."

He "hmm"-ed thought fully. His dark red eyes watched me curiously.

"Do they visit often?"

"Of course, to make sure that I'm safe. I'd have gone with them but for my responsibilities here."

I lied, hoping that even in their absence they could lend him enough fear to keep him from harming me.

"The house smelled like it had been vacant for longer than that."

"I'll have to tell Carlisle that he missed your visit. He'll be so disappointed. I probably shouldn't tell Edward though, he has such a temper. He's still touchy about the situation with James," I said, gesturing to the scar on my wrist. My tone was still cold, and I was only talking to stall for time.

"Is he really," he said skeptically.

I nodded. He moved closer.

"So, how are things working out in Denali? You were staying with Tanya?"

"I like Tanyna very much, and Irina, more. My time with them was the longest I'd stayed in one place before. I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it, but the restrictions are difficult. I'm surprised that any of them can keep it up for long. "

He smiled at me dropping the façade of friendly conversation.

"Sometimes I cheat,"

"That's something you and Jasper have in common."

"Really? Is that why they left."

Now that he'd revealed his intentions subtly, I knew my time was running out. Even so there was nothing I could do. If I ran he'd toy with me, or kill me faster. If I fought I'd lose. I was going to die. I nearly resolved to die fighting but then Jack's name came to mind. Irrationally, I felt myself reaching for the thread that tied me to him even as I answered Laurent.

"No, he's more careful at home."

"I am too," he said moving yet another step closer.

"Did Victoria ever find you?"

He hesitated, "Yes, I actually came here as a favor to her. She won't be happy about this."

He glared off towards the trees.

I refused to ask the question, using the moment's silence to get a lock on the thread tying me to Jack and to cry out for his help with my mind. _Jack! I don't think there's a way that you could help me now but try! Jack I'm sorry that we never got started! JACK! JACK!! _ I screamed in my mind. I'd thought that they would be my last words to him, though in my terror I could only clearly call his name. I stepped back a few steps.

"I'm going to kill you. She wanted to that herself. She's sort of put out with you, Bella."

Part of me wanted to correct him, tell him it was "Izzy", and that you don't plot to kill people that you are merely "put out with".

"Me?"

My voice remained cold and I'd tried to sound as though the idea that she was after me was intriguing rather than terrifying.

Laurent shook his head and chuckled.

"I know, it seems a little backward to me too, still James was her mate and your Edward killed him. She thought it more appropriate to kill you; fair turnabout, mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak. I didn't imagine that you would be so easy to get to. So maybe her plan was flawed. It wouldn't be the revenge she imagined since you must not mean very much to him, if he left you here unprotected. I suppose she'll be angry all the same," he said, frowning as he finished.

"Why not wait for her?"

He grinned.

"Well, you've caught me at a bad time. I'm hunting and quite thirsty. You smell simply mouthwatering."

I stumbled another step back, before settling into the stance from before. I would not run unless I had a real chance of getting away. I would die proudly, succumbing to a force far superior than my own. I could see no shame in that, though Charlie, Renée, and Jack would never know. I was still screaming to Jack in my mind. Laurent was moving ever closer.

"They'll know it was you, you won't go unpunished."

"And why not? the scent will wash away with the next rain. No one will find your body. You'll simply go missing like so many, many other humans. This is nothing personal, just thirst. Look at it this way; you're very lucky that I was the one to find you."

"Am I," I asked challengingly.

"Yes, I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing I promise. I'll lie to Victoria about that later, to placate her. If you knew what she had planned for you…I swear you'd be thanking me for this."

I focused inward. _Jack! Please!! Tell Charlie that I didn't run away. I'm so sorry we never got started! I'm sorry that I wouldn't meditate with you. Help me please." _

I sensed movement and focused outward again. He was backing away. Why was he backing away? I was too numb from fear to feel relieved. I looked around, trying to see what had caused his retreat, then a large black form immerged from the trees where Laurent had entered the meadow. Enormous and muscular with razor sharp teeth, it stalked towards him. It snarled and a relaxed my stance preparing to run the moment I knew that I would draw neither it nor Laurent's attention. It was a wolf, I realized as I watched, an enormous, and powerful wolf. I puzzled over why Laurent was running from an animal. The vampires I'd known had enjoyed hunting prey this fierce. I saw Laurent's eyes widen in terror.

Two more gigantic wolves joined the first. One grey and one brown, another joined them creating an asymmetrical "v" with the shorter side closer to me. I fought to remain still and to keep all cries for help in my mind. Why wasn't Laurent attacking them?

He took off into the trees, so quickly that I could barely see him and the wolves followed in a storm of growls and snarls.

I glanced at the box, remembering the pretty words I'd planned to say, but I chose running over ritual. I was by no means out of danger. I turned and ran as though Hell itself was on my heels. For all I knew, it might have been. As I ran back, sounds that I hadn't noticed before terrified me. I lost focus on my balance and I tripped and stumbled until finally I broke the tree line, just a few feet away from my truck. I paused and glanced back towards the meadow.

"What's yours is yours, Edward, and I'll keep what's mine. I hope that your distractions bring you peace. I've still got questions for you, but I don't need your answers. Goodbye, Edward Cullen."

I got into my truck and drove, letting the full implications of all that had just happened settle in my mind. _My dreams might be prophetic. _I'd seen this coming, just as I'd seen Alexandra's story, just as I'd seen that Edward was a vampire and more things too. I'd had other dreams, the book cover dream, the … my mind got stuck as I tried to remember. I'd seen the wolves before...in a dream.

That revelation was cut short as I remembered that I now had two vampires out for my blood, one of which who wanted me to suffer. I tried to think rationally. She would wait a while before coming after me, wanting to here Laurent's report. He needn't hurry off to tell her, because I was defenseless in his eyes, and if he did, she might go after the Cullen family seeing that I was not important enough to make an impact. There was also the fact that I might get some advance notice before she came if she did.

I was nearly at home when my cell phone rang. I answered without glancing to see who it was.

"Hello?"

"Izzy, are you alright?!?"

"Calm down Jack, I'm fine."

"I heard you."

* * *

Hey guys!! Thank you, as always, for reading. Laurent's lines are for the most part taken directly from the book, from chapter 10 in New Moon.

Tell me what you think!

This chapter we had the big goodbye, the old friend, the…other stuff… we're moving towards the climax of the story, so get ready because things are about to get interesting.

Please don't interpret her screaming to Jack in her mind as begging by the way, she was trying to make sure that she was heard if there was any possible way that she could be, because nothing before ever indicated that they could communicate that way.

Chapter un-beta'd, because our resident grammar nazi Myth isn't online at the moment.

As a final note, I despise it when fic writers do the annoying holding the next chapter for ransom if you don't review thing, so regardless of whether or not you do, it will be posted as soon as it's ready, that said..**Please give me feedback if you haven't in a while** or even if you're one of the people that review every chapter. Tell me what I'm doing right and wrong and what you want more of. Please and thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed and alerted at the end of this story I'm going to post an outtakes chapter and I might give "awards" in the form a scene with the character of your choice and you to the top 3 with the most reviews sent.

This note is getting long, so see you next chapter and happy Independence Day to any of my fellow Americans, I'll try to have the next one up by next wensday, or earlier.


	21. Sharing and Searching

Last chapter:

"_Hello?"_

"_Izzy, are you alright?!?"_

"_Calm down Jack, I'm fine."_

"_I heard you." _

_

* * *

  
_

"You did," I asked, stunned. I'd called to him in my greatest fear and with the faintest of hopes, and he'd heard me.

"Yes, that's what I said," he replied quickly, with an edge of impatience," I was laying around in my room reading and thinking about something I found in my research when I thought I heard something. I got into a meditative state, because of the whole expanding awareness bit, and I heard you. It was like you were screaming from far away, I couldn't hear words, I just recognized your voice and you sounded so scared…what's going on?"

My mind and heart both paused for a moment. What was I going to do? I couldn't tell him about Laurent and Victoria without explaining about the Cullens and breaking faith with them as a result. There was also the fact that telling him would put him, and possibly his family, in danger. Hell, my presence was now a target sign. No one that I knew was safe, if Victoria was after me.

"I saw the creature, the one that there have been rumors about. I was walking in the woods and it just ran up out of nowhere. It was massive, all those claws and teeth. I was just a few feet away from it… I thought that it was going to kill me, I just tried to stay still and quiet, but I was so scared and I had to do something so I reached for the connection and…you heard me."

"That's not all true, is it," he asked, as though he were asking the date or the time, "I can hear it in your voice."

"No, it's not, but it's all that can really say on the matter. The point is that my life was very much in danger and I called out to you. Jack, could you try calling to me? Not now, but later when I'm not expecting it. "

"I will. Izzy, would you mind it much if we made our breakfast tomorrow a little earlier? We'll have a lot to discuss. Be careful Bella."

"Not Izzy," I said, curious.

"Not when I actually intend to call you sweetheart."

His voice was thickened slightly by emotion but steady and confident. We'd been flirting for weeks, we'd danced together, and it had all been a part of the blurred but close friendship of ours. That sentence felt like it was a part of something entirely different. Then he hung up and I pulled into the driveway of my home and just sat there for a while.

Eventually I went inside, made a quick dinner for Charlie and continued on upstairs. I laid down on my bed and sent a mental curse in Edward's vague direction for leaving problems like this. I had no way of contacting the Cullens, who might have been able to protect me from Victoria. I could, I suppose have tried to find the coven in Denali, but Laurent might have returned there. I put it from my mind and was about to fall asleep when a sound drew me back to awareness; Jack. I couldn't hear his words but it was his voice. Where I had sounded afraid, he sounded soothing, and I fell asleep shortly after I ceased to hear it.

* * *

I brought tea, fresh bread, and fruit for breakfast that next morning. He was waiting with blanket in hand, an hour before we'd normally meet.

"Lady you shame the morning. Be less fair, or less lovely, or the sun may find itself outshone," he said lightly as mischief in his smile belied the purpose of our early meeting.

"Your mouth to God's ears. Be less flattering or you may find yourself hungry," I responded lightly. We were venturing into unknown territory that morning and starting on familiar ground was comforting. We spread out the blanket on the back of my truck. It was still a bit dark out, but the sky was lighting slowly. Eventually I started.

"I heard you," I murmured, " what did you say?"

"Goodnight, my sweetheart, my friend. May dreams bring you peace," he replied, his voice as quiet as mine had been," I repeated it a few times. So this goes both ways. What else has been happening since this connection appeared?"

"Before we start, you have to promise that you won't tell anyone about things related to this unless we both decide that we should. My secrets, and yours, are going to have to be ours to share and to hide as needed."

"I understand that. I promise."

He looked into my eyes as he spoke, and I realized how much I trusted him. When had I started to trust him this way?

"Alright. I think that I may be having prophetic dreams and I had one a while ago that might be a clue as to what we're dealing with or where to look. Other than that, I find myself being… I feel…."

I turned away from him, embarrassed, but he just touched my face, running soft fingers down the side facing away from him and whispered, " I need to see your eyes. Could you, good lady, do me the honor of allowing me?"

I turned and looked into his eyes, then he continued.

"You were going to say that you find yourself being defensive of me, more so than you think that you should, and that you feel drawn to me, but faltered because friends don't say things like that. I know that because it's true. I've been just sort of "knowing" things about people, or if they're telling the truth. It seems to revolve around eye contact. It's part of the reason that I'm winning in our guessing game. I've been feeling the same things. I hit my brother for an implication he made about you while we were talking."

"No wonder he was sharp with me."

"Don't worry about it," he said dismissively, "so the angel is a prophet, tell me what you saw that might be a clue."

I told him about the dream with the book covers, being sure to keep my eyes on his so that he'd catch any relevant detail that I left out.

"So, if your dreams are to be believed, all of this has something to do with the family business. It also means that Alexandra and, by extension, Jamie have something to do with this also."

His expression was pensive, and somewhat troubled. I wanted to let him contemplate, but some moments won't allow for that.

"What were they like together? Tell me about them."

"They were close. Alexandra had Jamie hooked from their first conversation. He spent a lot of time alone around the time when he met her, but she saw more of him than the rest of our family combined. After she met our parents, I saw even less of them both. When we did cross paths, when Jamie decided to catch up or wanted a guy to beat at a game, it was like visiting in another country. There was this odd sense that I was missing something. There were undercurrents of things beyond my experience. He was so happy with her… words can't describe it. When she died, he had to be put on suicide watch for a couple of months. Eventually he got better, started to cope and continued living."

He'd focused his eyes on some random point on the tree line at the edge of the parking lot as he spoke. The pain in his voice had me reaching out for his hand and he let me comfort him in that small way.

"You think that they were like us," I said, unsure if I was asking or telling.

"Maybe, I overheard a conversation the morning before your first visit. Both of my parents are involved not just my mother. I almost feel like we're being led to something. Jamie taught me to meditate and then asked me to tell him if I felt something weird. Mom, not realizing that, asked us to meditate together. Do you think that it's possible that-"

He was talking faster and faster by the moment, thinking aloud, I finished his sentence to remind him of my presence before he wandered too far into his thoughts.

"-that they've known all along and are waiting for us to figure it out? That seems to be the case, Jack."

"So the questions remain. What is going on and what are we going to do about it," he sighed, lying back onto the blanket. I lay back also, turning onto my side so that I could look at him as we spoke.

"It's your family, you would know best. Are we being led in any direction that we want to go in?"

"I can't believe that they'd choose to hurt us." He said firmly before his face lit and he continued. "What are you doing on Valentine's Day?"

"No current plans, why?"

"It's next week, my parents always make a big deal out of it. We could research on our own this week and ask them about it after dinner on St. Valentine's. Would you do me the honor?"

"Dinner and an interrogation? How lovely. I'll be happy to join you. It's a good plan. So, now we'd better eat or we'll have to go to class hungry."

We ate in silence before going on to a fairly uneventful day. After classes, we met at my truck and sat in the cab, exchanging information that we'd gotten from our week of individual research. There wasn't much, he'd found the same useless websites about soul mates and psychic connections. Over the next few days, our work developed a pattern I worked on the computer at Jack's house looking for odd news stories connected to his family while he searched old boxes from the attic for anything that might give us a clue as to what was going on. His parents were out at the reservation, exploring and researching, so we were free to search without having to worry.

To our mutual disappointment, all we found was an interesting and impressive history of happy marriages in his family, most on his mother's side. On Friday afternoon, his parents returned as I was leaving and his mother mentioned how nice it was going to be to have me at the Valentine's dinner and told me that they tended to run a little late, so that I could plan accordingly.

On Saturday, I had another successful lesson with Deputy Steve and that evening, to my utter joy and elation, Jacob called to tell me that he'd finished the bikes.

Sunday morning found me pushing my truck to its limits to get to La Push. Jacob was waiting on the front porch when I arrived. I ran up and hugged him as hard as I could.

"Jacob you did it! You rule," I shouted.

"Good morning to you too, Bella," he said grinning from ear to ear.

"Formalities are for patient people, Jacob. I want to ride."

"Ok, I know just the place. Let me get the bikes onto your truck, and we'll get going."

I made him allow me to put my own bike onto the truck, using a plank of wood as a ramp. Then I handed him the keys and he drove down an old trail. On the way, I saw some boys lined up by a rock on top of a hill in wetsuits, when one of them jumped I nearly panicked before I realized that they were cliff diving. I asked Jacob about it and he told me that it was a popular hobby, and that I might want to try it someday. I nearly told him that I'd like to, but then I remembered Jack, and Jamie's reaction to Alexandra's accident. If we were like them, then I couldn't afford risks like that.

"No thanks, Jacob, I like living. Are we almost there?"

"Better than almost, we're here. We have to walk the bikes a bit first though."

We took the bikes off of the truck and started walking.

"So Bella, how've you been? I really wish you'd come this way more often."

"I would but my friends in Forks keep me busy, and we're seniors, so we'll all be off in different directions next year. I know where you'll be."

"Good point, I guess you've got plans for where you're going?"

He sounded a little dejected, but he had to face the facts.

"Seattle, if I'm lucky. Is this the place?"

"Yeah, let's ride."

Riding with Jacob turned out to be far less complicated that talking with him. My bike was quite different from the deputy's but with Jacob's help I got a good feel for it. At some point I'd been paying more attention to a blond joke that Quill had told Jacob than where I was going and nearly hit a tree. I swerved and lost balance as I was stopping and the bike fell on top of me. Jacob rushed over and pulled it off, and I was fine. It would have been so much worse had I been ridiculous enough to try it without having read a manual or taking lessons first.

We packed up and left shortly after that, and on our way back to his house I told him that I planned to take the bike home with me.

"I don't mind you leaving it here," Jacob pointed out.

"I know but I do. I'll need it for my next lesson and once I get my license it will make more sense to have it at home."

"Will you still come ride with me sometimes?"

"Absolutely, Jake, you're my friend. Besides you could always come ride around Forks with me."

"I guess I could. I'd hate it if we couldn't spend time together anymore."

He was overestimating the value that I placed on my time with him, and managing to fail at flirting at the same time. I tried to subtly point out that I wasn't returning his interest.

"I know, it sucks when friends get separated."

"So, what are you doing on Valentine's day, it's on Tuesday, right?"

"I'm going to school, then going home and changing then having dinner with a friend."

"A friend?"

"Do I hear a parrot," I said with false and joking confusion.

"Sorry, just, call me. Ok?"

"I promise, I will."

He looked mildly unhappy but he smiled as we pulled up to his house. He leaned over and gave me a hug then got out of the truck. He got his bike of off my truck and waved goodbye as I drove away.

When I got home I told Charlie about my progress with the motorbikes. He was glad to hear that I was enjoying it, though he reminded me to be careful. I made dinner and went upstairs to study. Before bed, I made an emergency pack with a change of clothes, some money, and the plane ticket that the Cullen's had given me. Jack was sure that his family couldn't possibly mean us harm, but I wanted to be ready just in case. Besides with Victoria upset with me, a change of scene might be more necessary than I was ready to admit. I wrapped the pack in a small plastic tarp and made plans to strap it to the bed of my truck the next morning.

That night I dreamt of oceans. I stared out across wide expanses, and knew that I was seeing two different oceans and that there were two very different choices. Both felt urgent, and the waters were troubled and though I could feel the connection with Jack, I knew that he couldn't help me he in either case. I closed my eyes within the dream, knowing somehow that I had time to rest before making a decision in either case, and when I woke up the next morning I could still smell the salt and hear the crashing of distant waves.

* * *

YOU GUYS RULE!!!! I got too many reviews to both respond to them all individually and get this chapter out today, so thank you all, and your suggestions and concerns have been noted. For those who wanted more Jacob… I'll try, but it'll be a while. I tried to do better about the whole "talking heads" approach to conversation in this chapter and I'll keep working on it. I'll try to avoid taking dialogue directly from the book where I can from now on… thanks to everyone for reviewing and I may go back through and reply to them all soon.

Moving on: this chapter was about sort of reviewing the hints that have been dropped and setting up for the next chapter which I've actually been sort of anticipating from the start. ** Next chapter: **Valentine's Day brings more than just candy hearts as Izzy joins Jack's family for dinner. Secrets, surprises and a choice that could forever alter the fates of those involved….hopefully to be posted by Sunday evening, or possibly Wednesday, depending on how long it ends up being.

see you next chapter:)


	22. Telling Valentines

Monday morning was calm. After a week with no success in trying to find anything that would help us when we confronted his family, we were tired and anxious. Jack brought coffee and doughnuts for breakfast and we'd come to school earlier than usual, partially to work out a plan for the next night and partially because being apart was starting to feel vaguely unnatural. We were sitting back to back on the bed of my truck when Jack broke the easy silence that had formed after our initial greetings that morning.

"Bella, would you meditate with me? I should not ask, you've been reluctant from the start but…"

Rather than answer him I just let myself drift into a meditative state and took his hands. Soon he joined me and the familiar sense of completion washed over us. We soaked in it. It was a warm bath and we were weary travelers. We were friends, we had our strange blurred friendship in every other activity and moment except for this. In this, in meditation, we were as one and as whole as any two beings could be. It scared me to the core but like death is a gateway to life unending, feeling the fear made the security, the warmth, and the light, feel boundless and untouchable and unbreakable. It was too overwhelming to maintain for long, but part of me realized in that moment that anything that caused this had to be good.

This time we stayed in the position and let ourselves come out of it more naturally.

"Bella, remember when you made me promise to let you leave this if it turned out to be more than you could handle?"

His voice was light, but I could feel him shaking slightly where our backs touched.

"Yes, I remember," I said, squeezing his hands to re-assure him.

"Would you promise to take me with you, or not to go too far?"

"I promise. If I do, you know how to reach me. So what are we going to do tomorrow?"

" Honestly, I think that we should just ask. We could wait until after dinner, tell them what we know and have them fill in the blanks. Jamie is coming home today, for winter break, and he's been trying to tell me for weeks, so at least one of them will be ready to answer us. By the way, my mother says to tell you 'dressy casual' if that means anything to you."

"She's telling me how I should dress, tell her I said thank you. It sounds like a good plan, though I think that waiting until tomorrow evening might be difficult. Have you thought about what you'll do if this is something bad?"

I shifted, loosening my grip on one of his hands to stroke his palm and trace the fingers.

"I've got some money saved up. I'll burn that bridge when we reach it and I really doubt that we will. Do you honestly think that they could want to hurt us?"

"No, I really don't but I've been wrong before. All that glitters-"

"-is not gold. The one that hurt you was attractive," he asked, trying to make it sound as though he didn't care.

"Don't taint our time with talk of him," I scolded," He is as far from me as east is from west."

He let the matter drop for the moment, deciding to change the subject.

"Did you dream last night?"

I pressed back with one of shoulder before releasing his other hand and turning around. He turned to face me and I told him about the dream I'd had the night before. He couldn't make anymore sense of it than I could. For the rest of the time before classes we just sat there enjoying the morning and the time we had, knowing that it could be limited and more precious than we knew, equally excited and scared of what the next day would reveal.

At lunch we sat with Ben and Angela and did an admirable job of acting as the only thing we worried about was the next Biology quiz. I told everyone that my motorcycle was up and running and there was a toast to the "Forks High Biker Chick". It was, in a way a relief to be teenaged and silly after the intensity of the morning, and the last few days. Ben invited us all over for a movie marathon after school on Friday, and bribed Angela and I with the promise of romantic comedies, so we spent a bit of time deciding wish three or four movies to watch.

Jack and I reviewed our Biology notes on the bed of my truck afterschool and made one last pathetic attempt at making our research from the week before translate into something useful. We had no luck but it kept us busy for a while.

I watched a game with Charlie when I got home and got him to help me make dinner, showing him how to make his favorite meal and making enough for him to warm the next night. Then I went upstairs and e-mailed Renée to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. When I slept that night, I had another dream of oceans. This time I tried to pay attention to things like the temperature and the tides. One of the oceans, and the choice associated was soon. I couldn't tell what it was, or what was at stake though, and that frustrated me more than I could say.

The next morning I pulled out a stunning red shirt, dark jeans and red high heels for the dinner that night, before slipping on a plain long sleeved black shirt and my personalized jeans and grabbing some muffins and apple cider for breakfast.

When I got to school Jack was waiting with a red blanket, and a picnic basket. I pulled the truck into the parking space next to his and got out smiling and reminding him that it was my day to bring breakfast.

"I know, milady, but I brought a surprise anyway. Have I offended you?"

"No, lord but-"

"Good, then stand back and let me set up."

He spread the blanket over the bed of the truck then he pulled out two plastic champagne flutes and an enormous heart shaped box of chocolate. He beckoned me to join him on the truck bed and we sat on opposite sides of the heart. We poured the warm apple cider into the champagne flutes, and we enjoyed a long slow breakfast, picking our way through the chocolate heart and not worrying about whether we were acting like friends or more. It was so nice. We let ourselves be silly, toasting random things and people.

"To Mike What's-his-face, for being far less interesting than you when I first walked into that sports shop," Jack said smiling, with mischief in his eyes.

I laughed before responding, "To Mike Newton. Oh! I have one. To telling dreams and knowing glances!"

"To telling dreams and knowing glances. Now we need to be serious for a moment or we're going to be late for class."

He schooled his features, trying to make his face support his words, but the façade broke into pieces when I replied, " Absolutely your lordship, sir."

We laughed for a moment before he took my hand and we got down to business. I closed the box of chocolates and set it aside as he started.

"Dinner starts at six. Would you like for me to pick you up?"

"I'd rather drive, to be honest. Should I bring anything?"

"No, we used to recite our favorite love poems but after Alexandra… it wasn't a good fit for our family anymore, so the tradition got dropped. Let's clean up and go to class. If you think of anything else, you can ask after school."

"Alright."

We cleaned up the area and went to class. I confess that I didn't learn a thing that day. I was too distracted by the prospect of finally finding out what was going on.

At lunch, Ben and Angela sat with us but focused on each other, so Jack and I worked on systems that would make it easier for us later that night. We decided that if he called to me in his mind, I could assume that whoever had just spoken was being less than truthful. If I called to him with fear, then we'd both make an exit. Otherwise I promised to try and catch his eye if I left unexpectedly and call him later.

When we met afterschool, we reviewed the plans and promises that we'd made at lunch then we sat in the cab and tried to feel brave. Jack asked if we could meditate but I declined. It was too bright and there were too many people around. The next time we saw each other everything might change. These were, to our knowledge, the last moments that we'd have before everything changed. We squeezed hands and then he left my truck to go home and get ready, and I took a moment to adjust to his absence before starting my truck and heading home.

When I got there, I went upstairs and took a long shower putting on a robe and going to my room. I prepared myself like a woman getting ready for battle. I rubbed lotion into my skin, brushed my hair and meditated on my bed for a while. Eventually I stood and dressed, and headed downstairs and out to my truck. The night was cool and dark, and the drive to Jack's house was somewhat tense.

He was waiting on the front porch with a yellow rose in his hand when I pulled up, and he walked over to help me out of the truck.

"I'm almost ashamed to give you this now; heaven and earth alike know that you shame it with beauty."

He looked a little nervous, but I could tell that he'd be fine. He was trying to put me at ease, trying to put himself at ease, and being sweet in a way that was uniquely his own all at once.

"There is no shame in a gift well meant, though there may be some in flattery ," I said taking the rose and allowing myself to be led up the stairs to the porch and inside.

The house was stunning on the inside. There were roses, hearts, and quotes about love decorating the dining room and kitchen and pictures from Mr. and Mrs. Stevens's wedding on the mantle in the living room. It was warm and comfortable.

Mary Stevens was puttering around in the kitchen putting the last minute touches on the food when we entered. She stopped to greet us

"Izzy! Happy Valentine's Day. It's wonderful to have you join us this year. Josh! Jamie! Come out and be sociable."

Jamie came out and told her that Mr. Stevens wanted to see her then he walked over to the living room area. Jack and I followed him and we sat down on the sofa, while he settled into an armchair next to us.

"Hello Izzy, it's nice to see you again. I'm sorry that I gave a rather poor first impression. You could say that I had some issues that I was working through at the time."

He looked sincere, and Jack hadn't signaled otherwise, so I responded with a smile and a dismissive gesture.

"Don't worry about it, we all have our off days. So how's school? Don't leave anything out. I'm hoping to join you there next year."

He sighed dramatically.

"Oh, that's right! I'd almost forgotten. I'm going to have two little freshmen nipping at my heels next year."

His smile softened the words and for the first time I saw some of the person that Jack was so certain that I'd like. We talked for a few more moments, about life on campus and how school was going for Jack and me, before their parents came in and we shifted over to the dining room. Jack, his brother and I sat down at the table while their parents arranged the food on the table.

"Ms. Stevens," I said as I sat down," I must say everything looks lovely."

"Thank you dear, you know Valentine's is one of my favorite holidays."

Mr. Stevens joined the conversation, "I think that it might be obvious today, dear."

"I suppose that it would be, though there are a great many things tonight that are not. I would advise those who would like those things clarified to ask about them."

The resulting awkward silence gave everyone time to fix their plates. When the silence became too much, I asked about the first viable topic that came to mind.

"How did your research at La Push go?"

"It went well; I made it over to First Beach. It was lovely. The people there are quite helpful also. Fascinating-"

"Dad, don't bore the girl to death," Jamie interrupted.

"Don't interrupt your father, she asked a question and was receiving an answer."

She'd been scolding Jamie but looking at Jack and I. Joshua Stevens sighed with a kind of fond exasperation.

"Mary, love, I think that they get it; stop showing off. Now, is anyone up for some Valentine's trivia?"

For the rest of dinner we competed in a game similar to Jeopardy. There were categories like famous couples, romance writers, and name that sonnet. The winner, Jamie, got double portions at dessert. It was the most fun I'd ever had on Valentine's Day. The game made us all relax and cut through some of the odd tension of that night. We laughed, and had a such a good time that I nearly forgot the plan but as dinner drew to a close, jack leaned over and squeezed my hand. It was time.

I looked up and caught his eye, hoping he'd understand that I wanted him to start.

"Izzy and I want to talk to you about something," he said carefully to his family.

"Let's go back to my study and discuss it there," his father suggested lightly before turning to look at the older of his sons, "Jamie, will you be joining us?"

"I'd rather not. I'll clean up in here, then maybe I'll step outside for some fresh air."

He was trying to maintain a neutral expression, but I didn't need Jack's ability to see the hurt in his eyes. It worried me a little, but we'd passed the point of no return. I allowed Jack to lead me back to his father's study, his parents following behind us. We sat on the small sofa and his parents leaned against his father's desk.

"What is it that you wanted to talk about," his father asked patiently. Ms. Stevens was working to restrain herself, trying to be patient, but wanting us to hurry up. Jack squeezed my hand and I took a deep breath before starting.

"There have been a lot of strange things going on for both of us lately, and we have reason to believe that it has something to do with you and your family business. We've meditated together and felt the weird connection. What, exactly, is going on?"

I'd tried to remain calm but some of my anxiousness had leaked into my voice by the end. Ms. Stevens walked over and squeezed my shoulder.

"Breathe Izzy, all you had to do was ask. That's important," she said soothingly, and then she moved back to her place next to her husband before continuing, "have you ever heard of the concept of soul-mates?"

"Yes," Jack answered for us.

"Well forget most of what you've heard about them before, because otherwise this might get confusing. At the center of every myth is a truth. In this case, soul-mates are the myth and "matches" are the truth."

Jack's father started speaking without a pause, in a way that made me wonder if they'd practiced.

"To understand what matches are, you have to know that there are more types of beings that exist in this world than most people believe in or acknowledge. Legends like vampires and werewolves, and shape-shifters, and a whole host of other beings, are far more real than many will ever know. Each being has a general purpose. Vampires are predators, shape-shifters are protectors, and the list goes on. Any questions so far?"

Jack's eyes had been trained on his father's since he'd started speaking. There was no way that he could have been lying. Jack shook his head, to indicate that he didn't have questions, and I did the same. I was shocked. They knew about vampires. It was all real. Ms. Stevens continued where her husband had stopped.

"With all of these types of beings, many with conflicting needs and drives, humans might never have stood a chance; we could have been lost in a battle of titans, and more than that, the world itself could have been destroyed in struggles between the various kinds of mythical beings.

To prevent that from happening, nature or God or whatever force you believe created us, placed only half of a soul in each body, like puzzle pieces. A match is a couple in which either two halves of the same soul are reunited. Not everyone meets their match and there are things that can happen to make meeting them impossible but if you do meet them, you awaken traits in that other person that they would never have developed without you, and in turn hidden traits are awakened in you. These traits might be intuition, the ability to see or sense things that others don't, empathy or even increased powers of strength or mental ability. They vary in power and intensity. We call them 'match powers'. Matched pairs tend to repel the dark sorts of creatures that might mean them harm."

She'd only addressed one concern, so I asked, " Matches save us from them. What saves the world?"

Joshua Stevens was ready with an answer, "there are families, like this one that know about matches and how to find them, and the types of beings that we share the world with. Ever heard the saying that knowledge is power? With the knowledge of how the system works, comes the ability to step in when power struggles within and between groups threaten to destroy the world. We call ourselves Watchers, because we observe all other beings and only step in to stop threats to world security, and now that you know, the connection between the two you should become clearer and whatever abilities you've brought out in each other should increase to a level that makes them useable."

_He's right_ I heard Jack say, and then I jumped when it occurred to me that he'd said it through our connection. To say that I was overwhelmed would be the most spectacular understatement in history. It was all real. Jack was my other half and we were supposed to help keep the world from self-destructing. I had more questions than I could deal with. At the same time I felt relieved. They weren't something horrible. They didn't want to hurt us.

"What we hope to do," Ms. Stevens continued," is train and teach you, because a threat is rising in northern Italy-"

They weren't going to hurt us, just send us into danger, to stand in the middle of a battle involving creatures from someone's nightmares. He'd said that the only difference between normal people and Watchers was knowledge and now I knew. I felt trapped and alone as Jack continued to listen, seeming untroubled.

I stood suddenly and ran, avoiding Jack's eyes. I had full plans to book it to my truck and to get as far away from him and his family as I could. I heard Jack's parents stop him from running after me, and I made it out the front door before a pair of arms and voice stopped me.

"Remember the bond," Jamie said into my ear as I struggled to escape his hold. My mind flashed to the feeling I got when we'd meditated, and how warm his hand in mine was. I froze. He let me go and I turned to look at him.

"Why are you running," he asked, not angry just curious.

"There's no choice. They just told me, and now that I know, I have to help save the world? He's the other half of my soul? And Jack is just fine with this and this morning we didn't know and everything was just…"

I was panicked and rambling but he knew exactly what I meant.

"When you didn't know, everything was just perfect? It still is, Izzy. There is a choice. You can say no. if you don't want your power, if you don't want to be a watcher, if you don't want to be with Jack even, it's all your choice. My match died in a car accident just over a month after we started training. My 'match power' allowed me to feel the life in everything within about ten miles and her. I could always feel her and when she died, I felt the absence of her on this earth confirmed at every second. I tried to join her in death but people kept saving me. Meeting your match brings you power, loving them makes you whole, losing them…it's a pain worse than death. I don't suppose you'll know about how vampires are turned."

"Three days excruciating pain after a bite?"

"That's it, how…? Never mind. The point is that their venom, in addition to the obvious, combines the effect of gaining and losing a match. You get the power that your match would have given you and the physical interpretation of the pain of loss. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"The point is that my power was making it hard to exist, so I screamed with everything in me, with absolute truth that I didn't want it, the power, the responsibility, none of it, and it was gone. The formula for a watcher is this: a match, knowledge, and a choice. You have a choice to make. Once it's gone you can't get it back and if you say that big no, everything from the power to your ability to perceive the connection is gone. My advice for you is this: think of how it felt this morning and yesterday and ask yourself what you'd do to protect that feeling, and to help others to keep that feeling."

"I just have one question," I said as I turned towards my truck with a new destination in mind.

"And that is..?"

"Why didn't they tell me all of that?"

He laughed, reaching up and mussing my hair, before replying, "They kind of suck at this talk. They put the choice part that at the end when they told me and Alex, trying to make sure we were informed before we made our choices. I ran before they could finish too. Now if you want some time to think I suggest that you run on before Jack breaks down the door to that study trying to get to you."

I moved towards my truck but then something occurred to me.

"So the family business is your mom's cover for … Watchering or whatever the proper term is?"

"Exactly... wait, let me give you my number. If they explain something wrong again, or if you have questions , or need to know how to kick my brother's but at just about anything, give me a call before you do something drastic."

He pulled a scrap of paper out of his pocket and wrote it for me.

"Thanks Jamie, I know this can't be easy for you," I murmured before climbing into my truck, kicking of my heels and driving off to make the first of two decisions that would define my character and touch the lives of those I cared about.

* * *

Hey guys, still reading? I'm sorry for the info dump but I really couldn't see another way. What do you think of the whole matches/ watchers thing? Any questions? (really, I mean it, ask me and I'll answer it eventually either in a reply or indirectly later. the explanation in this chapter went through so many re-writes you don't even know )

Thank you all for reading and reviewing and I hope you'll trust that this is going somewhere and not crucify me for screwing with s. Meyers world to this new extent. … wow this is sooner than I usually update … ok so…

**Next chapter:** Jack visits again, Izzy makes a decision , and possibly more info on the matches/ watchers system (if you want it, I could lay low and back up if you'd prefer. You got a boat load in this chapter.)

Behind the scenes: in planning this chapter was supposed to cover her actually making a decision but it was running long.


	23. Choosing and Learning

I don't have to tell you anything and, to be honest, as we get deeper into this story we're going to run across plenty of things that I probably shouldn't tell you, but you asked; and in a world where knowledge is the difference between an average life and the power to police immortals, it can't be stressed just how important that is.

You know the drill by now, Izzy wants me to tell this part and I, being a Jack of all trades, am quite happy to accommodate her. I won't bore you with a detailed rehashing of Valentine's Day. You know the basics and more from Izzy. We'll start with the point in the matches lecture where Izzy stopped listening.

"What we hope to do," My mother was saying," is train and teach you, because a threat is rising in northern Italy. You'll learn to fight as a pair within a team and rules that we use to govern our actions and insure victory."

I was listening carefully, concentrating on their eyes and the truthfulness of the words rather than the repercussions of what they were saying. I was so focused on what they were saying that I didn't notice Izzy's growing panic, and was slow to react when she stood and ran. I tried to follow her but my father grabbed my arm.

"Jack, let her go," he said firmly as my mother closed the door.

I was not pleased.

"What do you mean let her go," I yelled, as I fought my father's grip , "Did you see the look on her face? She's upset!"

I felt myself grow calm against my will and though physically I was still ready to fight them, the urgency of my need to go after her was waning.

"You can't do anything about that now. Give her time to adjust to this. Jamie bolted when we told him too," Mother said, in a way that was intended to be soothing, but was really just very annoying.

"We need to at the least finish telling you the basics so that when you find her you can ease her fears a little. Will you listen?"

I did. They told me about the choice, though with less detail than Jamie had used when he'd told Izzy. When they finished, I left the study and headed immediately for the door, with the intention of finding her. I grabbed my spare set of car keys from near the door and walked outside. I'd just put the key in the door to unlock it when I heard Jamie's voice.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," he said, his voice just a little amused.

"What do you people have against me going after Izzy?"

"Jack, she needs to think. I told her the rest of what she needed to know and now she's off somewhere making her decision."

"Who are you to tell her anything? You never even finished training," I said without thinking.

"Who are you to assume that she needs you now? You haven't even grasped the enormity of what you have the potential to be involved in. You're right, I never finished training; Alex died. Excuse me if I was too busy grieving to study the art of war as described by Sun Tzu. So sorry I couldn't pay attention to lectures while mom was checking me for pills and sharp objects. Go to your damn room and think about this for a while or so help me I will make you. She doesn't need your unrelenting faith in the system, right now."

His voice had started at a roar but by the time he was finished it was a lethal hiss that reminded me of a blowtorch. I went to my room and collapsed onto my bed. Didn't he remember how it felt? Why were Izzy and he so upset? They'd found their other halves, they'd felt the beauty of completion. Maybe Jamie was upset because that had been taken from him, I could understand that. I remembered what he'd been like after she died. I knew the terror that had gripped me when I'd realized that Izzy was afraid, hearing her in my mind that first time and knowing that I couldn't reach her…. As I sat there thinking, it was slowly setting in; the dark side of the arrangement.

It has been said that the worst pain in Hell is the loss of Heaven, and if finding your match wasn't heaven, nothing was. That wasn't all I needed to consider. We weren't just matches. Any two halves of any soul were a match, and while it was possible to lose your match under normal circumstances, there wasn't an extreme likelihood of it happening. Matched pairs repelled supernatural things and tended to live long lives with fewer illnesses. Most matched pairs were relatively safe. The problems came in when being a Watcher was added to the equation.

It was gradually occurring to me what was at stake. If all went as planned, we might have to face hell itself and Izzy had run out before finding out that there was a choice.

There was a choice, and Jamie was right, both Izzy and I needed time to think and to make that choice on our own. I also needed to apologize to my brother and thank him for being kind enough to help Izzy despite his own pain. I spent the night debating the merits of being a Watcher and wondering how Izzy felt about it all. We were meant to be together and knew it now. To be honest, I wasn't sure what I wanted. We'd all but declared ourselves by that point. The only thing setting us apart from most typical couples was the lack of physical contact and, if we were going to have a lifetime, we'd get there eventually. I wanted to ask her through the bond, but that would have been just as intrusive as going to find her would have been.

The sun rose the next morning to find me driving off towards her, remembering the dream that she'd told me about and following the bond in the hopes that she'd still be there on the other end.

* * *

I don't have to tell you anything. You know the reasons why I chose to tell you, you know that it is above all my choice. I chose to tell you in part because you asked, and while it's important that you did ask, my choice to honor that by answering you is important too.

The night was dark as I drove away from Jack's house. I let the windows down and the cool air helped to calm me down as I drove. Eventually I reached La Push and not long after, I parked my truck and stepped out onto the sand at First Beach.

I thought about the Quileute tribe and their stories of "cold ones" and the men who turned into wolves. I thought about Jacob and remembered walking along this beach with him and flirting for information. It felt like another lifetime. It had all started there. I'd gotten my first major clue as to what Edward was on this beach. Now I was coming back to decide what I was going to be.

I walked towards the water, feeling the sand under my feet. I stood just a few feet from the water. I liked Jack. I liked the sense of completion I had when I was with him. I liked that even though he called me "lady" and was chivalrous he could still let me be aggressive. That was different from what I'd known with Edward. I could only imagine how Edward would have reacted to my doing something like riding a motorcycle, probably tried to follow behind me like a sparkly set of training wheels.

Following that train of thought, it occurred to me that if I chose to become a Watcher I'd be joining his world again. The increased likelihood of seeing the Cullens again was a point in favor of being a Watcher. There was also the fact that as a normal young woman I was a sitting duck for Victoria. Being a Watcher would mean having the power to protect the ones that I loved.

My mind circled back to Jack. Jamie had said to think about how it had been before that night and to ask myself what I would do to protect that feeling. I thought about how it felt to meditate with Jack and fell to my knees on the sand at the strength of that memory. What wouldn't I give to have that feeling forever? I thought about my parents, wondering if they could ever have felt it, and feeling my heart break for Charlie because if Mom had been his match then the nature of his grief and his love for me made that much more sense. I thought about Jamie, though Alexandra had been taken in a way that nothing could have prevented, I didn't want to think about someone else suffering as he had.

My choice was made, but I didn't feel ready to face Jack or even Charlie, so I called him with a lie about a problem with the head lights on my truck and told him that I was spending the night in the Stevens's guest room.

For a long time I just stared at the waves. I felt alone. The beach was long and empty, and the ocean so vast and dark that my place on the sand was like the edge of the world. Everything that I knew felt so far away. Jack felt so far away. I closed my eyes and let the world come into the focus that I associated with meditation. The bond was still there, like a rope in my mind directing me to where he was. It was still there, even in that place where I doubted that even heaven could reach me, it was still there. I stood, walked to my truck, and got in. I rolled up the windows for warmth, but left the doors unlocked, knowing how useless a gesture it would be. I fell asleep that night to the muted sounds of the ocean outside and for once, I slept without dreams.

* * *

"Izzy!"

His worried voice woke me up the next morning. He'd climbed into the cab of my truck on the passenger's side to find me sleeping and was waking me up rather than sitting like a statue and waiting for me mumble things that I wouldn't say when awake.

"Bella, wake up. We need to talk."

"Never good words to begin a conversation with, Jack," I murmured, my voice rough from sleep. I sat up giving him room to sit down. He sat and there was a quiet moment as we both tried to find a way to start.

Eventually we both sort of blurted out, "I'm sorry."

We laughed at ourselves and Jack gestured for me to go first.

"I'm sorry that I ran out on you like that. This is all just…big. I needed to think; to decide what I wanted."

"I'm sorry that I didn't realize how big it was until after you left. You can thank Jamie for that. You were right to leave. We both needed time. So, lady fair, what do you think about…? Have you decided?"

He was so nervous that he could barely look at me as we spoke. His eyes flicked back and forth between me and the waves. It made me anxious about what he was going to choose, made me wonder if I was going to have to do it alone. I took a deep breath and reached for the place in my mind that connected us. _I'm still here, aren't I? The option to leave never goes away, so each day and moment we decide again, _I whispered through the bond._ We're so young, so much could happen, but I don't want to throw this away and I don't want someone else to have it taken because I was too scared to help them keep it. _

I turned to see his face, and he'd stopped glancing out towards the waves. I locked eyes with him, willing him to see the truth in mine. He took hold of my hand.

"You're right. Every day we'll have to choose, but this is too good, and too rare to let go of. We've been given something that people spend lifetimes longing for, a chance to be happy with the person we were born for, to have good lives that make the world better. I don't want to throw it away either."

He smiled at me as he finished speaking and I leaned over and hugged him.

"There's probably more that should be said, but we really should get to school. It was your day to bring breakfast but since we both brought it yesterday, it'll still be my turn tomorrow."

The moment for soft words and lingering gazes had ended. Now we had to get to the business of living.

"Agreed. I have to stop at home and tell my family that we decided to start training and change clothes."

"I've got a spare set, so I'll go on to school and change in a bathroom. Meet me at my truck for lunch?"

"Definitely. See you then, Bella."

He reached for my hand, giving it a squeeze before walking to his car and driving away.

I made it to school about half an hour into first period. The day was so normal that I almost wondered if I'd dreamt or hallucinated the day before. Then at lunch, a rather pleasant surprise helped to convince me that I hadn't.

"Jamie! What are you doing here?"

I heard Jack greet him before I could actually see him, walking up to stand next to his brother.

"Same question," I said as I reached them.

"I'm here to answer any questions you guys had last night, and to fill in the parts that two worst people ever to giving the Watcher speech left out. I also have presents," Jamie said informally as he leaned against my truck. Jack and I put the blanket on the back and we sat on the truck bed. Their mother had sent us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch and we ate quickly before Jamie continued.

"Ok, less than freshmen, start asking," he said smirking.

"Remind me to kick your…to injure you later. What do Watchers do, and how many of us are there," Jack asked, rolling his eyes at Jamie.

"We dance, what did you think we did? Watchers watch things. You study and you know what's going on so that when a threat is detected you can send the message along to other watchers who use their match powers to decide whether or not action is needed. There are 28 main families; 7 continents, and 4 basic directions. The whole world gets covered because pairs move away from the main family as they finish training, seniority decides who gets which direction and recent activity reports decide the city. The heads of each family receive and hand out information to the family members and their matches."

"What exactly do we use to act," I asked.

"You use your head, the principals that Sun Tzu listed in the art of war, your individual match powers and the one that you share, which you will hopefully discover before Mom and Dad feel the need to try locking you up together until it shows itself. Don't ask, just trust that it has been done before," Jamie answered. I had another question so I locked eyes with Jack, to tell him to hold his next question.

"What happens if you lose your match? Can you lose your match without them dying?"

"Yes, if your match can't physically be with you anymore, say because they've become a vampire, it functions the same way. When you lose your match after meeting them it fractures your soul in a way. Like if you'd glued two halves of a sheet of paper then ripped them apart again. Matches are like puzzle pieces and sometimes two pieces not made for each other still fit together perfectly," he said it with a sad smile that made me wonder if he hadn't given up on that as a possibility for himself then finished, "Likewise sometimes matches meet but don't work well together."

There was a moment of quiet as we absorbed the information then Jack spoke up.

"You brought presents, you said?"

Jamie pulled out two books that looked oddly like the ones from my dream with the book covers and handed one to each of us. The books had black laminated paper covers with the title, _Myths and Fairytales_ by Watson Cheralds , on the front in gold. Jack and I shared a glance before removing the paper covers and reading the actual title, _The Unseen Book of Things Seen (which had better darn well remain that way) _by Anonymous.

"That is your textbook for Watcher lessons. You'll need to bring it to training, and Mom wants you to read up on vampires so that you'll be ready for more information about the threat when you start on Saturday and can help gather information that might help. Now run along little Watchers or you'll be late for class," Jamie said it with a smile and mussed Jacks hair before climbing down from my truck and driving away. Jack and I cleaned up and went to class.

We met up again briefly after school, talking more about Biology than anything else, and then I went home and studied. The section on vampires in the Unseen Book was interesting, telling me a lot of what I knew but also going into things that Edward hadn't gotten around to telling me about, like their laws and the rulers and enforcers called the Volturi. As I read, I decided to tell Jack and his family about my friendship with the Cullens. The book had brief notes on them, because they were a larger group than one typically found with vampires and because there were notes on most of the older and larger groups of vampires. Their secret, as far as I'd been asked to keep it, was out.

I made plans to tell Jack and his family on Saturday and then I went to bed. I dreamed about oceans again, but this time the ocean seemed to be rushing towards me, or I towards it. I tried to figure out why I'd jumped. I tried to think why I'd risk my life, and Jack's sanity, by doing something so reckless. All I could hear as was the wind as it seemed to whisper something that I couldn't understand. Just before I woke up, the words became clearer. _To be seen,_ the wind was saying, _to be seen. _

_

* * *

  
_

Hey guys, I'm back again. I'm going to try to update a bunch this week because I'm heading to the beach on Saturday for a week of remembering why family vacations are annoying and why familiarity breeds contempt. I'll have some internet access but I'll be short on time so…you've been informed.

Thanks as always for reading and reviewing and generally being awesome. I can't say what'll happen next chapter, cause I'm just a touch behind on my story planning, but it'll be out soon so…yeah.

till next time, P_M


	24. Friends and Films

The next day went fairly normally, if meditating on the back of the coolest truck ever to grace Forks High with its presence and studying secret textbooks was normal. After school, Jack invited me over to hang out with him and Jamie and watch him lose at a few video games, but I declined. I had to call Jacob before he started to think that I was abandoning him and I had self-defense class to get ready for, too.

When I got home from school I went upstairs and immediately found his number on my cell phone and called. He picked up on the first ring.

"Bella...," there was some grumbling in the background on Jacob's end. From what I could hear Billy wanted Jacob to stop answering the phone and assuming that it was me who'd called, "Sorry, I mean, Black residence may I ask who's calling?"

He sounded so sarcastic and dry and petulant when he re-did his answer that I burst out laughing before replying, "You had it right the first time Jake. So I guess you've been looking forward to my call."

"I guess I have. How's it going with that bike?"

"I haven't ridden much but I'm due to get my license soon, so I'll ride more then. How about you?"

"What?"

He sounded so far off balance that I ran my last couple of sentences past the teenage boy filter in my head and rolled my eyes when it hit me.

"The bike, Jacob, how has it been with the bike."

"Oh, yeah, it's been going great; rides like a dream. I've been riding a lot lately, Embry started hanging out with Sam and the older guys and Quil's mom is making him study. "

"Sorry to hear that you're playing lone wolf, Jake. I'm kind of busy these days but is there anything I can do?"

"Can I come see you? I finished up the rabbit this week, it'd be its…damn, what's the phrase? Its maiden voyage. Maybe tomorrow evening?"

He was asking me out. Part of me wanted to laugh until it hurt me the way that my rejection was going to hurt him. Don't look at me like that. His timing was utterly abysmal, asking me out less than a week after I'd found my match. Jack and I weren't dating exactly, neither of us had ever claimed anything exclusive with the other, but being the other half of someone's soul, and knowing without ever having to think about it that, if you ever decided to say "screw it" to every other person and part of your life and start over, you would bring him with you….That counts for something.

"I've got plans with friends of mine tomorrow night, but I could probably snag you an invite if you'd like to join us. Too much time alone isn't good for a person."

"You would know."

He'd said it lightly, but there was no mistaking the intent. Jacob wasn't stupid, and he usually wasn't malicious, but he felt like he'd been slighted and he was getting back at me.

"Jacob, I'm sorry that you're having a rough time of it. If you'd like to sit at home and cry about it rather than hang out with me and my friends, I'd understand. You know? Because I would know about that too, Jacob, I really would."

"Sorry," he murmured weakly," I'd like to hang out. Call me afterschool and I'll meet you wherever."

"I will, I'm sorry too, but it won't happen again, will it?"

There was a threat in my voice but it wasn't something that I could help. He'd deliberately brought up the most painful and, in retrospect, embarrassing times in my life. I couldn't have him doing that if we were going to be friends.

I went upstairs and studied the assigned chapter in the unseen book. The Watchers were well informed. I wondered if even Carlisle knew as much as they did about vampires. The most interesting things I found though, were the theories rather than the facts, things like what Jamie had told me about the effect of vampire venom, but also conjectures about what the Volturi had termed la tua cantante, the phenomenon by which some humans smell particularly edible to some vampires in the way that I had to Edward. The anonymous writer or, as I suspected, writers of the book had the idea that these humans would have worked as second matches to the vampires they'd unwittingly attracted. The theory couldn't be applied to Edward and I, because I hadn't lost my match and there was no telling whether or not I'd still be Edward's "singer" if I did , but it was intriguing all the same.

I got dressed and went out to my truck, before changing my mind and hopping onto my motorcycle. It was illegal, and I was a cop's kid, but the wind in my hair and on my arms blew away my reservations. I parked just outside of the gym, and went inside. The lesson went well. Eve had backed up on giving me personal attention but the other women corrected me when I did something incorrectly. I was improving. As I practiced kick drills, I felt a sense of my own strength that escaped me sometimes.

That night I took a detour on the way home, riding off in a random direction for a while and enjoying the feeling of the wind again. Eventually I caught myself turning onto the road that led to the Cullens' home, and I came to a stop just in front the porch. The idea of learning to ride had first occurred to me there, and I smiled at the memory. It had been a different girl who'd sat on those steps all those weeks ago. I got back on the bike and drove home, shouting my joy at the progress I'd made to the winds and knowing what it was to fly.

* * *

It was raining the next morning, so Jack and I ate in the cab of my truck. I'd brought bagels and coffee and we ate quietly for a few moments after Jack got into the truck. I thought about telling him then, thought about bringing the truth of the Cullens to mind and letting him know the information with my eyes. It would be good to be sure that I'd have at least one person on my side when I told his family the next day. I decided to give him the choice.

"Jack, there's something that I think you should know, that your family might need to know about, but I'm not sure how you'll react. I could let you know right now, or I could do it after the movie night tonight, or you could wait and find out with your family tomorrow. Which would you prefer?"

"Is it something bad?"

He looked a little worried, reaching up and brushing his fingers down my face to suggest that I turn to face him. I ignored the gesture.

"Sort of, though I can't imagine how knowing now rather than later would help."

He stared out at the rain for a moment before responding.

"Tell me after the movie night, that way we can talk to my parents if we need to and you could just tell your father that it ran a bit long."

"Alright, lord wise and able. So…."

There was still quite a bit of time before school started. Jack leaned back against the passenger side door, turning to face me.

"You're my other half," he said, his voice half awe and half certainty. He was starting a conversation long overdue.

"As you are mine. How…Does that…? This is so much easier to feel than to talk about," I'd started with a tone similar to his but the last sentence stumbled from my mouth followed by an awkward laugh.

"It really is. Let's just… I don't know. Does this change anything?"

He was as awkward as I was.

"Do you want it to," I asked. We were both staring out at the rain, avoiding eye contact.

"I don't know. It feels like it should. Most matches tend to be couples, but then why should we complicate things to be like the majority, " he replied thoughtfully.

"Exactly, besides, you've asked me to take you with me if I go, if you'll do me the same for me, then I think we'll be fine."

"It would be my highest honor."

The tension fled and we relaxed into a conversation about which movies we were looking forward to watching that evening. Eventually we went to class and the day passed normally. Angela wasn't in class, but I reasoned that she might have slept in and could show up later. It wasn't until lunch that I realized that that wasn't the case.

Usually Ben and Angela beat us to the cafeteria, but they were late that day. About halfway through lunch, my phone rang. It was Angela. She and Ben had caught a flu bug that had been going around and were too sick to come to school. The movie night would have to be postponed until they were feeling better. Jack and I both sent along our best wishes for their health before Angela had to hang up and get some rest.

"Well this is most misfortunate," Jack sighed as a put my phone away.

"More than you know, kind lord. I invited an old friend to join us, he'll be quite disappointed. He wants for company and has suffered much for lacking it," I replied. I dreaded having to cancel on Jacob at the last moment.

"Your friend from La Push," he asked, curious.

"Yes, Jacob. His friends on the reservation seem to have grouped together and left him out, and all the time alone isn't suiting him well at all."

"Mayhap we might still be able to lend your friend some merriment. If we move our plans to a theatre, we could still enjoy a movie together and I would have the chance to meet another friend of yours."

He seemed optimistic enough about the idea and it did seem like the perfect solution. I decided to go with it.

"My lord is as wise as he is merciful. That sounds like a great idea. I'll tell him about the change in plans when he calls afterschool. We could wait for him at my house and do some studying."

I smiled as I spoke, happy that I wouldn't have to miss the time with Jack or disappoint Jacob. The day finished on a high note, there was a substitute teacher in biology who gave us a free day, because she'd lost the lesson plan, and gym was becoming an enjoyably easy class now that I'd learned to fix my balance.

Jacob called as I was walking to my truck after school.

"Hey Bells, all set for the movie night?"

He sounded excited and it warmed me a little to know that he already felt a bit better.

"I am now, but Jake there's been a slight change in plans. Ben and Angela, two of the friends who were going to be at the movie night, got sick, so Jack and I decided that the three of us could meet at my house and go to the theatre. It's a smaller crowd but it should still be fun."

"I'm sure it will be great as long as you're there," he said, flirting in an obvious but ineffective manner, " so, can I come on over? When did you want to meet?"

"Come on when you're ready."

"O.k. See you soon."

"Bye," I finished hanging up the phone and walking over to where Jack was waiting for me, next to my truck. We bantered for a moment before getting into our respective vehicles and going to my house.

When we arrived, we sat down in the living room.

"Would you tell me now," he asked seemingly out of nowhere. It took me a moment to figure out what he was talking about.

"After the movie, patient lord, as we agreed earlier," I replied, partly worried about his reaction and partly amused by his impatience.

"Well, fairest lady, if you will refuse me one truth, might you supply me with another? I'd like to try something."

The mischief in his eyes told on him. He'd never expected me to grant the first request. He'd set it up so that it would be to refuse the one he actually wanted.

"What does my lord desire," I sighed defeated.

" Milady first, above all things and forever," he said, with an intensity that startled me for a moment, before continuing lightly, " but I was also hoping that you would think of your friend and let me see what I can find out about him using my match power."

"Alright, but I'm only letting you know enough to get an impression."

"Fair enough," he answered, turning to face me. I did the same and I locked eyes with him, thinking about Jacob and the basic history of our friendship. Then I glanced away, letting my mind lose its focus on any specific subject, and waiting for a comment from Jack.

"He seems nice enough, though I wonder at the wisdom in letting him continue his advances towards you."

He was trying phrase it carefully, but I could hear a touch of possessiveness in his voice that made me wonder if the movie night was really such a good idea.

"It's just a crush, harmless, and I haven't encouraged him. I don't see the point in rejecting him outright. It would hurt him."

He smiled at me fondly before replying, " trust me, there's not much of a difference between encouragement and a lack of rejection in this case, or between protecting his feelings and leading him on. I'm not saying that you should never speak to him again. I'd hate to separate you from a good friend. I just think that you should be careful."

"I will, now we could meditate or study, or do both. Choose."

We ended up studying until Jacob arrived.

He honked the horn twice and I stood walked out to meet him. Jack followed behind after a moment. Jacob was standing proudly next to the car he'd fixed by himself and he smiled when he saw me walking towards him.

"Hey Jacob. I'd like for you to meet Jack Stevens," I said, taking Jack's hand to bring him closer.

"Jacob Black, it's nice to meet you, Izzy has spoken well of you," Jack said.

"Izzy," Jacob asked, a confused expression making its way across his face. "Since when do people call you Izzy?"

"Since I said that they could, and not everyone does," I answered, and then Jacob turned his attention back to Jack.

"It's nice to meet you too. Bella hasn't really said much about you. You new around here?"

He put too much emphasis on my name and there was something like a challenge in his voice. I sent a silent prayer to whomever was listening, _Please don't let this turn into some kind of contest._

"Relatively, though Izzy's helped me settle in so well that I don't feel as out of place as I might," Jack replied, an answering challenge in his voice. I suggested that we get going, hoping to get to the movie before the concentration of testosterone in the air became lethal, so Jacob got back into the car and Jack walked over and opened the door to the car for me. He took my hand as he sat down next to me in the back seat, and I nearly pulled away but I realized that Jack and I acting a bit more like a couple might be a good thing. The last thing I wanted was to lead Jacob on.

When we got to the movie the boys had conflicting ideas about what we should see. There was a romantic comedy that looked pretty good, but my long break from romance as a genre had given me a healthy appreciation of horror. Jack wanted to see the romance, while Jacob wanted to see the horror film. Neither saw fit to actually ask what I wanted to do, though, to be fair, Jack knew my opinion with a glance into my eyes. Eventually we ended up seeing the horror film because Jacob made a rather convincing argument.

"Do you really want to see a romance with a group of three in a theatre full of couples," he said as a last ditch effort to avoid seeing a film with emotional depth.

"The man has a point," Jack conceded, "shall we, Izzy?"

He held out a hand to lead me into the theatre while Jacob bought the tickets. We only took a few steps before Jacob grabbed my other hand, glancing smugly at Jack, and the three of us walked inside.

The movie was great. Three people died violently in the first two and a half seconds. The plot was laughable, at best, and insulting to the genre as a whole, at worst, but the special effects weren't lacking and the acting was impressive.

At around half way through the movie I started to feel a little sick but I brushed it off, wanting to see the end. Jack killed that plan when he stood and rushed out of the theatre a few minutes later. Jacob, who had been sitting on my other side, grabbed my hand and tried to get me to stay and watch the movie.

"He'll be fine," he hissed as I tried to get him to let go of me.

"You won't, if you don't let me go," I murmured back before standing and following.

I found Jack bent over a trash can near the bathrooms. He'd gotten sick. I walked over to the concessions stand and got him a bottle of water to rinse his mouth out with. I touched his forehead to check his temperature, he was burning up. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jacob. He standing and watching us from a couple of yards away, but I focused on seeing to Jack.

"Hey, valiant lord, you're so warm I could have mistaken you for the dragon, rather than its slayer," I said softly, using a gentle pressure on his shoulder to get him to sit down on the floor and rest for a moment.

"Lady, precious and merciful, I could have mistaken you for an angel. I seem to have been stricken by some illness; perhaps I'll call my brother for a ride home. Go back; you shouldn't miss the movie on my account."

He sounded a bit strained, and it worried me.

"Nonsense, I'm not feeling all that good either," I said before looking up towards Jacob," I think we'd all best head home. Jacob, would you mind?"

"No," he said, there was more disappointment in his voice than the situation warranted, "maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I'm not feeling too great either."

He wasn't just talking about the movie night or his health, and the truth behind his words made me hurt for him.

"Jake," I sighed.

"Don't worry about it. Just…let me know, if you ever feel differently. When you feel better I mean. I'd hate to miss out on riding with you again," he said, the hurt barely hidden beneath his voice. Then, he helped me get Jack into his car. The ride back to my house was quite, but it was an easy silence. Jacob dropped us off without getting out of the car, and drove home.

After he left, Jack and I sat down on the bed of my truck, to let him rest a while longer before driving home. A moment or two after we sat down, Jack turned to me asked, " So will you tell me now? Or let me see?"

"What?"

I was genuinely confused for a moment, so much had happened that day that it'd slipped my mind.

"The thing that you mentioned this morning, will you tell me now?"

Rather than answer him, I just looked into his eyes. I thought about the Cullens and Edward and my history with them. I thought about Laurent and Victoria and about the trouble with James. I didn't hold back anything, letting Jack know, as only he could, everything that I knew about them and everything I'd felt. He deserved nothing less than my honesty, and I wouldn't risk losing his trust by leaving something out.

He was speechless.

"Izzy…," he trailed off, reaching for my arm where a bite mark that was still cool to the touch confirmed my story, though he already knew that it was true. He was looking at me strangely and it frightened me to think that he might feel differently about me now.

"Jack," I whispered as I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing as I pushed my awareness outward and faded into a meditative state, hoping that he'd join me there, hoping that he could accept what I could never change or regret.

After what felt like a century, he did, and though he only lingered long enough for us to feel the connection, he leaned over and kissed my cheek. He pulled back, laughing slightly at my blushing face.

"I can't offer you forever, or make you more perfect than you are. I couldn't give you half of what they could and I haven't waited for a century to find and stalk you. I can barely even wrap my mind around this…You dated a vampire. I mean honestly, I've gone out with a witch or two in my day but they weren't…"

I laughed. He sounded a bit overwhelmed and seemed to be more thinking aloud than actually saying anything.

"So there may or may not be a vampire out there who wants to kill you because she thinks that it would hurt your ex-boyfriend, who is a century old vampire that killed her mate to save you."

He said, still overwhelmed but trying to make sure that he understood. I confirmed that and he sighed.

"Would you mind if I told my parents tonight, after I get some medicine? I'd feel better if they knew, so that they could contact the other Watchers and see what we can do to keep you safe."

I sighed," Do what you think is best and you know how to reach me if you need help. You'd better go. I might have what you have. I'm starting to feel nauseous. And besides, you should get that fever taken care of."

"Right. Feel better, Bella. If we have to do the first Watcher lesson as a conference call, we can. Don't push yourself too hard," he replied before turning and walking to his car. When he got there he turned around and looked at me.

"Izzy, Bella, I need for you to know that … It hurts to know that he hurt you. It scares me to think that you might be in danger. I don't know how to feel about the hold he had on you. there's a lot to sort through, but…no matter who you've loved, or who you've been, or what you've done…You are my match, my other half. I might have to leave to clear my head, or take some medicine as in this case, but you can trust that I'll never go far and if I do, you'll be with me. No matter what my parents think about all of this, or what the other Watchers have to say, we are one and complete. That won't change, not until you decide that it should."

His voice was soft but serious. He was making a vow and he would not break it. I ran to him, wrapping my arms around him before releasing him with a promise to call him the next day. Then I went inside and threw up.

I developed a fever over the next few hours and that night I slept fitfully alternating between dreams of falling through the air towards a raging ocean and dreams where I spoke to giant wolves. The last dream I had in my last bout of sleep before morning showed a strange woman standing amongst a crowd of what seemed to be tourists in front of a pair of old wooden doors with gothic carvings on them. She was shaking slightly as she ticked off prayer after prayer on the rosary wrapped around her hand. Within the dream, I tried to find an indicator of where she was or when, but I couldn't find anything. I just watched as the doors opened and a strangely familiar voice beckoned the now frantic woman and the rest of the group inward.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you all to," there was a pause, probably for dramatic effect, before the voice finished with an awed and slightly sinister tone.

"Volterra."

* * *

Hey guys, long chapter after a long break. I had a great time on vacation with my family (though familiarity does breed contempt and I had to sneak away a few times to retain sanity) and now I'm back in business.

Thanks to all readers reviewers and alert peoples, you know I appreciate you all.

So …**Da future: **I've got the story planned up through the next Big (as in really really big) event, and I can now safely say that there will be about 6 more chapters in this fic, with the possibility of a sequel or some related one shots. I'll try to have the next chapter up in a few days. And while I've got your attention, Jacob realizing that he doesn't have a shot with Izzy does not mean that I'm not going to include him or that they won't at least friends or that I hate him, because I really don't (sometimes)he's an interesting character and I like to think that he'll be put to better use in my fic than he was in the books (as arrogant as that might sound).

"See" you soon, Review and ask questions or tell me what to fix while you wait,

PlantMurderer


	25. Warnings and Reminders

I was too sick for Motorcycle lessons the next morning. My head was pounding and I threw up again, though my fever was starting to fade. By around lunch I was feeling well enough to drive, so I called Jack and asked if he felt up to having Watcher lessons. He told me that he felt well enough, reminding me that all he really had to do was walk the few feet to his father's study, so I got up and pulled on a soft pair of old jeans and a long sleeved shirt before going out to my truck and leaving for Jack's house. He'd given me no indication as to how I'd be received, but remembering his words from the night before warmed me and gave me a feeling of confidence.

When I arrived Jamie was sitting on the front porch. I walked over and sat next to him.

"Did he tell you," I asked casually.

"He told all of us. You fell in love, gained a family, got played, lost a family, got smart, and gained the world. If it weren't for the whole vampire thing, you'd be a walking chick flick."

I laughed, Jamie was the height of insanity.

"So no one is mad at me," I asked, already somewhat relieved.

"Mad? No. I'm inclined to wonder at your sanity and judgment, but where love is concerned the best of us go a little nuts. Besides he also mentioned that you were a bit messed up when they left, and if anyone can understand loss in any form, it's me. Don't worry about the Watchers either, the most common watch power is foresight or a sort of elevated intuition, so they're big on 'fate' and things being 'meant to happen'. The most you'll get is a scary sounding warning about remembering your purpose. I wouldn't even have intercepted you, but I didn't want my parents to send you running again."

He said it all rather lightly with a slight smile on his face and he was so companionable that he made me think of Emmet and Jasper. I felt a flash of longing for them, but smiled at the fact that the thought that I'd gotten some parts of them back in Jamie.

"So, I guess I should get inside, are you coming?"

"No," he said pulling out a copy of the Unseen Book, " I've got some studying to do. If I'm going to help out in your training, I'll need to finish mine. Speaking of the book with the paradoxical name, next time you have the chance, look at the back cover of yours. "

I realized that I'd left my copy at home and resolved to check it out after lessons.

The study was quiet as I approached it. The door was slightly ajar and when I reached it I could see Jack sitting on the small couch with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his parents murmuring quietly, his mother sitting on the desk and his father in the chair. Jack was the first of them to notice me, waving me over to sit down next to him.

"You're here," he said with a smile, "I was starting to wonder if Jamie was going to keep you forever."

"Not forever," I responded as his mother walked over and put a blanket over my shoulders as well. She handed me a cup of tea before addressing me apologetically.

"I'm sorry that we frightened you before, I'm told that our delivery needs work."

"Think nothing of it, all's well that ends well right?"

"Right, which brings us to our next point…"

Joshua Stevens picked up where she left of and I wondered if the way they spoke was just the standard for Watcher to Watcher communication or it was natural for them.

"We have spoken with our associates and while your association with the Cullen clan was unusual, it was neither unexpected nor unseen. A few watchers with foresight had seen glimpses of your association with them, and because it has the potential to be helpful someday all we can really do is thank you for your honesty and tell you this.

If you ever encounter your friends the Cullens again, you are to tell them only as much as you and the others of us deem appropriate. You are, as of today, in training to become a Watcher of the North American West. Your loyalty to the other Watchers, and to their Matches, and to the world we strive to protect is imperative. You have made a choice to stand with us, and beside our son. You are always free to un-make that choice, but know that to stand against us without first informing us of your decision to leave, that is, to lie to or betray us will be punished swiftly and without mercy. We are everywhere and there is very little that we fail to see."

His voice, which had started out warm and amiable, froze quickly as he demanded my loyalty. I felt Jack tense next to me.

"Don't threaten her," he said as though he were warning them, "you've already said that she's done nothing wrong, and I won't have you talking to her with anything less than respect."

"And after this moment I will strive to be as respectful as I've raised you to be, Nimble, but she must understand," his father replied, his tone becoming friendly again.

"I do, and fully, now I believe that I came here for a lesson," I broke in sharply.

Ms. Stevens tried to defuse the tension.

"And so a lesson you shall have. It seems as though you're both very much informed about vampires so I will kindly ask that we move to Jack's room for a practical lesson. I will also ask that you read up on shape shifters before the next lesson next Saturday."

There was a round of nods and we relocated without much fuss, though Jack did ask why. His mother supplied the answer.

"We'd like to set a precedent for you doing things like meditating in a safe and comfortable space. This room and Izzy's truck are good ones. We'd also very much like for you to have your own spaces. As a rule, you should treat it as an intimate act, not unlike kissing. Unlike kissing however, among watchers meditating in someone else's space is frowned upon. Family members can be present while you do, particularly in training scenarios."

We sat on the sofa in his room and his parents sat on his bed. They told us to meditate, so we did and then they asked us to reach as one for thread that connected us. That was confusing. When we meditated we were one and the string tying us disappeared. They told us that if we found the string we'd probably find the power that we could use at its strongest when together. After that, they left the room and encouraged us to sit and relax in our meditative state.

We did for a while, eventually turning to face each other. I played with his hands, learning them by touch, by heart, and he did the same with mine. My heart race the whole time and I blushed a lot, but he just smiled softly. When it was time for me to go, he lifted the hand he'd been tracing to his lips as he stared into my eyes and it was so intimate an act that I wondered how people kissed in public or in doorsteps, how they could imagine leaving themselves so bare before the world.

"Don't go, lady fair," he said, with a voice full and heavy.

"Milord, you know that I cannot stay. We can meet and study tomorrow, shape shifters, right," I asked, it came out as more of a plea than I'd meant for it too.

"Right, here around noon? You could have lunch with us before Jamie goes back to school."

"As my lord wishes and as my heart commands," I replied softly before slipping out, thinking of how nice the afternoon had been. Jamie was still reading on the front porch when I walked out the door.

"How was it?"

"Not an unmitigated disaster, though your father revealed some serious jerk potential," I said pausing by the door to the driver's side of my truck.

"Don't forget to check your book when you get home and here," he pulled something, a letter in an old envelope, from his pocket, " this is yours read it after you check your book."

We said brief goodbyes then I drove home. When I got there I ran upstairs and looked at the inside back cover of my copy of the Unseen Book. There was a name written on it and nearly cried when I realized how important it was. The name was "Alexandra Abdima". Jamie had given the book that had belonged to his match. The letter he'd handed me was from her. I read it slowly over the course of the evening, doing other things and getting back to it. Mary Stevens had suggested that she write the letter to Jack's match, because she'd known using her match power, heightened intuition, that I would get her book. She hadn't known how I would get it, just that I would.

The letter talked about what it was like being "matched into" a family of Watchers, as I had been, and about how much she loved Jamie and the other Stevens family members, even how much she loved me, though we'd never met. She saw me as being her sister, like a baby who hadn't been born yet, she looked forward to having me around. She acknowledged the possibility that we might never meet, that she or Jamie might be lost as they carried out their duties, and left me the password to her online journal, so that she could support me as I trained, even if something happened to her.

I mourned her loss in a private sort of way, until sleep took me and I found myself falling, careening through the air towards an ocean that looked ready to swallow me whole. A flash of red on the water drew my eye, but at the same moment I was stunned by water too cold to be real and the dream shifted. The woman with the rosary and the dream that she inhabited flashed before my eyes and I tried once more to look for details that might be of service. Then I noticed the walls inside of the room as the door opened. They were dotted by dozens of tiny rainbows.

* * *

The next day I woke up feeling fine, and I called Jacob with the intention of seeing if he'd gotten better as well. Billy answered saying that he hadn't and that I shouldn't come over because I might get sick again. I sent along my best wishes for his renewed health and then I called Angela and we gabbed until I had to leave to get to lunch with Jack and his family.

Lunch and everything else that day went fine. I passed Jamie a copy that I'd made of the note from Alex, after lunch, and he read it quickly before pulling me into his arms and thanking me with a hug.

"It's very nice of you to do, Sis, like something Alex would have done," he said warmly.

"You can see the journal if you'd like to. Just ask."

"I don't think that I will. Sisters should share secrets, don't you think?"

Jack stood near me, confused, but I reached back and found his hand, pacifying him slightly. We all said our goodbyes for the moment before he got into his car and left. Then Jack and I went in to read the chapter on shape shifters.

The next few days were fairly normal, if Jacob avoiding my calls and actually telling me to "get lost" after the third pathetic excuse concerning why he couldn't hang out anymore failed. By Wednesday night I was more than a little frustrated. Jacob had told me to call him. He'd been hurt but he'd left me a line of communication and now I couldn't even use that to reach him.

As I sat on my bed after another failed phone call, I was so frustrated that I ranted to myself aloud.

"Damn idiot, gets a fever and realized that I'm not interested and suddenly can't be bothered to even pretend to make sense. He keeps saying that he wishes he could tell me or he wishes that things were different, and granted maybe I've been calling too much but if he would just let me know…"

Something in my rant reminded me of the dream I'd had all those weeks ago, and I knew.

I rushed to what I'd started referring to as "our" Unseen Book and the symptoms fit like Cinderella's slipper. The book confirmed that there was a group of shape shifters that had spurts of activity in the northwestern united states. Between the dream, the book, and the legends that Jacob had alluded to, it was obvious. I used the bond to tell Jack and he relayed the information to his parents. They asked him to call me and put me on speaker phone.

"Well done, Izzy," Ms. Stevens said," You've solved an unsaid riddle, and earned you and Jack your first field assignment. This weekend, it's been decided that the shape shifters at La Push need to be reminded about the existence of Watchers. They might be allies in a future battle and our imperative is to watch and to build trust. We'll meet with their elders on Saturday. The two of you will be accompanying us and if, Jamie can sneak away, he'll come as well. Izzy, can you convince your father to let you leave from here to go to self-defense and join him afterwards?"

"I can try ma'am," I replied promptly.

"Then come home with Jack, and we'll see about getting you two ready for your first official act as Watchers. For now, you've got some dreaming to do," she said slyly.

"Goodnight, Stevens-s," I replied smiling, though they couldn't see.

"You too, Swan," Jack's parents responded in sync. I hung up and went to sleep, dreaming once more of falling.

* * *

On Thursday afternoon I followed Jack to his house after school. They explained the history of the Quileute tribe, using terms like "cold ones" when talking about vampires to get us used to hearing it. We had a fascinating discussion about how creatures that evolved from or were once human had ways of "Matching" and the various differences between mates and Matches.

We were lectured about the history of the Watchers and warned about the dangers of picking fights, especially since Jack and I had powers more suited to "watching" than "acting" and had yet to find the power that would let us act as one. We were also warned that Jacob's personality might have changed a bit when his powers had come to fruition. We were taught to watch for short tempers.

Above all, it seemed, Watchers were diplomats. Like Americans in foreign politics, we were to try and toe the line between respecting the sovereignty of other groups and making sure that they didn't gain too much power or wipe themselves out.

By the time we finished up the lecture and discussion it was time for me to get to self-defense and then home to Charlie.

When I got home, I tried to call Jacob again, to tell him that I knew, but he hardly let me get a word in edgewise.

"Jacob-"

"Bella, I can't talk."

"But-"

"I wish things were different, but they aren't, so bye"

He hung up before I could try again.

That night I looked at Alexandra's online journal for the first time, printing out the entry that I read and putting it in a folder so that I could keep it even if the web page was taken down. I won't tell you about the content; sisters should have secrets, but I will say that by the time I finished reading it, I missed Alice more than I ever had before. I'd gained and lost another sister.

That night I was restless. I tossed and turned for a while before finally deciding that I was just a little too hot. I walked over and opened my bedroom window, pausing for a moment at the memory of Edward, before going to bed. That night I had dreams of a shadowy figure appearing at the window. The figure just stood there, in the tree outside of my window, and there wasn't enough light to identify it. when I woke the next morning I lay still for a moment and wondered how I ever felt safe in my room anymore, when people kept coming in through windows. I left it open. Whatever it was, it was coming whether I left the window open or shut. If I was going to have to deal with it, I'd be damned if it was going to break my window too.

* * *

Friday morning found Jack and I having a healthy breakfast on the back of my truck and resuming our guessing game.

"You came to Forks because it would help one of your parents, most likely Renée."

"You peeked," I accused him indignantly. We were sitting with our legs hanging from the back of the truck, facing outward so that Jack's power couldn't give him an advantage.

"Do you question my honor," he asked, his voice so full of amusement that it made me wonder if it might explode into a whole new kind of sonic boom.

"No, just your methods. You're right. I exiled myself from the valley of the sun when my mother married my step-father, Phil. He travels and it hurt my mother not to be with him. I couldn't hold her back. As you've said, she showed me the beauty of this world, one pretty desert stone at a time. I owed her. I love her," I replied sincerely before continuing, " You've been missing it; the valley."

He sighed and turned to look at me.

"Only when you're not with me, fairest lady. Even as the sun mocks the moon here, hiding behind veils of clouds and withdrawing from sight like a shy young maiden, you hold the warmth that it denies me. You burn and thrive where even that most golden and glorious of matrons falters. Sure I miss blue skies and I daydream of you in a red sundress set against the cacti and distant mountains, but it's worth it."

"You've got to start saying fewer of the right things. One of these days a hug won't be sufficient repayment, and soon we'll be broke college students," I sighed in response, smiling a little.

" Starting freshmen year with such a lady as yourself on my arm will be an embarrassment of riches, but first we'd best get to class."

At lunch we sat with Ben and Angela , both felt as good as new and both were begging for notes from the classes that they'd missed. Once the notes were exchanged we hung out and ate. It was something of a relief to be able to feign normality, even then, on the eve of our first assignment. Part of me wondered if I would get more or fewer of these moments as I entered college, got a job, raised a family. The signs seemed to point to "fewer". The Volturi and my duties as a watcher would insure that.

There was another round of Watcher lectures after school, more review than anything but some new things, important theories by Sun Tzu. I was tired by the time I got home and finished making dinner for Charlie, so I ate quickly and went to bed for some much needed sleep before motorcycle lessons and Watcher assignments the next day.

A bit after midnight, I woke suddenly from a dream of falling. There was someone in my room. In the dark I could only see a male form. I thought quickly. _It's not Charlie, forms wrong. Not Edward either, I wouldn't have woken up._ Then I stumbled out of bed grabbing the first object I could find, the Unseen Book, and starting to swing it at the intruder's head while taking a deep breath to scream.

"Bella, it's me," the intruder said. I recognized his voice. It was Jacob.

"What the Hell, Jake. It's after midnight," I hissed. I was exhausted. Jacob was insane. " What are you doing here?"

"Bella, I have to tell you… I can't tell you."

"The get the hell out of my room, or find a way. You couldn't have told me whatever when I called the last ten times?"

I was being overly rude, but I was tired and he'd woke me up to try and stage some dramatic scene.

"No, Bella… remember when we met for the second time, at the beach with your friends?"

"Yes, you told me about the cold ones, the Cullens are gone. Get out of my room. You climbed in through the window? What is wrong with you, and for that matter what do you have against daylight?"

"I've been ordered not to say, but I have already you just have to remember. Remember Bella."

"Because really that helps so much. Look, I'll think about it, now get out of here before Charlie wakes up. Feel free to actually have a conversation with me next time I call you."

"Alright, just try to remember," he said. He was somewhat surprised by my reaction but he'd gotten what he came for and he left. Climbing down the tree and disappearing into the dark night as I rested my head on my pillow and thanked heaven for the fact that Charlie was a heavy sleeper. I faded back into a dream of falling.

* * *

That was chapter twenty five!!! Hey all, thank you all for reading, alerting, favoriting anything else worthy of thanks. You guys rule.

I will admit to being a bit slack on my editing in favor of posting this sooner, please forgive me and don't judge the overall grammatical correctness based on this chapter and if i repeated a joke or something...hope it was better the second time.

I don't have much to say about Da Future, just things are going to start moving and that the chapters should average around this length or longer, but will consequently take me longer to write so while I'll still try for two a week, I don't know how realistic that is.

See you in a bit,

Plant_Murderer


	26. Allies, Bikes, and C

I woke up quickly the next morning, probably the result of an odd dream but I couldn't remember it. For a moment I lay still, then I remembered what had happened with Jacob the night before and laughed. He'd snuk through my window in the middle of the night to tell me a secret that I already knew. I wondered what he'd say when he realized that I was a Watcher.

Eventually I climbed out of bed and got dressed. I had motorcycle lessons with Deputy Steve before I was supposed to meet Jack and his parents for the ride over to La Push. We were meeting on the beach coming in from two separate sides. Jack and I had been told that there was some symbolism in meeting by sea, something that would occur to us in time, but for the moment I didn't really understand it. As I drove to my lesson, I didn't particularly care. I was a little tired and I was looking forward to the rush of adrenaline that would make me ready to stand before the men who'd glanced at me curiously as I'd followed after Jacob's sisters with some measure of authority.

I pulled up into the parking lot of the police station and got my bike down from the back of the truck. The deputy was waiting and he had me follow him, winding around town at varying speeds and parking under different conditions as a practice road test. I wanted badly to be riding alone and I resolved to ask the Stevens if they would mind my riding behind them.

At around ten I pulled up into the driveway at the Stevens's home, Jack was waiting on the front porch.

"Are you ready, lady fair? We've a grand adventure today."

He sounded just a bit nervous and it was cute. His face was slightly flushed and I walked over and offered him a hand.

"I was born ready. I thought that we'd already decided that I was a warrior angel. I lead the host in battle, remember? So if you are at my side you're safe," I said it before I realized how true it was. I felt confident and I wanted to share that confidence with Jack. With the threat rising, our first assignment would be important. A meeting with allies to secure that alliance, disclosing very little information about ourselves and still on some level trying to befriend them, knowing that those like us may someday face them and their like in battle. It was a complicated situation, but few things in my life were simple.

"Believe me. I don't intend to stray, least of all today. We should go inside. Apparently there is one more test before our first assignment."

We walked to the door and I entered first. Immediately, a blind fold covered my eyes and I was spun around and taken to through the house, outside, and into the woods behind their house. Eventually the one guiding me stopped and whispered, " You found him in light, now find him in dark, in this way you shall learn to stand beside him in both."

Instantly, reflexively, I reached for the strand that tied us, searching for him in my heart. _Jack, we are one and complete, you said. I will add that we are one and inseparable, like the compass in "A Valediction Forbidding Mourning" remember? We do not break when we are made to part. We spread out. _

Soon after, I heard his response. He quoted from the poem and I started walking towards him. My mental voice joined with his after the first stanza that he quoted.

Dull sublunary lovers' love  
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit  
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove  
The thing which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refined,  
That ourselves know not what it is,  
Inter-assurèd of the mind,  
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,  
Though I must go, endure not yet  
A breach, but an expansion,  
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

My feet felt heavy and I stumbled and it was easy to forget that it was daylight and or that remaining in darkness and upholding the strange and sudden ritual was a choice. I was disoriented and worried that Jack was also stumbling around blindly. I wondered what would happen if, in spite of our poetry and the confidence and warmth it instilled, we never found each other.

Eventually though, his hands met mine. They traced up my arms to the blind fold then back to untie it, letting it fall away. Then I reached up and did the same. It was …completely indescribable. I don't remember the walk back. How we got to Jack's house, I may never know. I will say that no matter how crazy and dangerous this ritual might sound there's some method to the madness. We had to be able to function well enough separately to think to reach for the togetherness that would someday be our greatest asset.

* * *

"I hope you know that I think you are the most insane woman ever to walk the planet. Izzy, do you know that!"

Jack was yelling to me, trying to be heard over the sound of the wind in our ears as I drove us towards La Push on my motorcycle.

"Fully aware, thank you. Now let me concentrate or they'll be scraping us off of the pavement before I get the chance to see the look on Jacob's face when he realizes everything," I yelled back.

"Wait, so of all the things you'd miss in life, the one that comes to mind first is Jacob's stunned face. You need better priorities."

"The jerk woke me up! After sneaking into my room! Retaliation must be swift and enjoyable and not missed because you made me wrap us around a tree over a discussion of my priorities," I replied.

There was very little discussion for the rest of the ride, and in time Jack relaxed enough to enjoy it a little. We stopped and parked at first beach. His mother handed me a comb and hand mirror. Smiling slightly as Jack informed her of my insanity, she interrupted his rant.

"Nimble, she didn't make you ride with her. Now kindly shut up, the ritual taught you to stand beside one another, it didn't, in any way mean that she couldn't still leave if she finds you too annoying."

She played with his hair and then walked over to me.

"Izzy, two things. First, how do you wish to be introduced to the Elders? Izzy or Bella, perhaps your entire first name?"

"I'd prefer Izzy. What's the other thing?"

She reached out gave a strand of my hair a light tug.

"Your hair's getting long again. Don't cut it. I have a feeling that you might want to look a bit like your old self soon," she said cryptically before continuing, " Now come one, it's time."

We walked in pairs with Jack's parents in front of us, down the beach for while. Eventually Billy Black, an older looking man, Harry Clearwater, and a boy who seemed familiar approached us from the other side of the beach. Billy's eyes widened slightly when he saw me.

"You have requested a meeting with the elders of our tribe concerning the cold ones. We have come. I am Quil Ateara," he said, his thin tenor voice weaving towards us on the air, " at my sides are Billy Black, and Harry Clearwater, my fellow elders. We have also brought Sam, head of the Pack. Whatever we decide here, he will see to it that the pack is informed. Who, I ask, are you? What knowledge do you have of the cold ones and how have you come by it?"

" We are the Watchers of the North American West, we observe the goings on of this part of the world and with our associates seek to warn and to offer aide, that the people here may be safe. We know only what our Fathers and Mothers have handed down to us, the same as you," Jack's mother replied, " we wish to form an alliance, because our sources tell us that a great battle with the current leaders of the cold ones may take place here. As you have mates to protect, we have our matches to fight at our sides. If this alliance does not come to fruition, we may all lose much."

His father continued from there.

"I am Joshua Stevens , at my side is my match and my wife, Mary. Behind us are my son, Jack and his Match, Isabella Swan, though she prefers to be called Izzy."

"You are all welcomed. I invite you and your wife to discuss the exact terms of the Alliance that you propose. Your son and Izzy may go with Sam to meet the pack," Harry said, speaking for the first time.

Mrs. Stevens replied, " I would rather secure the alliance before they meet the pack, if you don't mind. My husband and I have ways to protect ourselves; they are, for the moment, unable. Sam and the Pack should know the terms of our alliance. Could you extend your invitation and allow us to meet with the pack afterwards?"

"So be it," Billy said. We broke rank as we walked further down the beach to a circle of worn benches around a well used fire ring, obviously designed for a bonfire. On the way Billy rolled up at my side.

"Bella," he started tiredly.

"It's Izzy, and if you're going to try and tell me what and who I should or shouldn't be involved with, then don't call me anything. They are not the Cullens."

I spoke lightly, as though I were explaining something unimportant rather than reprimanding him. Mr. Clearwater, who'd been walking closely enough to hear, approached and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't pester the girl. You have daughters. You know it won't help anything. It's nice to see you again Izzy, how's Charlie?"

He was smiling and it put me at ease.

"He's good, though reports of giant creature sightings are keep him busy. How are you?"

"I'm good, sometimes it seems like my heart is older than the rest of me, but I get on well enough."

Eventually we sat down and discussed the terms of an alliance. We agreed to keep their secrets. They agreed to act alongside us when we needed and not to harm us or any other Watcher, though it took some struggling to get Sam to understand why we could just catch a flight to Italy and take them down.

"We've done it before, we killed that vampire that was about to kill you in the woods, Izzy."

That was a shock.

"You and the pack killed Laurent?"

The ramifications of that sent shockwaves through my mind. Laurent hadn't reported back to Victoria that there was no point in killing me. I hadn't had any dreams of her, so either my match power had limits or I was safe for the moment.

"Was that it's name? yeah. You weren't friends, were you?"

He seemed not to care what his name had been but he was slightly contrite at the thought that he might have killed a friend of mine.

"No, not by any stretch. Thank you."

There was a moment of awkward silence before Jack's parents explained that the Volturi were powerful and that their guard was extensive, and that the last thing we should do is attack them head on.

That decided, Jack and I exercised our authority as Watchers stepping forward and confirming that the alliance was officially sealed and would be respected, not only by us, but by the other twenty seven families of Watchers around the world. It was as simple as shaking the hands of the elders, but still important. Then Sam went off and transformed to call the rest of the pack to join us.

The Stevens family and I stood and walked just out of earshot.

"Well done, loves. You've helped us greatly, "Ms. Stevens murmured, hugging us, "Now remember to keep cool heads and to duck behind us if anyone transforms. We've earned their respect and some measure if their trust, but any bonds of genuine friendship could do much to draw attention away from the fact that we get more from this alliance than they do. Clear?"

"Yes ma'am," we responded at the same time.

Then, we walked back to the elders and a moment later, Jacob shot out of the trees like a goth out of a Sparkles and Pink Bunny store, ran over and stopped just in front of me with the most hilarious expression I have ever seen in my live and started stammering.

"You! and… and… him! And… You knew! you were trying to… I… I am such a colossal idiot."

I laughed for a moment or too, before replying.

"Very good, now what else do I need to hear from you?"

"I'm sorry for avoiding your calls and for," his eyes shifted towards Billy and back to me, " inconveniencing you. Next time, I'll just let you talk."

I laughed a little more before hugging him and pulling away to smile at him.

"Good boy, now I think we'd better start acting like new allies rather than old friends, because people are looking at us like we're crazy."

Jacob stood behind Sam and I returned to Jack's side, glancing over to see him and his parents looking slightly amused. Billy and the elders shared their amusement, though Sam sort of rolled his eyes. A few minutes later a few more boys and a girl ran out of the woods. They stood silently behind Sam.

"This is the Pack. You seem to know Jacob. There's also Embry Call, Seth Clearwater, his sister Leah, and Paul. Quil Ateara, the grandson of the elder of the same name is expected to join us in the future. Guys, meet our newest allies," Sam said simply.

"What do you mean allies? How do we have allies when no one is supposed to know about us? And what do we need them for? We do just fine on our own," Paul spat pompously, obviously annoyed.

Seth shoved him, "Shut it Paul, the elders have decided. Don't be disrespectful."

Paul went from annoyed to enraged in an instant.

"I'll show you disrespectful!"

Jack and I moved behind his parents as fast as we could, clasping hands and staring as Paul seemed to explode outward in a show of fur and fabric, with sound of his clothing ripping and a tremendous angry snarl.

Seth responded by transforming and taking off towards the tree line, and Paul moved to follow him but Sam's voice stopped him.

"Go home, Paul, and fix that attitude before you even think about showing your face in front of our allies or the elders again," He barked, furious.

Paul snarled once more before taking off.

We stood there awkwardly for a few moments before one of the elders made a comment about Paul being young and we laughed a little before deciding that it was time to go. Much to Jack's and my surprise, Mr. and Ms. Stevens informed the elders that Jack and I would be acting as liaisons between them and the Watchers, with Jack having slightly more power within that capacity. It would be Jack's job to see to it that lines of communication remained open and to work with the tribe and the pack to coordinate action, with me helping to make decisions and carry out plans.

On the way back to our respective vehicles Jack asked a question that had been bugging me since it had come up.

"Why am I in charge? Isn't the whole point of being matches doing things as partners?"

Joshua Stevens smiled and gave his son a pat on the back, "You're right son, but your mother had a touch of intuition that Izzy is going to be a little busy with another alliance. Izzy, you might have been better for the Job because of your connections with the tribe, but we think that we may need you more in this other alliance, and before you ask, we aren't entirely sure whom it is with. We know that you are capable, please don't feel slighted."

"By you? never."

Jack was a much better riding companion on the way back to his house. Now assured that I was not going to make street pizza of us, he got to like the speed and the excuse hold on tightly to me. At random intervals throughout the ride we shouted "We did it!" to the winds. Our first assignment was done along with possibly the last ritual that would symbolize our connection.

In the last few moments before arriving at his house the symbolism for meeting at the beach clicked into place. Water meets sand, Watchers meet shape shifters. It was about the collision of cultures.

I drove home, feeling very smart and enjoyed a peaceful evening, reading Alexandra's online journal and going about some housework, like laundry, that I'd been neglecting.

The next few days were well…to be frank, they were rather unimportant. Jack worked by phone with the elders to familiarize himself with the pack and their history while I tried to find a way to direct my dreams of the future to focus on specific topics. I had some measure of luck with that, dreaming of a pop quiz in biology in enough time to wake up and study, but it was still something that I had difficulty with. On Wednesday, I checked out some books about sleep and the pathways to r.e.m sleep, the stage of sleep in which people dream. I was going to have to learn to fall asleep quickly, to be aware within my dreams and to direct at least the subject of them. When I wasn't busy with that, I was wondering who I'd have to play liaison for, who our next ally would be.

On Friday night Jack went to a bonfire at La Push, alone, as a show of goodwill and trust, though Jacob put me on speaker phone so I could hear the story of how they came to be and sort of hang out with them even though my presence would devalued the gesture.

On Saturday morning I woke up from another dream about the woman with the rosaries, and went about the business of getting ready for lessons with Deputy Steve. After driving Jack and myself to La Push the week before I felt confident and I nearly wondered why I still needed lessons, when I got to the station I found that the deputy had been thinking the same thing.

He greeted me with a bright smile and a cup of coffee.

"Ready for your road test Swan?"

"Absolutely! What do I get if I ace it?"

I was ecstatic. The day had finally come.

"You get your license, a note from me to your father claiming you road ready, and half a box of doughnuts. Now hop into that truck of yours and drive us to the test site."

"Yes sir, Officer sir."

I was right on time for the appointment at the DMV and my road test…the best ride of my life. The testing official rode behind me calling out directions, taking us through the town like a tour. Angela was reading on her front porch and I got to wave at her when we passed. Over the sound of the wind in my ears, I could hear her cheering.

We came to a stop in the DMV parking lot and the testing official had me follow him inside he filled out a form and then had me stand in front of the camera used for license photos.

"Congratulations Ms. Swan, You just earned your license."

I heard the camera snap just as my face lit up in triumph.

I waited for my license to print then I went outside to find Deputy Steve waiting and holding out the note that would let Charlie trust me enough to ride alone.

"Way to go, Bells, you'll have to ring me up sometime at the station. Always fun to have a riding partner," he said smiling, "Now let's go pick up those doughnuts."

"If you refrain from using bad puns, then we've got a plan."

We enjoyed a fun mourning of celebrating before I had to leave to get to Watcher lessons.

* * *

The call came while we were training in Jack's bedroom. I was practicing using meditation to tap into my subconscious mind while Jack was trying to see if he could use his power on a picture or a video. We were working in the same room so that I could learn to cope with distractions.

The only benefit that I'd discovered to using meditation was that it helped me off to sleep faster. Jack had just roused me from sleep for the third time in a ten minute period when Mr. and Mrs. Stevens came into the room with grim looks on their faces.

"Jack, Izzy we have a matter of the upmost importance to discuss," Ms. Stevens said.

"What is it, Mom," Jack asked moving from where he'd been sitting on the bed to a place next to me on the small sofa. He grabbed my hand tightly.

"Izzy, forgive me for having to bring this up but…" Ms. Stevens looked regretful, and paused for a moment before pressing on. "As a part of protocol for Watchers we informed the others, in the vaguest of terms, of your relationship with the Cullen family. Just now, we received word from one of the most powerful Watchers with foresight. She is a Watcher over the south of Antarctica and generally keeps an eye out for the whole world because things rarely happen there. When she sees anything pertinent she informs the heads of the families who then decide what to do as a group."

Mr. Stevens took it from there.

"The point is that Edward Cullen has disappeared from some futures and joined the Volturi's guard in others. Despite your inexperience, you, Izzy have the closest ties with them, making you the ideal person for this task. Jack will, as your Match, assist you every step of the way."

Ms. Stevens began again.

"I, Mary Stevens, with the authority of the proud and noble bloodline of the Watchers of the American West which I have passed on in my sons, do ask you, Isabella Swan and Jack Stevens, to undertake a mission which may cost you your lives in the interest of preserving life and liberty on this planet. Do you find yourselves able?"

"Yes, Ma'am," we said in unison. Jack's father continued.

"You are charged with finding Edward Cullen, and his family, and insuring that he neither dies nor joins the Volturi. Either course of action would have catastrophic consequences in our future as it concerns the Volturi. Use any means at your disposal and if we can help in any way, just ask. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir," Jack responded. I would have said the same but what they'd just said was starting to register in my mind. Edward was in trouble. I would have to find the Cullens. He might die. He was a bastard. Why should I care if he was in trouble? The world depended on him living.

"Izzy, are we clear? Izzy, are you alright?"

The voices seemed so far away. I was so far down, deep in the whirl of confusing emotions that had hit me like the bullets from a sniper's gun.

I was a Watcher with her first assignment, one so important that the fate of the world was at stake. I was a young woman told that she would have to confront the man who'd stolen her heart and smashed it beyond recognition. I was half of a soul, fearing for the life of her Match. I could have been one of those things at a time and still functioned without pause. I could not be all three.

Edward Cullen was a liar and a fake, but I wasn't. I wanted him to be alright even if he never thought of me again, if only for the sake of the Cullens that my heart still recognized as family.

As my head began to clear, one thing was certain.

No matter what I had to do to make it happen, Edward Cullen would remain safe and far away from the Volturi. My, our Mission would not fail and if it did, it would not be because I didn't try hard enough.

* * *

Hey guys, a pinch late, but long like woah. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I'd gush about how fabulous you are but there's a lot to cover in this note.

**The poem** quoted in this chapter was "A valediction forbidding mourning" . the basic idea behind the stanzas I quoted is that the author is saying that some people love with the physical and so can't stand to be parted because it removes the things that made them love each other in the first place. But the author and his love are so intertwined that when they are parted don't separate so much as stretch or expand. They don't miss the physical, because their love goes deeper. (…and the poem isn't mine so don't sue me)

**Da future**: things get tense as Izzy finds herself with a rather difficult mission and no clue as to how to accomplish it, with the world in the balance, she must put all of her knowledge and resources to work. Will it be enough? **Remember **the people (probably the top 2 or 3) who review the most will be rewarded with a scene with the character of your choice to be posted with the outtakes chapter I'm planning for after this story is done. I'll try and post the top three in the author's note next chapter, which will be out by or before next Monday.


	27. Diving in

After a while, my head cleared enough for me to hear their voices again. I became conscious of the fact that Jack's parents had left the room, and that he was holding my face in his hands and whispering to me.

"Bella, come back to me. We'll find a way to do this. You're scaring me, lady."

I brought my right hand up slowly and used it to hold his in place as I turned my head and kissed his palm lightly.

"I'm sorry, Lord, I confess that I've been overwhelmed by this a bit. I meant you no alarm," said softly back, letting him see the truth of my words in my eyes. He took my hand in his and we sat quietly for a while. Eventually he broke the silence.

"I don't suppose that they left you with any means of contacting them," he said, assessing the situation.

I gave a sad little laugh before replying, "No and I have no idea if the vampire that's trying to kill me will be snooping around with the only friends of theirs who might know where they are. They have the means to be anywhere that they want to be."

"So, we've got a bit of a puzzle. Puzzles aren't so bad. Are they?"

This time the laugh was genuine. I leaned my head on Jack's shoulder and he stood, pulling me up with the hand he still held. I ended up lying with my head in his lap and the rest of me sprawled haphazardly outward as he leaned against the wall next to his bed. He ran his fingers through my hair as he went back to his work, trying to use his power on photographs and I took a nap, feeling tired after the massive emotional overload.

After maybe an hour and a half, I woke up and just lay there wracking my brain for answers. The only real lead that I had was Denali. The other group of vegetarian vampires lived there, but so had Laurent. Besides, I had no idea where in Denali they were or if they would even consider telling me where the Cullens were. I had no idea how they would react or they'd believe me. Even if they might, Edward's time was apparently running out and I still had school to think about, and Charlie. I couldn't afford to go traipsing about Alaska in the hopes that I'd run into a family of vampires that I'd never met.

Similarly, I couldn't check every rainy city in the world, or every hospital with a night-shift that had been doing exceptionally well lately, or every mall, or every restored home, or every high school. I couldn't ask the Watchers to do it either. If they had seen, we would already know. I felt frustrated and hopeless and weak. I heard a small sob.

"Izzy?"

Jack sounded worried.

"I'm fine," I murmured falsely.

"Oh, milady, of that I am sure, but those tears ruin the effect," he said, reaching down and wiping them from my face, "Shh, it's ok Bella. We'll find a way. For now, let's just do some studying. We have tests at the end of the week."

"You're right. Start with Biology?"

We shared his book and got to work.

When I got home that night I pulled out the things that were mine, the half of the picture with his face on it, the plane ticket. I stared at them for a while, and when they didn't give me answers I put them away and lay back onto my bed to try and sleep.

That night I dreamed of falling again. I woke with a start from that dream at around two in the morning. In the dream I'd jumped. Had that been how I was going to get their attention? The whisper in that first dream of falling had said "to be seen"… Alice.

If I couldn't go to them then the next best option would be to make them come to me. Even if Edward's forced separation worked both ways, and they'd all been told to leave me alone, Alice might still see me, particularly if she thought that I was dying. She might come to comfort Charlie, to confirm it for the rest of her family…_No. I won't jump off of a cliff in the hopes that she'll see me, _I thought. It was too dangerous. There had to be another way. Even as I told myself that I wouldn't do it I continued to think about how it would work. Jacob and jack could be on hand and not be planning to save me, and would Alice even be able to see Jacob or anyone with him when he was as angry, and therefore unpredictable, as he was likely to be if I carried out this plan?

Edward was going to die if I didn't find some way to get in touch with him and I was short of options. There needed to be another way. I gave myself one week to come up with a better idea. If by the next Saturday morning I couldn't come up with a better solution, I was going to do it.

* * *

On Sunday I asked Charlie to go to the beach with me. I hadn't spent a lot of time with him lately and I wanted to make sure that we had at least one good day together, just in case something didn't go as planned.

He brought his fishing poles and I brought a good book. We fished and read for most of the morning, enjoying the silence as I could only do with my dad. Then after a lunch, pre-packed peanut butter and jelly, we took a walk up the beach. Charlie talked about playing there as a kid, shoving Billy into the ocean and running or playing pickup games of football and soccer. I asked about my grandparents and he told me about fishing with his father.

It was a good day, and we finished it by paying Billy and Jacob a surprise visit. I helped Jacob make some spaghetti and we ate in the living room while our fathers watch a game and talked. Jacob and Billy both slipped and called me Izzy once or twice, and I had to explain it away as the result of their having been interviewed by Jack and His father, and them mentioning that they knew me by that name.

Eventually, when our fathers were involved in watching the game that they wouldn't notice, Jacob and I stepped outside to talk.

"So Izzy, how's it going with the whole 'Watcher' thing," he asked awkwardly. We hadn't talked since the meeting after the alliance between our respective groups had been finalized.

"It's…difficult. How's it going with the whole 'shape shifter' thing," I replied, smiling ironically.

"It's difficult. It's amazing how complicated our lives got," he said with a sigh. "Anything I can do to make it less difficult for you?"

I was about to tell him "no" when something occurred to me. "Maybe... Could you meet Jack and I on the beach at around ten in the morning on Saturday? It would be a show of good faith with the other Watchers, particularly if you don't ask me why."

"Wouldn't Jack be in charge of planning good faith gestures," he said skeptically. I turned away from him looking towards the sky which was darkening with the oncoming night.

"Then not as a gesture of good faith, but as a favor to a friend." I said, turning back and looking into his eyes, "Just come and then do what I tell you, and don't mention this to Jack. I promise, as the official second liaison between Watchers and the Shape Shifters at La Push that it won't endanger the alliance. "

"Alright, calm down. No need to get official. I'll be there," he sighed.

I nodded my thanks before going back inside. I was still hoping against hope that another solution would show itself but now I'd only have to get Jack to the beach on Saturday if it didn't. Charlie drove us home a little later and I immediately went upstairs and went to sleep.

That night I dreamt of a clock tower. It was old and pretty and it rose above the main circle of a town that I didn't recognize. I also dreamt of oceans and of falling.

I woke up early the next morning and ran myself a bath. Thinking about my weekend plans, I let my head slip beneath the water. I resurfaced a moment later. This wasn't something that I could practice.

* * *

School was… interesting. With the whole world depending on me, the tests almost seemed unimportant. Who in my position could stress about random concepts in Biology? I went to classes and to lunch but my mind was going in circles the whole time. Jack brought coffee to breakfast every morning that week and we studied before school because neither of us were doing much studying after school. We met at his house everyday and sat together in his room as he suggested ideas and I shot them down. His suggestions weren't fast enough, or weren't practical. Eventually he went back to getting to know the pack through phone calls and emails and let me lay thinking with my head in his lap.

When I wasn't sleeping or studying, or trying to come up with a different plan, I thought about what it would be like to see the Cullens again. For the most part my feelings about the reunion were positive and the warmth of those positive feelings felt like all that was keeping me going. I was tense and scared and hiding the truth of my plans from Jack made me feel slightly sick inside.

On Thursday the tests at school started and focusing on them helped me feel a bit more at ease. At lunch Angela and I moved to another table for some girl time. Despite sitting together every day we hadn't spoken as much as we usually did, because of my reading and worrying.

"Hey Bella, how've you been? You look better today than you have sometimes lately, but …"

She was trying to be careful about how she phrased it so that she wouldn't insult me.

"I'm just a bit stressed about some things; the future, the tests they're giving in all of our classes," I said as honestly as I could manage.

She nodded understandingly before replying, "Yeah, things are a bit crazy, aren't they? Just remember, that whatever is going to come is going to get here just as soon whether or not you stress about it. Bella you look like you're losing sleep and that's not healthy."

I let what she'd said sink in. she was right. I'd felt better all day because I hadn't been focusing on the mission or on the weekend. I had just over a day left before I absolutely had to think about either.

I hugged Angela, thanking her for the advice before asking about Ben and relaxing into the moment. The rest of the day went peacefully. I felt lighter and by the time gym class rolled around I felt better than I had all week. The exercise only helped.

After school Jack met me by my truck.

"You have a plan, " he said. He smiled, took my hand and held me in place while he seemed to be inspecting me. "I know because of how much less worn down you look. It would please me greatly if you, good lady, would share."

I laughed at his antics before replying, "Well, if it would please you, I will tell you that part of my plan takes place on Saturday afternoon; and that for it to work we'll need to be on the beach at around ten in the morning, and you can't know the rest until the last moment."

"Izzy…" he sounded like he was going to press for more information, so I cut him off.

"Jack, I don't second guess you about anything you feel the need to do as the leading liaison with the pack. Don't second guess me about this mission," I spoke evenly with an edge and he backed up with his hands raised in surrender.

"I mean you no offense lady, but how can I help you if I don't know what we're doing?"

He asked the question lightly, trying to appeal to my sense of logic. If I hadn't had a good reason for keeping him in the dark, it might have worked. It's kind of a pity, isn't it?

"By doing what I ask of you and by remembering what's at stake, and by trusting me," I said, leaning in and hugging him.

Then I followed him back to his house and we spent the time before Self-Defense meditating and focusing on finding the power that we shared. You would say that we were unsuccessful but when something feels that good…there are many definitions of success.

If that day at school had given me back some of my peace, class that night gave me some courage. Eve did a one on one session with me and she worked me until I wondered if I'd have the strength to drive home.

"Who do you have to protect, Izzy? Can you protect them by second guessing yourself? Can your fear protect them?"

She'd whispered her questions like some strange monologue while we exchanged blows. It was as though the world were conspiring to make sure that I heard what I needed to. I rode home smiling despite my sore muscles from exercising, but it faded quickly when I walked into the house. Charlie stood from his place on the sofa when I walked in the door.

"Bella, Harry Clearwater had a heart attack. I'm going to go sit with Sue and the kids at the hospital. Will you be ok?"

"Sure, Dad. Go, I'll be fine," I replied. Then he rushed out. I went upstairs and used a meditation technique to get to sleep quickly while focusing on Harry Clearwater. I wanted to know if he would get better.

I did not see Harry Clearwater die in my dreams that night.

* * *

As I walked through the kitchen on my way to school I saw a note on the table from Charlie. Harry had died at around midnight the night before and Charlie was helping Sue make arrangements.

I called Jack to make sure that he knew and asked him to convey my condolences if he spoke to Harry's family or to the elders, then I got into my truck and drove to school. He and I sipped coffee on the back of my truck before school, unsure of what to say.

"You will be an English teacher in city somewhere sunny and perfect and you'll teach self-defense after school. The Volturi will be a memory, as will this mission, and we'll grow flowers in a window box and have arguments about what kind, and whether or not their color is the exact red of this truck, which you will still drive to school every day," Jack said suddenly.

I laughed, "So you want guess our future now?"

"Milady has guessed rightly. Do you object," he asked.

"Only to the Job. As a substitute teacher, I'd have a more flexible schedule; better for watching," I replied.

He agreed and then we went on to class. In the way that it always does, the world kept moving despite Harry's death, and that reassured me somehow that even if our mission failed, the world would find a way to keep moving.

That afternoon we watch the second X-men movie, to celebrate because, as neither of us had realized all week, spring break was set to start on the next Monday. I spent a couple of hours just being a Wolverine fan-girl while Jack laughed about having created some kind of monster, then I went home and made dinner for Charlie, before fixing something to send to the Clearwaters so that they wouldn't have to worry about cooking.

Then I hopped onto my motorcycle and I rode around town for a while. As I rode I thought about all the things that had changed since I'd last seen Edward and his family. I thrilled at the thought of hanging out with Alice now that my aversion to speed had been cast off and I didn't have to worry about upsetting Edward by doing something just a little bit unpredictable. I thought about the plane ticket in my room and wished for a moment that spring break had come later, after the mission, so that I could use the time to visit my mother.

That night I had the dream about the woman with the rosary again followed by the one about the clock tower. In the dream this time I was down in the circle, there were people everywhere but my eyes were drawn to several cloaked figures. When I focused on their faces I could see, even from my place across the way from them, pairs of eyes that were as red as blood once it touches open air.

* * *

"Alright boys," I said to Jack and Jacob as we stood on the beach that Saturday morning, " I need for you two to stand right here and watch that ledge."

I pointed to the cliff Where Jacob and I had seen the boys diving on the day that I'd ridden by bike for the first time.

" It's extremely important for you to stand on this spot until the time comes for you to move," I continued, "Trust me, you'll know."

Jacob looked suspicious, he remembered the cliff too.

"Bella," he started, but I corrected him.

"It's Izzy."

"Fine then, Izzy, don't do anything stupid," he said.

I smiled in a way that Jack told me later was dangerous before replying, " I will do only what is required to complete the mission. If there is any other way, I promise you, I will make use of it."

Jack shot back a reply before Jacob could think.

"Bella, that's not saying that you won't do anything stupid."

He grabbed my arm and I pulled it back.

"Am I a liar? I told you that I wouldn't go far. Trust me," I said giving his hand a squeeze and then running off to put my plan into action. As I ran, I remembered that morning. I'd put on an older outfit and done my hair the way that I had before to make it easier for Alice to identify me, packed a bag of supplies, then I'd picked up Jack and we'd ridden my truck to the beach to meet Jacob. I'd walked them to a place where they could see the ledge.

As I arrived at the foot path towards the ledge, I focused on Edward and how much his lies had hurt, and on the mental vacuum of the months after he left. I thought about Harry, and about the image of Charlie as he'd looked for evidence of love in my features. I let my fear come to the surface and settle alongside my certainty. I had to go in like someone planning to die.

I walked up to the edge of the cliff. Far beneath me the water churned and crashed. Out in front of me laid the endlessness of the ocean. I took a deep breath, turned and walked back a few steps, then I turned, tears rolling down my face, and I ran, feeling first the hard uneven stone as it banged against my feet through my shoes and then the air.

I forgot to breathe as I fell. My body was alive with adrenaline and I felt like I was flying. As in my dreams I saw the water approaching at terrifying speeds but the wind in my hair and the hormones that made each tenth of a second seem to go on forever held back the fear.

The water brought me back to reality. It was so cold that my mind froze as my body was submerged. I couldn't tell which way was up and the waves and currents pulled at me as though I was doll shared between siblings. When Jacob grabbed me, it was only the heat of his body that let me differentiate him from the other forces pulling at me. He brought me to the surface screaming for me to breathe and fighting his way through the waves. Soon we met with Jack, who was a slower swimmer that Jacob and the two of them helped me onto the sand as I coughed and shook and sputtered.

"B-b-blanket in my b-b-bag," I stammered.

Jack went and retrieved it wrapping me up in it and turning to Jacob.

"We need to get her home. She'll need a change of clothes and some looking after before we make her explain exactly why this was necessary," the last bit was said in a harsher tone and directed at me. I couldn't blame him. I'd probably just scared a few years of off his life.

Jacob sat in the passenger side of my truck, holding me so that I could take advantage of his body heat through the blanket. Jack sighed at that, but I mouthed "we are one" to him when Jacob wasn't looking and he took the rest of the ride with a weak smile. I kept my fingers crossed as we got closer to Charlie's house and though I was tired from my brief struggle in the water, I wouldn't let myself sleep. I had to be awake to see if it had worked.

Despite my determination, I started to nod off. Jacob put an end to that.

"Don't park! You have to keep going. There's a cold one in there," he shouted, picking up the scent as we neared the house. Jack's eyes widened as he realized what I'd had planned for today.

"That was the point," he said, half dazed, "That's Carlisle's car, isn't it?"

I shifted to dislodge some of the blanket that had been blocking my view.

"Yes, now stop and let me up. Jake if you don't want to be here, take my bike and go home."

Jack parked and Jacob opted to walk to the door to make sure that it was one of the Cullens and not some sort of a trick.

Carefully, I opened the door. It was dark, but I could see a form standing in the room. Jack turned on a light. She was stunning for all that the lack of change in her appearance was disconcerting.

"Alice, you're here," I sighed in utter, complete, and soul rending relief. She stood watching me as though I was some form of science experiment, but I walked up and hugged her. She pushed me away slightly, holding me at arm's length with a hand on each of my shoulders. I noticed for the first time how dark her eyes were.

"Bella," she said with mild disbelief coloring her still perfect voice, "You're alive. Why are you alive?"

* * *

Hey guys, it's 1:21 am on the day after my birthday and I'm starting this note after finishing the chapter. If that doesn't prove how much I appreciate you all, nothing will. (I turned 19 if anyone was wondering)

**PriestessOfFreya, NotSoSlightlyCrazy** : I did a glance through the reviews and you two are definitely the top two so far for reviews, if that holds then I'll contact you about that scene with the character of your choice for the outtakes at the end once the final chapter has been posted. I'll actually have to count to figure out the third person up for the reward. (if you want, you can go ahead and tell me which character and describe yourself a bit)

**Da Future**: Explanations and Emotions abound as Izzy is re-unites with a small part of the family that left her, and the mission still has yet to see completion. As if that weren't enough, unforeseen consequences of well thought plans take shape and threaten to start the world down the path to its ultimate destruction.

Next chapter by or before Wednesday, love you all, P_M

(ps. despite this being ready to post at 2:28 am on the 8th, the site isn't cooperating, so if it's late it's not my fault) (p.p.s. the chapter alert thing didn't appear to be working so i pulled the chapter down and re posted it this morning sorry if that somehow inconvenienced you)


	28. Catching Up

Last Chapter:

"_Bella," she said with mild disbelief coloring her still perfect voice, "You're alive. Why are you alive?"_

* * *

"Alice, I have some rather major things to tell you about and to ask you about and I know Edward has probably forbidden all contact but it is of vital importance that you hear me out because I attract weird like bears attract Emmet and because Edward might be in serious danger if you don't. Will you promise to hear me out?"

The words came out in a jumbled rush but she must have understood because she nodded. I turned to the boys. I looked into Jack's eyes, focusing on the need to have a few hours alone with Alice to explain.

"But Izzy," he blurted out in response.

"But nothing, your presence now would slow things down and we can't afford that. I promise that I will change into something dry and that I'll be very careful , but having the two of you here right now complicates things. Jack, take my truck and go home. Jacob, you can take my bike. If I see either one of you before I call you, I will have my father lock you up for trespassing," I said tiredly before closing the door in their surprised and annoyed faces.

I paused for a moment, and as I opened my mouth to speak, Alice stopped me.

"I just saw you trying to explain and that didn't make any sense. I need to hunt and you need to organize your thoughts and dry off. I'll be back. I still want to know why you're alive," she said softly.

"O.k., I'll be in my room when you get back," I murmured, and she ran out so quickly that she seemed to vanish.

I went upstairs and took a short, hot, shower and dried off thoroughly before putting on my favorite red shirt and some jeans, and putting my hair up so that it looked and felt shorter. Then I sat on my bed and tried to figure out what it was that I'd been about to do wrong in my explanation to Alice. I had wanted to start with the thing about Matches and Watchers, but that was confusing. Perhaps I'd just start from the beginning. Just as that thought entered my mind, Alice returned. She knocked on the door to my bedroom and I told her that she could come in.

"You've been shopping! You'll have to tell me about that later. First, what makes you think that Edward is in trouble? How would you know before me?"

She danced over and sat on the rocking chair near my bed, tilting her head slightly and waiting for an answer.

I took a deep breath and started.

"This is going to be slightly hard to believe but you can't interrupt me. Just after new years I met with this family, the Stevens, who are a part of a group of humans who know about vampires and about shape shifters and any number of the other types of beings there are on this earth. The fact that they know gives them the power to make sure that the world isn't destroyed by the actions or struggles of those beings. It's like the idea of soul mates, only in this case we call them Matches, and finding your soul mate brings out an ability in you. Every human has a match. Humans who find their matches and know about vampires, like the Stevens make up a group called the Watchers. Jack, the boy who called me "Izzy" is my match, and I am a Watcher. Making sense so far?"

The shock on her face was nearly comical for a moment, but she schooled her features before nodding and then asking a question.

"Meeting your match gives you a talent, or you said it brings it out, makes it stronger. What is yours? Is that what made it impossible for- "

"No. I see the future in my dreams; the absolute no-matter-what-you-do future, not choices. I'm not very good at controlling it yet, but I'm working on it. Jack sees the truth in people's eyes. Another Watcher with the ability to see the future saw Edward dying in some futures and joining the Volturi in others. Neither can happen if the world is to stand a chance. Alice, you have to call him," I said, my voice begging for her to believe me.

"Bella," she replied in a tone that was near to being patronizing, "If he were in any immediate danger, I would have seen it."

"Not until after he or someone else made the decision that endangered him, and by then it might be too late," I countered, standing to my feet in frustration. I'd jumped off of a cliff to get her attention and she wasn't taking me seriously.

"Bella," she started in that same patronizing tone. I interrupted her.

"Call me Izzy. I don't care whether or not you believe me about any of this. I just need you to get Edward to a place where he'll be away from the Volturi and safe. He's your brother! Can you really afford not to even consider this?"

I was close to shouting at her and she still didn't seem to be convinced of anything other than my insanity. I tried to think of some evidence that might convince her. I couldn't show her the unseen book, the full title forbid that. Then it occurred to me.

"Alice, I have proof. Edward wouldn't have told me very much about the Volturi, right?"

She tilted her head, thinking for a moment, before replying, " No, not without a reason. He didn't really like you knowing so much about us; scared of what you'd do with the knowledge I suppose."

"Ask me a question about them, something that I shouldn't know. If I get it right, then you have to believe me and call Edward."

She still seemed skeptical, but asked anyway.

"Where do they live and what or how do they eat?"

I thought about what I'd read and the dream of the woman with the rosary came to mind. With a sudden shudder I realized what I'd been seeing. My voice dropped with the gravity of that realization as I answered.

"They live in Volterra, Italy. They send out members of their guard to bring tourists back under the guise of a special tour of the older part of the city. Then they corral them into a large room, shut the doors, and feast on them. Alice, you can't let Edward become one of them. Call him. Get him back to Carlisle and Esme."

She stared at me again, this time in an oddly assessing way, before pulling out her phone and calling him. When she spoke a moment later, I thought that she'd gotten him, but she just left a message on his phone, telling him to make his way towards Denali at his earliest convenience. After she made the call, we sat for a moment before Alice looked up at me. She was still sitting in the rocking chair, but she moved, guiding us over to my bed so that we could sit next to each other.

"So Izzy, you still haven't told me why you're alive."

I explained the plan, starting with the dreams of falling and ending with apologies for having to scare her like that.

"It's really not your fault. You needed to get in touch with me and it's not as if Edward left you any other way. How've you been since we left? You seem to be doing well."

I smiled ironically at that, stopping myself from responding bitterly and thinking _no thanks to you, old friend. _ Then I sighed, remembering how long it had taken me to get to the point where anyone might consider me to be doing well.

"Honestly? After you all left, after Edward… What I mean to say is that… After he broke my heart, both it and I stayed broken for a long while. For three whole months it was like I was in a coma, barely living. On new year's, I saw something that let me get mad at Edward for being the bastard that he was to me and start rebuilding my life. I'm better than I've ever been now, but it took a fair bit of work. "

It felt somewhat strange to talk about this with her. It had, I was starting to realize, been a long time since Alice had really been my best friend. I pushed through that thought with a shake of my head. Alice kept pushing for information.

"What did you see? And when did you meet Jack?"

I told her about the talk show and the woman who'd been far too similar to me, then, laughing at the memory, I told her about meeting Jack.

Alice was hard to read. I couldn't know what she felt about any of it and it was making me uncomfortable.

"You've been moving on," she said. Her voice was an odd mix of accusation, bitterness, and a sort of deep but soft sadness.

"What choice do I have? It was a lie. Edward told me that he didn't love me, that I wasn't good enough. He implied that I was a momentary distraction and told me that there would be others. He left and I broke, Alice. I held on so hard; ask Charlie. I couldn't keep living like that or putting my parents through that. If I hadn't stepped up and decided to go on with my life, that jump off of the cliff would have been an actual suicide attempt. Can you honestly blame me for moving on?"

I looked into her eyes, putting my hand on hers and willing her to understand. I looked down at our hands. I was still so pale that there wasn't much difference between them, but the red of my shirt did help to make me look more human, lending me color.

"I really can't. I'd hoped that… but that's neither here nor there. Charlie's on his way. I'll go home and see if I can get Edward to answer his phone, I'll be back tomorrow morning to let you know if I got him," she said, standing. Part of me felt as though she were running from the situation. She looked sad and I wondered why. Shouldn't a friend be happy that I was moving on? I remembered the letter I'd left at her house.

"Alice," I said as she turned to leave, "when I thought that I'd probably never see any of you again, I left a note with my goodbyes shoved under the door. The sentiments in it are still true; you're free to do what you want with it."

She gave a brief nod before going out through my window. After she left, I called Jack and Jacob to let them know that I was alright and that Alice wasn't staying the night. Both said that they would come over the next morning, Jacob to insure that she understood that the treaty was still in place and Jack because he wanted to be close in case I needed him.

After that I just lay still on my bed for a long time, thinking about the way the wind had felt as I fell earlier and about how cold the water had been. As I lay there I wondered what the sky had looked like as I fell away from it. I wondered what had crossed Jack's mind.

That night I had dreams about airports. This time I managed to focus enough to see a date. I was going to be at an airport the next day. I didn't know where I was going or why but I knew that it was important, and that I was apparently going to be gone for multiple days. In the last dream I had before waking up, I saw Jack. He was leaning close to me and my heart was racing. I woke up smiling.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I could hear voices downstairs. I crept out of bed and sat on the stairs. Charlie and Alice were talking. Apparently she'd gotten there before I'd woken up. They were talking about me. Charlie was making sure that Edward was planning to stay gone. I didn't linger. Alice and Charlie were having a private conversation, and besides, I apparently had a plane trip to get ready for. I went into my room and shut the door before calling Jack and having him put me on speaker phone with his parents nearby.

"Everyone's here Izzy, what have you seen," Jack asked.

"Apparently we've got a flight to catch today and we'll be gone for more than one day. I don't know where or why we're going but I do know that having a story would probably help for when we get back. My dad is going to want answers and I don't want to be grounded until I die."

There was some laughter at that before his father spoke up.

"Nimble, you forgetful child, you were supposed to invite Izzy to go on our family camping trip."

"What…oh yes. Izzy please forgive me for the short notice, but would you like to go anyway? You could leave a note for Charlie and of course my parents will be able to talk to him to apologize for not letting you wait till you could ask his permission," Jack said slyly.

"Well, camping isn't really my thing, but I suppose it could be fun. So where will you guys really be?"

Jack's mom told us that they would likely be at a hotel near the airport so that they could look us over once we got back, and drive me home to give the story some substance. Jack told me that he was going to come on over after he hung up, and reminded me that he was driving my truck.

A moment after my conversation with the Stevens ended, Alice walked into my room.

"Good morning, Izzy, I've been trying every couple of hours but he just won't pick up. I'll keep trying. He'll have to answer eventually," she seemed a bit frustrated but she still seemed to dance as she moved to sit in the rocking chair. "So, anything else I should know about the goings on in Forks since we left?"

"A few things, but you asked all of the questions yesterday. It's my turn. How is everyone?"

I spoke lightly, looking into her eyes and hoping that she wouldn't question my right to know.

"We're well enough, I suppose. Edward went off by himself after we left here, the rest of us have been visiting with our friends in Denali. We have a house near there so it's convenient, though Esme always worries when any of us leave," she replied with an equal lightness.

The light tones were starting to wear on my nerves. There was a lot of baggage there and it bothered me that I had to walk on egg shells with someone I'd thought of as a sister once. I'd decided to say something to that effect when Alice beat me to it.

"I'm sorry, you're entire right. Edward had no right to forbid us to contact you and I should have at least tried. I've missed you very much, Bella, I mean-"

"It's ok; you don't have to correct yourself. I still respond to both. I just prefer Izzy, particularly when acting as a watcher. Do you feel up to a hug? I've missed you too," I replied, smiling.

She stood and grabbed me, dancing around the room with me for a few minutes while we laughed. A knock on the door downstairs interrupted out revelry and Alice stayed upstairs to try calling Edward again while I answered it. It was Jack, and Jacob arrived as I was letting him in, driving his car with by bike strapped to the roof.

"Fair lady, it's good to see you looking so well. Your friend seems to have done you some good," Jack said as he took a seat at the kitchen table.

"A leech, do good? Now I've heard it all," Jacob sneered from his place leaning against the table behind us.

"Jacob, she can hear you. She could break you in half without breaking a sweat. If you provoke her, I'll let her do it, alliance and treaties be damned," I fired off. If they were going to be in my house at the same time, they'd at least have to learn to hate each other in silence.

Alice came down the stairs with a sigh, "Still not answering."

I cursed him under my breath and both Jacob and Alice nodded in agreement at the sentiment. A combination of human hearing and the fact that he was too busy staring at Alice kept Jack out of the loop on that one. I walked over and squeezed his hand to remind him of my presence on Earth and he snapped out of it. I almost felt irritated at him, but I understood what it was to be dazzled. I introduced everyone formally, probably because Jack's politeness was proving to be contagious, and we split off into pairs.

Alice and I sat in the living room and she tried to help me with interpreting my visions, suggesting things that I should look for and suggesting things that I might try as we bent over a book about sleep. The boys sat in the kitchen, going over the basics of what would happen now that Harry Clearwater was dead and hashing out some potential consequences for the alliance, and there really might be consequences. Depending upon who took his place, Jack might be bumped out of the head liaison position in favor if someone who was a better fit. We continued our separate pursuits until around noon, when the phone rang.

The boys had been bickering at the time, Jacob had asked a question that Jack couldn't answer without checking with the other Watchers first and he was angry about what he saw as the Watchers as a whole being too secretive.

"Jacob, calm down. You have to trust that we don't mean you any harm," Jack soothed, backing away from him.

"Trust! You have some nerve talking about-"

The ring from the phone interrupted him, and he stormed over to answer it.

"What is it," he snapped rudely. I swatted his arm, and he looked at me. I mouthed "bad dog" at him.

"He's at the funeral," he said, before waiting a moment and then hanging up the phone. "Said he was Dr. Cullen and he wanted to speak to Charlie. Then he hung up when I told him that Charlie was at the funeral."

Alice looked absolutely horrified.

"That was Edward," she said, an odd sort of dread slipping into her voice, " Bella, we have to go! Now!"

She grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards the door.

"Alice, wait. What's going on," I asked, trying on vain to pull my arm back towards my body and stop her.

" I was with Rosalie when I got the vision of you jumping. I think she must have called and told Edward that you were dead. He just called to check her story and because that rude puppy answered your phone he now thinks that Charlie is at your funeral. Bella, he's going to Italy."

* * *

Hey guys! I'm back. This chapter took me longer than I thought that it might, but it's up and I hope that you like it. thanks as always to everyone who's read and reviewed and lurked and alerted. As you can tell, we're in the home stretch so hang in there with me.

Da Future: tensions rise as Izzy gets ready for what will probably be the biggest test of her progress since the year began. The world hangs in the balance, not to mention a few individual lives. Is she strong enough? And will the still barely defined relationship with Jack survive a run in with what seems to be a minefield of threats to both body and soul?

Da contest: … I swear I will get the count for the top 3 reviewers and let you know in the next authors note. Don't forget, if you feel that you are one of them, I need to know the character you want the outtake written of and maybe an idea of what you want. I won't kill the pairing I've written but nearly anything else is up for discussion. The sooner you tell me the more time I have to clarify your request.

I've got to move back into my dorms at college this weekend but I'll do my best to get the next chapter out soon, Plant_murderer


	29. Racing Hearts

Last Chapter:

"_Alice, wait. What's going on," I asked, trying on vain to pull my arm back towards my body and stop her. _

_ " I was with Rosalie when I got the vision of you jumping. I think she must have called and told Edward that you were dead. He just called to check her story and because that damn puppy answered your phone he now thinks that Charlie is at your funeral. Bella, he's going to Italy." _

* * *

"Wait, he thinks I'm dead so he's going to Italy? Why? To celebrate?"

I was more than a little confused. Why should Edward care if I died? Jack tensed next to me. I turned and saw a cold anger in his eyes. His hands were clenched into tight fists at his sides.

"That idiot," he hissed, before taking a deep breath to calm himself and turning to me, " Bella, he's going to attempt an assisted suicide. From what I gather, he wasn't entirely honest about his reasons for leaving and now we need to get to Italy to stop him."

I froze and let that settle in my head. Then I took off for the stairs as everyone downstairs shouted in confusion. I told them that I needed to grab some things and told Jack to call his parents. I grabbed a bag and packed a pretty blue shirt, some pants, and some money. I also grabbed my cell phone and my pillow before writing a note to Charlie to explain that I'd been invited on a camping trip with the Stevens family, and that he could call them to confirm that and to check on me.

When I ran down the stairs to leave, I was immediately assaulted by the sounds of an argument that had sprung up in my absence.

"Don't you even care about her? You're going to get her killed," Jacob shouted.

"Izzy makes her own decisions, and she wants to go, so if something happens, it won't be me that's responsible. Don't you respect her enough to acknowledge that? You are bound by the terms of the alliance not to interfere in matters that do not concern the pack or your tribe, so end this resistance or end the alliance," Jack replied with a sort of near pompous authority in his voice.

I had to stop them before Jacob could pick one.

"Jacob, I'm going no matter what you do. This is my responsibility and the world is at stake," I said, approaching him.

"But Izzy-"

"Jacob, do you trust me," I asked putting a hand on his shoulder.

"The last time you asked me to trust you, you jumped off of a cliff," he reminded me, skeptically.

"But I lived, didn't I," I replied, taking my hand off of his shoulder and asking, "Now where's Alice?"

"Right here," she said. She was standing in the doorway holding an expensive looking cell phone. "Our travel arrangements have been made. We have to go."

I made sure that my bag was secure on my shoulder and left the note on the kitchen table before walking over to Alice, with Jack following behind.

"Bella, please, don't go. I'm asking you as a friend," Jacob asked weakly. He knew that he couldn't stop me.

"It's Izzy, and if you were truly my friend, you wouldn't ask that of me. I'll see you when we get back," I said softly, turning to look into his eyes for a moment, then I nodded to Alice and we rushed out towards the car.

* * *

The airport was exactly how it had looked in my dreams, but the people and the noise were still slightly overwhelming. We rushed onto the plane and sat awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what to do now that our speed was in the hands of the pilot. Eventually Jack took my hand and I felt him slip into a meditative state. I joined him.

"_Are you scared," _he whispered across the bond. His eyes were closed and he was pretending to sleep. I stared out of the window as I responded.

_"So very much, Milord, so much depends on this and it's our first real mission. We stand to lose a lot." _

I thought about college, and about the life he'd had with his parents. I had the sudden urge to ask if we would be like that. I wanted to know, even if we never got to live it out, how it was supposed to be. I wanted to know that if we lived, we'd work out what we meant to each other and go on a date. I wanted a reason to think that I might someday hold a brown haired baby with Jack's green eyes. I wanted more certainty than I had, because we were about to race headlong into danger, and certainty about anything at all would have been a comfort.

_"You're right," _Jack said, breaking my train of thought and replying, "_there's no getting around that but… if this doesn't go well, at least we had what we did. That said, I truly think that we might be able to do this. Mom's intuition would have tipped her off if we were going to die. She would have said something." _

I resisted the urge to remind him that his mother hadn't had guessed that Alexandra was going to die, so there was no guarantee. I just drifted out of meditation and listened as Alice told Jasper what was going on. After a while I fell asleep.

My dreams found me wading endlessly through the crowds in the circle at the center of a city, a clock tower loomed over me and the hands seemed to be moving too fast. I pushed through the crowd, stepping on feet, kicking, and shoving, but I couldn't seem to move fast enough. I woke up as Edward's pale face became apparent in the shadows that were quickly dissipating as noon approached.

The plane was landing in New York as I wiped the sleep from my eyes, and I was still slightly disoriented as I was rushed onto another airplane, this one bound directly for Italy. Jack and Alice helped me into a seat in between them and let my head clear a bit as the plane took off.

When I was a bit more awake, I told them about my dream. I was clueless as to what it meant, but Alice had apparently had a couple of visions while I'd slept.

"Edward has found the Volturi," she said, frustrated and worried, " they're trying to decide whether or not they'll grant his request. They want him to join their guard, but there are other factors. If your dream is to be believed, I'd assume that the Volturi are going to refuse his request and he's going to try and force their hand."

"How," I asked quickly. The unseen book was thorough, but it was still a secondary source. I needed to know for sure.

"I don't know yet, Bella. They haven't decided yet, and so he hasn't had a reason to plan for that," she replied impatiently. There was a long moment of quiet, before Alice spoke, seemingly at random.

"You were going to be stunning, you know."

Her voice was a strange mix of regret and reprimand.

"I already am," I replied, unapologetic. Jack squeezed my hand, confirming my statement and reminding me of his presence while letting us talk.

"It was going to be perfect, Bella; you were going to be perfect. I saw it. You completed us. You were going to be my sister and you made him so happy," she insisted. I could hear some of the hurt in her voice.

"I might not be perfect now, but there's no saying that being with Edward for an eternity would have made me perfect. Alice, I like my life now. I have plans for a future, and great friends, and responsibilities. I am capable of so much more than filling a place and making Edward a little less brooding and maybe that's not enough for me anymore."

I was trying to make her understand, but she still looked hurt.

"It was enough less than a year ago. You wanted nothing more, before we left. Is this about him?"

Alice glanced at Jack, and he tensed beside me.

"No, it's about me. it's about my life and all the things that I would have thrown away unknowingly for a love that was less than complete, and an eternity of being satisfied with less because I made the one choice that would eliminate all others," I replied. The truth of what I was saying made me feel free somehow.

Alice moved to respond but was distracted by a vision.

"They said no," she murmured, relieved, "He's trying to decide what to do now, and that will give us time. He's going to try to reveal himself, but he hasn't decided how."

"He's going to step into the sunlight," Jack said, joining the conversation, "Izzy's dream showed her running to try and stop him."

Alice was quiet for a moment, presumably waiting to see if a vision would confirm Jack's idea.

"I haven't seen it, but it would make sense. It's dramatic enough for Edward," Alice concluded.

"I agree," I said before pausing to think about the dream again and asking, "Why am I running alone? Where are you two?"

"Mayhap the two of us are taking a longer way around. You said that it was going to be sunny, so Alice can't run across run across with you. Besides, he only really needs to see you. Alice wouldn't be able to stop him and he doesn't know me," Jack pointed out reasonably. Alice nodded in agreement.

"Then we have a plan," I stated, feeling the finality of that realization. After a moment, Alice turned her attention to the future and I closed my eyes, trying to sleep.

As I drifted off to sleep, it occurred to me that if we managed to save Edward from his own stupidity, I was going to have to deal with him. I had no idea how I'd act or feel. My dreams offered me no answers.

__________________________________________________________-------

The plane touched down in Rome, Italy at around eleven and we disembarked as quickly as the crowds would allow. I didn't have time to look around, or to marvel at the fact that I was in Europe for the first time, I just tried to keep up as we rushed though the various areas of the airport. Eventually we came to a stop outside and Alice went off to "find" a car to get us to Volterra. As she walked away, she turned and asked of I'd like to go with her, but I pointed out that I would slow her down.

After she was gone, I settled the bag with my stuff on the ground beside my feet and Jack started to stammer.

"Izzy, I…I …What I mean is-"

I squeezed his hand, trying to help settle him.

"Just say it, whatever it is," I encouraged.

"Bella," he said softly after a moment, removing his hand from mine and putting both of them on my shoulder, " I don't know what's about to happen. I'm just a lord, and you are only the most wonderful of ladies, and we're about to approach the biggest threat to world security in our generation. I know we've said that we'll stay with each other but if something happens…"

"Jack," I whispered moving closer. The crowds outside of the airport seemed to disappear.

"Lady, we have walked such a narrow line between what's safe and what's actually between us. I have no wish to hang on that line, or to leave you hanging by it, if something happens. I love you and I want to be more than just your friend or your match. It hasn't been a long time since we met, and we're young but-"

As he spoke, his head leaned down towards me and I was so full up with more emotions than I can describe that it was all I could do to lean in and kiss him.

It was perfect. My arms wrapped around his neck and his slipped around my waist. His lips were so soft and warm. I felt… cherished and safe and it was hard to pull away, but when I did I found his eyes and I knew that nothing else would ever be as beautiful. I smiled before laughing a little.

"I don't have a speech prepared, but I do love you. If we're left with nothing else when this is done, hold on to that."

Jack smiled back at me before jokingly remarking, "I promise, I'll never let go."

Then the sound of a car horn broke the moment, and I picked up my bag before running and getting into the back seat of the most awesome car I had ever seen in my life. We rushed away from the airport to the sound of Jack screaming about the fact that all of the women he knew were speed demons.

__________________________________________________--------

Hey guys, it's late, but I've been worlds worth of busy. Did I make up for it? Ok so the review competition stands as follows: (these can still change but as of chapter 28 this what I have)

**NotSoSlightlyCrazy** (with 28 reviews!!)

**PriestessOfFreya ** (with 14 reviews!!)

**goldeneyes123 ** (with 6 reviews!!)

**goldeneyes123 : **I need to know which characters and a general idea of what you want to happen in your outtake. If someone pushes you out of 3rd place I'll message you and the new third place person.

Thanks to all my fabulous readers and reviewers and alert peoples. You guys rock my universe.

**Da Future:** Volterra and all that that may entail. ( would have tried to make it sound more epic but it's late and I want to post this a.s.a.p.)

…**ps** there's a movie reference and a shout out goes to whomever tells me what movie and, as always, reviews are appreciated.


	30. Meetings and Reunions or Volterra

"The thought of acting is a terrifying one. Jamie's parents have told us that we'll probably have to connect through the bond to use our joined ability; so, we'll be at our most vulnerable even as we ascend to the height of our strength. Our truest love will be shown before our most deadly enemies.

In a way it's just like Mamma always said, only more. She said, 'turn the other cheek.' When I turn that cheek, the eye above it will lock with Jamie's as we work to fight as one. She said, 'Bless them that curse you.' We will; we will bless them with a chance to witness true love before we do what we must and end them for the sake of the world, and out of the pure desire to continue living and loving as we were meant to." – taken from Alexandra's online journal.

* * *

Hence to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting. – Sun Tzu

All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when we are able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must appear inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near**. **–Sun Tzu

* * *

The traffic going into Volterra was a nightmare. Edward, being the dramatic idiot that he was, had decided to off himself during the city's celebration of St. Marcus Day, and people were pouring into the city from everywhere. After getting into the car, I'd pulled on the blue shirt from my bag and let my hair down so that it would look longer. It wouldn't be hard to look like the girl that he remembered. I wondered briefly if I would smell different, but I dismissed that thought. If I smelled like Jack or the airport then there was nothing I could do about it. The car that Alice had borrowed might have seemed amazing, but it didn't contain a shower.

"Alice, how are we for time," I asked impatiently.

"He's planning to step into the sunlight at noon. It's half past eleven now," she replied, "you're going to have to run for it, but we expected that. If you get lost ask for 'Palazzo dei Priori'."

"Palazzo dei Priori; I got it. You two stay together and stay safe. You both have mothers that I have grown rather fond of, so please don't make me have to inform either of them of your demise."

I'd meant for it to sound like a joke, but it didn't. We drove for a few more minutes before, at last, we came to the gates that lead into the city. A guard stopped us, speaking first in Italian and then in English.

"Ma'am I'm sorry to inform you that there are to be no vehicles allowed in the city today," he said sounding genuinely sorry.

"We have a rather important errand in the city, dear," Alice responded, pulling several bills out of her purse, and tucking them into the pocket on his shirt with a gloved hand, " perhaps just this once. We'd be quite grateful."

The guard blushed and sputtered for a moment before regaining his senses and letting us pass. As we drove slowly through the crowds of celebrating citizens, I heard Jack tell Alice, "well done."

She smiled briefly in thanks before returning her attention the navigating the narrow streets to the Palazzo dei Priori. The clock in the dashboard showed that it was about six minutes till noon when Alice spoke again.

"O.k Bella, you know what to do. The second I stop the car, I want you to run as fast as you can. Jack and I will catch up."

"It's Izzy, remember, and Jack… I promise that I won't go too far," I said, catching his eyes. Then the car stopped and my heart began to race as I leapt out into the crowd.

The circle seem wider in that moment than it had in my dreams; louder, and more terrifying. I fought through the crowd, kicking and pushing and screaming like a mental patient breaking free of an asylum, but the more I kicked and ran and pushed the more disorienting everything became. People shouted swears at me in languages that I couldn't recognize and pushed back and took swings. Eventually I made my way up onto the fountain in the center of the square, and I could see him.

Edward was standing, shirtless in the shadows in one of the narrow alleyways. I screamed to him as I ran, trying not slip in the shallow water of the fountain.

"Edward! It's me! It's Bella Swan!! I'm alive! Back up!"

He didn't seem to hear me though, the deaf bastard.

The second half of my sprint was the hardest. My jeans were wet and heavy, and the joint effort of screaming and running and fighting left my heart humming and lungs worn out. My head was full of worries for Jack and Alice and the world. If we failed it would be my fault; my fault that we all died, my fault that the world would end before Angela and Ben could marry and have the most awesome family on earth, my fault that Charlie would grieve for a lifetime and that Esme would grieve forever. It would be my fault because I hadn't just taken the more dangerous path and gone to Denali instead of jumping off of that damn cliff.

I felt like I was underwater again. The people were like waves and currents holding me back, pressing too closely. No one seemed to hear me screaming, I could barely breathe when suddenly I broke free of the crowd.

"Edward!"

I yelled it one last time in relief. He seemed more pale than usual and his eyes were dark, though not pitch black.

"Carlisle was right. You're here," he said stunned for a moment at the sight of me, "They're very good. I didn't feel a thing."

I briefly considered slapping him.

"Edward, you're not dead," I said wandering back further into the alley. The clock rang out declaring that it was noon just as he stepped out of the way of the spreading patch of sunlight at the base of the clock tower.

For a long moment he stared at me.

"You look different," he noted absently.

"It's been a while; some of us aren't immune to time," I replied, breathless from my run and consumed by relief at having reached him in time, before giving my head a good shake. "I'm alive. Alice misinterpreted her vision and Rosalie passed that misinterpretation on to you. There's a lot that needs explaining, but first we need to get out of here before-"

"Before what?"

Several dark robed vampires seemed to appear out nowhere, and the one that had spoken raised an eyebrow at me waiting.

"Before we overstay our welcome."

Jack's voice was a welcome surprise. I turned and watched as Jack climbed down from Alice's back and moved to stand beside me.

The dark robed vampire spoke again.

"No need to worry about that. Aro has requested an audience with you," he said coldly.

"It will pain me greatly but I fear that I must decline as I don't think I will be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters," Edward answered, his voice tense but amiable. My mind tried to wander off at the sound of his voice, but I held it in check. There would be time for memories later, if we survived this. I thought about my Watcher training, and about the rules from _The Art of War_. Deception would give us the upper hand.

"He does not speak for all of us," I said evenly, ignoring Edward and Alice as they tried to signal for me to shut up, "I come representing the interests of a potential ally, and it would be a terrible shame to have come all this way only to leave without meeting your leaders."

This seemed to surprise them and they turned to talk amongst themselves. I slipped into a light meditative state and whispered to Jack across the bond, " _A false alliance might save our lives, Milord. Our joint Match power may still be needed. Your parents said that it might be a combination of our two powers, I'll cover for you so that you can concentrate on figuring out what it is." _

He nodded discretely as the seeming leader of the robed figures turned to us.

"You will all see Aro. Now put this on," he said tossing a dark robe to Edward, " and follow me."

As we walked Jack moved to take my hand, but I refused it. Similarly Edward tried to put an arm around me in protection, but moved out of reach. I didn't need either of them distracting me while I was trying to lie credibly.

After a while we came to a manhole cover which one of the shorter figures uncovered. After she'd moved it, she pulled the hood away from her face.

She looked like an angel, or a porcelain doll.

"Into the tunnel," she said, with a threat hidden in her dazzlingly sweet voice.

Alice volunteered to go first and catch Jack and me. Edward shot a curious look at Jack, wondering, not for the first time, why he was with us. Then Alice jumped down. Jack and I both moved to go next, and he murmured, "ladies first," before stepping back and letting me sit so that my feet were hanging into the hole. I scooted into the hole and fell for a moment before Alice caught me and set me onto the floor off to the side. Jack followed me, and Edward went after him. The younger appearing vampire led us down a dark and damp tunnel. It was cold but I shrugged Jack's arm off as he moved to help me. I didn't know what might make Edward decide to kill himself again, or what might make him join the Volturi, and I wasn't up to taking chances while we were in their city.

Eventually we passed a metal grate made from thick iron bars, and came to a familiar looking pair of doors. They walked in, leaving us to stand outside for a few minutes.

"_Any new thoughts about our joint ability, yet," _I asked across the bond.

"_No, except that it might be possible that it won't show until we need it. I've been thinking aloud across the match bond, so He can't hear my thoughts," _Jack replied.

"_If it makes you feel better I think we'll make it out alive. I haven't seen the woman with the rosary beads yet." _

"_That just means they won't kill us now. They could be saving us for last," _Jack pointed out grimly.

Edward reached for me again, this time succeeding, because my conversation with Jack had left me too distracted to sidestep it. He held me at arm's length, just looking at me, before asking.

"What is going on? What potential ally? And who are you," he fired off, sending the last question Jack's way.

"It's a long story Edward," Alice answered before I could start, " Bella, or rather Izzy, as she seems to prefer lately, has a plan that could get us all out of here alive, but you have to let her do it. We'll explain later. Trust her."

He moved to argue but the opening of the doors silenced all conversation. We were led into the room. As we entered, I thought back to the unseen book, and tried to see if I could identify the vampires around us.

For the most part, the room was filled with members of their guard; stunning men and women who sparkled faintly in the light from a high up window. The young looking girl was likely Jane and I presumed that the boy who greeted her was Alec.

"They send you out for one, and you come back with two… and a meal," Alec said, coldly intrigued.

"More interesting than a meal, the human girl claims that she comes representing a potential ally," Jane replied.

"Now, now you two, is this any way to treat guests? Alice, it is good to see you! and you must be Bella! Edward your memories barely do her justice. And who, may I ask, is this other young fellow?"

Aro leaned forward in what looked like a throne and spoke as though we were old friends making a joyous reunion.

"My name is Isabella, but I prefer 'Izzy' unless it is actually your intention to call me 'sweetheart', as I am told my old nickname means in Italian. The young fellow with me, is my dear friend Jack. He's quite protective of me, and very much wanted to meet you, so I figured that we'd best bring him along," I responded in a similar tone. I was terrified, but showing that fear wasn't an option. I tried to ignore the dark red eyes that seemed to gaze at us from every angle.

Aro laughed before responding, " He wanted to meet us? So he has, but before anything else is said, I simply must know what is going on. Edward, you said that she was dead."

"There was a misunderstanding. My sister saw her fall from a cliff and assumed the worst. They've come to show me that she is alive so that I would not do anything irreversible out of grief," Edward told him. He sounded tense, and a glance in his direction showed that he was.

"Ah yes, that wonderful gift of Alice's. It's a pity that it led you so astray, but tell me. Does our Isabella here still confound your ability, Edward?"

"Constantly," Edward responded, shortly.

"Perhaps I might see if she is equally successful against mine?"

Edward and Jack both tensed at my sides. Edward explained that Aro could hear every thought you'd ever had through skin contact. Through the bond I could hear Jack saying, _I can't focus while she's in danger, there needs to be a safe place. _

He was thinking into the bond to prevent Edward from hearing him. I tuned him out and approached Aro, who was holding out a hand. I took his hand. His skin was cold and felt somewhat different than any of the other vampires I'd touched. I wondered if it were because he was so old.

"Fascinating! Not a single thought to be heard!"

"Might I perhaps have a try? Purely for curiosity's sake, of course," Jane asked, smiling just a little wickedly.

Jack remained in place but Edward moved forward in protest. She turned towards Edward and his face contorted in intense pain. She brought him to his knees then turned to me as he straightened up and regained his composure. She concentrated, focusing all of her attention on getting her ability to work on me. As she tried, I realized who might be next, and I started unconsciously thinking aloud through the bond, _Please don't let her hurt him. He hasn't done anything but follow me. Why can't there be a safe place? _

Something at the core of the bond seemed to answer us as we continued our pleas at the same time. It was as though a light switch had been turned on. Our thoughts shifted. _We have to make a safe place. _

Just as this happened, Jane turned her focus to Jack. I followed her line of sight to where Jack stood, behind me and to my right. I slipped into a meditative state, as deeply and as quickly as I could, and I locked eyes with him. I saw the instant that the pain stopped. I felt a vague stretch at the edge of my mind, followed by an intense feeling of security and relief and amazement. We'd created a safe place for ourselves in the midst of out enemy's camp. Jack continued to fake pain, doing a decent acting job until he saw that Jane was stopping.

Aro saw Jane's frustration at not being able to harm me, which was still evident even after she'd used her power on Jack and tried to comfort her.

"Don't be put out, dear one… She confounds us all. Now Izzy, Darling, Something was mentioned about a potential ally? Do explain what you mean, for we are always elated at the possibility of making new friends," he said glowingly. The other members of the Volturi seemed more skeptical, though just as eager for the information, if they hid their eagerness a bit better.

"Perhaps I might be of service there," Jack announced, speaking to them for the first time. "It's a bit of a long story and you probably wouldn't believe her anyway. If you would consent to read me, Aro, it would save time."

It was a poor choice of times to experiment with our newly discovered joint match power, with the world on the line and all eyes turned in our direction, but still I realized what he wanted to try. _A safe place for truth, for memories_, we said simultaneously across the bond. He placed the memories that would reveal my deception and our true intent into the safe place within his mind. He also hid the majority of what he knew about the secrets of the unseen book and the most recent developments in our relationship. The safe place allowed us to edit memories to a degree.

"What a wonderful idea, Jack! And I can be assured of your honesty in this way too! Come, dear friend, and share your tale with me," he said, with a grin.

Jack walked over and took Aro's hand. Edward tensed slightly more beside me as he witnessed the memories that Jack was showing Aro as they flashed through his mind. I hoped very much that he could hold it together for long enough for us to be sent out of the room.

"Simply fascinating! Humans with special talents, and such a romantic idea! We shall have to speak more of this, soon. For now, perhaps it would be good for you to return home, so that I may discuss the possibility of this alliance with my brothers, though I suppose that there is a way to secure it today, if you would consider it."

Aro was delighted by the concept of Watchers that Jack had shown him, which had been closer to the soul-mate myth and had implied that the rising threat was coming from a still unknown source. If he continued on in that belief, the Watchers and our allies would have a tremendous tactical advantage.

"Name it," I requested.

"If the two of you would consent to be turned, and would join us, you and your watchers would have a permanent link to us," he pointed out, "and of course, Alice and Edward, you are welcome to remain here as well."

Jack turned to lock eyes with me, seeking my direction and giving us the semblance of considering his offer. I responded, letting Jack use the opportunity to back up as holding our safe place intact was becoming more and more difficult.

"As tempting as your offer is, I fear that we must decline, at least for the moment. Such an action would have to be discussed with our superiors. Surely you understand."

"But of course," he said graciously, " Edward, Alice?"

"Carlisle and Esme are expecting us, and we find ourselves content to remain with them," Alice said politely.

Caius, who had been silent till this point, spoke up then.

"Aro, you know the law. These humans know about us. If they refuse to join then they must die," he hissed standing and moving to approach us.

"Be seated, brother. There is much that I have learned that must be told in privacy and at a more opportune time. Besides, Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household. And if this Alliance goes well, then we may soon add to our strength, if not to our numbers."

The threat in his voice was subtle but it was there and Caius responded accordingly.

"Now," Aro advised, "While I must insist that you remain in our compound until the sun has set, I think that Heidi will be returning soon with our meal and assuming that none of you would like to join us, you may wait in the antechamber until dark. Do offer Carlisle my greetings, would you?"

"He'll be glad to receive them," Edward replied, still tense.

As we left the room, a beautiful blond vampire with oddly purple eyes, which I guessed might result from blue contacts on red eyes, led a group of tourists in. I saw the woman with the rosary amongst them and the horror of the fate that awaited them struck me anew. The woman was whispering her own last rites. I had the sudden desire to reach out to her, to comfort her. I looked around at the other tourists, gawking and trying to impress each other by murmuring phrases in badly accented Italian, or taking pictures that likely wouldn't ever be developed. I thought about their families, I wondered how many had found Matches. I wasn't sure whether it would have been more or less of a comfort to find that they hadn't.

They passed us into the room, and we hurried out. The door closed to the sound of Aro greeting them, the last kindness they would find in life. I walked over to a long bench that I hadn't noticed as we walked in, sat down, and let the tears come. I didn't wipe at my eyes, or fight them, just leaned back and let them role down my face. Edward moved to hold me but Alice stopped him. Jack said my name to get my attention, and I looked into his eyes to let him see the truth of what I needed.

"Give her some space," he relayed to Edward and Alice. "She just needs to let it out. If that changes, she's got me."

Edward moved to start asking questions, but Alice stopped him again. A faint scream made it through the thick door, and my silent tears turned to heavy sobs. A hesitant voice from across the room spoke up.

"My name is Gianna. Can I get you anything?"

She was pretty, with dark skin and green eyes. Absently, I wondered how her skin would look set against red eyes.

"A bathroom, please?"

"Follow me."

Jack stood to walk with us, and we went out through a door that I hadn't seen before and down a hallway before reaching it. He stood waited with Gianna outside as I went in. Before leaving the room, I washed my face and took a good look in the mirror. I was tired and it showed. My hair felt too long, so I pulled the spare ponytail holder out of my pocket and put my hair into a bun so that I wouldn't have to feel it. The shade of blue in my shirt made me look a little more pale than I typically did but I'd left the red one with my other things, so I put it out of my mind and left the bathroom. I waited while Jack took his turn.

Standing with Gianna in the hallway, I had the urge to say something to her. I wanted to scream at her for putting herself in a position to watch and eventually participate in the murder of innocents, but just as the words got to my mouth, I thought about the Cullens. I was going to hurt each and every one of them in some way by being with Jack. All of the Cullens except for Carlisle had taken lives. Right and wrong are never as simple as we want them to be, so in the end, I told her all that I really could.

"I know it's none of my business but, I really hope that you'll be happy with the path that you've chosen," I said, turning to look at her.

"You don't think it's wrong? That they'll kill me, or I'll become a monster," she asked, genuinely wanting to know.

"It doesn't matter what I think. Morally, I don't think that it's entirely right, but you can't exactly opt out on moral grounds now. You're in too deep for that. I just hope that you'll be happy, because at least then if and when you kill, it won't be for absolutely nothing," I answered.

"What is your name," she asked after thinking for a moment about what I said.

"Isabella, Izzy."

"Thank you, Izzy. I hope that you will be happy as well. Perhaps we'll meet again?"

She seemed hopeful at the idea, so I chose to respond hopefully.

"Look at the life you lead. It's hard to believe that anything is impossible here," I said as Jack came out of the bathroom. She smiled at that.

"In Italy or surrounded by vampires," she asked as we started down the hallway.

"Both," I said returning her smile, before the three of us entered the antechamber again.

When I sat down again I pulled my pillow out of my bag, and asked Jack if he wanted to take a nap while we waited for dark. Edward was looking at him strangely, but Gianna's presence kept him from saying much, even as Jack moved to ask Alice something and she moved so that the two of us could curl up on opposite ends of the bench, sharing my pillow. Edward sat on the floor near my head, and hummed his lullaby softly. The music worked its magic, and I soon found myself sleeping.

In my dreams I saw Gianna kneeling before Aro. She didn't seem to be much older than she'd been when we'd spoken in the hallway.

"Come dear, it is time that you were allowed to serve us in a different capacity. Don't you agree?"

Aro was smiling widely at her and she returned the smile. This was her dream coming true.

"If it is your will," she said respectfully.

"Then rise, and come to me, Gianna," Aro proclaimed warmly.

I watched as she stood and approached him. He swept the hair away from her neck, and bit her. she whimpered slightly at the bite, convulsing in pain as the venom began to work through her. After several moments, just as the fear began to show on her face, he stopped. His eyes were a more violent red than they had been only moments before.

"You will be missed," he murmured, before leaning his head back down and continuing to drink as her mouth opened in a silent scream.

* * *

"Bella."

Edward's voice was the first sound that I heard as I started awake suddenly. The cool of his hand felt strange after all the time we'd spent apart. I pulled away and stretched, standing up.

"It's time to go," Alice said, as she put my pillow into my bag and handed it to me. Jack walked beside me and we followed Alice back through the tunnel. Alice helped Jack up to the surface, and Edward did the same for me.

We were quiet as we walked through the darkened streets of Volterra. The buildings loomed over head and cast odd shadows that contrasted beautifully with the lit windows in some that we passed. The silence was thick with secrets but all at once it occurred to me that I was walking along an Italian street by moonlight, and that we were all ok, and that the world was safe, and that only hours before, I had kissed the boy that I was meant to love forever. Not even the memory of Gianna's imminent demise could kill that.

I smiled as we walked past the city gates, prompting Jack to ask, "What has pleased you so, fair lady? To share could only improve upon the silence."

"We're all alive. Does a lord such as you require more reason than that? We're in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, having survived a dangerous quest, and we are all alive."

I laughed and Jack joined in after a moment, and Alice smiled, adding, " and we'll be home soon. I'll see Jasper again in a matter of hours."

Edward didn't say anything, just stared at Jack and me with lost and confused expression.

Alice slipped off to "borrow" a car to get us back to the airport in Rome a moment later.

"I don't understand. What's going on? How are you alive," he asked.

"I promise, I'll explain after we get home, Edward. We have a lot to talk about and I have questions for you too, but for now I just want to get home. I'll leave my window open."

He gave a small smile at that before replying.

"Alright, Bella."

"It's Izzy, Edward," I scolded. Vampires never forgot things. He'd meant to call me sweetheart, and while I was loathe to rub my new relationship in his face, I wasn't going to let him build up much hope about our relationship becoming what it had once been either.

I reached back in my heart for the anger that would make his hurt expression affect me less. It was gone, the price I'd paid for moving on with my life.

Alice drove up in another car and I took the front seat, hoping to see more Italy while I still could. In the back seat Edward attempted to get information out of Jack.

"You don't look familiar," he remarked.

"I wouldn't," Jack said, shortly. He was trying to remain polite for the sake of the mission, but if Edward was going to continue talking to him, I wondered how long he would last. I wondered if anything Edward ever did would make up for the pain he'd caused me, in Jack's eyes.

Alice tried to diffuse the situation by commenting that this car wasn't as much fun as the first, allowing Edward to see the car in her thoughts.

"I'll get you one for Christmas," he promised smiling fondly at her.

"Yellow, please. I'll hold you to that," she replied.

Eventually we pulled to a stop in front of the airport and Alice treated us to first class seats for the ride home. I sat with my eyes nearly glued to the window. Hours before, I'd struggled with the weight of the world that we were now flying above. Every inch of the Earth and sky and ocean seemed more beautiful, now. For a time, the world was mine.

* * *

**Whoa.** That's all I have to say right now. **Shout outs** to PriestessOfFreya for getting the movie reference last chapter, and to NotSoSlightlyCrazy for guessing at one of the inspirations I had for the concept of "Watchers" as detailed in this fic. I'd have put this at the beginning but it would have messed with the flow to a degree.

**So… How was it?** I really want feedback on this chapter so please for those of you who lurk and don't review until or unless I beg you to, please review.

**Disclaimer**: Any and all lines that sounded like quotes from the actual book probably were, so due credits to S. Meyers, and to Sun Tzu, cause his stuff isn't mine either

**Thanks** as always to all readers, alert people, and reviewers, and people who favorited this story. You guys are tremendously awesome.

**Da future**: Homecomings, reunions, and explanations abound as our heroes (and Edward) return after their adventure in Volterra and a possible Jack visit too.

Ps. **goldeneyes123: ** I need the characters and a general idea of what you want to see in your outtake soon or I'll open it up and let anyone who would like to to suggest an outtake and write the one I likebest. (unless the reviews from this chapter put someone else ahead of you, in which case I'll offer it to that person)


	31. Homecomings

When the plane landed in Port Angeles, I just sat there. I wasn't ready for the hugging and the relieved expressions. For all that I was happy to be alive, the hours since we'd left Italy it had begun to settle in my mind just how many people I'd seen approaching death. I was torn between extremes of joy and pain. Jack waited patiently, glaring at Alice when she moved to hurry me along. Eventually I stood and collected my bag from the overhead compartment. _This is just another part of the mission,_ I thought. _Just hold it together until you get home. _

When we'd stopped over in New York on the way back, there was an hour in between flights. Jack and Alice made phone calls home to tell everyone that we were on our way back and I spent the hour avoiding answering Edward in any meaningful way. Eventually, he stopped asking but that didn't stop him from staring at me as though the answers to his questions were going to come flying across my face, or hands.

"Bella, talk to me," he'd murmured, frustrated.

"I've told you what you can call me, Edward. Use the name that I've chosen or don't call me anything. We'll talk in a few hours, at home. I told you that I'd leave the window open, or you could use the door like a sane person. Why don't you stop worrying about me and start thinking about how you're going to explain this to Carlisle, or how you'll react to Rosalie. Her rash decision could have hurt more people than she can ever know," I'd snapped in response.

After that he'd fallen silent and the quality of his stares changed. Before, he'd looked at me with gratitude and admiration, with some measure of devotion mixed in for good measure. Now, he looked at me like a human looks at an exotic and beautiful animal. He no longer knew what to expect of me and that thrilled me more than it should have.

I walked off of the plane in Port Angelus with Jack at my right hand and Edward just behind me on the left. Alice walked, almost too quickly, in front of us. She needed Jasper in a way that I understood all too well. Even though we weren't as tactile as we usually were, Jack's presence was calming and supportive. The warmth of his hand in mine, or the chance to revel in our recent declarations of love, would both have been welcome but, as long as he was close by, I had what I needed to take on Hell itself.

"Jasper," Alice said as she danced over to her family. Edward followed more slowly.

As Alice reached him, Jasper opened up his arms and embraced her and I knew that the rush of deep love that could feel was his for Alice. I reached for Jack's hand and found his waiting. He gave it a squeeze and we watched as the Cullen family reunited. Carlisle and Esme took their wayward son into their arms without pause. Emmet and Jasper clasped his shoulders. Rosalie stood awkwardly nearby. I looked away, just in time to see Mary and Joshua Stevens as they approached from the opposite direction. Jack moved to walk over to them and I let go of his hand.

"Come on Izzy," he said, wondering why I hadn't moved.

I shook my head and he walked on over to them.

For a moment I stood, suspended between the two families with nothing but the bag in my hand, then Jamie came up behind his parents and walked right past them to get to me.

"Welcome home, little sis," he said wrapping his arms around me, the warmth of him was healing in a way and I hugged him back. He continued "You did it Izzy. You must have been all kinds of brave and strong to get to this point. You know what you need to do now. Would it help if I walked over there with you?"

"Thanks, brother mine, but there'll be enough questions as is. We've got a lot to do tonight; enough to be dealing with without confusing them more than we already have. Just give me a moment," I responded warmly but tiredly.

I took a deep breath before walking over to them.

The entire family was looking at me by the time I reached them. Behind me, I heard Jamie stopping Jack from walking over to me.

"It is wonderful to see you again, Bella," Carlisle said, smiling, "words can't express how thankful I am for all that you've done for my family."

Esme moved forward and hugged me.

"You brought him home," she said with a warmth that nearly knocked me off of my feet. Emmet gave me a bear hug, lifting me of my feet as Jasper murmured a polite "thank you". Rosalie apologized.

"Bella, I'm sorry," she said sincerely, but the ramifications of her actions, which nearly lead to the destruction of the world, were too fresh.

"We'll talk," I said firmly, the first words I'd spoken since I'd approached them. Then I turned to speak to Carlisle and Esme.

"There have been quite a few changes in Forks since you left, and more than a little strangeness. We need to talk, but first I need to go home. Charlie is under the impression that I've been camping with the Stevens family, the group behind me that keeps looking at you strangely. I'm going to go home and confirm my story," I paused for a moment, unsure, before continuing, "If it's no trouble, I'd like to meet with you all to explain what's happened, later tonight or tomorrow morning would be best."

"We'll be at our home in Forks. It's no trouble at all, dear," Esme responded.

"We owe you so much, of course we'll meet with you," Carlisle confirmed.

"Then I'll see you all soon. It's…I...," I started but the words I'd planned to say left me. Jamie saved me by interrupting.

"Izzy, are you ready to go? We need to get you home while Charlie is still awake."

"Soon," I said again to the Cullens, turning and walking towards the Stevens. As soon as I reached them, Jack took my hand. Jamie picked up my bag and we followed his parents out of the airport.

* * *

There was a strange sort of silence until we reached the highway. Jack's mother was driving, and she looked at us in the rear view mirror before asking, " Loves, how was your first mission? I can see that it was successful, but I think that you did not escape our enemy's territory without a visit to their camp."

"You think rightly, Mother, but Izzy's cunning and Sun Tzu's suggestions won the day for us," Jack replied, grinning and pulling me close.

"Is that so? Well done Izzy," Jack's father said, turning and smiling at us.

"It wasn't just me. Jack and I found our match power, and he protected me the whole time," I reported, flushed with the compliment.

"We can create a safe place," Jack added, "a sort of shield that protects us from all sides. It will at least stop the mental talents of vampires, though that's all that we really know about it . What's yours?"

"They turn mental and emotional powers against their users. Mind readers hear too much to understand, empaths feel their own emotions too strongly, things like that. Which of Sun Tzu's teachings did you use," Jamie answered and asked, seeing a way into the conversation.

"Deception. They think that we will be allies, and so we have the opportunity to learn more about them and to make any fight with them that much easier," I replied.

"You've learned well, both of you. You still have some training to do, but you've done a better job that many might have, in your place. Now, about that 'camping trip we went on…."

Jack's father and Jamie filled us in on the details of my cover and for the rest of the ride I sat leaning my head against Jack's shoulder and taking what comfort he could offer me. Jamie just stared out of the window and I knew somehow that he was thinking of Alexandra.

* * *

"Bella! What were you thinking?"

Charlie was annoyed.

"You should have asked me before leaving, especially with everything that's been going on. This isn't like you, Bella," Charlie fussed as I approached him.

"It wasn't her fault, Chief Swan," Jack's mother interceded. She left her husband in the car and walked over to Charlie and I. "My son was supposed to invite her and the poor boy forgot. My other son couldn't come, he only arrived this evening, and we needed a fourth for quite a few of our favorite camping activities."

Jack's father appeared to be concentrating rather hard and I noticed that the more he concentrated the less angry Charlie seemed. He was using his Match power to calm him down.

"She's right, Dad," I added, "I'm sorry that I didn't ask first, but you weren't here and I couldn't disturb you at the funeral. I figured that the time alone might give you a chance to grieve."

He took a deep breath before responding, "Well… I suppose that that makes sense, but if you leave town without asking me again I'll ground you until you graduate from college. Are we clear?"

"Very much so Dad. I'm kind of tired. No one warned me that sleeping on the ground would be so uncomfortable and the bugs..." I faked a shudder before continuing, "I'd like to say bye to the Stevens before going on to bed, is that alright?"

"Sure Bells, I'll go on inside," Charlie replied. He was chuckling at my apparent discomfort with the outdoors as he went back inside to get back to the game that he'd been watching when we arrived.

Jack, Jamie and Mr. Stevens got out of the car and approached Ms. Stevens and I. Jamie brought my bag and sat it on the ground at my feet. For a moment we stood awkwardly before Jamie asked, "So what's the plan for tonight, Izzy? Will they meet with us?"

"Yes, all I have to do is call them when we decide that it's time. I would suggest tomorrow. Dawn or twilight would likely be the best because of the symbolism of coming together and so that we could talk tonight and go over the specifics. It might be a little late before I'll have time but I'll call, if that would work," I proposed.

"Dawn will work best," Mrs. Stevens commented almost idly, " Josh, does that give us time to check in with the other heads?"

"Plenty if everyone answers their phones, Love."

"They will," she said with certainty, "they'll want word of the Cullen boy. Alright, Izzy, unless either of you have a better suggestion?"

Her question was addressed to her sons, who responded negatively.

"Then we await your call," she said simply. Then she took Mr. Stevens's hand and they walked back to the car with Jamie following close behind. They were giving Jack and me time.

"He's waiting for you inside, isn't he," Jack sighed.

"I need to talk to him, Jack, you know that," I replied softly.

"I also know that you loved him once, that you loved him for longer than you've even known me. Can you blame me for being worried?"

He turned from me, taking a step away. I followed.

"Jack, I told you I-"

"I know, but Izzy… Bella. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't want to be the morally right option. I don't want you to feel like you have to be with me because we're matches or because I was here when he wasn't. I'd spend a lifetime as your back up option, but I don't want you to settle for me if he's what you want."

He turned and looked at me and there was so much pain in his eyes that it froze me in place. I couldn't speak.

"Talk to him, Lady. Hear him out and make a choice that your heart can trust in," he said softly before turning and walking back towards the car.

I ran after him, reaching him as he opened the door.

"Jack, I already have," I said, taking his face into my hands and holding on so he that he wouldn't turn away, "But I'll listen to him if that will make my choice something that _your_ heart can really believe in."

He smiled a little sadly, whispered "Call me," before getting into the car. I backed up a few feet and watched as they drove away into fading night. Then I went inside and, figuring that Edward wouldn't arrive until after dark, grabbed a slice of the pizza that Charlie had ordered before I'd arrived. I watched some of a game with him, and he turned the volume down some to ask me about the camping trip. I repeated some of the anecdotes that Jamie had made up based on their last real camping trip and Charlie was so amused that he didn't think to suspect anything.

When I finished eating I washed my plate, and Charlie's, and put away the leftover pizza before going upstairs. I stopped on the way and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. The blue shirt that I was wearing made me look as pale as a vampire. My hair was too long. I looked like my old self.

On impulse I reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out a pair of scissors. I lifted them and made the first cuts without a thought. Then I came back to myself and closed my eyes, pausing to settle myself a little before watching carefully and making deliberate snips that would bring it to the style and length that I wanted.

It wasn't perfect when I finished, still a little long and in need of a practiced hand, but it was enough to make me feel more like myself. I completed the effect by going to my room, finding one of my favorite red shirts, and returning to the bathroom to put it on. The red lent me some color and I looked more alive, healthier. Edward had thought that I'd looked different when he'd seen me in Italy. He hadn't known what different really was.

I washed my face in the sink, bringing to mind all of the questions that I had for him and a last effort to re-assure Jack across the bond before walking back to my room and taking a deep breath before opening the window and sitting down on my bed, ready to finally get the answers to the questions that Edward had left in his wake.

* * *

Hey guys, I'm going to keep this note short because I'm going to post the next chapter within the next few minutes.

I will say that the reason I opted to put the chapter cut here is because it felt finished.

As always thanks to my readers, reviewers and alert people. I have a new development in the race for the most reviews and I'll say more in the author's note next chapter.


	32. Past and Future

I didn't have to wait long at all.

Edward seemed to appear in my room, like a phantom. His eyes were a dark gold and I knew that he'd hunted before coming over.

For a long moment we just stared at each other. I traced his too perfect features with my eyes, remembering how much of him had been written on my heart not so long ago. I'd lived by the colors in those eyes once, those eyes which had told me what his mood would be and how close I could come. I'd thrilled at the cold touch of those hands and those lips. I'd loved him, every part.

To look at him now was like holding an old doll, or diary, or blanket. I felt the echoes of strong emotion but I could barely recall what it had been like to love him so deeply. My feelings for Jack were like a tattoo that hides a scar. What he'd done had hurt, and what I'd felt for him was real, but the hurt and the love were no more mine than the CD or the plane ticket or the half of the photo I'd left in his meadow.

"What's going on, Edward," I asked sternly, but quietly enough that Charlie wouldn't hear anything.

"You tell me. What were you talking about with the Volturi and who is that boy? Why did you jump off of that cliff," he replied, there was an edge of tired annoyance in his otherwise perfectly polite tone. He moved to sit near me, on my bed, but I stopped him.

"Take the chair," I said indicating the one at my desk. He looked confused and a little hurt but obeyed.

"You'll have your answers later but, if you'll remember your manners, it's ladies first," I said raising an eyebrow, "You told me that I was a distraction and implied that I was replaceable. Why did you try to get yourself killed after hearing that I was dead? What should it even have to do with you?"

He sighed deeply and moved over to grip my chin and force me to look into his eyes.

"Let go of my face or I'll scream," I murmured and his hand dropped as though I'd burned him.

"Bella-"

"It's Izzy."

"Fine. Izzy, I didn't want to live in a world where you didn't exist," he said plaintively.

"I repeat. What does my existence or lack thereof have to do with you? You know what you said," I asked again, more firmly this time.

"I lied. It was the darkest blasphemy I've ever committed, but I did."

He was watching my face, trying to make me understand and searching for forgiveness that wasn't there. His words opened up a wellspring of emotion that I hadn't known was still there.

"I know that you lied," I snapped, " you said that it would be like you never existed, but you left those things under my floor. You left the broken bits of my soul on the ground in the forest. I have ample experience with your lies."

"Bella, I'm sorry but you don't seem to understand what I'm trying to tell you. I love you. I never stopped," he said. There was warmth in his voice, and pain.

"You left me, after breaking me so I wouldn't follow you, and you took nearly every good friend that I had here with you. Wow Edward, I really feel the love, " I hissed before getting up and moving to stand by the window.

"I was trying to protect you. I thought that if I left, you could have a normal life. My presence in your life had already landed you in the hospital, and then Jasper nearly killed you. It wasn't safe for you," he replied, insistently.

"Who are you to decide what normal is for me? Who are you to decide what's safe, or whether I should value my relationships with you and your family more than I did my own safety? I'd made my choice Edward. If you'd listened and changed me, or let someone else, I could have protected myself," I argued, turning and looking into his eyes.

He was saying exactly what would have wanted to hear if I were still blind, still sleeping, and still desperately in love with him.

"But your soul-"

"My soul is mine to worry about. I appreciate your concern but what gave you the right? You haven't answered my other questions and I really want to know. Who are you to decide what's best for me," I asked, again.

"Bella, I think that you should sit down," he said cautiously.

"My name is Izzy, and I disagree," I replied, calming down a little but not moving from my place by the window.

"Please, Izzy…Just listen to me. I love you, I only left to make you safe and it's been killing me to stay away from you all of this time. It was a lie. I still don't understand how you could believe me though. After all the times that told you I loved you, why should it only take one statement to the contrary to make you believe otherwise? Why did you believe the lie, and not the truth," he asked.

He looked as though I'd somehow offended him, and it took every ounce of self control in me not to go and find a crow bar to deck him with.

"Edward Cullen, don't you dare act as though I've hurt you by believing what you told me. I've done plenty of stupid things in regards to you, but that is not one of them, so you can fly off on that guilt trip with someone else," I hissed.

"Bella, what is going on? You've changed, and who is that boy that followed you to Italy," he demanded.

"That boy, as you well know, is Jack Stevens. He moved here with his family a few months after you left. If I've changed, it has little to do with him, and a lot to do with some common sense and the desire to be something other than your cast off," I said.

"You let him call you Bella," he said as if trying to catch me in something.

"Only when I know that it means sweetheart," I replied smoothly. I felt myself smile at the thought of Jack calling me Bella, it wasn't too forward anymore. The realization struck Edward visibly.

"You've moved on," he said flatly, "I should have known."

"You should have known what, exactly," I asked lightly, but dangerously.

"You are human and your heart is fickle by nature. Your kind forgets so easily."

He stood and moved to stand across from me, putting the still open window between us, but not in the way that I wanted it to be. He was still inside.

"As does yours, apparently. You told me that you were never coming back. Did you expect me to spend my life waiting? For months I moved through my life like a zombie of the worst kind. I scared my parents. I ignored my friends. I tried so hard to forget. Even when I started to really live again, I still loved you, even when I really hated you. Don't call me fickle for deciding that I deserved more than to be love's martyr. Get out."

I was so angry that it was all that I could do to keep my voice soft and cold. I turned my back to him but he grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him. The sweet smell of his breath that had once dazzled me only made me feel a little nauseous now.

"No, Bella. I love you. Please, don't do this. I could protect you. I could give you so much more than that boy will ever be able too," he said with an edge of desperation.

"I can protect myself, Edward, and for the last time my name is Izzy. If you loved me, calling me what I want to be called is the least that you would do. I don't need what you have to offer. Goodbye, Edward," I said calmly.

He gripped my arm a little tighter and I worried for a moment that he might crush it, wondered if the injury would be as much an accident as he would claim.

"This isn't over," he vowed, looking into my eyes. His voice was a mix of frustration and pain and desperation. I found myself smiling without meaning to.

"What are we, some teen movie? Edward this, tonight, has been the epilogue to our story. You ended it that day in the woods. You made it 'over', now all that you have to do is let go of my arm and leave."

He let go of me and then, with careful grace, he climbed slowly out of my window and slipped off into the night.

* * *

After he left, I collapsed back onto my bed. I felt tired, but so good. I took a few moment's to breathe then I picked up my phone and called Jack.

"Milady calls," he answered when he picked up.

"Indeed she does. Jack before you put me on speaker phone with your family, could we meet tonight?"

I wanted to see him, to hold him and reassure him.

"Where," he replied without pause.

"The school parking lot? I'd suggest the beach, but it's a bit far off for tonight."

"I'll drive over there right after we finish talking with my family," he said before walking to his parent's study and putting me on speaker phone.

"Izzy, can you get here an hour before dawn," Jamie asked.

"Most likely, Charlie won't mind as long as I call to make sure that he knows where I am."

"Good, so we'll meet here and do a review on vampires and the heads decision regarding how to proceed with the Cullens before the four of you go on. I'll stay here and stay connected to the other Watchers by phone so that we can tell them what happened when you get back," he continued.

We talked for a bit more, and then decided that Jamie's plan would work. After we hung up, I grabbed my keys and carefully slipped out the front door. I walked my motorcycle a block away from the house and then got on and rode to the school.

* * *

It was one of those very rare nights in Forks when the clouds pushed back enough to see stars. It was a new moon, and it left the night feeling darker than usual, but it also made it easier to see the stars, so I was awarded a wonderful few as I came to a stop in the school parking lot and looked up.

A moment after I arrived, Jack pulled up in his rust bucket.

"No truck," he said disappointed as he exited the car.

"It's too loud, Jack. I was sneaking out, remember," I said, walking over and smiling, "we could put the blanket in the backseat and sit in your car for once."

"Alright," he said. Then he pulled the blanket out of the trunk and got to work on it.

Not long after, we were settled, back to back in the back seat.

"So, how did your talk with him go," he asked, half wary and a little curious.

"Better for me than for him I think. I might have broken his heart a little bit, or hurt his pride," I replied smiling sadly though Jack couldn't see that.

"Then you're sure? You won't go back to him," he asked a final time.

I turned to face him and he shifted so that he could look me in eyes.

"I love you, Jack. Like Alexandra loved Jamie, Like Mary loves Joshua, like Angela loves Ben, I love you. You will never be second best to me. Do you believe me now? I listened to him and I know what I want," I told him, stroking his cheek with my fingers.

He didn't answer, just leaned in and kissed me.

We spent the next few hours in a heaven of our own making, kissing, and holding on to, and meditating with each other. We soaked in love the way that people soak into hot baths at the ends of long days. We celebrated our completion and rightness of us as the stars showed, unnoticed, above us, and though the next days would bring trials, for the moment all the world was perfect.

* * *

**Hey guys,** this was the one you've all been sort of waiting for, so I hope that I did good.

**Thanks** as always to my readers and reviewers and alert people.

**Da Future:** The last chapter approaches! The cullens get clued in as to what's been up.

So **the current standing for the outtakes** that will be given to my top reviewers in the outtakes chapter, has changed a little**, Catlover** is now in third place so please message me about which characters and what you'd like for your outtakes feel free to email me about it also. Anyone in the top three wishing to change their topic or give me a topic for an outtake has about 2 weeks to do so.

**If anyone else wants to submit a topic** please do it, but be aware that only those of the top 3 reviewers are guaranteed.

I'd also like a general idea of whether or not you guys would want me to continue and do a **sequel.**

Please review, and thanks again for being an awesome reader!


	33. Temporary End or Cullens and Watchers

Hello and surprise, It's me again. It's been a while, but surely you'll remember your old buddy Jack. Izzy called me back once again to fill you in on my point of view before the first part of our tale ends. Before I start I will have to remind you of one thing.

I don't have to tell you anything. This story is mine and Izzy's and it belongs to us, to share only as we see fit. We chose to share it with you only because you asked and, as we've stated time and time again, that's important. It's not always easy to do what you did, to ask a good question and to direct it to the right people and at the right times. Heaven and Hell alike know that our lives might have been easier if more people possessed that skill, so above all I compliment you on both having and using it.

Alright, now that the ominous, wise sounding bit is done…

From the moment I first understood about Edward Cullen and his legacy in Forks, I wanted to burn him alive and eat garlic bread on the place where they buried his ashes. A Buffy style staking wouldn't have been enough, I wanted to make him hurt in a physical interpretation of the way that Izzy had been hurt by him. I wanted him to suffer, to be as wrapped up in the shame from his deeds as she had been in their consequences. Knowing this, you'll have to understand that it was to my utter horror and annoyance that my parents chose to assign Izzy and me the mission of bringing him, whole and alive, back from Italy.

The next few days were full of worry over how we would manage our task. Milady grew anxious and stressed until finally she risked her life for the mission, jumping off of a cliff into the ocean, faking what was quite nearly a real suicide to draw the eyes of their family psychic, Alice. Soon after, we found ourselves on the planes, bound for New York and then Rome. I listened as Alice tried to coax Izzy back into Edward's arms, trying not to shout with joy that her efforts were unsuccessful.

Throughout the mission, excluding that singularly perfect moment in front of the airport, I tried to be professional. I was there to help and protect Izzy, just as much as she would have helped and protected me if we'd been facing down an enemy that I knew more about.

Edward puzzled over me after I arrived at the scene, shooting off a response to the dark robed vampire and trying to reach my eternally reserved place beside Izzy. His eyes returned to me often, as though drawn magnetically. I hid my thoughts from him using the bond, and hid my own assessment of him in the guise of returning his glances.

Edward Cullen looked like a moving statue. He was easily very attractive, even I had to admit that, but there was something alien about him, a sense of strangeness that was slightly off-putting. I tried to find some obvious redeeming quality that would have let the Izzy that I knew and loved find love in him. I tried to imagine him as she'd seen him, as her champion and the man that she'd loved, quite literally, more than life. I couldn't do it.

He was pushy. He ignored her obvious desire to be left alone and demanded answers of her. At times he stared at her as though she was his higher power, his patron saint or his personal Christ. At others he simply stood restlessly, seeming to be observing her casually, but glances into his eyes showed that he was noting the changes in her, shorter hair and more muscle tone, and deciding whether or not he liked them. He preferred longer hair on women and though he didn't truly dislike much else that had changed about her, he was looking forward to seeing her as a vampire. He looked forward to seeing her back to way she'd been before he left only better, because the venom would burn away traits that he saw as being imperfections.

As we stood in the antechamber, waiting for the Volturi to summon us inside to speak with them, it took much of my self control not to march over and tell him how much I hated him, or to tell Izzy how much of how he'd presented himself to her was a lie.

There were brief moments while in the Volturi's presence that I saw glimpses of champion that Izzy remembered. He'd surge forward, foolishly, to try and protect her from Jane. I respected that effort, even though I recognized its potential to ruin her plans by showing distrust.

The respect that he'd earned then drained away slowly as he harassed her for answers and watched her too closely during nearly every moment afterwards until we turned him over to his family.

My initial reaction to the Cullen clan was not a good one. I found it difficult to judge them objectively because their previous meeting with Izzy had made it more practical for her to approach them without me. I had to be physically restrained by my brother to allow it. They were all beautiful, all slightly alien but doing credible jobs at seeming normal. I didn't like them at all.

I looked at them and saw the family that my Match had once claimed as her own. They, of all the forces in this world save for death, had the best chance of taking her from me. They could offer her more than I could, more than my family could ever hope to. They could give her an eternity of love and peace, and a world of opportunities and experiences. All I could promise her was a lifetime of striving for the best, and of protecting others in dangerous situations with no guarantee of survival.

Because of Izzy, I knew the things about them that she loved, but because those qualities were the very ones that might draw her away from me, it was all that I could do to look on then with some measure of distrust. I tried to put it out of my mind as we talked in the car on the way to drop Izzy off at home, but when my mother gave us a moment to speak, the insecurities flooded forth.

I asked her to make a choice, once and for all; one that she could be sure of, knowing full well that what I really wanted was a choice that _I_ could be sure of. Izzy was my bella, my sweetheart, but I had to acknowledge that at some point before I'd met her, she'd been someone else's. this is not to imply that she was ever anyone's possession, it is only to say that... I had reason to think that I might not be what she really wanted. I asked her to listen to him because as much as it would hurt me if she broke the Match bond, it would hurt me more to think that I was holding her back from the one that she really wanted.

After my family and I arrived at home, I immediately fled to my room and pulled out my cell phone before settling into a good book and waiting to hear from Izzy. When I found that concentrating on the book was impossible, I thought about our relationship. It had been too stressful over the past weeks, between planning and Watcher training and all of the comforting that was needed to cope with it all, that banter and flirting that had characterized our interactions from the start had fallen by the wayside. I resolved to try and fix that just before my phone rang.

I didn't say much at all as Izzy and my family worked out the plans for meeting with the Cullen clan. I was too distracted by the prospect of my meeting with Izzy later that night. On some level, the very fact that she was planning with us meant that she hadn't chosen the Cullens and Edward, but I was tired from the flights and low on sleep, so that didn't really occur to me then.

After the call ended, my mother told me to go on before I could ask permission.

"You need to be sure of her and the Watchers need the two of you to be a single unit. I won't ever forbid you from going to her. If your father ever does, you can leave anyway with impunity," she said smiling softly and giving me a hug and a kiss on my forehead before adding, "she loves you, Nimble, trust her."

"But last time-" I moved to respond but she cut me off.

"There are no cliffs in the parking lot, dear. Trust her."

She laughed softly to herself before going to the kitchen and starting up a pot of coffee. Jamie was sitting on the front porch when I walked out and I half expected him to grab me and tell me not to go, but he just smiled at me sadly before lifting his eyes to the sky. There was a weight about him, a presence, and as I drove to the school I realized that he'd been feeling the absence of his Match, Alexandra, again. I sent up a prayer of thanks that Izzy was still alive after all that had happened, though Jamie had proved recently that the lack of a match didn't stop one from being of use. He'd been a great help to us as we'd started learning the ways of Watchers, and I wondered sometimes if Izzy didn't like him better than me. He kept me reined in when my actions would have led to our ruin, and wrapped a figurative arm around Izzy, holding her close to us and giving us time to explain. He was our stabilizing force, our training wheel, keeping us balanced and safe. I felt the sudden urge to thank him.

There's no reason to repeat a description of my time with Izzy in the parking lot. What could I really say? If happiness were stars that night, I'd have been blinded by their collective light. If Shakespeare was alive and well, even he could not dream words more beautiful to me than hers as she told me that I was both loved and loved best. She was so beautiful, her hair framing her face softly and her eyes alight with love under a sky that sparked in ways that were only just "pretty" when compared to the utter loveliness of her eyes. Looking back, I still wonder why Edward had longed to see her changed form. I was, and still am, enamored with her without alteration.

Now Izzy is giving me pushy looks, so I'll leave you in the most capable of hands.

* * *

I don't have to tell you anything. Those were the words that started the telling of my story to you. I don't have to tell you anything. It's funny how words work, because what I really meant was that I wanted to tell you something. I wanted to tell you my story so that it could live again; so that I could someday live again as the story was passed on. I wanted to tell you because it's a good story, an important one, and because, as I stated earlier, Edward's side will outlive us all. I wanted the truth as I know it to be like me, felt and realized fully in the time that it has. Telling is part of that, because each time the story meets the air, it changes and makes itself new.

Parts of this story have been told more often than others, but none so often as the parts centering on the Watchers. I will, for the moment, end our tale with the story of one particular time when the story of the Watchers was pulled out and revised for an audience unlike any other.

I was tired, as I rode my motorcycle to the Stevens's in the wee hours of that morning. Jack and I had slept in his car, with me lying on his chest, and the wrinkles of his shirt had left impressions on my face, so I probably looked quite a sight, all rumpled and wind-tossed as I rode through the still dark streets.

Mary Stevens was waiting on the front porch with a smile and a hot mug of tea when I arrived.

"Come, sit, Izzy. We've got a few minutes before Nimble arrives in that godforsaken wreck he drives. We've not had a chance to speak privately in a while, and that is something I regret. I spent many good moments talking with Alexandra while Jamie played with Jack," She said, beckoning me forward and indicating a spot on the porch where I could sit before continuing, "It's a bit unfair that things have gone so fast with you two, you've not had half the time that she did to spend with us, to become one of the family, before being sent off to fight in our name."

"I've had enough time to know that you're good people, and besides there was no fighting, just a little life threatening peril, and I was doing a fine job of finding that before I met you," I responded, smiling sadly.

"So it seems, Izzy-bell, but that's a conversation for another time. For now let's talk about something easier. What's your mother like?"

We had a nice conversation, comparing notes on mothers. Hers had been a Watcher, born into the family secret like she was, and more sensible minded than Renée. She and her mother got along quite well and one of the happiest times of Mary Stevens's life had been when her mother had moved in to help with Jack and Jamie, when the boys were young. I asked questions about what Jack had been like as a young boy, but he rode up in his car before she could answer.

"Never fret, Izzy-bell, there will be another time," she said smiling.

"Izzy-bell?"

"You are Jamie's sister, by way of Alexandra. That makes you family, and everyone in this family gets a pet name. Jamie's was retired after Alex died, because she used it often and it makes him miss her. Joshua's is 'even'," she replied, smirking slightly.

"Even Stevens," I laughed, before standing to hug Jack when he got into range. He and his mom exchanged greetings, and then we walked inside and back to his father's study. Joshua and Jamie Stevens were bent over copies of the Unseen Book when we entered, but quickly closed them as Mary began to speak.

"Alright, Izzy and Jack, this meeting with the Cullens will be different from the one with the leaders at La Push because you know them. For the sake of simplicity, the two of you will lead the discussion. Izzy, you will ultimately serve as head liaison between the Watchers and the non-Volturi vampires. This was a collective decision based on the opinions of all the heads of Watcher families in the world, but it cannot stand unless you accept. Will you do this?"

I thought about it for a moment before replying, " Yes."

"We send along thanks from around the world," Joshua said in reply before continuing, " now, you may tell the Cullens about the Watchers, and about our theories as to the origins of their powers, but leave the truth of our loyalties and the existence of any type of being that they haven't run across out of any conversation that you have with them. Be discrete. Jack, I understand that you dislike the Cullen boy, but I must ask that you only use aggression if he threatens Izzy or yourself. If you must have it out with him, don't act under our name, pass your duties to your brother and make it clear that your motives are your own. Do you understand?"

Jack and his father locked eyes, and Jack, being a dutiful son, yielded.

"Yes sir," he said letting his gaze fall toward the floor.

Jamie had been standing quietly in the background, but he stepped forward now and asked, "What about me? Can I be of any use at all?"

His tone made me want to hug him, but something in his eyes stopped me when I moved forward.

"Jamie, love, you cast your power aside," Mary started carefully, " and without a match… I would fear for your safety in the field, but the decision falls to Izzy because she is our liaison with them. Izzy?"

Jamie wanted to come along, and leaving him now would be saying something about his role in the family now that he was ready to help. I thought about the strong arms and the kind smile, the love he heaped onto me without needing direction or permission from Jack. How could I deny him this?

"He can come along, and walk behind the two of you. The Cullens are kind, and shouldn't start trouble if they don't feel threatened. What's more, another pair of eyes is never a bad thing. Jack?"

He looked surprised but glad that I was consulting him.

"I agree, besides, they saw Izzy with him in the airport. They know they're close and at this point his absence might be noticed. Now we'd better go or we'll be late. Izzy and I will lead the way on her bike," he said.

Then Jamie walked over and gave me a big hug before shooting me a reassuring smile and leading the way out of the door. Jack and I followed and we my bike and waited while his parents got into their car. When Jamie was in the back seat, Mary signaled that they were ready and I started my engine, driving off towards the Cullen house.

* * *

They were standing in pairs on the front porch when we drove up. The trees around their porch blocked the light from the rising sun, so they looked almost normal. Carlisle and Esme stood in front of the front door with Alice and Jasper on their left, and Rosalie and Emmet on the right. Edward stood behind his "parents" leaning slightly against the door. He moved to approach us when I stopped my bike a few yards away from the porch, but Carlisle whispered something and he stayed back. Emmet grinned at the sight of my motorcycle.

We approached in lined pairs, Jack and I leading, with his parents and brother behind us. For a moment there was quiet, until Carlisle took the initiative and asked, "Bella, you said that you needed to speak with us but first who are your friends?"

His expression was guarded but kind and a little curious.

"This is the Stevens family. My partner, Jack helped Alice and I bring Edward home. His parents are Mary and Joshua Stevens and, behind them, is his brother Jamie. They know about vampires and the pack at La Push, as have their relatives for a great many generations. It's a bit of a story so you'll have to bear with me," I started. They watched me with varying amounts of interest, though all of them had been surprised to find that I knew of the pack.

"Save all questions till the end, and we'll get started. This story is ours and yours. You know the basics. In this world are predator and prey. Vampires and humans. There are also protectors, like the pack. They have always been, and will always be, because the world was made to stay in balance that way. There are titans and there are…well, us, humans. But if that were all, then humans might have died out soon after the world began. We didn't because there are forces that protect us. Each human is one half of a completed soul. When we find the one in possession of the other half, someone who fits to our soul like an adjoining puzzle piece, the light of that completion wards off sickness, lengthens life, and makes us less likely to be killed by a predator, like a vampire. We call completed souls Matches. Are we clear up to this point?"

"Yes, but what does this have to do with you? or how they know about us," Carlisle asked intrigued.

"I'm getting there. Back to the problem of titans co-existing with humans, the existence of Matches saves us from them. but there is another group, Watchers, who keep the world from being destroyed by conflicts amongst titans. Watchers are individuals who keep the knowledge of matches and of the titans, the predators and protectors, so that they can act to stop them if their actions threaten to end the world. All matches bring out special traits in each other. Matches who have knowledge of the system bring out traits strong enough to level the playing field in a battle with non-human entities. The Stevens family, and I, and several other families around the world, are Watchers. We have come here today to make ourselves known to you, and to ask you to join the ranks of our allies as we prepare to take action against a threat to the security of the world."

"What threat," Emmet asked, utterly fascinated by my tale of titans and protectors.

"The Volturi," Jack answered.

"He wasn't asking you," Edward snipped from his place behind Carlisle and Esme, " and why should we believe you?"

"Because you've witnessed it, because you are as much products of it as we are. Carlisle's venom smoothed the broken edges of your soul, completing you and destroying all hope of joining with another soul as traditional matches do. You have the power to read minds because that is the power that your match would have brought out in you. I know that you have that power because of the one that Izzy brought out in me."

"Izzy," Esme asked.

I smiled slightly before replying.

"It's my nickname. Jack is one of the only people left in Forks that still calls me 'Bella' and he means it as a term of endearment."

"You called him your partner, but that was just for simplicity's sake, wasn't it? He's your match," Esme said. Her eyes widened slightly. "But you and Edward-"

"have been over a while now. He saw to that himself," I interrupted. " The Volturi are gaining power, and they will leave this world looking like the dregs of a holiday meal or worse if we fail. Your family will be safer once they're gone. Remember that you are one of the biggest covens in the world. They will see you as competition."

"They are being honest," Jasper spoke up, "and Izzy makes a good point. Alice?"

"There are too many factors, too many decisions. If we say yes, we gain a few friends. If we say no, we lose one. That's all that I've seen and it was fairly obvious," she stated primly, affronted about not being asked sooner.

"We need a moment to discuss this," Carlisle said calmly.

"Then, by all means, take it," Jack said kindly. The Cullens went inside.

"So Izzy," Jack said after a beat. A slow smile was making its way across his face, "I've been meaning to tell you since Italy, but I've only just got up the nerve…. I find myself oddly attracted to this new and powerful you. Lady fierce and mighty, what might it take me to get into your good graces?"

I laughed, startled, and pleased, and a pinch more in love than I'd already been, all at once.

"You, a lord of much esteem and of good breeding, and in possession of the loveliest eyes in all the world? You would have to do only one thing," I teased.

"What might that be," he asked, moving from his place at my side to stand in front of me. His mother was laughing softly and his father was smiling warmly.

"Become your brother," I smirked, before strolling over to Jamie and giving him a big kiss on the cheek. He wrapped his arms around me

"What if I just killed him off, like real nobles might? Wouldst thou look on me with loving eyes if my competition were, shall we say… colder," he asked, eyes widening in a mockery of innocence.

"Then I would grieve for him for fifty or sixty years and then maybe, just maybe, I'd consider letting you take me to the dance at the nicer of our two retirement homes," I replied.

"I'd be fine with that, as long as I got to dance with you," he said, pulling me away from his brother.

"Well played, Son," his father said with a wink, "now back to your positions. They've decided."

They came out and lined up as they had before, though this time Carlisle approached me.

"We accept your offer. We'll help you in any way that we can. Would you like to come inside? I believe that we have much to discuss," he said calmly.

We accepted his offer and went inside to discuss the terms of the Alliance. This made it somehow more official. We were gathering allies and gaining strength, readying ourselves for what might very well be a war. Even as the serious work of making the tie between the Cullens and watchers strong enough to withstand war, other problems made themselves uncomfortably obvious. Edward glared at Jack and his brother for the entirety of the meeting, and the Cullens shot sad glances my way when they thought that I wasn't looking.

We left as a group, with promises that I would return later in a less formal capacity, and Jack and I spent the day held up in his room reading and watching movies.

While a movie rolled on the screen, I took a moment to think back to the girl I'd been just months ago. I'd changed. I felt strong and capable. I had a plan and friends, and a new family that could fit into my life without eclipsing it. I felt fearless, like a goddess, like a lady. I nearly laughed aloud to think that it was all because Charlie had fallen asleep on the remote, or because I'd taken the remarks from some late night talk show too personally. In the end I suppose that it doesn't matter what knocked me into my senses or why. The point is that I woke up, at the start of a new year, after the deepest winter that I'd ever known. I started building a life on my own terms.

Edward will claim many things in the years to come about me, and my story, and my "fickle" heart. He'll have much to say about the Stevens, and my life with Jack, and much else besides. That doesn't change a thing about my story. It is real and true, no matter how long that truth lasts.

Thank you for listening, and we'll have to get together soon, because there's more to be told, and just as before all you have to do is ask.

* * *

There you have it! The official end to Waking Up! I'd like to take this moment to thank all of you, you are brilliant and wonderful and I couldn't have done this without you.

I'm going to go ahead and call this story completed but be aware, the Outtakes chapter is coming soon and there will be a sequel.

For now just let me know what you think of the fic, and if there is something that you'd like to see in the outtakes chapter let me know and we'll see if it shows up.

On an unrelated side note I am co-authoring a Harry Potter fanfic that centers on original characters and is set in the Marauders Era it is located here - (http:// .net/s/5397235/1/ An_Abundance_of_Ravenclaws_and_One_ Slytherin) just remove the spaces before the first w, before 'an' and before 'Slytherin'. I am the author called P_M,

I'll put a link to it on my profile.

See you all in the outtakes!


	34. Outtakes and Extras

Hey guys!!! Welcome to the outtakes chapter! (confetti and balloons rain down from the ceiling) I'd like to preface this chapter with the statement that these outtakes are …outtakes. They are not necessarily canon for this story. Think of them as deleted scenes or fanfiction based on the story (Waking Up).

The structure of this chapter is as follows. First, I'll introduce a scene and explain where it came from. There is one deleted scene, so for that one I'll say why it was deleted. All clear? Then put on the part hats and get ready for some fun.

* * *

This first scene comes from chapter six, during Jack's phone call to Izzy while she's driving to La Push to get Jacob to fix the motorcycles. I took it out and reworked that part of the chapter because doing it this way felt like I was rushing the romance. It's the only actual deleted scene because I learned to control myself better afterwards.

* * *

" Bella?"

"Yes? And I thought it was Izzy, to you."

"I meant that, a moment ago. When you're ready for me, for us, for whatever, I'll be waiting. And I meant to call you "sweetheart" that time."

"Jack…"

"I'm not making any sort of vow, or declaration here, and I'm not asking for one. I just want you to acknowledge the possibility that at some point this thing we've started might change. Whether it does, or doesn't, the possibility is there. I can see it."

"Why do I have to acknowledge it?"

"Because if it changed, if we fell in love or started a relationship, I'd want you consciously aware of every step along the way, so that no one could ever tell you that it wasn't real or right."

That made sense to me. It was strange, but I realized that he was protecting himself. We'd known each other for a week, less really, but this talk, this acknowledgment was needed. After this we'd go back to the easy banter. It wasn't like Edward, where any step forward burned the ground behind it. This was what happened silently in normal couples, a verbalization of the subtle signals people exchanged. This got those awkward moments and misunderstandings out of the way so that now we could just wait and see what happened. Like a seed of what could be, we would grow or not. If we did, this set a precedence for honesty. If not, this would just be an odd memory. He'd made it easy.

"Okay. I acknowledge that maybe we might start something someday. You know you're weird, right?"

"You know that I'm a teenage boy, weird comes with the package."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jack."

"I wait with breath abated, Izzy."

His statement had an odd sort of double meaning in light of what he'd said earlier, but there was something so…Jack about the delivery of it that I really could just slip back into the way I'd been with him before.

* * *

Now for the Top Reviewer Requests:

Just to remind you, These outtakes were asked for by my top 2 reviewers. The third never told me what they'd like so I picked that one.

First we have our top reviewer: **NotSoSlightlyCrazy** Thanks for your support as I worked my way through the writing of this story.

The aforementioned person has requested a moment between Jack and Izzy. This scene takes place at some point after the last scene in the last chapter. You'll remember that this story is from the points of view of Jack and Izzy in the future, telling "you" what happened when they were younger . This outtake is set after "you" have left the place. It's from Izzy's point of view

* * *

I am leaning back into the sofa, tired from having spilled so much of myself out in story form, when Jack scoots closer and catches my eye for permission before pulling me into his arms.

"Tell me, Bella, what can you be thinking after all of that? We've never really told each other our version of that story," he says softly into my ear, kissing it and pulling my back closer to his chest.

"I liked that, hearing that you were just as lost as I was sometimes, it makes me feel like I was so much less naïve and over emotional than I think I was sometimes. It's strange to think that you though me beautiful even that early in the game, when I was still sick looking from grief," I reply, lacing my fingers in his where they rest beneath my breasts. "What about you? Did you learn much?"

He is quiet for a moment and I listen to his heart beat and wrap myself up in the smell of him, like old books and familiar things. Eventually, he answers.

"I never quite understood how much you went through. You have always been Izzy to me. I didn't know Edward's or Renée's Bella. You'd started to put an end to her before we met, so it was hard for me to see sometimes just how strongly Edward's Bella tied herself to him. You were re-inventing yourself in the midst of all the drama of Matches and Watchers, and I feel like I understand how much that involved now," he says, sitting up higher so that he can look down into my eyes. He kisses my nose playfully, and I laugh softly.

"It's so strange, I've realized in all of this, how much Watcher families rely on secrecy, and how much that affects the dynamic of a family. I couldn't know about this huge part of Jamie's life; his time with Alexandra and the reason why he took it so hard when she died. I didn't know what his Match power had been until you told about how he told you. I couldn't know so much of my family's story until I knew about Watchers. We'll have to do the same, you know, protect the children we plan to have from the truth until they find their Matches," he sighs deeply.

I decide that he's being too serious and kiss him to shut him up.

"We'll manage, and we'll do a better job than your parents did in explaining it when the time comes. After all that we've done since that part of the story ended, It's hard to believe in 'impossible' anymore," I say with a light smile. Then an idea pops into my head.

"So, what say we invite a few friends over soon? We haven't seen much of Jamie since your parents assigned him and his wife to Watch the South West so that they could start a family. For that matter, we haven't seen much of your parents or the non-bitter members of the Cullen family in a while either. We could make a reunion of it."

I love the idea, and Jack is too dear to refuse me something that I really want. We tend to be pretty accommodating with each other, if only because we're still active Watchers and risk our lives regularly, spying on werewolves and faeries. Why deny what might be a final request?

"A fine idea, lady mine. It will be wonderful to see my family again. Have you seen when our listener will return with another question, " he asks, stroking my, still short, hair in a way that makes me sleepy.

"No. I don't know that our listener will ever come back, but if you keep at that much longer I may see soon enough," I murmur, reaching back to stop him.

"Oh but Lady fair and beautiful, that is the idea," he whispers back, swatting away my hand an leaning down to kiss me just as sweetly as he has since we were young. I feel the warmth of him and breathe his scent, like love, like home, and into his embrace I fade once more.

* * *

This next one is for the reviewer who came in second. I'd like to say that this reviewer is second in number and not in quality, I've received countless messages from this reader concerning this story, and have actually gotten an idea for the sequel from this reader as well, though I'll put an author's note at the end concerning the sequel.

The reviewer is **PriestessOfFreya.** Thanks for your help and encouragement.

(S)he wanted to see Rosalie get fussed at for her role in the Italy incident, so this is set at some point in in the story. Izzy is telling "you" about the confrontation.

* * *

Rosalie was on the couch with Emmet when I walked in. It was only a few days after we'd sealed the alliance and I hadn't spoken a word to her since the airport. We'd tried to stay out of each other's way but now I strode over to her.

"We need to talk," I said firmly, before turning and walking upstairs to guest room that the Cullens had set up for me in case I stayed over too late to drive home. I felt a vague breeze as I climbed the stairs, so it didn't surprise me to find her waiting when I reached the room.

"Izzy, I'm sorry. I didn't know," she started once I'd closed the door.

"What are you sorry for," I asked, coldly.

"I didn't know that the world hinged on keeping Edward away from the Volturi. I never meant to put anyone in danger. I just wanted my family back," She answered frankly.

"Rosalie, I'm not mad that you accidentally endangered the world. I'm mad that you had so little respect for Edward and for your family that you would rush in like that," I said, my voice rising with each word," What were you thinking! Why didn't you even confirm that I was dead? Alice sees a very changeable view of the future. A single decision could have altered my fate. She didn't even see me die, just fall, and you rush to announce my death to your highly insane and unstable brother! WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE?"

"Izzy, you have to understand-"

"I risked my life, and that of my Match, to clean up YOUR mess. I don't have to understand anything," I hissed. "I didn't even register to you as being important enough to him that would consider telling him about my death in person? Thank you for that Rosalie, thank you so damn much."

"Are you done yet," she asked, as timidly as Rosalie ever asks anything.

"Hell no, am I done. You don't understand why I'm angry. You have a husband and a family but you let yourself be so blinded by your distaste for me and your disdain for his feelings that you refused to see things that were important and nearly threw it all away. You nearly threw them all away! Don't you even care? Does your family mean so little to you? Look, it's none of my business, but I think you owe them all an apology, and I don't particularly want to see you again until you've given it to them, along with the promise that you'll try to do better. Are we clear?"

"How can you stand there and talk to me about disregard for his feelings, or for anyone in this family's? You're going to leave us. You're a big, bad, Watcher of the American West and a liaison to our clan. You broke his heart, and you're going to hurt us all," she sneered.

"You hurt them with your carelessness. I hurt them with my honesty, and my desire for life. I wouldn't be with them if he hadn't left, so don't put this all on me. I made my apology in that letter I left. It's time for you to make yours," I responded icily before turning and walking down the stairs and out the door to my motorbike.

* * *

Author's Choice: Ok so here is the one that I picked because my third top reviewer never indicated a preference.

Remember that these outtakes aren't a part of the story, note that the story was declared completed before this was added on to reward my readers and to let me play around with these characters some more before I break to write for other fandoms and develop a clear plan for the sequel, and to decide if I even want to do one or not.

Now that the disclaimer has been repeated, I'll go on and describe the outtake.

This is from Edward's point of view, directed at "you" the person who asked about Izzy's story. He came to your door after you got home from Izzy's house.

* * *

You don't know me. I know where you've come from. I haven't been able to get close enough to hear what she's said due to the Watchers and my sister running interference, but I know that she must have told you because of the way that you're looking at me right now. She's had her say, so now you will let me in so that I may have mine.

There, are you comfortable now? Good. As I was saying, you don't know me. Regardless of what she's told you about me, you don't know about me or my family, and you certainly don't know about her.

I gave her my heart once. It's been a few years since, but I did. She was such a different girl then, but, as she once pointed out to me, not all of us are immune to time. Still, I wonder how she could have changed so much in so short a time.

Before I left her, she was…an enigma. I was drawn to her by things that didn't make a lot of sense. Her selflessness, her abnormal lack of discomfort in my presence, the utter impotence of her anger when it was directed at me, all of these things surprised me, drew me in. She was a caring and quiet girl, stubborn enough to be interesting, and once she'd caught my interest there was no escaping. I fell in love with her, as I watched her sleep, as we talked, as I basked in joy of being the only one in my own head for the first time in so long. I loved her and I tried to do what was right.

She was frustrating at times, ever seeking things that were not hers to own, knowledge of our world. She refused to simply do as the other humans did, to be normal in the ways that enriched the lives of her human peers. She fought my attempts to insure that she didn't miss out on anything but she went along when other options were stripped away.

All I ever wanted was for her to have a normal life, as normal as it could be with me at her side, as normal as could be until I chose to make her mine forever. Part of me knew that I would choose to change her, even then, part of me wanted it more than life. Then James nearly killed her in the dance studio and Jasper nearly killed her at her birthday party, and my plans changed. I loved her and we were dangerous. My love for her won out over my desire to keep her alive and so I left. I told her that I didn't love her and I left. She loved me, or thought that she did, but I left. I told her that her heart was like a sieve, told her that she would forget me. She cried but she was safe.

For months I stayed away. I grieved the loss of her presence. A deathless martyr, I fought the parts of my mind that wanted me to go back. I decided track Victoria. If I couldn't have what I wanted, at least I could keep her safe. Then I received the call and something broke in me. I needed to be with her, or to be in hell. I wanted my pain to physical or to end.

The tickets were cheap. The seat was comfortable. She was dead, so nothing mattered. I planned my death with the same cool and practical approach that I'd once planned hers, in that classroom at the first hint of her scent. The Volturi refused to aid me. I moved to force their hand. She saved me.

She was different. Her hair was shorter and she carried herself differently, she smelled distantly of the boy who'd followed her. She was bold as she'd never been. Her stubbornness had become certainty and she resisted me more fiercely than she had before. She wasn't dazzled by me anymore.

Who was this girl? I'd left for a few months and she was already a different person. She wasn't herself. I decided to find out what had happened to make her change. She was broken, I would just have to fix her and she would be my Bella again. Nothing that she'd done was irreversible.

We talked in her room when she arrived at home. She called me a liar, berated me for hurting her, refused to listen. I'd done it for her own good but her heart was fickle and her memory was a sieve. She was human and I'd been foolish to ever love her. Everything about them is temporary. She acknowledges that she loved me once. She knows that she would love me still if I'd never left, but she stays with him and I never understood why.

I can offer her so much more than he can. He brings her completion. I could bring her the same completion and permanence. Her memories would never fade. Her beauty would be absolute and eternal. She would love me forever, her fickle human heart made constant. If she'd only let me, I could help her become herself again and then I could raise her to new levels of perfection. Why doesn't she see that? Bitter, they say when they describe me. My family and hers alike think me bitter but after what I've told you must understand that if I am bitter, it is not without cause.

The love of my existence is waiting for me underneath this strange woman who had taken her form and because she will not let me help her back to her true self, because she sees fit to deny the woman that she was born to be and to live a lie as "Izzy Stevens" or whatever name she'd chosen, my love will die and all because of something that I did for her protection. Can you blame me for being bitter?

I've said my peace. Goodnight.

* * *

Ok guys so here's the deal. That was supposed to be the last outtake (yes I realize that these are more related ficlets than outtakes but whatever) but I didn't want to finish up on a depressing note so I'm adding one more. These have for the most part taken place after the story, so now I'm giving you on from before the story.

Jamie is telling "you" about some of his times with his late Match Alexandra Abdima.

* * *

Alexandra and I met by act of fate. That is the only real explanation that makes sense to me. Mid semesters were approaching and though we attended schools on opposite sides of the city, both of us had major assignments due.

We met in the stacks at the local community college's library, when we both reached for the same volume of the same encyclopedia at the same time. What are the odds?

"Out of my way, Jock," she said with irritation, pulling the volume from my hand, "I have a paper due."

Her eyes were focused on the book.

"It's Jamie, actually and I have a take home exam. My God, you are stunning."

The words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them. She really was beautiful. I forgot how to breathe for a moment as she responded.

"Well thanks but flattery won't get you this-"

Her sentence fell uncompleted as she looked up at me.

"We could share it," she said, sounding quite a bit less confrontational.

"I'd like that. So what's your name," I asked.

"Alexandra Abdima. Don't even think about hogging that book. Your reputation may precede you, oh Track star high and mighty, but you can still be beaten, Jamie Stevens," she replied with a quiet sort of threat in her voice.

"You recognized me from the paper?"

My picture had run in the paper because I'd broken my own record for jumping hurdles in competition.

"Your letterman's jacket has your last name on the front, and you looked the right build for track. I don't really follow sports."

"Yeah," I said lowering my head in embarrassment and following her, " you are really perceptive."

"Thanks," She said shortly before sitting down at a table and opening the volume.

We worked for about an hour, and when it was time to go, I asked if she'd like to join me for coffee to celebrate our completed tasks. She responded, " No, but we could get some dinner. I know a great Mexican restaurant nearby."

"Sounds great. "

I remember that the world seemed like a different place then. You might know, my power let me feel the life around me and, even in its weakened state without the knowledge that would make it strong, once I'd met Alex, the world itself seemed to hum distantly with energy and life. I could feel her, a hum with a higher pitch.

We exchanged numbers and went out a few more times. My power got stronger, she became a song in the deepest part of my soul, a beautiful and constant song even before I knew what it was. I lived my life to its rhythm, and so we were nearly in sync by the time my parents told us about Matches and Watchers. That was a good thing, because it let her know exactly where to find me when the enormity of it sent me running off into the night before my parents could finish.

I was sitting in the bleachers at her high schools stadium when she found me. she loved to go up there with a flashlight and draw when things got stressful and because I'd been living my life to her rhythm I'd found myself going up there to think.

I don't know how I managed to drive there. Around me the world now seemed to pulse with life. It pounded in my ears, and beat with my heart, and I felt as though I were going crazy. I was curled into a fetal position on a lower level bench.

Then her melody rose in my soul and the rest faded into the background. I looked up and she was there, an angel to rescue me from the sudden and overwhelming noise of a city full of living beings, of human and non-human animals that seemed to yell to me and flowers that whispered and grass that hissed.

"Why did you take off like that, you nut job," she murmured affectionately, stroking my hair and back.

"It got so loud, and they told us and knowledge makes the difference, so we don't have a choice anymore. I don't want to fight evil. I want to be the big brother who tells Jack stories about it, not the dead man who tried and failed," I whispered back. The soft voices cut through the noise that I didn't know at the time were life.

"What about the one that never tried? Do you want to be the big brother of the boy whose Match died because no one was brave enough to help make the world safe for them? You should have let them finish, Jams. There's a choice. They're your parents; don't you trust them enough not to trap like that? Don't you trust me enough to know that I won't let them?"

"You're right. Let's go back," I said after a while. She took my hand and pulled me up and I kissed her.

We started training the next day, and you know how it happened from there. We had time, time to love and time to plan. There was time to play video games with my brother while she read on a couch nearby and time to realize that it was life that I was hearing all of the time. There was time to love her even more, when we meditated and when she slept with her whole self curled tight on my lap. We had time to start, to make memories, to have dreams and wishes.

It wasn't enough time.

It could never have been enough time.

It was ours though our time to be guarded jealously, to be cherished forever. I don't know if or how she keeps it now. I don't know if it's in a bottle on a golden thread around her neck, a jewel in her crown, a feather in her wings. I do know that if her soul is too perfect to be weighted by our time, I can carry it all just fine by myself. I can do it all on my own, because we came together by an act of fate. And, if you'll pardon my language, that was fucking amazing. She was fucking amazing. There's no getting around that. There is also no getting around the fact that when fate hands you something that good, you don't buckle under its weight. You make chuck Norris look like a five year old future chess club member and president of the hypochondriac society, and you hold it up like a candle meant to light the whole universe.

* * *

Yeah, look, I swear that I intended to write that as a funny thing. I did not want to take it to a sad place. I blame the outtake. It kidnapped me.

Ok so that was the outtakes chapter! Please review and tell me in particular if you liked the way I did the Edward and Jamie point of view parts because they may come up in the sequel.

**Da Sequel:** I don't know that there will be one. I like this story as is and if I continue from Izzy's point of view things are going to get repetitive. That said, I may choose to continue this story but from Jamie's point of view or someone else's. I'm actually leaning towards doing a Jamie centric sequel, if only because there are a lot of possibilities where he is concerned and because the bad guys (Victoria, and the Volturi) are still up and kicking where I left off. **Basically what I'm saying is **that I can't make any promises except for one: If I do a sequel I'll announce it and give you a summary in another "chapter" of this fic.

Once again I thank you all for reading this and if you came across it after it was completed I'd still love to hear from you.

Your friendly neighborhood fanfic writer,

P_M


	35. Sequel Announcement or Author's note

Hey guys!

This is the official announcement of the sequel! The title is "Rising" and the first chapter is up now, so just click the link to my profile and check it out if you're interested.

Sorry that I haven't been replying to reviews lately, but I appreciate them all and should be able to find time to reply to individual ones.

See you in the sequel,

Plant_Murderer


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